The Finch Formerly Known As Gold

6 June 2008


It's Venomous Kate versus the Woodchucks, and as battles go, it's a real pisser:

I'd read that urine repels woodchucks: coyote, fox, even human (preferably male) urine. Well, since we've got a near endless supply of the latter, I figured it was cheaper to load [the Venomous Hubby] with beer and point him toward the front garden than bother with all those "humane traps" or some other animal's pee.

It worked, too. Or, at least it did until one Saturday when he and a buddy were throwing back a few beers on our deck and got it into their minds that two o'clock in the afternoon was a good time to pull "woodchuck duty". Thus ensued a bit of a row when I realized two grown, mostly inebriated men were urinating in my garden in plain sight of the neighbors. I handed them cans and encouraged them to be more discreet. They tried to comply. Really, they did. But apparently peeing into a large can and then carrying it without spilling is too big of a task for two drunken men. So, rather than shock all the neighbors, I abandoned that plan.

But resistance proved to be futile:

[Y]esterday morning I saw not one, not two or even three but four — four — baby woodchucks sitting on my front step. Unfortunately, the Big-Eyed Boy saw them, too, and decided they're adorable. So now, despite my repeated admonitions, he keeps sneaking outside to leave fruit and vegetables for them.

You have to admire her restraint, though: at no point did she suggest actually chucking some wood (quantity unspecified) at the varmints.

Posted at 10:44 AM to Dyssynergy

It's not restraint. It's fear that I'll turn into Carl Spackler.

Posted by: Venomous Kate at 4:01 PM on 6 June 2008

Isn't it obvious? You chuck wood at a woodchuck, the wood comes back.

Posted by: McGehee at 10:53 PM on 6 June 2008
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