14 October 2007
The art of the post-mortem interview
Michele has questions to ask the dead, and she doesn't expect to get answers:
See, here is what I always wondered about [John] Edward and others who claim to speak to the dead: Why aren't they telling us anything important?
Why waste time talking about Aunt Maude's garden when there are so many other things to be learned from the dead? Surely, just one of those spirits that has been contacted is dying, pardon the pun, to tell us something about the afterlife.
Not that anyone would dare ask:
Now wait just a minute, John Edward. Here's what I want to know, not what you want to tell me.
And I would ask grandpa about the mysteries of life. What happens when you die? Is there real life out there? Is there a heaven? A hell? Purgatory? Was there a God waiting for you? If so, which god was it? Greek? Jewish? Was it Buddha? Or is it the Catholic god? Do you get to see people who are still alive? Do you spy on us? Was that you at grandma's funeral who knocked down the flowers?
And thus, grandpa would solve everything. He would tell us which god, if any, was the ruler of the afterlife. He would tell us what death is like. Why don't the dead on Edward's show ever say anything like that? Why has not one relative of the called-upon deceased ever thought to ask "Did it hurt to die? Was Aunt Maude waiting for you? Can you see us all the time? Do you watch us masturbate? IS THERE A GOD?" Not one person has ever asked a question like that. One might think they were led by the producers of the show as to what questions to ask.
I've not made a habit of watching this particular spectacle, but I've always wondered why no one ever seems to come up with something as simple as "What was the combination to the safety-deposit box?"
George Carlin once suggested that if you really wanted to test a faith healer, you should ask him for a smaller shoe size. And me, I'm ready to entertain questions from the dead: say, Will Rogers asking "What were you thinking, naming an airport after me?"Posted at 7:00 AM to Almost Yogurt