The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

9 March 2008

Haven't been there, didn't do that

I have yet to spend any time in a Victoria's Secret store, and while I haven't given much thought to the reasons why, they might be something like this:

I had to go into Victoria's Secret in 1990. A girl I liked worked there in the mall. Would it have killed her to have worked in the food court instead? Then we could have gotten free pizza or something. No, I had to pick her up in Victoria's Secret. I took a female friend with me to the mall for moral support.

When my friend could not understand why I was so intimidated by that place, I told her that men should not go in there. She pointed out that lots of men go in there, but my response, which I maintain to this very day is that "Men who are in Victoria's Secret are way too happy to be in there."

I dunno. I can't imagine being delighted at the prospect.

While some men may find it erotic to have a well endowed saleswoman discussing the romantic possibilities of edible underthings, I just kept staring at my watch and wondering how long it can take to throw something in a box and buy it. As I said, I do not mind the end results at home, but I don't want to go through the process of purchasing them. If the lord wanted me to get erotic lingerie in front of the world he would not have created the internet with help from Al Gore. Besides, given what a pantywaist Gore is, I am sure he is an expert about Victoria's Secret. Tipper did say he was a great lover. He is stiff after all.

As Gore's erstwhile boss might have said, it depends on what your definition of "stiff" is.

I see three alternatives, in decreasing order of probability:

  1. Find someone who spurns underwear from this store because "it's too cheap" or "it's too sleazy" or any other reason that seems to work.

  2. Find someone who spurns underwear generally.

  3. Find someone who spurns outerwear generally.

Should #3 materialize, you might want to hope that Al Gore, despite it all, might actually be right about all that "warming" stuff.

Posted at 7:53 PM to Table for One


The thing about even just the women's wear department at freakin' Wal-Mart is, I never quite know where to put my hands.

Posted by: McGehee at 9:30 PM on 9 March 2008

The thing about even just the women's wear department at freakin' Wal-Mart is, I never quite know where to put my hands.

I dunno where to even look, just in case someone might think I'm a perv. I couldn't stand the pressure in a Victoria's Secret because, well, I am a perv. I'm like the dog chasing the car - I wouldn't know what to do with it if I did catch it.

Posted by: Jeffro at 10:17 PM on 9 March 2008

It's the one case I can think of where "hands in pockets" isn't the safest thing. Damned if I know what is, though.

Posted by: McGehee at 7:24 PM on 10 March 2008