The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

18 January 2007

Sit down and have a sandwich

It is a measure of things that Jessica can describe America "Ugly Betty" Ferrara as "curvy" and then feel compelled to explain the term:

She looks tall and curvy. Which, by the way, I don't mean as a Euphemism For Fat. I hate the fact that "curvy" now means, in Secret Hollywood Patois, "tubby." For example, according to Star Magazine, Jessica Alba recently said to a journalist, "I know I'm curvy. I'm working on it." Fast-forward to Jessica Alba dropping ten pounds she didn't need to drop. CURVY IS GOOD, PEOPLE. Curvy is sexy and feminine, not Marlon-Brando-In-A-Muu Muu-Fat. Women — all women: naturally very thin women, naturally not so thin women, flat-chested women, big-breasted women, ALL WOMEN — have, as we learned from America's debut film, some curves of some size somewhere on their body.

I mention in passing that my best subject in secondary school was geometry.

Said debut film, incidentally, was not, in fact, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Posted at 11:59 AM to Almost Yogurt


Actually, her debut film was Real Women Have Curves.

Posted by: Dwight at 12:37 PM on 18 January 2007

So noted, and thank you.

Posted by: CGHill at 1:12 PM on 18 January 2007

She reminds me of Wendi Jo Sperber &, of course, Lovely Wife.

Posted by: Dwayne "the canoe guy" at 3:23 PM on 18 January 2007

America Ferrara is beautiful.

Curvy women are some of God's greatest of creations.

Posted by: J. M. Branum at 4:15 PM on 18 January 2007

In my youth I preferred both curvy and tubby, but often settled for simply "warm".

Posted by: robohara at 10:10 AM on 19 January 2007

Yeah, she's a good-looking woman. Certainly not ugly. This reminds me of some teen-movie spoof I saw (can't remember the film's name) where the plot revolved around taking an ugly High School duckling and turning her into the Prom Queen. Of course, the raw material wasn't really ugly, she just wore glasses, dressed plainly and hunched over (sort of what like your average Hollywood sex goddess does when going to the supermarket). TV isn't REALLY ready to make a heroine out of an unattractive, ugly woman (they rarely do it for ugly MEN, for that matter), but by calling her 'ugly' the audience can get a little self-righteous thrill for having so handily risen above the superficial. Yay for us.

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 3:40 PM on 20 January 2007

Similarly, really gorgeous Hollywood babes seem to make better Oscar bait when they go through uglification and derision (e.g. Charlize Theron in Monster), presumably because it's such a trial to appear unattractive.

Posted by: CGHill at 7:56 PM on 20 January 2007

Heh. Yeah, when they're all dolled up it's presumed that they're not really acting, just being eye candy and a foil for the hero. (All women who want to hang with Batman better know how to scream.)

I dunno. Making some men feel good about themselves takes a pretty fair acting performance on a woman's part. Some women can't be bothered (I'm thinking of a certain NYTimes columnist, see if you can read my mind.) On the other hand, probably too few men have the savvy to make a woman feel worshipped. So there's lotsa blame to go around.

So, what's the name Arnold Schwartzennegger goes by when he does porn? Right, The Sperminator. I made that crack in another post. Then I looked it up. Sure enough...

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 11:32 PM on 20 January 2007