The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

17 February 2008

Sand, meet line

Meat Loaf, in the words of Jim Steinman: "I'd do anything for love / But I won't do that." At no point does Mr Loaf specify exactly what "that" is, perhaps a wise move in an era where some people consider the definition of "is" to be in doubt, although the answer is there if you pay attention.

Closer to home, while I am willing to take positive steps toward securing my computer installation, I won't do this:

Continuous Protection provided by CA will keep your computer protected from the latest internet threats by automatically renewing your subscription at the then current renewal price (plus applicable tax). When you buy the download version of this product using your credit card, your subscription will automatically renew each year. CA will notify you by email each year prior to the expiration of your current subscription. Do nothing, and the then current subscription renewal price (plus applicable tax) will automatically be charged to your credit card, and you authorize Digital River, CA's e-commerce partner, to use the contact and billing information you provided for your purchase today to charge each renewal. If you do not want your subscription automatically renewed, you may discontinue Continuous Protection at any time. Your order confirmation email includes instructions above for how to cancel Continuous Protection.

Inasmuch as computer-security packages tend to wear out their welcome rather quickly — especially given the level of mission creep that pervades the industry — no way in hell am I going to let them keep renewing this thing year after year without input from me.

To make matters worse, this is an opt-out sort of thing: if you don't want it, you have to fill in a Web form with all your purchase data and the twenty-character license code. I understand that this is part of their business model; however, I am in no way obligated to help them with their customer-retention goals. I am cheesed enough that they start issuing twice-daily (more if you reboot during the day) warnings thirty days in advance of license expiration, presumably to make one more amenable to the dubious charms of automatic renewal. I'm not buying. As Meat Loaf once said, "It's defective; you can shove it."

Posted at 10:45 AM to PEBKAC

Heh, according to recent 30-second examples of moral equivalences, it appears that "I won't do that" means sharing your Dr. Pepper with your otro especiale.

Man, you hit the nail on the head with your words 'mission creep'. Norton Internet Security interupts my day each time I boot up, urging me to download their various product improvements.

Job security, I suppose.

Posted by: localmalcontent at 2:27 PM on 17 February 2008

To the things CA and Norton pull, I have shouted, "Avast!"

Posted by: McGehee at 4:46 PM on 17 February 2008

Last time I renewed the parents' subscription, Norton wanted to do the same thing. WRONG.

Posted by: Old Grouch at 4:55 PM on 17 February 2008

ZoneAlarm works for me.

Posted by: Charles Pergiel at 8:09 AM on 18 February 2008

Last lyrics of the song:

Lady: After a while you'll forget everything. It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling, And you'll see that it's time to move on

Guy: I won't do that! no i won't do that!

Lady: I know the territory, i've been around. It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down, And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around.

Guy: I won't do that! no i won't do that! Anything for love, oh i would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but i won't do that, no i won't do that.

So now you know what he won't do.

Posted by: Dan B at 1:07 PM on 18 February 2008