The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

29 January 2007

So go get in line already

News item: Microsoft's long-awaited Vista operating system will become widely available to consumers tonight — and the world will be watching to see how well it sells. Vista, the latest version of Windows, officially hits shelves at 12:01 Tuesday morning.

Top Ten Essential Features of Windows Vista:

  1. Supports Windows Media Player 12, which automatically taps your PayPal account and sends the contents thereof to Sony/BMG

  2. New speech feature laughs at you when you try to install it over Windows 98

  3. "PlaysForSure" upgraded to more humanistic-sounding "PlaysIfWeFeelLikeIt"

  4. It will be at least a year before you have to install Service Pack 2

  5. New industrial-strength Windows Genuine Advantage package sends 2500 volts directly to your mouse if it detects you're using a pirated copy

  6. ActiveX controls replaced with more masculine ActiveY

  7. For security purposes, all Administrator accounts automatically forward to one guy in Redmond

  8. New Registry setting allows optional Cornflower, Magenta, and Chartreuse Screens of Death

  9. System Restore offers new "Random" toggle

  10. Instead of being three years behind those Macintosh wussies, you're now only two years behind

Bring lots of money.

Posted at 3:33 PM to Listing to One Side , PEBKAC


TrackBack: 6:39 PM, 29 January 2007
» Vista Venom from Electric Venom
No, I won't be getting in line tonight to buy Vista when it's released tomorrow. In fact, I'm in no hurry whatsoever to get it. I remember being burnt by Windows 3.0, and since then I refuse to buy Microsoft's first release of a......[read more]

It's funny because it's true.

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 6:04 PM on 29 January 2007

Good stuff, CGH.

Posted by: John Salmon at 7:37 PM on 29 January 2007

This is even funnier reading it on a laptop while waiting in line outside the local Best Buy. I almost forgot it's 28 degrees outside.

You do still want two copies of the Ultimate Professional Business version, don't you Charles?

Posted by: MikeH at 10:28 PM on 29 January 2007

0. Makes Windows XP obsolete, and therefore the most stable and usable Windows version in existence.

Posted by: McGehee at 10:04 AM on 30 January 2007

It's 5:40 something at the end of a long long day and this list actually got me chuckling in the empty office...much needed.

Posted by: David at 7:43 PM on 31 January 2007