The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

31 October 2006

Mr Otis regrets

Donna proposes the following minor change for elevators:

Elevators should be equipped with a carpet that is emblazoned with circles showing where riders should stand. The circles can even have numbers in the middle of them showing where the first person should stand and the second, third, and so forth. This will make it easier for everyone because there will be no question as to where riders should stand AND it will stop all the Japanese people from crowding into the elevator even after it has been sufficiently filled to capacity.

It might be more comprehensible than "Maximum capacity X lbs.", where you just know that guy over in the corner all by himself weighs X-50.

Baby strollers and such, though, will complicate matters.

Posted at 2:00 PM to Dyssynergy


"it will stop all the Japanese people from crowding into the elevator even after it has been sufficiently filled to capacity."

You think?

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 2:52 PM on 31 October 2006

Well, I've gone and ruined the bit. This was the link I meant to put up.

I blame my assistant. You just can't get good help. Otis!!!

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 3:00 PM on 31 October 2006

Mr. Otis, thankfully, will do anything the customer desires - especially since they are not usually responsible for the elevator floors. [says she, having just finished designing elevator interiors for the courthouse' job].

It is a marvelous, simple idea and it might actually work, no kidding - except nobody understands simple. Tell me, what could be simpler that one sound signal when elevator goes up and two when it goes down? (done to accomodate blind people)? Still, everybody always ask when the doors open: up? down? Even though they a)heard one signal b)the 'up' arrow is lit right in front of their noses!

Posted by: Tat at 3:54 PM on 31 October 2006

"Mr. Otis regrets
He's unable to lift, today,
Madam..."

Posted by: John Salmon at 6:47 PM on 31 October 2006

Once at work (we had no basement) I was on the elevator on the ground floor. The doors opened and a nice lady asked "Going up?". I smiled evilly and said "Not the way I've been living" threw my head back & gave the most evil laugh ever.
I rode up by myself.

Posted by: Dwayne "the canoe guy" at 7:54 AM on 1 November 2006

As one who has had hysterics more than once in an elevator, I speak with authority about Elevator Anxiety.

Just when the elevator is full and about to depart, a big fat person jams him/herself into the front, and I am pushed to the back, where, since I am short, I can't see anything.

It's sort of like being buried alive with about 20 strangers, only in this case the coffin is moving.

Posted by: Miriam at 9:23 AM on 1 November 2006

Elevators would be far more exhilarating if the flooring was the vinyl mat from your sister's Twister game.

The buttons to select individual floors could be color coded; each time a new passenger boarded and pressed his/her floor the button would signal to the players/passengers the next color of floor spot to cover with some portion of their anatomy.

Posted by: Call at 12:57 PM on 1 November 2006