Facebook’s Lord Zuckerberg will know who you are if it kills him. No, wait, not him. You:
Jemma Rogers, 30, a holistic therapist, from Lewisham, south-east London, set up a profile on the social network in 2008.
Wanting to avoid annoying friend requests from old friends and strangers, she created the profile under the pseudonym Jemmaroid Von Laalaa.
But last month she got a message from Facebook asking her to send identification to prove it was a genuine name and account.
It’s that “Von.” Makes her look like one of the nobility.
Confused but worried she’d be locked out, Jemma admits she desperately tried to photoshop her bank cards to prove that was her real name.
One day later, Jemma’s account was suspended and she couldn’t get in. She emailed Facebook explaining what she’d done and sent over her real ID — begging them to let her back in. But she was told they could not confirm her identity and her account was suspended.
In a desperate bid to get the profile back, she changed her name by deed poll and is now officially Ms Von Laalaa.
“Desperate” doesn’t even approach this level of, well, whatever the hell it is.
Von Laalaa has now obtained new credentials — driver’s license, credit cards — and Facebook subsequently relented. Since she’s, you know, all real and stuff.
Remind me never, ever to engage Ms. von Laalaa’s services as a “holistic therapist”. With so much stupid in the air, I might never recover!
I’d hate to have that much emotional webbing tying me to a social network. Especially that social network.