The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

16 October 2006

Elviramental concerns

Allison Glock goes costume-shopping and is dismayed at what she finds:

Since when did Halloween costumes become marital aids? The hobo has turned into the Hillbilly Honey. The traditional vampire is now the Mistress of Darkness. I have nothing against playing erotic dress-up, or even mass-market fetishism. I'd just prefer it didn’t converge with a family holiday (and wasn't sold next to the dryer sheets). If you want to play cheerleader at home, go team. But trick-or-treating with your children in anything featuring latex and cleavage seems like a little too much trick.

And really, wasn't Halloween the one day modern women could relax about looking hot? What if I just want to be a mummy sans yummy?

I noticed that on the outside of every package was a photo of a woman modeling not only the costume, but teetering heels and bras of the push-up variety. The First Lady costume was not, as one might expect, a red business suit, but a pink crepe mini-dress. At least it had the matching pillbox hat. The angel was dubbed "heaven's hottie." Even the witch had a slit up her tattered skirt.

I suspect, however, that part of her annoyance lies elsewhere:

I casually searched for the male equivalent of the Stewardess. Perhaps a Hot Fireman costume? Or maybe Handyman? But there was no Pool Boy. No Sexy C.E.O. There were, in fact, very few men's costumes at all. A gorilla. A generic monster. A handful of serial killers.

"Sure, degrade men as well. That's the ticket," sniffs Mona Charen.

Still, whatever the grownups must endure on the last night of October pales in comparison to the truly crappy stuff inflicted on the kids.

Posted at 1:07 PM to Almost Yogurt


The "trick" (as it were) is to have your male counterpart dress as the Hot Stewardess. It's much more fun that way.

Posted by: Jennifer at 3:39 PM on 16 October 2006

I'd do it if I had even the slightest chance of coming off as Hot. Unfortunately, I'm more likely to look like Jabbene the Huttess.

Posted by: CGHill at 3:45 PM on 16 October 2006

What, there are still women in the world who don't get it that virtually all men are visually turned on by women's appearances, but that the reverse is much less often true? Call Guinness!

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 4:33 PM on 16 October 2006

Not even a tankard of stout can help this issue. (Can you get stout in tankards? It's been a while since I had any.)

Posted by: CGHill at 4:48 PM on 16 October 2006

Actually, I'm a lot more disturbed about the violent slasher-film/serial killer crazyperson themes that seem to have become the norm for Halloween in the last two years. Since I live in Themeparkworld, Florida (aka Orlando and its environs) I've had ads for Universal Studios' and Disney's Halloween events, and they are not, to put it mildly, for little kids (unless you want to really traumatize your tot). It makes the sexy Vampira and the goth-slut witch seem almost comfy and cosy.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 9:41 PM on 16 October 2006