The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

9 September 2007

Dating in the District

Normally I don't look to Ann Coulter for dating advice, but this bit from her column in George (4/99) struck me at an angle I know too well:

Boys in Washington don't know how to ask for a date. What they do is try to trick you into asking them for a date. They say, "I know you're really busy, so call me when you'd like to go out to dinner" or "Call me when you're back in Washington" or, my favorite, "Are we ever going to get together?" What are you supposed to say to such completely insane things? I've never figured that out, which is why these conversations tend to end in hostile silences.

"Call me when you'd like to go out for dinner" isn't asking for a date; it's asking me to ask you for a date. For male readers in Washington, asking for a date entails these indispensable components: an express request for a female's company on a particular date for a specific activity. Oh yes, and the request has to be made to the female herself.

Roughly once every two weeks, I get a woman on my answering machine asking me if I'd like to go out with some dumb-ass male friend of hers who's too afraid to call me himself. (For those outside Washington, I'm not kidding.)

This isn't a screeching, hate-filled, anti-male screed. It is a screeching, hate-filled anti-D.C. screed. There's no large sociological point about relations between the sexes here. It's Washington. I know this, because while D.C. males are on my answering machine with vague announcements that they've called, I still get messages from boys in New York saying, for example, "I have tickets for the opera next Friday. Would you like to go?"

Males in every other city know how to ask for dates. So it's not me; it's not feminism; it's not the millennium.

Hmmm. Maybe I have a future as a policy wonk.

Salon, incidentally, put out a vicious (but sporadically funny) riposte to Coulter's plaint.

(With thanks to Pagan Marbury.)

Posted at 11:58 AM to Table for One

TrackBack: 7:54 PM, 13 September 2007
» Ann Coulter on DC Dating from Hit Coffee
I would be surprised if Spungen agreed with Ann Coulter on ... well ... anything. But this excerpt of something that Coulter wrote for George in 1999 actually sounded like something Spungen might say:...[read more]

I was in college down in Boston when Miss Coulter and her Dartmouth Review colleagues were roiling the waters in Hanover, N. H. If only I had gone to Dartmouth, I sometimes think, I too might have gone on to become a pundit or policy wonk, and I too might have been cruelly rejected by Ann Coulter. Sigh.

Posted by: Michael Bates at 2:13 PM on 9 September 2007

The key to not being rejected by Ann Coulter, at least for a casual date, is:
1) Don't be a liberal;
2) Don't be a wimp.

Doesn't seem that hard.

Posted by: Francis W. Porretto at 3:27 PM on 9 September 2007

I love the part in the Salon article where the writer says she should date troll DC's black neighborhoods for dates. I've never seen the "get yourself mugged* to prove you're not a racist" liberal trope so openly proselytized before.

*Or worse. That writer has obviously never been to DC, or if he has, he stuck to Adams-Morgan and the Smithsonian district.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at 4:23 PM on 9 September 2007

Ha! So I'm not the only one. Honored to be in such distinguished company, even if my experience is 1000 times smaller in scale.
But I think I can top Ms.Coulter's experience with this one episode: it was in NY, not Washington (however, I have no idea of biographical details of my admirer...he might have lived in Washington all his life till previous Sunday, for all I know). And his asked me on a date by giving me his business card. "Call me when you'd like to go out for a dinner and a concert" were his exact words.

Posted by: Tatyana at 5:36 PM on 9 September 2007

Fortunately, with my new Bionic Penis, I am more than a match for Coulter.

Posted by: Mister Snitch! at 5:40 PM on 9 September 2007

"Hi, Ann. Wanna go out for a cookie?"

Posted by: McGehee at 8:05 PM on 9 September 2007

Snitch: You ought to try that thing out on Maureen Dowd, if only to verify its corrosion resistance.

Posted by: CGHill at 8:26 PM on 9 September 2007