The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

22 May 2007

Drowning in the pitch

The perennially-inspiring Rachel Lucas puts up a personal ad, and the results are not pretty:

Of the roughly 400 "contacts" I got in the first month, I immediately deleted 95% of them with a cringe on my face because their profiles were just so apocalyptically BAD, but that made me feel kinda mean (really — only a little), and I thought to myself, Self, maybe you can HELP these poor bastards. So, this is for any single guys who are trying to meet women who are both sane and intelligent....

I should point out here that I know rather a lot of women who are both sane and intelligent. I know this because they won't go out with me.

Okay, enough of the self-defecating humor. What Rachel has come up with is a list of twenty ways "not to sound like a total dillwad on the personals," and apparently avoiding clichés like the plague is a priority:

[D]o yourself a huge favor and don't say that you "enjoy life." Because, again, NO SHIT. We are all going to go ahead and assume you do, in fact, enjoy life, even if you don't point out such. You may as well tell us that you are glad you can breathe and you don't want to die.

Long walks on the beach, I infer, are something to avoid mentioning.

Posted at 6:57 AM to Table for One


Back when I was still single, I once suggested to a singles forum's members that explicit protestations of honesty were pointless -- of course the honest wouldn't lie about being honest, but what would the dishonest say?

It was not well-received.

Posted by: McGehee at 10:23 AM on 22 May 2007

Of course there are folks out there who write their personal want ads like they were shopping for a one of a kind car or ordering up some kind of specialty dish. I just find some of the requirements put forth by some folks to be unrealistic in the least and superficial in the extreme. Maybe I have just been dining at the all-you-can-eat relationship buffet to long to have the taste required to appreciate the finer cuisine in life or maybe I feel the cost just doesnt outweigh the benefit. I think I'll just keep on enjoying life :)

Posted by: Ron at 11:21 AM on 23 May 2007