The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

15 March 2008

Aim high, as it were

Briefly, we flash back to 2001:

Everybody plays the fool sometimes, as Cuba Gooding, Sr. used to say, but it was Woody Allen who played the Fool in Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex, and who, faced with a directive from his father's ghost to seek sexual favors from Her Majesty the Queen, sputtered, "I can't screw above my station!"

While I've always believed in this sort of conjugal caste system, not everyone is prepared to accept things as they are. A long-running advertisement from the Rosetta Stone language-instruction service contains a photo of a young fellow and the following description: "He was a hardworking farm boy. She was an Italian supermodel. He knew he would have just one chance to impress her." (You can see it here.)

Rosetta Stone's chosen audience for this advertisement starts at proudly middlebrow and heads upward from there. Does this sort of pitch work down in beer-commercial land? From Maxim this month:

Your girlfriend is highly educated, well-traveled, and values good taste; you once vomited on the teacup ride during a class trip to Disney World. To distract her from your woeful lack of refinement, buy her something that would look equally at home on the desk of a college professor or a comic book supervillain: a classic black globe.

Both these pitches, unfortunately, have essentially the same thinking behind them: you can somehow buy your way into her heart. But if you take the language instruction, you'll stand a better chance of being able to comprehend Donizetti; if you buy the globe, well, at least you'll be able to point to Greenland.

Posted at 9:14 AM to Table for One


Don't you mean "Blackland"?

Posted by: McGehee at 10:58 AM on 15 March 2008

It looks sorta white on the actual for-sale globe.

Posted by: CGHill at 11:03 AM on 15 March 2008

Hmmm...sounds like my ex, always asking about every new acquaintance, who his wife was. Big-earner, high-prestige, rich-in-connections: the guy's worth cultivating. Stay-home housewife with no particular talent in anything, even in housewifery - the guy's a loser and we're not returning their calls.

Posted by: Tatyana at 11:15 AM on 15 March 2008