The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

27 April 2008

Truckin' on

Jalopnik was asking "What would it take to get you into a modern mid-sized sedan?" This chap has no desire to get into one:

The problem is with "modern." That means FWD, which is nice for snow-hoonage I suppose, until the starter shits the bed or something, then a former 15-minute job becomes an afternoon-long exercise in physical and psychological torture.

Next problem of course, is the inability to just get a good honest car, they're all loaded to the gills with stupid doodads like Electronic Ashtray Position Sensors which will fail nanoseconds after the warranty expires, most likely at 2:30 AM, February 12, in Deliverance, Kentucky — immediately frying the "ECU," a completely useless device that forces the engine to reswallow its own vomit time and time again so that factories that produce children's toys out of lead-coated asbestos can purchase "clean air credits," and do-gooder dumbass politicos can jump in their private jets and deliver a sermon to me about how I'm personally responsible for the extinction of the Brazilian Banded Aardvark because my '92 F150 burns a quart of oil every 1,000 miles.

Actually, even my old ECU-less '75 Celica swallowed its own vomit; once it quit doing it and I had to replace the EGR valve, which cost something like one-third the price of an entire 20R short block.

Come to think of it, said Celica, in its waning days, went through a quart of dino juice every 1,000 miles, though most of it slipped past rings somewhere between worn and inchoate.

Posted at 11:11 AM to Driver's Seat

Unfortunately, I've become accustomed to power windows/doorlocks, heated seats, and so on. I also like my headroom, hauling capability, and durability on bad roads. So, a pickup it will remain.

That was a good rant, though. I'm still pretty tickled.

Posted by: Jeffro at 1:08 PM on 27 April 2008