The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

19 October 2006

Paging Philip Nolan

If this catches on — well, read it yourself:

Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

(Note: Not this Philip Nolan. Via Tinkerty Tonk.)

Posted at 8:34 AM to Outgoing Mail , Political Science Fiction


To become an illegal, he'd have to renounce his US citizenship and become a citizen of, say, Mauritania. Then Mauritania would have a tax claim on all income not taxed by the US. It would be a frightful mess.

Posted by: John Salmon at 8:08 PM on 19 October 2006