This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	4.8
Mind:	6.2
Body:	3.7
Spirit:	7.1
Friends/Family:	4.1
Love:	0.8
Finance:	7.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Though I kind of wonder about that Finance bit. Okay, the creditors aren't banging on the door or anything, but that seems a little high.

Here's how it works: Google the phrase "['your name'] looks like" and find the best one from the first page of results. Don't forget to put it in quotes, otherwise it won't work. Then come back here and leave it in the comments.

Very first one on the page: "Charles looks like he's ready to fail a sobriety test, but you would do well to cut the guy some slack."

Number 9: "Charles looks like he's about to lay the smack down on some fanboy who butchered an imitation of Mario, visually and probably auditorially."

Hard to pick between them, if you ask me.

(Via Steph Waller, who "looks like a couple of kilometers of bad road.")

Craig Ceely has tagged me with this "10 Things I Love About America" meme. (Memes, incidentally, don't make the list.) But since I'm in a weird mood anyway, let's see what I can come up with:

1. The Dakotas, and all those other states with small populations and wide-open spaces. Some people are bored to death by them, but not I.

2. The Second Amendment, which makes the others more than just empty words.

3. Spectacularly-unhealthy regional cuisine. Reason enough for a road trip. If you're headed here, stop by Del Rancho for a Steak Sandwich Supreme.

4. The fact that the high school I attended has an entry in Wikipedia.

5. New Balance shoes. Even if fewer of them are made Stateside these days, they're still my brand of choice.

6. The fact that people will line up the night before for something absurd like attending a movie premiere or buying a game console, stirring testimony to the joy of having nothing better to do.

7. National Public Radio, less for its politics than for its sheer ubiquity: I don't have to lug dozens of CDs with me, and yet I can still avoid the screaming that comes with every car-dealership radio ad.

8. Two-lane blacktop, especially if it's none too straight.

9. Neither New York nor Washington is big enough to dominate the nation's culture.

10. We don't do apologies. The "world community" wants our attention? Fine. Let them catch up to where we are, and we'll see if we have time.

11. The Dairy Queen dipped cone, especially on a summer day in a small town.

12. Better Mexican food than in rather a lot of Mexico.
    

I could go on, and maybe one of these days I will.

(Feel free to pick up on this if you like; it's not my style to tag other folks.)

And we'll put the load right on you.

Actually, I don't expect anyone to answer any of these, but if Rachel can post this, so can I.

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

2. Am I lovable?

3. How long have you known me?

4. When and how did you first find my blog?

5. What was your first impression?

6. Do you still think that way about my blog now?

7. If I were an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?

8. What makes me happy?

9. What makes me sad?

10. What song (if any) reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. Do you consider me a friend?

13. How often do you visit my blog?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?

15. Would you make a move on me?

16. Describe me in one word.

17. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?

18. What do you like most about me/my blog?

19. What do you dislike most about me/my blog?
    

I swear, Carmen and the Devil must have worked this one up, side by side.

(One word changed in the original text, for reasons which I assume are obvious.)

A tag for this came in from just muttering, and while I could convincingly (I think) argue that I've already answered this one, many moons ago, I figure, how hard can it be to come up with five more Strange But True Tales?

• Westbound 19th Street in Austin, Texas, since renamed for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., used to, and may still — I haven't been down there in about five years — suddenly turn right and then downward, plummeting toward Lamar Boulevard and Shoal Creek. When I was sixteen I decided I would ride my bicycle down this Ramp from Hell. Darn near put myself into the creek. On the other hand, I nearly pinned the 60-mph speedometer that ran off the front wheel, which gave me far more of a thrill than I could possibly have deserved. And no, I didn't even think about riding back up; I took Lamar half a mile north where things were a trifle flatter.

• I got my first email account in 1985, through MCI Mail. A box cost something like $35 a year; each email cost fifty cents, and you could write to people who didn't have an email account for a buck and a half. (They'd print it and mail it for you.) Never once got spammed, either.

• I have played ice hockey exactly once: on a frozen-over parking lot in central Massachusetts, without benefit of skates. The pain has since gone away.

• We wore uniforms when I was in high school, and part of that uniform was a striped tie. I never did get the hang of tying it, and eventually succumbed to the lure of a clip-on. Since it was excruciatingly obvious, I decided to call attention to it even further by fastening it down to the front of my shirt, not with the usual tac or bar, but with a standard paper clip. That year I stopped off a couple afternoons a week at a friend's house on the way home; said friend's sister (twelve-ish) was highly displeased with the paper clip, and actually gave me a proper (if oversized) tie bar, which I still have. I was 15 at the time; eventually, I figured out that her motive may have been something other than merely improving the state of my grooming, and by "eventually" I mean "some time within the last year." I have, however, learned how to do a decent four-in-hand.

• I tend to keep consumer products for incredibly long periods of time. My blender was acquired in 1983; my vacuum cleaner in 1976; my "big" stereo system in 1974; my stapler (an Ace Clipper) in 1969.
  

I suspect I can come up with five more the next time this comes around.

Yes, buoys and gulls, it's time for another one.

1. My: You’ve heard the saying "I’d give my right arm for…". So, what would you give your right arm for?

A really good prosthetic that could hurl a fastball at 96 mph.

More seriously, I'd want a worldwide moratorium on stupidity, though this would probably leave me out of work and without any political identification — in which case, the ability to hurl a fastball at 96 mph would become useful.

2. Me: What’s one word that describes how you want people to see you?

"Distinct." I have no particular desire to be noticed, but I really hate being Part of the Crowd.

3. Meme: If you could be any blogger, which blogger would you be… and why?

I thought about this for a while, and my first thought was Lileks, since I quote him at greater length than anyone this side of Lawn Guyland, but depriving Gnat of her proper papa struck me as a horrible thing to do, so I gave up the idea. After further consideration, I came up with E. M. Zanotti, for the following reasons:

• She's easily a match for me in surliness;
  
• Her optimism/despair ratio is a lot closer to what I'd like for my own;
  
• She's only twenty-four, so she'll probably be around for sixty or seventy more years.
  

The boots, incidentally, are not a factor.

(Meme by Venomous Kate; motivation provided by Teresa.)

This one was swiped from Suburban Lesbian.

1. The phone rings. Who are you hoping it is? You, of course.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Always.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? I start out listening, and maybe talk towards the end.

4. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? For a few minutes, anyway.

5. Do you like to ride horses? Haven't done it enough to develop a taste for it.

6. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? Once, but it wasn't my camp.

7. What was your favorite board game as a kid? Scrabble, because I hardly ever lost.

8. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was taken what would you do? I can't imagine this happening — the first part of it, anyway.

9. Are you judgmental? Extremely. Also unapologetic.

10. Would you date someone with different religious beliefs? That depends. Is she hot? *

11. Are you continuing your education? Not in the formal sense.

12. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Adequately, but not much better than that.

13. If your house was on fire, what's the first thing you'd grab? Am I inside the house or outside when it happens?

14. How often do you read books? Just about every day.

15. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Of course I do.

16. What is your favorite children's book? I dunno. I was reading ostensibly-grownup stuff in elementary school.

17. How tall are you? 1.82 meters.

18. Where is your ideal house located? It's probably this one once I get it, um, customized.

19. Last person you talked to? Trini.

20. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? 1985, I think.

21. What are your keys on your key chain for? Things with locks, obviously.

22. What did you do last night? Listened to a basketball game on the radio.

23. Where is your current pain at [sic]? Right knee.

24. Do you like mustard? In small doses.

25. Do you like your mom or dad? Well, yeah, but they're both gone now.

26. How long does it take you in the shower? About five minutes, unless it's summertime and I'm cleaning up after yard work, in which case more like 10.

27. What movie do you want to see right now? Idiocracy, which I just got on DVD but haven't opened yet.

28. Do you put lotion on your dog or cats? Not applicable, but Huh?

29. What did you do for New Year's? Slept through as much of it as possible.

30. Do you think The Grudge was scary? Didn't see it.

31. Do you own a camera phone? No.

32. What's the last letter of your middle name? Y.

33. Who did you vote for on American Idol? Never actually watched it.
    

* SL had exactly the same answer to this one.

And it's swiped from Melessa, if you're keeping score. Obviously, as the inventor of 3WC (see sidebar of main page), I couldn't pass this up.

1. Where is your cell phone? In the kitchen.
2. Boyfriend/girlfriend? Does not apply.
3. Hair? Thin and grey.
4. Your mother? Gone thirty years.
5. Your father? Gone two months.
6. Your favorite item(s)? Keyboards are involved.
7. Your dream last night? Slept through it.
8. Your favorite drink? Coca-Cola, frosty.
9. Your dream guy/girl? Probably doesn't exist.
10. The room you are in? Uninspired office simulation.
11. Your fear? Insurance paying off.
12. What do you want to be in 10 years? Not dead yet.
13. Who did you hang out with last night? All alone again.
14. What are you not? Rolling in dough.
15. Are you in love? Let's hope not.
16. One of your wish list items? Complete Monty Python.
17. What time is it? Half past five.
18. The last thing you did? Set alarm clock.
19. What are you wearing? Nothing of significance.
20. Your favorite book? Title too long.
21. The last thing you ate? Frozen Mexican dinner.
22. Your life? Longer than anticipated.
23. Your mood? Not too jumpy.
24. Your friends? Read this stuff.
25. What are you thinking about right now? Where weeds grow.
26. Your car? Japanese "luxury" sedan.
27. What are you doing at this moment? This here meme.
28. Your summer? Out of town.
29. Your relationship status? Divorced, two children.
30. What is on your TV screen? Lots of dust.
31. When is the last time you laughed? While leaving work.
32. Last time you cried? On last birthday.
33. School? Many years ago.

I trust this meets the requirements as stated.

Venomous Kate has requested a list of eight things she doesn't know about me, which may be difficult given (1) I've posted an incredible amount of personal crap over the past eleven years and (2) she has a damnably long memory. Still, the effort must be made, so:

1. An Army story: at my last post, the S1 officer, a sterling fellow with a tendency toward self-aggrandizement, announced that he was organizing a post bridge tournament, complete with American Contract Bridge League sanction. After too many drinks at the NCO club one night, I said something to the effect that I could beat him with an unrepentant spades player as a partner. I was duly invited to put up or shut up; my partner (that sort of spades player) and I took third place out of eight, which was not impressive, but the Colonel's team finished fifth.

2. Only once have I ever been hit in the face with a pie — but it was a doozy.

3. Once I hid an Easter egg too well; it surfaced in summertime, after we started a desperate search to ascertain the source of That Godawful Smell.

4. My first car had AM radio only; I swore I would turn it into a proper rockin' machine, and bought a combination radio/cassette player, which I duly bolted into the dash, looping a metal strap around a convenient bar just this side of the cowl. It was a couple of days before I discovered that said bar was a linkage for the windshield wipers, which would no longer operate with the stereo in place. Three guesses what the weather was like that day. (I eventually found a floor mount.)

5. Items don't come off my want list until I actually get them; one 1963 record I'd wanted for ages finally arrived in my collection in 2002.

6. I missed one spelling word in all of grade school. ("Occurred," from which I omitted one of the Rs.)

7. During my Hacking Old Radios period (roughly 1960-1963), I dropped a pair of scissors onto a live 110-volt line. The fireworks were spectacular, and one old Bakelite case mutated into something vaguely Daliesque.

8. Another Army story: Few things are quite as disturbing as being assigned to an impromptu work detail after you've just washed and pressed all of your fatigues. You can't duck a GI party, though, so I requested latrine duty, and I scrubbed down those showers and troughs in my birthday suit. The corporal said he was going to write me up for being out of uniform, but the lack of repercussions suggests he didn't. Besides, the place sparkled.
   

Just a few pages from my unauthorized autobiography.

The Northern Gleaner offers a test (by Dr Ken Christian) to see if you're an underachiever. I admit I didn't try very hard, but I've italicized the statements which best describe me:

1. Taking shortcuts and doing the minimum possible even with important matters.
   
2. Spending more time getting ready to work, getting out of work, or getting others to do it, than working.
   
3. Inconsistent, insufficient effort.
   
4. A lack of real engagement even in your most important life activities and relationships.
   
5. Ambivalence in making decisions.
   
6. Planning, scheming, and talking about things but not following through on them.
   
7. Difficulties organizing work and organizing your life in general.
   
8. Difficulties reaching distant goals due to a lack of appropriate planning and persistence.
   
9. Repeated initial excitement for new ventures, followed by disappointment when the new wears off.
   
10. False starts and frequent changes in direction and goals due to boredom, and a preference to start something new.
    
11. Failure to complete important projects, whether pleasant or unpleasant.
    
12. A tendency to quit things just as you begin to achieve success doing them.
    
13. Procrastination.
    
14. A history of being involved with relationships, jobs, or other situations that demand less than your true capabilities and therefore provide less than full satisfaction.
    
15. Gravitating toward non-traditional occupations in order to avoid traditional structured work schedules or the demands of bosses or supervisors.
    
16. A history of being stuck in situations that you thought would be temporary.
    
17. Self-doubt and low or varying self-esteem.
    
18. Fears that you will not be able to live up to your own expectations or those of others.
    
19. Recurrent fears of that you are faking it or are a fraud and about to be found out.
    
20. A paralyzing fear of striving for what you really want because you do not want to be disappointed or fail.
    
21. Unrealistic notions of what is actually required for success.
    
22. A history of keeping your options open by postponing serious commitments.
    
23. Difficulties in appropriately balancing risks and opportunities with an habitual tendency to take unnecessary risks, or to play it too safe, or to alternate between the two strategies.
    
24. Blaming failures on "bad luck" or other people instead of accepting personal responsibility for them.
    
25. A feeling that you are socially inadequate and younger than your age and that you have fallen behind your peers in reaching important milestones.
    
26. A feeling that time is running out and you haven't gotten started.
    
27. Periods of depression.
    

Notes and/or excuses:

13. Not that I have the time for this anymore.
    
18. My expectations of myself are cunningly designed to make sure no one can possibly live up to them.
    
19. All together now: "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!"
    
25. I can think of no time in the last 41 years during which I felt in sync with my putative peers, with the possible exception of my days in the military, when I had, um, more immediate issues.
    
27. There are fewer of these than before, though I have not ascertained whether this is due to a "healthier" mental state or simply giving less of a damn.
    

(Via the accomplished Julie R. Neidlinger.)

This was David's idea:

I balked at that, largely because I use iTunes only for, well, iTunes purchases and for podcasts, and I've bought only 33 songs.

Still, if Tahoe Burns can do it, so can I:

Note that three of these are actually videos.

I'll see what I can do for my much-larger collection of MP3s, which I generally play in Winamp.

Getting tagged by David is one thing; getting tagged by David while he's getting tagged by Lachlan is yet another. Either way, I know when my number is up, and the number this time is 8.

First, the damn rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
   
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
   
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
   
4. At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
   
5. Don’t forget to leave them each a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
   

So be it.

1. HABIT: I have just about given up milk for my breakfast cereal. For that matter, I've just about given up breakfast for my breakfast cereal. Instead, I pour out a tumbler full of granola or Grape-Nuts or whatever (maybe Cheerios, but nothing presweetened) and drink it as though it were a beverage while I sit here typing in the evenings.

2. FACT: When I joined the Army back in '72, there was a block on the form for Preferred Duty Assignments, one in the continental US, one overseas. The overseas choices were listed by theater: there was, you may remember, a war going on in the Pacific, and being (I assumed) something of a wuss, I checked the box for Europe. You were allowed to pick any of the 48 applicable states for the CONUS posting; being (I assumed) something of a smartass, I checked Rhode Island, knowing that actual assignment there was extremely unlikely. After basic training, I ended up in central Massachusetts, a short bike ride from Rhode Island, and then at a NATO base. Be careful what you ask for.

3. FACT: Once upon a time, I had a reputation as an early adopter: in 1974, I bought a pocket calculator with an 8-digit LED display, an AC adaptor, the four basic arithmetic functions and not a whole lot else, for the princely sum of $109.95. Today you can get far more capable machines than this at the dollar store. The number of Beta tapes around here testifies to the value of getting rid of that reputation.

4. HABIT: The figure "8" is usually written as a continuous curve, and when I was studying the fine art of writing, we were told to start at the top, sweep to the left, downward toward the right, sweep to the left and then complete the loop. Approximately half the time I actually do it that way; the other half I do it "backwards." I attribute this to the delusion that occasionally reversing a task will ward off age-related deterioration. (While I am legitimately fast on a 10-key pad with my right hand — I am a northpaw, so to speak — I will often do a string of calculations on the office adding machine with my left, for possibly-related reasons. Speed is lower, but accuracy is comparable.)

5. FACT: I complain as bitterly as any woman when I break a nail. (And I file down the rough edge as soon as practicable.)

6. HABIT: If I have to be up early the next day, I cut off my caffeine consumption by 5 pm or thereabouts. I can't prove that this makes any difference, but I do it just the same.

7. FACT: While I'm not at all averse to running around the back yard in my birthday suit, I don't go barefoot back there. Most obvious reason: one and a half sweetgum trees on the premises.

8. FACT: I've done lots of these, and generally I've managed to do them without asking you to follow suit; the "damn rule" notwithstanding, I am doing so here.
   

Of course, if you want to, I won't stand in your way.

This is another of those MP3 shuffle memes, but it's from Michele, so you know it's extraordinary:

Conditions: This is the player in question; it contains 776 songs, mostly Sixties/Seventies stuff, with a smattering of Eighties. I have altered the premise slightly, in that if the title is given away in the first two lines, I provide the next two lines.

1. I know you're feelin' blue / 'Cause I feel blue like you
   
2. You act like you were just born tonight / Face down in a memory but feelin' all right
   
3. 'Cause I'm lonely and I'm blue / I need you and your love too
   
4. It's poetry in motion, when she turned her eyes to me / As deep as any ocean, as sweet as any harmony
   
5. Come on, let's fall in love / It's easy (it's so easy), like taking candy from a baby
   
6. You're always dancing down the street with your suede blue eyes / And every new boy that you meet, he doesn't know the real surprise
   
7. I get weak, I can't eat / Since you walked out on me
   
8. Sitting on the doorstep of the house I can't afford / I can feel you there
   
9. Well, East Coast girls are hip, I really dig those styles they wear / And the Southern girls with the way they talk, they knock me out when I'm down there
   
10. I had nothing to do on this hot afternoon but to settle down and write you a line / I been meaning to phone ya, but from Minnesota, hell, it's been a very long time
    
11. I can't wait forever even though you want me to / I can't wait forever to know if you'll be true
    
12. I have a picture, pinned to my wall / An image of you and of me and we're laughing, we're loving it all
    
13. There is something, baby, about you, that's really attracting me, yeah / And your sweet love, darling, really got a hold on me
    
14. You have so many relationships in this life, only one or two will last / You go through all the pain and strife, then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
    
15. One month ago today, I was happy as a lark / But now I go for walks, to the movies, maybe to the park
    
16. Music is a world within itself with a language we all understand / With an equal opportunity for all to sing, dance and clap their hands
    
17. Oh, I can't take another heartache / Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wits' end
    
18. Well you're dirty and sweet, clad in black, don't look back and I love you / You're dirty and sweet, oh yeah
    
19. Hearts go astray leaving hurt when they go / I went away just when you, you needed me so
    
20. I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather / But traditions I can trace against the child in your face won't escape my attention
    
21. I saw him dancin' there by the record machine / I knew he musta been about seventeen
    
22. You are all the woman I need, and baby you know it / You can make this beggar a king, a clown or a poet
    
23. Now you always say that you want to be free / But you'll come running back (said you would baby), you'll come running back (like I told you so many times before), you'll come running back to me
    
24. If I had told her that I loved her she would have stayed 'til who knows when / But I guess she couldn't understand it when I said I wanna be your friend
    
25. Finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind / People think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time
    
26. [Bonus track]  Cat's foot iron claw / Neuro-surgeons scream for more / At paranoia's poison door
    

Any transcription errors are, of course, my fault.

These are the songs from the MP3 shuffle meme ten days or so ago. Most of them were guessed, which I find either gratifying (I did this well) or disturbing (my tastes are too predictable).

1. The Four Seasons, "Save It for Me"
   
2. Rosanne Cash, "Seven Year Ache"
   
3. Fontella Bass, "Rescue Me" (a song often redone)
   
4. Thomas Dolby, "She Blinded Me with Science"
   
5. Len Barry, "1-2-3"
   
6. The Cars, "My Best Friend's Girl"
   
7. Lee Dorsey, "Holy Cow" (a song often redone)
   
8. Julian Lennon, "Valotte"
   
9. The Beach Boys, "California Girls"
   
10. Rod Stewart, "You Wear It Well"
    
11. The Outsiders, "Time Won't Let Me"
    
12. Thompson Twins, "Hold Me Now"
    
13. Clarence Carter, "Too Weak to Fight"
    
14. Hanson, "MMMBop"
    
15. The Chi-Lites, "Have You Seen Her"
    
16. Stevie Wonder, "Sir Duke"
    
17. Nick Lowe, "Cruel to Be Kind"
    
18. T. Rex, "Bang a Gong (Get It On)"
    
19. Robert Knight, "Everlasting Love" (a song often redone)
    
20. Tears for Fears, "Head over Heels"
    
21. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, "I Love Rock and Roll" (which was actually a remake)
    
22. The American Breed, "Bend Me, Shape Me" (likewise)
    
23. The Rolling Stones, "Time Is on My Side" (ditto)
    
24. Tommy Boyce and Bobby Hart, "I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight"
    
25. Black Sabbath, "Paranoid"
    
26. King Crimson, "21st Century Schizoid Man"
    

Thanks to all who played and to those who spread it around to their own sites — and thanks to Michele, from whom I swiped it.

Nina has requested the following:

Actually, having time to take 5 to 10 courses would in and of itself improve my life, but there are obvious areas where I need to brush up my skills — or, in some cases, find enough skills for the brush to reach. The next couple of semesters should look something like this:

• Business 812: Knowing What To Shred, And When
  A check from the insurance company should not be on this list.

• Nutrition 1tsp: How To Persuade Someone Else's Girlfriend That You Can Actually Cook
  Requires lab: Not Every Meal Should Incorporate Cream Of Mushroom Soup.

• Nutrition 82/2: Passing Up The Second Plate Of Spaghetti
  To hear the doctor tell it, I should pass up the first plate instead.

• Plumbing 5/8: Repairing Things More Complicated Than Toilet Flapper Valves
  This is not to say that I would like to be able to, oh, replace a water heater, but I'd just as soon not feel as though I'm at the mercy of the guy (or girl) with the big wrench.

• Psychology 4Q2: Anger Management for Management
  No, wait, I should be teaching this one.

• Psychology I2I: How To Disengage Yourself From Unproductive Bullshit
  Also on Nina's list. I suspect this will take more than a single semester.

• Botany 500: Predicting Which Plants Will Die Before Spring
  Requires 421: Not Killing Them In The First Place.

• Media 559: How To Vent Less In Your Blog
  Also on Nina's list. I do it here instead.

• Auto Mechanics 427: Knowing At Least As Much As The Service Manager
  Which is important if you'd prefer not to write large checks on a regular basis.

• Women's Studies 101: Introduction
  Because obviously I don't know a damn thing about that half of the human race.
  

I suspect I'll get five people to do this even if I don't call them out by name.

If I could save time in a bottle ... I'd need at least a Jeroboam, I think. The following was swiped from Writer Chick:

1. If you could pause your aging process, at what age would you choose do to it? (Meaning you would not live forever, but live for 90 or so years at whatever age you chose).

Having gone through protracted periods of foolishness, ignorance and general iron-rod-up-one's-assedness over the years, I think I'd like to freeze the clock at the week after I turned 50, a time when I felt that I'd turned over several new leaves and that I'd reached a point where I could shelve most of my ongoing fears.

2. At what age did you (or will you) consider yourself to be an adult?

I still wonder sometimes. But I'm thinking thirty-four, if only because that year contained the largest number of iterations of "Grow up, you jerk," and I did manage to survive it.

3. What do you think will be your most annoying trait when you’re a senior?

I have no intention of being annoying as a senior. Now get the hell off my lawn.

4. How does your current life compare with where you thought you’d be at this point when you were young?

It really doesn't at all, for the simple reason that roughly from ages 15 through 45 I figured I had maybe five years left, tops, and therefore projecting any sort of future seemed a futile, even delusional act. I can say that this isn't quite the life I might have chosen for myself, but it's not all that bad.

5. When would you like to retire? What do you see yourself doing with your life after retirement?

In the absence of a huge Powerball check, I can't see any circumstances under which I'd get to retire; had I the option, I think I'd basically carry on the way I do now, except for more World Tours. Few things re-energize body and mind quite as effectively as hitting the road. (And few things tire out body and mind quite so thoroughly after a couple of weeks, which proves that there is balance in nature.)

Pick this up if you'd like.

As requested by Bareheaded in Biloxi:

1. Wrapping or gift bags?
   No preference, really, although I have noticed that the people who do wrap for me do a bang-up job of it, preserving this presumably-lost art.

2. Real or artificial tree?
   My current tree is a genuine fake, but it looks vaguely real if you don't look too closely.

3. When do you put up the tree?
   First weekend in December.

4. When do you take the tree down?
   26th of December at 12:01 am.

5. Do you like eggnog?
   Not particularly.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
   Hard to say. There weren't that many, but pretty much everything I got, even a pair of socks, was appreciated — because there were times when we were lucky to get that.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?
   No. I think I was ruined on these by the parental units scolding me for not closing the door properly: "Jesus! Were you born in a barn or something?"

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
   Not applicable. See #6.

9. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?
   No preference: it's the thought that counts, not whether you spent 41 cents on postage. (Although I did appreciate the photo of Jay and Deb's brood.)

10. Favorite Christmas movie?
    Miracle on 34th Street.

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
    About three minutes after the tree goes up (see #3).

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
    I'm okay with just about anything, actually. Regular reader and old friend wamprat sends over the World's Finest Fruitcake this time of year: that's not a slogan, that's an assessment of quality.

13. Clear lights or colored on the tree?
    This year it's clear; last year it was colored. Next year, who knows?

14. Favorite Christmas song?
    I'm going with "Silent Night," simply because I like the idea of peacefulness, especially given the nasty, frenetic winters we've had here. (It's snowing as I type.)

15. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
    I'm at an age now where I'd just as soon stay home, and should anyone come to visit, well, that's just dandy.

16. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
    Including Bruce and Marvin, too.

17. Angel on the tree top or a star?
    Having once precipitated a crisis with an angel and a mischievous elf on a corporate tree, I stick to stars.

18. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas Morning?
    I wait until the morning.

19. Most annoying thing about this time of year?
    "This time of year" now begins around the 26th of October.

20. Do you decorate your tree in any specific theme or color?
    No specific theme; it's whatever I can find from last year plus any new stuff.

21. What do you leave for Santa?
    Coca-Cola and polar-bear repellent.

22. Least favorite holiday song?
    José Feliciano's "Felix Navidad," not because of any intrinsic faults but because it's so horribly overplayed.

23. Favorite ornament?
    The one I get next year.
    

And now if you'll excuse me, I have to go hang up a pair of these and see if Santa will fill them up with something suitable.

I've seen this at I See Invisible People and at The Motley Oklahoman, and I figure I'd give it a shot.

So acknowledged. Here we go:

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children’s books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

Notes: Most of my college costs were covered by a scholarship; there were five kids, so a room to one's own was something that existed only in dreams; I was the oldest, so there were no hand-me-downs available; I once calculated the volume of the oil drum out back, but I never looked into the price of filling it up.

Update, 8 pm: The estimable John Scalzi sees a problem with the methodology in use here:

"Privilege" itself is a buzzword these days, and should be approached warily in any event. Maybe I should say simply that I was damn lucky to get what I did when I did.

This one sounds simple, ends up less so. The idea: create a fake band and their first album. Here's how it works:

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
   The first article title on the page is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
   The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/
   The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
   

I admit to having fudged a bit on the last item. Not wishing to step on some photographer's copyright, I took the third photo in the current list with a suitable Creative Commons license.

Anyway, here's the Wikipedia entry, here's the quote (from its own page), and this is the original photo. Behold:

Not available on iTunes.

(Via Steph Mineart.)

I will, of course, buy anything with Writer Chick's name on it, and for that matter, here are a baker's dozen other tomes I would happily buy if someone had the temerity to write them:

1. Lawn Care for the Lazy

2. Historical Stock Market Prices, 2020 [2009 edition]

3. Catch-33: The Saga of President Minderbinder

4. The In-Sink-Erator Guide to Biodiesel

5. Let's Move New Orleans to Minnesota!

6. Fred Thompson's Dating Tips

7. How Tim Blair Beat Cancer

8. Crush That Libido Once and For All

9. How to Be Decisive — Or Should You?

10. Giuliani's 9/11 Handbook, Volume 12

11. A Connecticut Yankee in King Solomon's Mines

12. How to Get People to Pay You Not to Blog

13. The Case for Sterilizing Britney Spears
    

For some reason, I couldn't add these to my Amazon Wish List.

I used to joke that I was a Bard with a -2 Charisma, which existence doth not inspire. Neither does this, particularly:

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Cleric (6th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength  -  11
Dexterity  -  11
Constitution  -  11
Intelligence  -  16
Wisdom  -  13
Charisma  -  9

Alignment:
Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron's vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity's domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric's Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

(Found at Dodgeblogium.)

So there are lolcats in Wayne's World:

(Original stolen from Dynamo Dave.)

"It’s a bit spooky, innit?"

So saith Rick Astley, on the phenomenon of "Rickrolling".

You wouldn't get this from any other guy.

_{Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating}

"Sometimes they say shoot. But they can't kid me, man." — George Carlin

(Via the angelic Tamara K.)

You Belong in 1954

You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

(Via the very contemporary Rachel.)

Oh, I'm sorry: that's supposed to be "a meme for a mundane evening."

Favorite laundry detergent: The new Purex 2x concentrate in the white bottle. It's cheap, it's not loaded up with dyes and scents, and half the prescribed amount works just fine.

Favorite item used for an unintended purpose: Misburned CD-Rs and DVDs, often derided as "coasters," get used as actual coasters around here.

Favorite way to buy music: Nothing quite compares with finding an actual record at an actual record store.

How clean is your car? Inside, very; outside, less so.

How clean is your apartment/house/room? Relatively hygienic, though more than a little cluttered.

How clean is your office? Relatively filthy, though more than a little cluttered.

Favorite weekly free time: Varies with the week, but usually it happens on Saturday.

Is there a word, phrase, or gesture that is identifiably yours? I start more sentences with "Not that" than anyone else I've ever seen. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Most effective medicine for one (or more) of your ailments: My superexpensive blood-pressure meds work far better than I'd hoped, although I pay through the nose for this efficiency, as it offends the cost-cutters who run all the drug programs these days.

A favorite thing you try to sell/push/encourage your friends to try: Woot.

Favorite new (or new-to-you) thing: Legal downloadable music without DRM.

This is open to anyone who'd like to play along; I swiped it from Terry.

You mean to tell me that all those highly-scientific blog quizzes aren't really scientific?

Holy substitution cipher, Batman!

Swiped from Fillyjonk, this premise (the explanation apparently originated elsewhere):

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran: a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian: a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead (note 1)
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno (and Purgatory and Paradise) (note 2)
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes: a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States: 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake: a novel
Collapse: how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics: a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood: a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield (note 3)
The Three Musketeers

Notes:

• How I finished Atlas Shrugged and not this is amazing.
  
• With apologies to Jim Steinman and/or Meat Loaf, one out of three ain't good.
  
• This is David Copperfield with two Ps by Charles Dickens, not David Coperfield with one P by Edmund Wells.
  

And I could swear I've read Emma, but I can't remember where I picked it up, so I left it off.

Update: First paragraph redone to clarify credits.

A few days ago Lynn put out a list of Things She'd Like To Say to a million visitors to her site, and it's a very good list, worth the multiple paragraphs.

But suppose you don't have the time or the space to come up with multiple paragraphs. What's left is this meme from Broadcasting Brain:

In other words, you have to boil down a whole lot of philosophy to the size of a text message. For those of us for whom text bloat is an ongoing reality, this could prove to be exceedingly difficult. Besides which, I'm assuming spaces between words count against the total.

Still:

The mind begins to perish at the exact moment its owner becomes incurious: no matter how much you think you know, you will always have more to learn.

I got this from Writer Chick. Feel free to pass it on.