Archive for Say What?

Requiem for none

This is Harris Faulkner, a minor character in the fourth generation of Littlest Pet Shop toys by Hasbro:

Harris Faulkner on LPS

And this is Harris Faulkner, Fox News Channel reporter and anchor for the last decade or so:

Harris Faulkner on Fox News

Now if you ask me, which the United States District Court for the State of New Jersey did not, there’s not a whole lot in the way of resemblance here. That said, after initially denying a Hasbro motion to dismiss, the court has dismissed Fox’s Faulkner’s lawsuit “with prejudice”: it cannot be refiled. Did the warring parties settle? We’ll probably never know.

That said, Harris Faulkner the newsperson does well with simple colors:

Harris Faulkner on the Fox Report

Harris Faulkner on the sofa

But never, ever cartoonish, am I right?

(Via Nancy Friedman.)

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Bobtail nagging at me

This is how I know I’m running a sleep deficit.

I’m reading a pill bottle, for a pill I’ve been taking for several years, and suddenly I begin to emit strange noises:

Doo-dah, doo-dah
All the doo-dah day.”

Now I’ve lapsed into this before, most notably during the heyday of Sally Jessy Raphael; I suspect I picked up the habit from Foghorn Leghorn, who often just hummed for seven beats before lapsing into “Doo-dah.”

Or maybe it was Liberace:

I really miss that guy, you know?

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Ambiguity to die for

Or maybe to live for, when you get right down to it:

Okay, it’s not Turrets Syndrome, but it’s funny.


Words of buzz

These guys started following me on Twitter yesterday. What is it that they do, exactly?

Revolutionizing marketing at the online point of sale by helping marketers deliver unparalleled brand engagement across reseller channels.

They do have, for the moment, backers:

Synqy Corp., a Pleasant Hill, California-based brand engagement platform, secured $4.5m in seed funding.

The backers were not disclosed.

The company intends to use the funds to develop and launch its platform and expand partnerships in the consumer product goods and electronic sectors.

And there’s this:

Led by Michael Weissman, CEO, Synqy provides a SaaS based brand engagement platform that enables marketers to action a network of intelligent touch points across their reseller channels. The company is working with leading brand marketers and resellers including Nestle, Unilever, Kenwood and SiriusXM.

“SaaS” = “software as a service,” by which is presumably meant that they have a recurring subscription fee for a cloud-based application rather than a single-payment license for some sort of installable disc.

Maybe I’ll follow them long enough to get an explanation of “intelligent touch points.”

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Spicy sphincter

Of course, I could just be reading this wrong:

I mean, it’s only been half a century since I was twelve.

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Perhaps it doesn’t matter

Found on Facebook:

IDGAF Trucking

This operation apparently did at one time exist:

  • Company Name: IDGAF TRUCKING, INC.
  • File Number: 3290868
  • Filing State: New York (NY)
  • Domestic State: Delaware (DE)
  • Filing Status: Inactive — Dissolution By Proclamation / Annulment
  • Filing Date: December 9, 2005
  • Company Age: 10 Years, 8 Months

Sorry to see them go.

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Tribune Publishing, now known as tronc, Inc., drew plenty of scorn for that new name, such as this:

I am fairly confident that years of exposure will not make me fall in love, or even in like, with tronc. It’s a word that sounds silly at best, ugly at worst, a rhyming cousin of honk, zonk, bonk, and honky-tonk.

What to do? Perhaps an act of desperation:

Which, I think, wouldn’t sound any worse than this:

The Chicago White Sox have struck a new deal with a Chicago-based company for naming rights to their 25-year-old ballpark.

Guaranteed Rate, a national mortgage lender with headquarters in Chicago, has signed a 13-year agreement that renames the ballpark Guaranteed Rate Field beginning Nov. 1.

Not that “U.S. Cellular Field” was all that euphonious.

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Mr. Swift declines

He did say, however, that he appreciated the choice of entrées:

Please initial your choice of entree

Note: I found this on Twitter the day before yesterday, and scheduled a post; the person who tweeted it later decided to make his timeline private, so it was no longer available.

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Algorithmic scrambling

We covered this on Friday. By Monday it was nearing Trending status on Facebook, and by Tuesday I was able to catch this as a screen grab:

EpiPen trending on Facebook

Maybe it’ll be up to 700 percent by the end of the week.

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How did he do that?

From page 7A in this morning’s Oklahoman:

Flooding in the Illinois Valley in December provided by Ed Fite, Oklahoma Scenic Rivers Commission

Really, Ed? You brought down that much flood water?

(Captioning is an art. So is punctuation.)

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Bar exam evidently failed

Or something like that:

I mention purely in passing that WBBH-TV, the Channel 2 in question, is licensed to Fort Myers, Florida, and that according to Wikipedia, “in regards to the number of hours devoted to news programming, it is the highest local newscast output among all Big-Three affiliated broadcast television stations in the United States.” We’re talking 45 hours a week. You’d think they’d have hired someone who passed first-year stats. Then again, this Channel 2 is not on Channel 2 at all, but on 15 (virtual channel 20); the local cable companies have it on 2, so they decided to brand themselves as NBC 2.

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The bill will be exact

The diagnosis, maybe not so much:

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Trumping all the others

In a manner of speaking:

Subtlety is perhaps not this guy’s strong suit.

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Government, we have learned, is capable of vast acts of sheer stupidity; but for sheer crassness, you pretty much have to turn to nonprofits, especially nonprofits who really, really need publicity.

PETA thinks this nickname is just horrible:

Like many others, we’ve been enthusiastically following your career, and we thought we’d send you a gift of delicious vegan steaks and burgers in the hope that you’ll consider adopting a kinder, healthier vegan lifestyle, which would pave the way for a new nickname: Andrew “Tofu” Johnston.

Your new nickname would also raise awareness of the urgent need to move towards a cruelty-free lifestyle to offset the worst effects of climate change. According to the United Nations, animal agriculture is “one of the top two or three most significant contributors to the most serious environmental problems, at every scale from local to global.”

Persuaded as I am that one of the most serious environmental problems is the continued existence of the United Nations, I would turn them down for political reasons. Beef takes a simpler approach:

Besides, one of his sponsors is Arby’s, which isn’t telling you loudly “WE HAVE THE SALADS.”

(Via Legal Insurrection.)

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Away from me, wrench!

Somehow I distrust your capacity for performing the tasks assigned to you:

Heavy Dtuy wrench

(Via Rod Authority.)

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Her Majesty’s Government thinks you’ve had enough Latin abbreviations:

RIP eg, ie and etc. Henceforth the three abbreviated Latin phrases — which stand for exempli gratia (for the sake of example), id est (that is) and et cetera (and the rest) — will stop being used on Britain’s websites. Eventually they will be replaced in toto by English alternatives such as such as, that is, and so on and so on.

Persis Howe of the Government Digital Service announced the change in a blog. Prima facie, you’d think this was simple dumbing down, but Howe did claim a practical reason. “We’ve found that several programs that read webpages for those with visual impairment read ‘eg’ incorrectly,” she explained. They just say “egg”, much to the amusement of the visually impaired.

Would this have happened if British usage had retained, as the Americans have, the punctuation in e.g.?

The GDS works under the banner of “plain English”, which is a noble cause. While there is something rather magnificent about Sir John Chilcot and an unnamed spy chatting in quotes from the Aeneid during the Iraq Inquiry, to most of us this stuff is incomprehensible. Worse, it gives the impression that if you want to get anywhere in Britain you have to be able to smile convincingly when someone says “Tendebantque manus ripae ulterioris amore”.

Seems hardly fair to blame all this on Virgil.

(Via John Kelly.)

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They never saw it coming

And really, if you think about it, they should have:

Irish Psychics broke

This happened a couple of years back:

A liquidator has been appointed to the firm behind Irish Psychics Live, which was founded by former journalist Tom Higgins.

A document lodged with the Companies Office confirms that Eamon Leahy of Leahy & Company, Fairview, Dublin has been appointed as liquidator arising from a resolution of the members of Realm Communications Limited.

The liquidation of the firm follows eight months after the company, which was behind what was Ireland’s most high profile and controversial premium phone line service, ceased trading.

The appointment of Mr Leahy also follows a Revenue Commissioner’s notice in January confirming it had petitioned the High Court to wind up Realm Communications Ltd.

The premium phone line business was established in 1998 and built up a large cash pile over the years before Mr Higgins and his wife Theresa Dunne cashed out in 2009, sharing a dividend payout of €9 million.

(From Bad Newspaper via Miss Cellania.)

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Mark it well, sir

You’ll need one, or two, of these:

Case of Butt Markers from The Home Depot

And don’t worry, they’re cheap.

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History turns an unexpected page

Never knew things went down this way:

That Sorensen guy must have had one hell of a phone.

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I do believe it’s true

Now, about those seeds:

boneless watermelon

(Via Todd Wilbur.)


And so it’s come to this

Evidently we need to talk about Kevin:

Any Kevin, doesn’t matter.

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Un tronc peut désigner:

  • un tronc, la partie principale de la tige d’un arbre, en botanique;
  • le tronc, partie centrale du corps humain contenant la plupart des viscères, en anatomie;
  • le tronc cérébral, une structure du système nerveux central situé dans la fosse postérieure du crâne, en neurologie;
  • un tronc sympathique, une partie du système nerveux périphérique, innervant les viscères;
  • le tronc brachio-céphalique, une artère du thorax irrigant le membre supérieur droit et la tête, en angiologie;
  • le tronc cæliaque, une artère abdominale irrigant le foie et l’intestin, en angiologie;
  • le tronc basilaire, une artère du crâne irrigant le cervelet et le tronc cérébral, en angiologie;
  • un tronc, la partie d’un solide comprise entre deux plans parallèles, en géométrie;
  • un tronc, une tirelire installée dans une église pour collecter les dons;
  • les troncs célestes, un élément du cycle sexagésimal des anciens calendriers chinois;
  • Saint-Tronc, un quartier du 10e arrondissement de Marseille;
  • Le Tronc, film de Bernard Faroux et Karl Zéro

Il est un nom très stupide pour un propriétaire de journaux.

(Avec nos remerciements à Nancy Friedman.)

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Lost in trans-lation

Just what are they telling us in this TV listing?

I knew the birth rate in the EU was declining, but I had no idea it might be due to something like this.

(Via Will Truman.)

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Non-refillable, non-disposable

Oh, wait, you can refill it, provided you meet certain requirements:

One should not present me with temptations like this. Who knows what I might put into that bottle?


A wiener is you

Yeah, I suppose this could have been worded better:

I mean, it’s not like the Assembly is known for not giving stuff away.

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Foot, meet bullet

A smile from last night:

They didn’t say “Delete your account,” but apparently the foul-mouthed slob did.

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I’ve been to the desert with a plan for no gain

That’s how this scheme sounds to me, anyway:

A water bottling business in the desert?

Doesn’t seem like a sound business plan.

But Nestlé Waters plans to spend $35 million to re-purpose a west Phoenix warehouse at 43rd Avenue and Buckeye Road.

According to CNN, the plant is projected to use almost 35 million gallons to fill 264 million half-liter bottles in its first year, though the U.S. drought monitor lists Phoenix and most of Arizona under moderate drought.

City of Phoenix Water Services says there’s no problem:

Phoenix uses only around half of its Salt and Verde River water supplies, and around two-thirds of its Colorado River water supplies.

According to the city, the plant will create approximately 40 to 50 jobs in the first phase. Nestlé said by the third year of operating, there may be 100 workers. City Water Services spokesperson Stephanie Bracken said Nestlé will be paying the standard city water rate that all residential, commercial, and multi-family Phoenix Water customers pay.

This is the rate. You might think it would be higher than that, what with being in the frigging desert and all, but apparently not.

(Via Fark.)


Unhip to the lingo

New York TV producer Michael King on a recent example of Extreme Silliness:

Okay — I have to post this image, but let me set this up first. This evening, we posted the obit for Alan Young, Mr. Ed’s straight-man, who died at 96 — which is exactly how we wrote the article. I’m pretty sure most rational folks are familiar with the comedic term “straight-man” when it comes to comedy duos.

In any event, take a look at some of the Facebook responses. And yes, these people were serious.

Facebook thread on the death of Alan Young

Juliette Akinyi (“Baldilocks”) Ochieng commented:

I once asserted that the Internet hasn’t created more idiots. This exchange might make me reconsider.

I’m not sure that we have more idiots, but the Internet has given our existing idiots a chance to grow and develop and take a meaningful shape in today’s complex society.

(This last line poached from Arlo Guthrie, in case you think you’ve heard it before.)

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Handy, but not in a good way

I’m hoping this is not a real product:

The Jerk Shirt from CamSoda

Gadgette explains:

The basic premise is that the shirt includes one fake arm, which disguises the fact that your real arm is under the fabric of the shirt, getting jiggy. Thankfully, the part of the shirt that might come into contact with your “manhood” (if you can still call it that after using this) is splash-proof and wipe-clean. Hooray!

I believe I speak for everyone here when I say “Ewwww.”

The, um, promotional video has about 400,000 views already.

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More than just lost in translation

This could have been one of those “You had one job” deals, if we knew whose job it was to do Column B:

Back of Walmart tape package

Wonder if they sell this product in Francophone Canada.

(From reddit via Miss Cellania.)

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