The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

1 August 2007

Here in the Sub-Kreskin Zone

I pulled up at the Gazette office this afternoon to snag a copy, and parked near the door was a shiny new(ish) Vespa with, heaven help us, bumper stickers. I admit I did crack a smile at "One Less SUV." (Across the street at Iron Starr I caught sight of a pink scooter, which temporarily disrupted a substantial number of brain cells for reasons I'd just as soon not go into.)

Of course, if you hang around alt-weeklies and other places with ostensible countercultural cred, you hardly need bumper stickers to determine the Zeitgeist. To demonstrate, Stewpid reads the minds of the Whole Foods shoppers, and comes up with stuff like this:

"Where are all the hot horny hippie chicks? This place doesn't even have subs. This sucks."

"Hmm, if I frown over the label of this Ugandan wine for five whole minutes, will people stop suspecting that I am just buying it because it costs $4.99?"

"I just bought a wrap with Thai peanut sauce! I am like the most ethnic, exotic person on the entire planet!!!! I am like the Angelina of my entire subdivision! Thai sauce! I'm edgy!!!! Grrrr!!!!!!!"

Being about as edgy as the Pillsbury Doughboy, I am in no position to grumble, but just the same, I don't think we're ever going to run out of hot horny hippie chicks. Not that any of them are likely to cross my threshold.

Posted at 7:38 PM to Almost Yogurt

I will admit, I like Whole Foods, but they are ridiculously overpriced, and I'm still kind of shocked that they sell meat -- it rather blows their hippy-back-to-Mother-Gaia disguise, if you ask me.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 5:29 AM on 2 August 2007

But Andrea, it's organic meat, I'm sure.

...except that organic means "carbon-based." Hmmm.

So Charles -- do they sell offsets at Whole Foods?

Posted by: McGehee at 9:39 AM on 2 August 2007

I dunno. We don't have a Whole Foods store here, probably due to the state's retarded special liquor laws.

Posted by: CGHill at 9:59 AM on 2 August 2007

Hm -- explain these liquor laws to me. It could be important. (I'm only joking a little.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 12:34 PM on 2 August 2007


Liquor by the drink is available in Oklahoma on a county option basis. In counties where liquor by the drink has been approved, licensed premises sell beer, wine and mixed drinks until 2:00 a.m. Both Oklahoma County and Tulsa County and 35 other counties offer liquor by the drink. Persons must be 21 years of age to purchase alcoholic beverages.

They don't mention this, but the beer you get in supermarkets is 3.2, and liquor stores close around 9 pm and all day Sunday.

Posted by: CGHill at 2:30 PM on 2 August 2007

Sounds positively Southern. In fact, it sounds more or less the way things used to be in Orlando (I think they loosened up a lot down here due to the tourist trade -- more drunk tourists might mean a few more people dead in various mishaps, but at least we'll get their money). Once you couldn't buy beer in supermarkets on Sunday, even though they were open -- other times I think they wouldn't sell beer until after noon... But they always did have beer of all alcoholic percentages available. I can buy Bass Ale in the supermarket.

(By the way, in high school one of the cautionary films we had to watch in driver's ed class featured a skit with a drunk kid and his girlfriend in a car that had gotten stuck on the end of a drawbridge. The girlfriend spent the entire sketch yelling at him for thinking he could drink copious amounts of 3.2 beer and not get drunk. Every time I hear about "3.2 beer" I remember that film.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 9:41 AM on 3 August 2007

And keep in mind that if 37 counties will let you buy a drink, that leaves 40 which won't.

The Whole Foods/Trader Joe's conundrum here is that you can't sell actual wine in a grocery store, which can occasionally cause complications (or at least a side trip).

Posted by: CGHill at 9:49 AM on 3 August 2007