Strange search-engine queries (45)

I assure you, I wouldn't keep going to this particular well were I not absolutely certain I'd find something worth bringing up.

buy roddenberry's dill pickles:  Sandwiches. The final frontier.

novelty stores for purchasing butt plugs in oklahoma city:  Of course, "novelty stores." You think people would look for them at Best Buy?

all the things i never said:  Maybe they're on Google.

mind control tammy wynette illuminati:  Stand by your fnord.

"lou rawls" proctology:  I guess love really is a hurtin' thing.

jokes about women turning 50:  Bad idea. Trust me on this.

"involuntary celibacy" "support group":  Nice idea, but I don't think I'd go there looking for dates.

where have all the children gone:  Gone to my yard, every one. When will they ever learn?

turnstile cromulence:  Embiggens the subway ridership.

when do you change the timing belt infiniti I30:  When you feel like throwing money away, since it doesn't have one.

tampon wedding dress sheffield:  Waste not, want not.

why does the "soulmate calculator" need my cell phone number?  Read the fine print. It sends all its data via text message, which you get to pay for.

mayonnaise hair news:  You should not have mayonnaise in your hair.

do bats have hair on their wings:  I told you to keep those bats out of the mayonnaise.

why does 2005 grand prix GXP have bad front tire wear?  Front-wheel drive and 295 horsepower? What do you think?

how to make your penis taste better:  Two words: "flavored condoms."

when to leave kittens alone:  When Little Willie John tells you to.

"six toes" sexy:  I'll take your word for it, but I'll bet it's hard as heck to get her to wear sandals.

Posted at 6:27 AM to You Asked For It