Archive for Rag Trade

See all the shoes

I started paying attention to Sarah Sloan MacLeod when she was thirteen and went viral-ish with a video called “Slut Shaming and Why It’s Wrong,” which ultimately drew over 700,000 views. Nothing she’s done in the four years since has had that kind of mass impact, but she still has the ability to take me by surprise, as she did here with a question you’ve heard before: “Just how many shoes do you have, anyway?”

Actual shoebloggers should do this, I think, though as I told SSM, they “would beg off because they have like 247 pairs of shoes.”


Strappier than thou

My fondness for strappy sandals — well, I won’t say it knows no bounds, since obviously I have my limits.

Meanwhile, Cristina of ShoeTease, everyone’s favorite Toronto-based shoe blog, finds a spiffy shoe that doesn’t overdo it with the horizontals:

Strappy sandal from Le Château

She writes:

With their fine straps & delicate leather covered buckles, I feel like I’m literally wearing a party on my feet! Not only are these shoes made in Brazil & out of actual leather uppers, but the gilded shimmery gold outsoles a[dd] the perfect amount of holiday shine. Talk about making a fancy entrance and exit!

These might be the easiest 4″ stiletto heels to walk in & by far the most spectacular pair of black pumps I own.

There is also a tan version. The Le Château store nearest you has them — assuming you’re in Canada, as are 221 of their 222 retail locations. Price is $170.

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Several shades of Mary Jane

There exists a shoe line called “Irregular Choice,” and if ever there was truth in advertising, it’s in that name. Nancy Friedman, always alert to such things, pointed me in the general direction of that line, and this particular shoe seemed — well, I don’t know if “appropriate” is the word, but “timely” definitely fits:

Irregular Choice Avant Garde Gnome Lyric Heart Velvet Polka Dot HeelTo give it its full name, this is the Irregular Choice Avant Garde Gnome Lyric Heart Velvet Polka Dot Heel, and since you’re going to ask, the gnome is four inches tall. I think. I mean, it’s not like he’s slouching or anything, or at least he doesn’t look like he’s slouching, and one (okay, “I”) might well cherish verticality in a shoe heel.

I’m not sure who’s the intended market here — gnomismatists? mockers of holiday cheer? crushing-video fanatics? armpit fetishists? collectors of the unwearable? — but there are only a couple of sizes left, at $185, so clearly somebody liked this shoe at some point.

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As flat as the town itself

Some people, I am told, can run in heels. I’m guessing none of those people are Italian schoolgirls:

Secondary school l’Istituto Tecnico Industriale di Avezzano, in L’Aquila, Italy, has reportedly banned wedges, flip-flops and high heels measuring over 1.6 inches. The Ansa news agency reports the rule was set in place due to concerns that the shoes could prevent a quick exit in the event of an earthquake.

“The directive isn’t the result of a puritanical fantasy,” Anna Amanzi, a teacher at the school, tells Ansa. “It’s a serious requirement to teach students prevention and education, especially in a high-risk seismic zone.”

Which L’Aquila evidently is:

The town was devastated by a 6.3 magnitude earthquake in 2009, which killed 309 people and displaced over 60,000.

This is the same town where six seismologists and one government official went on trial for allegedly misinforming the public about the seismic risk. Some convictions were obtained, but were later overturned. None of the defendants, I suspect, had been in the habit of wearing high heels.

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His and hers

Footwear News stuck this into a slideshow, and it struck me as just wacky enough to show off here:

Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade from here down

At left: Gabrielle Union in sandals by Giuseppe Zanotti. At right: Dwyane Wade in sneakers by Saint Laurent.

Both outfits in full, if you’re curious.


Having had it up to here

I’ve gone out more than once with mismatched socks, which of course was utterly mortifying once I found out. (Never tell me my socks don’t match. You will plunge me into the Slough of Despond.) What I need is this level of indifference:

I’m getting ready to go out and I just put on two knee-highs of different colors and I don’t even care. But it made me remember back to a time when knee-highs were something new and they were more stockingish and less disposable. I read somewhere — Hints From Heloise or a fashion advice column in Seventeen magazine — that if you had a bunch of mismatched knee-highs you could boil them together and they’d all come out the same color. I did that at least once. I don’t remember if this technique actually worked but I do remember that one knee-high touched the dry rim of the metal sauce pan and burned up.

I wonder if it would help to freeze them first.

Not being part of the target market, I’m asking: Do buyers actually stock up on several different colors?

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Cold in the hose

BuzzFeed is touting this as a way to avoid runs and ladders and such in one’s hosiery:

As soon as you buy ’em, run your tights under cold water, put them in a plastic bag, and put ’em in the freezer… The cold air is supposed to strengthen and reinforce the nylon.

One commenter — yes, children, I did look at the comments, don’t judge me — said she’d been doing this for a decade, and that you thaw them and let them air-dry the night before.

I have no idea whether this will work or not, though I note that nylon is hygroscopic and can absorb (or, for that matter, desorb) water from its surroundings.

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Another closeout

Another shoe shows up in my Twitter timeline:

“Quickly” indicated here, I think, that most of the sizes were then gone; by now, all of them are gone. Anyway, while they lasted, they were marked down from $110 to $65.99.


Skin in the game

Rebecca Black for Flaunt MagazineAn uncle of mine was fond of quoting the old adage — wait, aren’t all adages old by definition? — “If you got it, flaunt it,” which may be more than enough to explain the existence of Flaunt magazine, which, judging by this Instagrammed portrait, did a modest photoshoot with Rebecca Black. At least, I thought it was modest. One of the commenters on her Instagram account — click the picture and you can see the whole thread, if you’re so inclined — wasn’t having any of that:

“Just don’t get why musicians think it’s always a good idea to have bits showing off, women moan that they’re always sexualised and yet they walk around looking like that? Would you walk to the shops wearing only your bra? I doubt it. Would you go to a formal dinner in only your bra? I doubt it.”

“And yet women moan about being made into sex icons etc etc yet they still walk around with their tits hanging out moaning they only attract scumbag guys.”

Up to that point, I hadn’t noticed the way this outfit was cut. And RB’s done lots of fashion stuff of late — see, for instance, this quickie video for Twist magazine, one of several 16 replacements — and this is pretty much of a piece with her recent appearances at various openings: trendy without being particularly spendy. As for “hanging out,” well, she’s eighteen and nowhere near an A-cup, and I don’t think she needs to be, um, bound down.

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Random footwear

One of the side effects of writing about shoes is that people send me links to shoes, sometimes gorgeous, sometimes the very antithesis of gorgeous. I’ve received these this week, and I’m not quite sure what I think about them, so I’m turning them over to you guys:

Portuguese shoes supposedly characteristic of the nation's exports

Cover of Biker Babes

Not ugly, really; still, they don’t grab me. You?

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When things go insufficiently wrong

“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future.” — Niels Bohr

The scene: the New Balance factory store in Edmond, just before Labor Day. As you may remember, I wound up needing a pair of 928s in the unheard-of size of 14 EEEEEE, which is a lot of damn E’s. Not surprisingly, not in stock. She turned to the terminal, asked for a ship date, and then said:

“Officially, it says here the fifth of October. I think it will be more like the end of October.”

The voice of bitter experience. I shrugged, said that would be fine, here’s my number, so call me maybe when they come in.

They arrived at the store on the seventh, which means they probably shipped on the, um, fifth. I chose not to bring this up, inasmuch as the clerk in question had the day off yesterday when I picked them up.


A cupful of misery

First, an informal statistic:

34B is one of the most popular bra sizes in the country. “That size is always the first to sell out,” the Aerie saleswoman said as she checked for the size among the dozen or so lightly lined options in the store — the only ones left were in beige and black. “I swear, half the people who come in here say they are a 34B,” said a saleswoman at Victoria’s Secret, “and they buy that size whether it fits or not.”

A subsequent test with nine women reporting themselves to be 34Bs suggests that “not” is the most common result:

Some of the women had been professionally sized previously. Some had not. Some were wearing bras that were only a few months old, while others had been wearing the same bra for years, despite the fact that most bras lose their elasticity after six months to a year of regular wear. No one fit every bra. Some people didn’t really fit any of the bras. Bra sizing is so weird.

And that’s just one size. Imagine how complicated this gets when you get beyond 34B.

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Gumming up the works

When I saw these posted, I left the following comment:

With that color and that much height, you put these on and you look like you have three kilograms of Already Been Chewed Dubble Bubble stuck to your soles. Somebody might look good in that, but nobody I know.

Here’s where we find out if I know you:

Nightcall shoes by Zooloo

Says Cristina, who posted about it:

In my old-er age, I’m going to presume that this is something only the raver kids would wear? (I mean, ravers still exist, right?) or possibly to add some flair to a Robot Barbie halloween costume?! I love pink shoes, I really do, but when it comes to a sandal that looks a little like a TEVA on crack, I have no say #thanksbutnothanks. I have a way of mentally sifting through the hideous & the trendy by visualizing whether a particular shoe, such as this Pink Panther-pink ridiculousness would jive on the concrete runways of say, Milan, London or New York. This style would definitely not.

In New York, anyway, you can find stuff this color stuck to the concrete on just about any sidewalk. And I strongly suspect it loses its flavor at the bedside overnight.

Zooloo calls this “Nightcall” and sells it for $112 — if you wear a size 8. (They seem to be out of stock on other sizes at the moment.) If you don’t, thank your lucky stars.


Not exactly kinky boots

Cyndi Lauper has introduced a shoe line, and it’s not because girls want to have funds, either:

Lauper has been a staunch supporter of LGBT rights, becoming a fixture at gay pride events and raising money through charity work. Now, she’s parlaying her unwavering belief in equality into something tangible with the launch of her shoe collection with Make a Difference Everyday, an organization dedicated to creating products with a purpose.

The three-piece line, priced between $65 and $75, includes a denim hi-top sneaker, a leopard print slip-on sneaker, and a men’s white hi-top sneaker. “Each style was designed to be worn in all kinds of situations,” Lauper told InStyle. Proceeds from sales benefit the True Colors Fund, her foundation which works to end homelessness among gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender youth across the country.

The shoes themselves are not particularly wild-looking, but perhaps that’s the whole point: sometimes you have to blend in a little.

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It never really went away

InStyle proclaims with a straight face:

The sleeper shoe of the season comes from a quite traditional source: Chanel. Originally designed by Gabrielle Chanel in 1957, it was the only footwear option shown on the house’s mega runway last March. Though it boasts the heritage cap-toe, its modest heel and seductive cutouts were remixed by none other than Karl Lagerfeld. It is precisely the opposite of Instagram click-bait, which makes it all the more covetable.

I’ll bet it didn’t cost $800 a pair back in 1957. Still, it’s worth icon points, as classic Chanel lines always are.

Chanel Slingback shoe rebooted for 2015-6

Chanel has put together a series of short films — none as long as a minute — which feature the Slingback. My favorite was this one:

You do want to take care of your shoes, especially your $800 shoes.


How could I leave this behind?

Hmmm. I suppose I should check this out:

Natasha Wagner has a secret weapon … it’s her butt. For fourteen years this anatomically-gifted woman has been trying on jeans for designers, and getting paid for it.

Natasha is thought to have the best butt in the world because of its “ideal blend of curves and flat”. Because of her curvy-flat butt, designers can see if a pair of jeans will look good on everyone. She’s been the butt stand-in for all kinds of brands, too, including Levi’s, Paige Denim, 7 For All Mankind, and Citizens of Humanity.

Upside: She’s got to be at least 30.

Still, I don’t quite comprehend how jeans that will look great on Ms Wagner will look great on someone with a non-perfect butt — or, for that matter, with no butt at all.

(Title from track 7 of This Is Spinal Tap.)

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Beyond mere timepieces

You say “wearable technology,” and people think you’re talking about either (1) a watch or (2) some weirdly designed dress riven with circuitry. This time, or at least one out of two times this time, it’s different:

Chromat’s new line includes two garments powered by Intel Curie, an incredibly small low-power chip that’s the perfect base for responsive wearables. These garments are a 3D-printed dress that structurally reacts to a rise in your adrenaline levels, and a new sports bra that responds to changes in breathing, perspiration and body temperature by opening vents to keep you cool.

I’m ever-so-slightly put off by a dress controlled by adrenaline, but the sports bra sounds actually useful:

The sports bra, full title Chromat Aeros Sports Bra, is made from Lycra, neoprene, mesh, and a 3D-printed carbon-fiber frame. It will open vents to cool down your body when it senses increased levels of heat and sweat, allowing you to exercise harder for longer periods of time. So long boob sweat, you shall not be missed!

Price goes unstated for now, as it probably should, but I can’t imagine that there will be only one of these on the market for too awfully long.


Slightly less nude

We are fans of Stuart Weitzman’s deliciously insubstantial “Nudist” shoes, though admittedly we’re not likely to see them often in the circles in which we usually travel. This year there’s a variation on the theme with the name “Nudistsong”, sporting a couple new colors and a slightly lower heel (3¾ inches).

Nudistsong by Stuart Weitzman

The price is not even slightly lower, at $398. If you want this look but want to hold on to more of your hard-earned cash, listen up to Cristina:

Although there have been a vast array of less expensive “nudist” copycats around, the knock-off sandal style that comes the absolute closest to Weitzman’s more expensive version, is Steve Madden’s “Stecy”. Not surprising, really, as Madden could easily be crowned King of designer shoe knock-offs (well, maybe? possibly? second to Jeffrey Campbell?). The Madden brand is really, really good at their unrelentless copying (see its take on Brian Atwood here!), which is more than evident with the outcome of the “Stecy”. Online reviews of Madden’s $80, more affordable shoe version have been mixed, as it seems to fit a slimmer foot & ankle, which from what I understand is a close fit to the actual Nudist itself.

Differences? She found a few, and really not too few to mention:

[T]he Madden version has a slightly lower heel & padded insole (which can be considered added value, allowing for greater comfort!). It has a synthetic lining & outsole vs. leather ones. The toe strap is slightly thicker. But all in all, it’s an aesthetically pleasing duplicate & if the fit of the shoe works well for your foot, it’s definitely a bargain at 1/5 of Weitzman’s original. Definitely a great look for less! Unless, of course, you’ve seen The Wolf of Wall Street & have a developed a deep-seeded issue with Madden’s shady past.

My seeds are shallow as can be.

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I don’t know, I’ve never Shepled

Sheplers is being merged out of existence:

A 116-year-old name in retail and one of the oldest continuously operating western wear brands, is going away this fall.

Sheplers stores are being rebranded as Boot Barn and the changeover is expected to be completed by Thanksgiving, said Boot Barn vice president Jayme Maxwell.

Irvine, Calif.-based Boot Barn purchased Wichita, Kansas-based Sheplers in June for $147 million to create the largest western wear retailer in the U.S.

How large would “largest” be?

Before the companies merged, Boot Barn had 152 stores in 23 states. Sheplers, a chain of 25 stores in 10 states with a healthy e-commerce business, had sales of $157 million in its last year, including $66 million online. Together the two chains represent more than $550 million in annual sales.

Sheplers dates back to 1899, kinda sorta: J. W. Gibson’s Harness Shop, founded in Wichita back then, was subsequently acquired by Harry L. Shepler (1914-1976), who put his own name over the door.

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Being past Labor Day and all

Cristina’s is quickly turning into a favorite in these parts: she calls ’em the way she sees ’em, and if it’s worth wearing, she’ll put it on for you so you can see how it looks. (At best, I can do one of the above.) And she has a touch of the iconoclast to her as well, given her current post on what shoes to wear with a white dress. There are styles to consider, shades that work, and, yes, three colors that just don’t work: white (“it may make your outfit look rather bridal”), yellow (not enough contrast), and very pale pastels (unless they match your skin tone).

I first started paying attention to Cristina about the time she decided that some pictures of your shoes for social-media consumption were “shoefies,” and others were not. (These fine judgment calls, after all, are what blogging is all about.) Briefly, a shoefie (1) is taken by you (2) of the shoes you are wearing at that moment: if someone else takes the picture, or you’re not actually wearing the shoes, it’s not a shoefie no matter how many hashtags you slap onto it.

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Excessive archness

I have two pairs of New Balance 925s, classic black walking shoes with hook-and-loop strap fasteners (think Velcro) in place of laces, although a lace-up version was sold under the same number. Both are worn beyond usability, so I threaded my way up to the nearest New Balance store, in deepest Edmond. As I entered, a woman approached, and I’m pretty sure the first thing she did was check to see if I was wearing NBs. (I was: 1122s.) I explained my situation: the shoes I was wearing were 14 double-E and just a hair pinchy, if you will, so I’m thinking I may need a 4E or wider. Sensibly, she brought out the legendary Brannock device, and the measuring began.

She looked perplexed. “Based on toe position, you should be wearing a 12 or 13.” Okay, if you say so. She hurried off to the stacks and returned with a 928 (replacement for 925) in 13 4E. It fit, kinda sorta, but the straps wouldn’t reach more than halfway across. “Ridiculously high arch,” I said, because, well, it is.

So the stage was set: 14 6E. Except that they’re backordered until — “Officially, it says here the fifth of October. I think it will be more like the end of October.” So be it. They are on order. I may try to gank one from Amazon or Zappos in the interim, because I’d just as soon have two pairs. The price on the 928 has risen a bit from what I paid for the 925s, but so what else is new? (There is also a women’s 928, at the same price: $134.99.)

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Saks full

The famed New York store (which has a branch in Tulsa) sent this up Monday evening:

This is not your run-of-the-mill gladiator sandal by any means. I duly went to the Web storefront, and found:

Undulating swirls of crystal climb this dazzling knee-high sandal in a glamorous spin on the gladiator silhouette.

Depends on how high your knee is, I suppose. The, um, superstructure is 24.75 inches tall, sitting on a 4.13-inch heel. The straps — those are straps? — are adjustable. The price, at three grand, presumably is not.

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Hideosity afoot

We may or may not have had this discussion before:

“Peep toes are a bit of an issue to get just right. Open it too much & make it too shallow and it looks odd. Make the gap too small and it, well, looks like this.”

Open-toe pump by Narciso Rodriguez Fall 2015So says Cristina of ShoeTease in her roundup of “The Ugliest Shoes from the Fall 2015 Runways,” referring to this particular Narciso Rodriguez number as the “one eyed shoe monster.” The gap here is apparently suited only to women with an enormous big toe, wide enough to fit that particular hole, and the others basically too insignificant to notice: think Rihanna or Taylor Swift or Zooey Deschanel. Not that I can imagine any of them actually wearing this. (Well, maybe Rihanna: she’s kind of experimental these days.) Someone with a distinctly longer second toe — I’m looking at you, Reese Witherspoon — shouldn’t even be in the same room as this shoe.

That said, this wasn’t even close to the worst shoe in the list, so you really should Read The Whole Thing. (And the picture she snagged does justice to the “monster” description.)


This dress is not for you

To say that the classic Hervé Léger bandage dress is form-fitting is to say that summer is warmer than winter: it’s beneath even Captain Obvious to mention. (If you’ve forgotten what they look like, it’s something like this.) That said, it’s still possible to shoot off one’s mouth about such things:

Some people just aren’t very nice. They try — oh God, they try — but sooner or later, the mask always slips. I’m not saying people who work at the luxury end of the fashion industry are any meaner than those who work in other professions, but I am saying they’re more blinkered. Over-paid, over-indulged and over-protected, some lost touch with reality a very long time ago.

Pity poor Patrick Couderc, brought back to reality with a jolt via that classic, tried-and-tested means of a P45. The former UK managing director of MJH Fashion, the London-based licensee of the Hervé Léger brand, was dismissed after telling a Sunday newspaper that “voluptuous” women and women with “very prominent hips and a very flat chest” should avoid the bandage-style dresses for which Hervé Léger is most famous. Then, after complaining that the style had become popular with reality TV stars (admitting he “refuses to give free dresses to celebrities if they are judged to lack sufficient class”), he topped off his body-shaming snobbery with a final dig at lesbians. “If you’re a committed lesbian and you are wearing trousers all your life, you won’t want to buy a Léger dress. Lesbians would want to be rather butch and leisurely.”

This latter, of course, runs afoul of the First Rule of Holes: “Stop digging.”

The corner office, of course, disavowed the entire exchange:

Parent company BCBGMAXAZRIA Group says it is “shocked and appalled” by Couderc’s comments: “The brand celebrates sensuality, glamour and femininity without discrimination.”

But that doesn’t mean they’re making a dress for you:

I don’t know which is sadder: that the people in charge of these companies feel this way, or that we, the customers, are so completely unsurprised. “A fashion designer who’s openly misogynistic and has no regard for any woman not built like a 2×4? What a shock,” was one typical comment on the internet, in response to Couderc’s comments. But then, as anyone who’s a size 18 or big-breasted or big-bottomed will attest, high-end designers have been practising body discrimination for aeons. It’s why they don’t stock clothing in your size.

And this outburst by Couderc is not likely to make them start, either.

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Nothing of glass, probably

Our New Jersey friend Cripes Suzette spotted this while visiting Orange County, California:

Cinderella of Boston

Of course, I had to follow up:

For over 70 years we have been the leader in women’s petite fashion footwear. Sizes range from 2 to 5½ Medium or Wide and are specially crafted for a woman’s foot. Regardless of your age or lifestyle, you will find styles to fit your fashion needs. Casual to sophisticated, low heel to high heel, Cinderella of Boston has a shoe to satisfy all your petite footwear needs.

Many years ago, I had a girlfriend who wore a 4, maybe 4½. I think she’d have liked some of these. (I saw her in flats maybe twice.)

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Forever 21st

Actually, Australian model Madeline Stuart is only 18, but 21 is the number that rules her life: she has three, rather than two, copies of the 21st chromosome. This is Down syndrome, and as a general rule, women with Down syndrome don’t walk the fashion runways.

Until now:

The fashion industry is often criticized for lacking diversity on runways and in fashion campaigns. But, after years of fighting for equal representation of every type of woman, new headway is being made. This year, Madeline Stuart, the Australian modeling sensation with Down Syndrome, will walk the runway during New York Fashion Week.

Serving as an inspiration to many around the globe, the 18-year-old is on a mission to change the way people think about those with disabilities. According to her website, Stuart sees Down Syndrome as “a blessing” and “something to be celebrated.”

“People will stare,” Harry Winston once said. “Make it worth their while.” Stuart has set this as one of two quotations on the front page of that site.

Madeline Stuart in florals

Madeline Stuart in florals

And you know, just seeing a runway model not scowling is something of a delight.

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Paparazzo 101

One of the first things they teach you at Pesky Photographer School, I suspect, is candid shots taken at a time when the subject is actually busy doing something. This explains why we see Kylie Jenner — and happy 18th to you, K — fueling up in deepest, darkest Studio City:

Kylie Jenner fuels up her Mercedes-Benz G63

Wait a minute. What the heck is that she’s driving?

Kylie Jenner fuels up her Mercedes-Benz G63

Because, of course, one needs something like a Geländewagen to negotiate the tough terrain of the San Fernando Valley.

And haven’t I seen those shoes before? Let’s see:

Kylie Jenner in Stuart Weitzman Nudist shoes

Yep. This is Stuart Weitzman’s “Nudist” sandal in black. As shoes worn by this clan tend toward the ridiculously ornate, I’m sort of happy to see something simple — and, at under $400, not overly pricey, except perhaps by the pound — on the youngest of the crew.

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In search of a deal

Having recently escaped the chains of utter penury, which left most of my workwear too close to threadbare for comfort, I wandered into a DXL store Saturday to pick up a couple of T-shirts. The pricing is astute: one of them will run you a stiff $30, but if you buy at least two, the tab for each drops to $19.99. I wound up buying five, and as it happens, this was the Sales Tax Holiday weekend, so the entire tab came to a not-especially-stiff $99.95.

Now you might wonder how anyone could pay $20 for a T-shirt and not flinch. Believe me, when the alternative is $30, $20 looks pretty good. And the best deal currently being offered in my size by the leading catalog vendor catering to such is $24 in quantities of five. (That size, you should know, is 4XL; it used to be 4XLT, but I no longer need the extra two inches of length to pull down over my newly shrunken gut, six inches smaller than it used to be.)


No judge of length

Most people, upon hearing what I do for a living, assume I sit in a cubicle all day. Not so. I have no cubicle, and I stand a hell of a lot. When last week my feet started complaining more loudly than usual, I dug into the closet and brought out my old but still new-looking New Balance 1122s, which are loud and clunky — which explains why they were far back in the closet — and contain an actual roll bar, useful for those of us with a tendency to pronate.

They’re also white, with trim bits in a couple shades of grey, and as any debutante can tell you, white shoes make your feet look bigger, especially after you’ve been wearing black ones for a while. “Geez,” said I. “Caitlyn freaking Jenner doesn’t have clodhoppers this big.”

I stewed over that for a while, then decided to fact-check my ass. Turns out that Caitlyn freaking Jenner truly doesn’t have clodhoppers this big: the fashion sites agree that she wears a 13, which, assuming this figure is up to date, means that Bruce — remember Bruce? — used to wear a 12.

I wear a 14. Which is a 15 in women’s sizes. (And several iterations of the letter E.)

My apologies to Ms Jenner, and to any wandering debutantes.

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Properly redressed

I have several unpleasant memories of adolescence, one of which could have been avoided had this product been in existence:

Bloxers solve a peculiar problem — that of the public erection. Not ill-considered municipal sculptures, but something equally embarrassing: the untimely engorgement of the male member. Bloxers boxer shorts are sewn with a special interior panel that deflects “the dreaded public boner” down and to the side, thus hiding it from view.

The folks behind Bloxers call this panel the “Deflector Shield,” and buyers can pick a model with the shield positioned on the left or the right, depending on to which side the gentleman dresses. The shorts are cotton, and the shield is a nylon/elastane mix.

One down, several thousand to go.

(Via Breaking Shame.)