The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

9 April 2007

Strange search-engine queries (62)

There are a lot of pages under this domain — ten thousand or so — which means that there is a truly prodigious amount of search-engine traffic. Inevitably, this means that there will be some requests that come across as slightly weird. In this series, we look at those for which "slightly" may not necessarily apply.

accident in oklahoma that shut down southbound I-35:  Be more specific. We get those 24/7.

what happens to salad dressing when expired:  It's said to have "bought the ranch."

porn star with "five inch" penis:  You'd think those guys would be, um, too short.

snow white porn:  You'd think those guys would be, um, too short.

"southern california" superficial selfish:  You say that like it's a bad thing.

cheerios palmistry:  Much more difficult than doing it with Post Alpha-Bits.

omen hit deer in car:  You will soon meet a stranger who will identify himself as an insurance adjuster.

book value of 1975 AMC Pacer:  Almost certainly a paperback.

"Invisible Woman" makeup:  Nothing too obvious.

Dennis Hastert bikini wax:  This started with a thread on Democratic Underground; one poster remarked, "There are things that humans were not meant to know." I have to agree.

wives doing blowjobs:  I thought they became wives so they wouldn't have to do that.

"just friends" frustrating:  Tell me about it. Better yet, don't.

Lortons Puppy World:  What happens when Tulsa no longer has a daily newspaper.

how to cure phlegm:  Rub it with a mixture of salt, sugar, and potassium nitrate, then store it for no more than six months.

how to put tampa into the vagina with yogurt:  I expect St. Petersburg will have something to say about that.

Finally, since I'm still getting requests for shots of Nancy Pelosi's legs, here she is with President Assad of Syria:

Speaker Pelosi with Syrian President Assad

I refuse to speculate on whether she's had a bikini wax.

Posted at 6:40 AM to You Asked For It


Tamps!? Well, I suppose it could have been worse, it could've been the whole state!

Posted by: McGehee at 8:45 AM on 9 April 2007

"Florida? But that's America's wang!" — Homer J. Simpson

Posted by: CGHill at 8:55 AM on 9 April 2007

Like I needed any more reminders that we residents are called Tampans.

Not sure if I'd rather be a Baltimoran, though.

Posted by: Joel at 12:12 PM on 9 April 2007