The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

30 July 2007

Stalk market

A slightly-warped feature at a dating site:

[W]e've harnessed the mighty forces of technology to bring you a new, life-changing feature. Stalkers have been around since prehistoric times, quietly eyeing their prey, waiting for the opportune moment to strike. Now, unlike the woolly mammoths of yesterday, you can find out who's watching before they stick something pointy into you! That's right: with our new Stalker service, we show you who's viewed your profile.

Of course, nothing is without its caveats. You can opt to browse anonymously, which means that your profile views won't be recorded. If you do, though, you'll lose the ability to see who has stalked you. You can modify this setting at any time, on your settings page.

I am compelled to point out that I would not be aware of this feature had there been no entries in the list. (Okay, there was one.)

They also have a service called Dead To Me, in which you place names you never, ever want to hear again. From the site, that is; it doesn't work in Real Life, and if it did, I'd pay them a whole bunch.

Posted at 3:49 PM to Table for One

My stalker took out a restraining order on herself. Do you think that means something?

Posted by: McGehee at 5:42 PM on 30 July 2007

Perhaps she'll be involuntarily restrained at some point. (Think very long sleeves.)

Posted by: CGHill at 7:19 PM on 30 July 2007

"Dead to me" - a capital idea. Implemented in real life, it will bring untold wealth to somebody.

Imagine.... oh gosh, it is too sweet!

Posted by: SnoopyTheGoon at 6:25 AM on 31 July 2007

The problem with 'Dead to Me' and 'Ignore' buttons, online and in real life, is that the problem person is still out there, doing stuff. YOU just don't know about it. So, in real life, that person you put on your ignore list has taken umbrage, and is cutting your brake lines as we speak. You'll never know until it's too late, though, because you are ignoring them.

That's why here in New Jersey, we take a more permanent and time-tested approach to our human-interaction conflicts. If you like, I'll take you on a tour of the Hudson River and show you how it works.

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 9:50 PM on 2 August 2007