Strange search-engine queries (65)

This has turned into a regular Monday-morning feature, mostly because it saves me the trouble of thinking up an article on Monday morning, a time when my brain has the general consistency (in several senses of the word) of tapioca. Briefly, these are actual search strings, culled from my referrer logs, which brought people to this site and very likely didn't give them what they were looking for.

you do too:  No I don't.

i found a snake in my bathroom:  Make sure it doesn't use more than one square of toilet paper.

Meredith Vieira prom dress topless:  How likely is it that Meredith Vieira, who is my age, is going to the prom at all?

cows effete and impudent snobs:  Thank you, Spiro T. Angus.

hotsex moves salma hayek:  To what?

Claims Adjuster Nude photos:  I suspect that if we all had nude photos, a lot of claims would have to be adjusted.

trophy dog resin:  Because ordinary dog resin is just so ... so ordinary.

why cats on woot:  It's either that or pages and pages of "DO NOT WANT".

kitten dies everytime someone masturbates:  Impossible. If it were true, cats would have been on the endangered list for decades now.

Death Of Diabetic Cats:  I blame Cute Overload.

droll, very droll:  Actually, I just wanted to mention that I'm #2 for this.

how to lube a rubik's cube with condom lube:  You are taking this game much too seriously.

the smallest number of people in a room where the probability of two of them having the same birthday is at least 50%:  Perhaps surprisingly, twenty-three.

true romance those aren't my clothes:  Uh-oh. I smell triangle.

naked topless koreans:  If they're naked, wouldn't they be topless by default?

jean luc picard driving a cadillac:  Until he saw Riker in a 5-series Bimmer.

nude vacations in connecticut:  In the summertime, one hopes.

what should a taurus girl do if a gemini guy isn't replying to her text messages:  Resign herself to life as a Virgo?

Posted at 6:30 AM to You Asked For It