Some kind soul with a whole lot of vintage nudist photos has put up Diane Webber, a History in Pictures, dedicated to the late nudist icon (she died in 2008 at seventy-six) who apparently never encountered a lens that didn’t like her. She also posed for the occasional risqué LP jacket, like this one for Nelson Riddle in 1958, which is going down below the jump in case your workplace tends to spaz about such things:
Archive for Birthday Suitable
There is such a thing as discretion. This isn’t it:
Oklahoma City police arrested a man after several children reported seeing him walking to his mailbox naked.
The fellow wasn’t exactly contrite:
When officers arrived at the scene, they spoke with the suspect, 68-year-old Hillard Stallings, at his house. Stallings told officers that he was a registered sex offender, but he refused to give them his ID.
According to the report, officers then contacted the Sex Crimes Unit, and they stated that if Stallings came outside, the officers could arrest him. However, police said Stallings was very rude and did not want to talk to the officers.
He then escalated to Pervcon 3:
About five minutes after they spoke to Stallings, the officer said he saw a 14-year-old boy standing in front of Stallings’ house, looking toward the front door.
When the officer got closer, he said he saw Stallings outside his house, “shaking his penis and thrusting his hips out” towards the boy, according to the report.
If you insist on retrieving your mail in your birthday suit, you probably need to live in an older part of town: my mail, for instance, is shoved through a slot in the garage door.
And the time to discover that you fancy 14-year-olds is not when you’re pushing seventy.
Well, maybe eleven:
Um, yeah, but I’m not quite sure how to respond to this:
Amd if so was it cool or totally hectic!?
The two reactions are not mutually exclusive.
Oh, there’s one more question:
And also how do you get more twitter followers?
Avoiding questions about naked women has worked pretty well for me.
Stuart Weitzman has come up with a shoe he calls “Nudist,” and it does seem to have a certain lack of adornment to it:
Definitely meets my spec for Insubstantial. In a rare concession to reality, this flavor is Goose Bump Nappa; there’s also a black version, similarly textured. The heel is 4½ inches. Price is $398.
I can’t imagine any nudists actually wearing this, except to the occasional formal. (If the next question is “How would you know?” I just point to the shoes.) Certainly the shoe has little potential as beachwear. I plan to spend the next several hours not thinking about how I’d react were someone to show up at my door wearing these and these only, though I’m pretty sure I have a better chance of being struck by a meteorite, and indoors at that.
(Via this nudiarist tweet.)
We, the undersigned call for the establishment of officially designated, properly signed, clothing-optional recreation areas within the national parks, forests and other federally managed public lands to allow fair and equitable access to users who enjoy outdoor clothing-optional recreation, modeled after the successful and popular Gunnison Beach clothing-optional recreation area that is part of the Sandy Hook unit of the Gateway National Recreation Area managed by the NPS.
Signatures have been few and far between, which has caused some concern:
It seems a safe assumption that 10 days into the petition effort there are far more nudists and naturists that are now aware of the petition than the 2000+ who have signed it thus far but many for whatever reason haven’t signed. It is interesting to contemplate why more haven’t signed.
Since this all started some have expressed the opinion that there is simply too much apathy within the community of nudists and naturists and mounting an effective campaign for change in the face of that reality is just not a possibility. In other words, unless a nudist or naturist feels that an issue has some perceived effect that he or she will feel at the basic individual level they really don’t care much for what effect it might have for other nudists or naturists or the community as a whole. Personally that view has always seemed a little too cynical to me. While I have no evidence to back it up, I simply don’t accept that people don’t sign a petition like this because they simply don’t care.
Well, I can tell you exactly why I haven’t signed: to sign a petition at whitehouse.gov, you have to register with whitehouse.gov, and I refuse to give those weasels a direct line to my inbox. That’s what they have the NSA for, right?
I don’t understand all the flapdoodle over Lena Dunham and her HBO series Girls, and I really don’t understand why it’s such a big deal that Dunham often appears on the show undressed.
There’s some sort of effort to paint Dunham’s efforts “revolutionary” because she’s fairly average in appearance, unlike, we are supposed to presume, every other woman who’s ever been unclothed on screen. If there’s anything “revolutionary” about this sort of thing, it’s that they didn’t hire an actual beauty and then downgrade her appearance with the tricks of the theatrical trade. See, for instance, Charlize Theron as serial killer Aileen Wuornos in Monster; Theron was lionized for her disappearance into the role, when they could have just hired someone who didn’t need the extensive makeup job.
Dunham, I think, could have sidestepped most of the drama had she basically told reporter Tim Molloy to stick it in his ear, instead of this:
“[The nude scenes are] a realistic expression of what it’s like to be alive … But I totally get it. If you’re not into me, that’s your problem and you’re going to have to work that out with professionals.”
But she was evidently anxious to make this a Teachable Moment, which gets the kind of response it deserves:
A man who isn’t “into” Lena Dunham has a “problem”? He needs “to work that out with professionals”? As in, reparative therapy?
Look, I don’t know if Tim Molloy is gay or not, but to say that a man who isn’t attracted to Lena Dunham needs professional help?
It would be nice if both sides of the gender aisle (and the straddlers thereupon) would simply acknowledge the fact that zeroes are zeroes and tens are tens and both are few and far between — and most of us are going to spend our lives with someone somewhere in between, or no one at all.
Half a dozen arguments are offered here for sleeping in the altogether, and while I’m not in a position to challenge any of them — to put it bluntly, I have no hoo-ha to air out — I can say that they’ve missed the one that’s most important to me: I am a fairly thrashy sleeper, and anything I might be wearing is apt to end up ripped or on the floor or both.
Also left out of the discussion: if you own no pajamas, you are unlikely to run afoul of city ordinances against appearing in public in pajamas.
I am generally loath to hang stuff around the door, except for things you really, really need to see — the city alarm permit comes immediately to mind — but maybe I need to rethink this a bit:
[W]e have a sign hanging outside our front door stating this is a nudist household and if you are ok with that ring the doorbell one way, if not ring it the other way… makes confusion and embarrassment a non-issue. We actually bought a “Nudist Zone” sign from Amazon.com and put our own sticker on it saying, “Ring doorbell twice quickly if your comfortable with nudism and we won’t bother getting dressed”.
The downside to this is if someone is worried that they are ringing it wrong it can be a major issue for them. We had someone come by who was afraid of ringing it wrong so drove a couple of blocks away and called us. That’s when we added “Ring twice quickly” to help ease their concerns.
“Quickly,” after all, is fairly subjective.
Actually, this is not an issue for me: I keep a robe by the door, just in case. (There were these two Jehovah’s Witnesses that one time, but that was years ago.) As a general rule, I am disinclined to outrage the neighbors. That said, it must also be said that there used to be a woman around the corner who in two years saw me dressed exactly once: there has always been a small number of people who have given notice, one way or another, that they won’t be perturbed at the sight. The operative word, though, is “small”: I don’t think there’s ever been more than four or five names on the list, and most people just call first so I’ll have time to feign decency.
(Via Nudiarist. Both of these links may have trouble with your workplace filters.)
The “brozilian,” if you will, is what used to be called a Brazilian wax job, administered to a male. Apparently defoliation of some sort for the lads is, as the young people say, a thing:
One shocked friend asked her teenaged daughter, who confirmed that shaving is now de rigueur for all parties because pubic hair is “revolting.” The porn industry probably begat this belief; it’s been offering close-ups of just-Gilletted men and women for so many years now that even offscreen, any — er — impediments to intimacy are perceived as messy.
Truth be told, I’m more likely to believe the visual-trickery angle:
More than any other explanation, though, fans cite the old postulate that a tree appears taller when there are no bushes at its feet. And I’ll leave it at that.
One wonders if it’s possible to construct a landing strip, similar to that already contrived for women, in a manner that would further confuse the visual perspective. The porn industry has long been partial to short — that is to say, non-tall — guys, on the basis that an object appears larger against a smaller background.
Disclosure: I once mowed the personal lawn, as an act of, um, let’s call it “reciprocation.” The need for this sort of thing, however, has been basically nonexistent of late.
Vacuum company Electrolux has just released the results of its survey on vacuuming habits.
Among the run-of-the-mill findings including that women vacuum more frequently than men are a few more interesting revelations.
According to the company, 4% of those surveyed admitted to vacuuming in their underwear, with 2% going completely nude.
You might guess this to be a regional sort of phenomenon:
Vacuuming in the buff appears to be a North American/Nordic habit, Electrolux says, with around 3% of those in Sweden, Norway and the U.S. admitting to it.
What I want to know is whether they empty the dust bag (or chamber) in the buff.
Among other findings: three percent of vacuumers are listening to classical music — except in Thailand, where it’s seven percent.
The full report [pdf] runs 17 pages.
(Via this nudiarist tweet.)
There is, I suspect, no chance that this will ever become an actual series:
In the company’s first two official sales this development season, Mark Gordon’s Mark Gordon Co. has set up two comedy projects from writer Scott King (The Neighbors) — one at ABC and one at Fox.
The Fox project, Clothing Optional, is about a family who own and operate a wholesome all-inclusive resort but suddenly must put their morality and better judgment on hold when a scandal rocks their hotel and they decide to just go with it and turn the place into a Clothing Optional resort to keep the business afloat.
Scott King could perhaps do this concept justice, but the FCC, assuming they come back to work by next fall, will not be amused.
And I refuse to contemplate the possibility of a crossover episode with, oh, let’s say, New Girl.
Shocktoberfest, a “haunted scream park” in Sinking Spring, Pa., has added an attraction called the “Naked and Scared Challenge.” For $20 per person, participants can experience the haunted house while being completely naked.
Now that’s a new wrinkle. But why?
“It’s the first time it’s ever been done anywhere in the world,” Shocktoberfest president and owner Patrick Konopelski told TODAY.com. “The whole idea is to create this vulnerability and get their defenses down. It can be hard to scare groups, and you usually have to get louder, more chaotic, and more tense, but now if they’re not wearing clothing, it can be more intimate. You can scare with a whisper rather than a scream because people will only huddle so close to one another.”
Would I go through this thing? Maybe. I’m squeamish about haunted houses anyway. Then again, the lighting is probably not so good, a decided advantage if you’re not used to nude venues, which I am not. (It’s one thing to chat up the neighbors in one’s back yard; it’s quite another to take on a dark room full of tan strangers.) It would be an easier decision, I suppose, if I could actually talk someone into going with me.
(As you might expect, from out of the tweetstream.)
You should know that there is a film called Kamasutra 3D, and this is from the IMDb summary:
Set in the backdrop of the ancient, Kamasutra 3D is about the journey of a beautiful Indian Princess, who sets sail in the search of her husband. In her voyage, she undergoes through the transformations in her body, mind and soul with a fellow passenger who takes her by the forbidden world of sexual love and sensuality.
Takes her by, but not into? Let’s assume something was lost in translation.
The Princess in question:
That’s not, I should note, a still connected with the film. And there’s a reason for that:
Director of Kamasutra 3D, Rupesh Paul, is considering to replace Sherlyn Chopra with Hollywood stars Eva Longoria or Mila Kunis for the film.
According to a report in a leading daily, Rupesh Paul decided to replace the actor, after Chopra left him miffed by uploading a video clip of the photo shoot of the film on her YouTube channel without seeking his permission.
“I was shocked to see the video. While sharing the video, I had specified it’s not for public viewing, but she still went ahead and uploaded it without our permission. We were so upset with her unprofessional behaviour that we decided to start considering other heroines. So far, we have shortlisted Eva Longoria or Mila Kunis.”
Sherlyn Chopra has reportedly patched up with director Rupesh Paul and after her apology to Mr. Paul with a writing, stating that she will not say or write anything about the film without the consent of the producers.
Which is not to say she’s shyly retiring to the background or anything like that. Says this headline about a recent Twitter pic: “Sherlyn Chopra goes on a horse ride wearing nothing”.
(Photo via Bollywood Mantra.)
What’s the worst thing about nude beaches? If your answer is “being observed by pervs,” you’ll probably nod ruefully at this:
The “Naturist Village” at Cap d’Agde on the Mediterranean coast of southern France, is right in the middle of its busy season. That means 45,000 holiday-makers coming and going every day — many of them families with children.
And wherever there are naked people, there will be voyeurs, camera crews and other undesirables. Authorities at the popular and high-end resort, however, have gone to extraordinary lengths to ensure the safety and privacy of their lucrative visitors.
Among the measures taken: A full-time security team of 25, a three-man unit with a guard dog patrolling the perimeter of the private village day and night, 24-hour video surveillance on the outside of the resort, and a system of electronic swipe cards to get in and out.
You have to hope that the security operation didn’t mistakenly — or worse, deliberately — hire a bunch of pervs.
Before you ask: No, I’ve never been to a nude beach. Then again, beaches are hard to come by in the middle of the Plains.
Said I when the Fawlty Towers motel in Cocoa Beach went clothing-optional last year: “If this won’t work in Florida, it won’t work anywhere.”
Perhaps it won’t work anywhere after all:
The bare-fleshed idea’s flaws were exposed by chilly weather, said Paul Hodge, the owner. “That really didn’t work out too well. All those cold spells during the winter: Who wants to go naked when it’s cold?” Hodge asked.
After revenues continued to flounder, Fawlty Towers reverted last week to a traditional, clothed resort. And the hotel is up for sale for $2.9 million.
Which seems like a lot for 32 rooms, but hey, it’s Florida. Even when it’s cold outside.
I got a smidgen of traffic from the Today show, or at least their Web site, and the referring link didn’t explain what for, so I assumed it was to reproach me for mocking Kathie Lee and/or Hoda. Turned out that someone had wandered into their archives and found this two-year-old piece about World Naked Gardening Day, which quotes my eight-year-old post on the possible disadvantages thereof.
WNGD this year, incidentally, is tomorrow.
Well, we finally have a source for that Hello Kitty vodka seen here last spring. As suspected, it’s a fabrication; as not suspected, it’s part of a collection by artist Anna Utopia Giordano, who specializes in messing with her audience’s heads digitally. There’s also a Barbie vodka and a Lego tequila, and now I understand why the top of the bottle was cropped out.
A more recent project, “Venus,” is on exhibit at Museum Het Valkhof in the Netherlands. You all know Venus: she’s your fire, what’s your desire? And she’s been portrayed, often in paintings long considered masterpieces, generally naked as the day she was born — and blessed with a certain sufficiency of flesh generally incomprehensible in these days when Beautiful and Emaciated walk arm in lath-thin arm. What to do? Giordano to the rescue, applying to the goddess the very same Photoshop techniques routinely used in fashion magazines. In Botticelli’s half-shell work, for instance, Venus has gotten an obvious tummy tuck and smoothing of her thighs and upper arms, while going up about half a cup size.
Then again, not all Renaissance painters rendered women as, um, fleshy. Jonathan Jones points out in the Guardian:
[T]here are Renaissance nudes that are just as skinny as any fashion designer could demand. The German painter Lucas Cranach the Elder portrayed strikingly thin and narrow-waisted nudes. His Venus believed you could never be too bony or wear too many hats. But he was a close friend of Martin Luther, and believed the body to be a vessel of sin. Those sensual Italians had a more abundant and generous idea of beauty.
Peter Paul Rubens was not available for comment.
Is Governor Mary Fallin Unethical?
Yes she is, and has passed legislation which allow the killing of innocent animals to be processed for meat and served in our nations restaurants! Cows have been used as a source of meat as well as chicken and hogs for many years, but you don’t kill noble domestic creatures and serve them in restaurants!!! What’s next the slaughter of dogs and cats? This governor needs to step down! She is totally inhumane toward animals by allowing this legislation. She has also passed legislation that would allow the use of drones to spy on law abiding citizens. She’s apparently all for the Patriot Act and believes the rights of others should be violated as well as there privacy! What if I’m naked in my house and a perverted man who is operating the drones sees me? Do you think he will remove the drones? No! If he’s a man, he’ll wanna see a beautiful girl naked! This is a violation of MY PERSONAL PRIVACY!!! What if the drones photograph me naked? and what if I find those pictures on the internet? Guess who’s gonna be sued? That’s right the state of Oklahoma for allowing these drones to be violate my personal privacy!
Two words, honey: “Venetian blinds.”
Now if you want to complain about Fallin’s politically-motivated backflip on health-care exchanges, I am there. And I admit to being uncomfortable with equines in the stew, but at least they’re not going into my bowl.
Unlike a few young actresses you could probably name, Dakota Fanning would rather you thought of her as strait-laced:
“I don’t do enough adventurous things, because I’m like, ‘I might get hurt.’ But when we were doing Night Moves, Peter [Sarsgaard], Jesse [Eisenberg], and I went to these hot springs in Oregon, and I didn’t have a bathing suit. The woman who worked there said, ‘Oh, not a problem. Clothing’s optional after 8pm.’ And I was like, ‘Whoa. No, no, no! Not doing that. Here. With any of you!'”
And she didn’t, either.
You may have read this here in 2009:
There aren’t any firm figures on how many people actually do sleep in the buff, though Esquire claims that 31 percent of men and 14 percent of women decline to play the pajama game.
More recently, we have this:
Costa Mesa-based Anna’s Linens, which sells sheets and home decor, has released a bedtime survey of 3,700 people to draw publicity to National Sleep Day, Jan. 3.
Among the findings: 8 percent of Americans sleep naked, 74 percent wear pajamas and the rest are clothed in something else.
Not that I have any worthwhile personal data to contribute, but I suspect Anna’s local customers — this is Orange County, after all — might be understating the case just a bit, and Esquire’s respondents might be overstating it.
I looked at Anna’s available sheets, which sport thread counts from 200 to 1000. (I remember a set I bought from JCPenney in the 1980s, which seemed to have a thread count of 12; it has long since been retired.) For what it’s worth, I don’t bother with anything under 300 anymore.
(With thanks to Nudiarist.)
[I]t only hinders progress. Because history has shown us that the original goal of nudism has run its course and has impacted society as much as it could. So let’s move on. Let’s not label ourselves with titles that shove us into boxes. Are you gay? Is your entire identity consumed with being attracted to people of the same gender? See? Labels are silly. The same is true with nudism.
In general, it’s not useful to define yourself in terms of any one single characteristic, unless said characteristic is actually how you make a living. But even then, one hopes for something more. An off the cuff, so to speak, interview with Susan Weaver, president of the American Association for Nude Recreation, basically tells me nothing other than that she’s in her early sixties and probably doesn’t have any clothes on right this minute. Of course, that’s all she wanted to say right then — business is business, after all — but it’s an awfully narrow portrait. And shouldn’t she be sitting on a towel? But I digress.
Guess sometimes you have to get a slap in the face in order to realize what you’re doing wrong. The list of search terms bothered me (it is that time of the month and I am being over sensitive). So with the generous support by visitors and my mother telling me to quit being such a baby and just do what you do with no apologies, I feel bad (and quite embarrassed).
Now she’s been up for only a little over a week, while I have many years of weird stuff to pick from. The difference, of course, is that she’s a young woman with, um, wardrobe issues not unlike my own. Which is why you might want to consider those links NSFW, since that’s her main topic of discussion.
(And if you go over there, don’t perv on her. She’s done nothing to deserve that sort of thing.)
The Bad Sex in Fiction Award for 2012 goes to Nancy Huston for Infrared, from which we excerpt this entirely-too-visible scene, placed after the jump for reasons which should be obvious:
Got one of these in the mail yesterday:
I must admit that until I remembered that AANR has some Canadian clubs on their membership rolls, I was wondering why a maple leaf and not a fig leaf. (And Canada has its own naturist group, anyway.)
What would inspire 16 women in their 70s and 80s to get nearly naked for a photographer? Apparently, Helen Mirren.
In Mirren’s 2003 movie Calendar Girls, a refined women’s club decides to raise money by selling a risqué calendar. And so things went for the Riderwood retirement community in Silver Spring, Maryland, said Beth Gordon, 79, who is Miss November in the “Going Bare For Benevolent Care” 2013 calendar and organized the project.
Sixteen retired women — all in their 70s and 80s — appear naked in the 12-month calendar that is selling for $15.
Well, they’re only naked in the sense that they don’t have any clothes on. (I’ve used this excuse myself, in fact.)
Amazon says 3-5 weeks shipping, so if you want this by New Year’s, you’d better get on the stick.
A supermarket on the German-Danish border was stormed by a horde of naked shoppers on Saturday after offering free groceries to the first hundred punters willing to get their kit off.
Customers had camped outside the new “Priss” supermarket in the hope of being among the lucky first hundred who had been promised a basket full of free groceries worth €270 if they came in the nude.
Doesn’t sound, um, prissy to me.
And this apparently doesn’t imply a pent-up desire to go shopping in the altogether:
The police placed the number at 250, mostly Danish shoppers, who often take advantage of the cheaper alcohol and confectionary on the German side of the border.
Ah, the lure of the discount. Now that’s an incentive.
(Via this nudiarist tweet.)
The Chicagoist story on the local version of the World Naked Bike Ride is titled “Profiles in Chafing,” which implies that someone on staff is aware of the, um, physical conditions.
Although the URL suggests that the title on first publication was actually “Profiles in Sweaty Flesh,” which presumably also works.
(Either way, consider this Not Safe For Most Places.)
[T]his week’s story about Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda of Today Show fame is too good to pass up.
If you hadn’t heard, Kathy Lee and Hoda were playing a bit of an on-air game based upon answering questions from a new game show. The show polls an audience about what’s considered “normal” and contestants have to guess what is and isn’t a la the Family Feud show from days gone by. The women were asked, “Is skinny dipping normal?” “Is sleeping naked normal?” To their credit, they answered “YES” to both questions (and we whole-heartily agree with Kathy Lee and Hoda about that).
Me, I’m shocked that anyone would have to ask that in the first place.
Apparently Hoda Kotb has undergone some attitude adjustment; three years ago on Today, when Kathie Lee made an offhand remark about sleeping in her birthday suit, Hoda was utterly flummoxed. Then again, one might not expect a woman born of Egyptian parents (!) in Oklahoma (!!) to be particularly enthusiastic about high levels of déshabillé, or at least to admit it on national television.
A woman visited a Stewart’s Shop and Curtis Lumber within a few minutes of each other Tuesday — with no clothes on.
“Have a good day,” the woman told one lumberyard employee as she traipsed out.
Points for politeness, perhaps? Not that the lumberyard manager was inclined to give her any:
“No one wanted to say much to her,” he said. “It’s not a situation you want to be involved in.”
By the time law enforcement picked her up, she’d gotten dressed. Said the District Attorney: “Surprisingly, mental health found no psychiatric issues whatsoever.”
National Nude Day is still eight weeks away, so perhaps she was just jumping the gun a bit.
(Via the Consumerist.)
Then again, if this won’t work in Florida, it won’t work anywhere:
When times get tough, the tough get naked. At least that’s what a Florida motel owner hopes, as he turns his 32-room property into a potential magnet for nudists.
The Fawlty Towers Motel in Cocoa Beach, Fla., is set to go clothing-optional May 1, after years of declining business and increasing competition from larger chain hotels, its owner told Florida Today.
There’s no chance the business went into a downward spiral because of its name, is there?
And yes, local laws still prevail:
Hodge’s nude guests, however, may still face criminal charges of indecent exposure if they set foot — or technically, their naked private body parts — outdoors.
If you’re going to grope a girl, have the gallantry to stay in the room with her while you’re doing it.