The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

30 March 2008

The A list

This might seem to be a worthy goal:

Sure, we like to entertain and be funny, but we also like to educate. We want our readers to know things that no other site's readers know. We want them to be able to show their superiority in mixed company. We want them to be able to astound the fairer sex. We want them to be brilliant! With that in mind, we embarked on an in-depth study of how you can pretty much guarantee that should you be faced with a situation where you are asked to enter into a date with someone you have never met (aka The Blind Date), you can rest assured that there is one way to know that the girl you are being presented with is attractive.

And how does that work, exactly?

After exhaustive research and hours of poring over, uh, data, we have come to the undeniable conclusion that if a woman's first name ends in the letter "A" she is more than likely to have a very hot body. Also of note, there is a proliferation of sports WAGs and athletes included in our research, leading us to a secondary conclusion that not only will your girl be hot if her first name ends in "A", there is also a high likelihood of her being quite athletic (noted with an A), or at least having a passing interest in sports (noted with a W) — win-win! Hey, you can't argue with science.

There follows a list of women whose given names end in A, tagged A or W when necessary.

Maybe it's just me, or it's just a lamentable lack of beer, but I didn't find this argument particularly persuasive. And come to think of it, neither would Andrea Dworkin.

Posted at 1:24 PM to Table for One

My given name (Erica) ends in an "A." There do exist exceptions to that "hot body" rule.

(Unless you consider someone with a physique somewhere between Mae West and Lillian Russell, "hot," but, lamentably, modern standards generally DON'T)

Posted by: fillyjonk at 1:45 PM on 30 March 2008

I presently subscribe to that data, believing it so far, after two dates with LeticiA.

Posted by: localmalcontent at 2:54 PM on 30 March 2008

Should I just leave an empty comment with my signature on?

Posted by: Tatyana at 6:12 PM on 30 March 2008

Considering their "data points", it only applies to celebrities. Then again, my name ends in an "a" so maybe I should just leave this well enough alone.

Posted by: sya at 1:33 AM on 31 March 2008

Yeah, that Agatha Christie was one hot momma. And then there's always Bea Arthur.....

Posted by: Kirk at 8:39 AM on 31 March 2008

I'm glad I kept my "h."

This is the stupidest thing I've read in awhile...are those guys for real? Please tell me that's meant as satire. Pleeeeease.

Posted by: Sarah at 12:52 PM on 31 March 2008