The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

12 December 2006

Presented by Save the Kittens

It is generally accepted that when you masturbate, God kills a kitten.

Now comes this:

Did you know that every time you "vote" for someone in the so-called Weblog Awards God kills a kitten???

Putting this all together:

  1. Jacking and/or jilling off = kitten dies.
  2. Voting in the Weblog Awards = kitten dies.
  3. Therefore voting in the Weblog Awards = jacking and/or jilling off.

Excuse me while I sponge off my mouse, so to speak.

Posted at 9:50 AM to Blogorrhea


Darn... Had I known this BEFORE I voted, maybe I would have felt something! Think I'll go back and try it again.

Posted by: StupendousWoman at 10:07 AM on 12 December 2006

I think being up for a Weblog Award means entire herds of cats get sacrificed in your name on a once a day basis.

Posted by: Jennifer at 10:42 AM on 12 December 2006

This may even be true, though this being an even-numbered year, I was not nominated.

(Seriously. I got to the finals in '03 and '05. In '04 and '06: nothing.)

On the other hand, I don't want to be the person who actually has to herd said cats.

I value my Okie Blog awards somewhat more, since they came from people I actually know or could know if I got off my lazy ass and visited more folks, and, well, it's easier to drive to Tulsa than to Jacksonville or Bakersfield.

Posted by: CGHill at 11:02 AM on 12 December 2006

Good, cats (and cat-lovers) are worthless anyway.

Posted by: Dan B at 11:26 AM on 12 December 2006

Actually, God has just informed me that I got it wrong: everytime you vote in the Weblog awards, God gives cat-haters a painful, oozing rash on their bottoms.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 9:56 AM on 13 December 2006

That was just the 900-foot Jesus talking, now take your medication, Oral.

Posted by: Dan B at 9:50 AM on 14 December 2006

So, if I read this right, you're suggesting the term "sponging through the web" might be more appropriate for one-armed surfers?

Posted by: mike at 2:14 PM on 14 December 2006