The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

19 November 2007

Geniuses at work (2)

You may remember that this past spring, Circuit City sacked as many of its experienced employees as possible, in a desperate attempt to cut costs. It didn't work quite as well as they'd hoped, and so after an indecent interval, they're trying to lure some of them back.

I suspect this response is typical, if a tad more eloquent than usual:

As I recall, I was told that I was being excused from the company because RetailComputerStore [he's being slightly coy here, but we know who it is] could no longer afford to pay me. As you are again offering me employment, that problem has clearly been solved. Recent news from the company indicates that 65 new superstores have been opened across the country. As I know from personal experience that it requires a sum in excess of 10 million dollars to open a new location, the conclusion I draw is that RetailComputerStore is currently in possession of over 650 million dollars' worth of equity. Based upon that, here are the terms of my new employment:

1) My salary is to be $35/hour. (Note: This is 3x what I made before, and obscenely higher than their "maximum salary cap".)

2) My schedule is to be as follows: I will work on Saturdays only, in a shift that is not to exceed eight hours, including a 60-minute lunch. I am not available to work Sunday through Friday for any reason, including meetings, training sessions, in-services, or company-sponsored gatherings. (Note: This is a pure insult. Sunday is the biggest, busiest day for RCS because that's the day everyone gets their new ads in the Sunday Paper. Refusing to work that day is akin to not working Black Friday, which I've also conveniently accomplished.)

3) I am to be exempt from any corporate-decreed wastes of my time. This includes, but is not limited to: PCP, morning meetings, and visits from upper management. I alone will evaluate what does and does not apply. (Note: Yes, I want it official that I wouldn't be required to give a damn.)

PCP is not the drug, I assume, but some organizational bushwah intended to look like management has a clue.

Please note that none of the above terms is in any way negotiable, and I will be requiring written acceptance of them before my employment can be renewed. If you can find a manager of any RetailComputerStore superstore able to meet these terms, please have them give me a call. (Note: Their letter ended by telling me to take my invitation to any manager. I'm turning it back on them, and challenging them to find someone willing to come to me.)

And you have to admit, this is vastly more fun than a perfunctory "Bite me."

Posted at 1:24 PM to Dyssynergy

And potentially -- assuming the existence of an Infinite Improbability device -- more lucrative.

Posted by: McGehee at 4:39 PM on 19 November 2007
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