The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

23 October 2006

Dream big

I can relate to this guy more than you'd think:

Lyndonville resident Blaire Wolston was determined to get his dream car, a 1997 Lincoln Town Car with a presidential roof, but he knew such vehicles were hard to come by in the area.

Wolston is only twenty-two, which means when he was born, the average Town Car owner of today had already gone through a mid-life crisis or two. But he's not the only comparative youngster ever to lust after a Lincoln; a guy in my high school (I think he was one year ahead of me) owned a '63 Continental, and actually gave me a ride in it once.

Besides, it's not just mere personal preference:

Wolston said he used to own a Geo Metro, which was a mistake that lasted a very short while.

"I am not a small man," he said, "and I'm driving around in this little clown car designed for runway models. I looked like an insane person ... duct tape everywhere ... when it rained I was instantly soaked ... it had gone on long enough."

I don't know any runway models who own Metros — well, actually, I don't know any runway models at all — but really small cars make me claustrophobic, if I can climb into them at all, which often I can't. One of Gwendolyn's selling points was spaciousness. (It's also, yes, a drawback. I was getting ready to leave the supermarket yesterday when an extended 35-mph burst of wind left me with a dilemma: there's only one door detent between fully closed and fully open, and once I actually got seated, the door would invariably have blown fully open and out of reach. It took about a minute and a half for the wind to die down enough to leave the door at the halfway point.)

I'm not quite sure I buy this, though:

"Another good point," he said, "is older individuals, senior citizens, they've had their whole lives to own and buy cars and see which ones are the best and they choose this one. It's a time tested tradition for them to want a car like this. Why not learn from their innate wisdom?"

I'm approaching this age bracket, but it's never occurred to me to want a Town Car. I've spent some time with its not-exactly-smaller sisters, the Ford Crown Victoria/Mercury Grand Marquis, and they always made me feel like a very small child being dragged around in a very large wagon, even from the driver's seat. Besides, the mid-20th-century garage at Surlywood barely has room for Gwendolyn; the Town Car is six inches wider and 25 inches longer. I suppose it would reduce the possibility of problems with the garage door, since there's no way it would ever close again, but that's the only advantage.

(Seen at Fark.)

Posted at 11:22 AM to Driver's Seat


When I was in high school I wanted a Toyota Celica from the model's original mid-'70s run. Imagine my disappointment the first time I climbed into one and had to ride half out the window.

Even my wife's Civic fits me better than that.

Posted by: McGehee at 4:01 PM on 23 October 2006

I drove one of those little darbs for the better part of two decades: '75 GT coupe, 2.2-liter 20R engine. Retired at 194,000 miles after steering gear went south, or at least some direction other than east; it would no longer make right turns. Name, if anyone cares, was Dymphna, not to be confused with any present-day members of the dextrosphere.

Posted by: CGHill at 5:50 PM on 23 October 2006

I drove a Geo Prizm until it was sideswiped by a Lexus and totally destroyed. Amazingly, I walked away. The car was towed, but they had to make two trips, in addition to sweeping up Prizm pieces all over the intersection.

I then went out and bought a Taurus.

Posted by: Miriam at 10:25 AM on 25 October 2006