Welcome to March

And when there is March, there must be Madness, right?

Here's the pitch:

And so it goes, exactly the way you'd think it would. Which leaves one question unanswered: why did they put "celebrities" in scare quotes?

The answer lies deep within the bracket diagram itself. [Link goes to PDF file.] There's no particular argument with TV eye candy and fantasy figure Amy McRee as the first seed in the Midwest, and she should easily dispose of #16, whoever it is who picks out Bob Mills' sweaters; but for some reason #5, yet another example of TV eye candy — this one a guy — has been put up against an #11 seed who not only lacks instant recognition, but who isn't even slightly presentable. I have reference to, um, me.

The other #11 seeds look like this:

East: Tall Paul
Paul's specialty: protecting all the things you own, like cars and trucks and mobile homes. And you probably know his phone number, too. (I'm in the book, but big whoop.)

West: Grant Johnston
Another semi-cute TV type, this one in front of the Doppler. (I don't think I've ever actually Doppled.)

South: Aubrey McClendon
Just about everyone in Seattle reviles him, which I suppose means he can't be all bad. (He makes more money than Tall Paul and I put together, too.)

Things which bother me:

• I can't possibly win in the first round, because the sort of people who would vote in this thing will see the possibility of a Tyler-on-Tyler matchup in the second round.

• Surely more than 65 people in this state are more famous than I.

• Chuck Norris (born in Ryan, Oklahoma) doesn't enter brackets. He bends brackets.
  

Things which don't bother me:

• The definition of "celebrity," once stretched enough to include the likes of me, is now so debased as to be essentially meaningless, giving me hope that eventually we will have role models based on something other than mere visibility.

• At least I'm seeded higher than Hinder.
  

The voting for the 64th slot begins Wednesday.