Archive for Say What?

Cheesy suspension parts

Perhaps even dangerously cheesy:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: How much deos it to fix a 2004 Nissan queso axle?

Truth be told, I would be surprised if the garage in fact has any cheese at all.

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A winning formula in many sports

Sports broadcasts these days contain all manner of statistics, as though they had any actual predictive value.

Then again, this one apparently does:

I’d say that’s downright indisputable.

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Can I get a witness?

Because this case looks like it’s going to need some help:

It’s a darn shame Clark Kent doesn’t carry a badge.

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Wednesday, Thursday, Friday?

Quoth George Witzke: “Yeah, so the marketing director for this mega church … he’s fired.”

Questionable church banners spelling out WTF

I’m not so sure. This is clearly an inspiration to prayer, given that most people are going to see that and think “Oh, my God!”

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And stripped of his tenure, no doubt

Mr. Pibb was not available for comment, though Wikipedia has a whole category of “Dr Pepper-flavored sodas.”

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Winging it

Subject of a spam received yesterday: “Infinite legroom in a private jet charter.”

Infinite? Even if you’re outside sitting on the wing, it’s still finite. I don’t think you could pull this off even in a TARDIS.

Of the four proffered links, only two go to the alleged vendor: a third link goes to a PDF on whitehouse.gov (!) and the fourth to the Internal Revenue Service. Oddly, those two links are not visible in HTML mode, so I assume they’re provided to sneak past context filters.

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A noticeable warming trend

And after Sunday was so nice, too:

On the next screen, someone scrawls a Q in front of “AccuWeather.”

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No better date than this

I mean, Miss Rhode Island says so:

Then again, it got up to 84 today in Oklahoma City. Decide for yourself if that’s too hot or too cold.

(Scene, of course, from Miss Congeniality.)

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Home of the Whopping

Apparently the magic number is 16 miles per gallon. From the individual vehicle profiles in the Consumer Reports 2015 Auto Issue:

Chevrolet Suburban: “Beyond that, it’s pretty much your tried and true Suburban, with a 5.3-liter V8, six-speed automatic, and fuel economy that improved to a whopping 16 mpg.”

Chevrolet Tahoe: “Beyond that, fuel economy from the 5.3-liter V8 and six-speed automatic, improves to a whopping 16 mpg.”

GMC Yukon/Yukon XL: “Beyond that, fuel economy from the 5.3-liter V8 and six-speed automatic improves to a whopping 16 mpg, but the combination doesn’t feel particularly energetic.”

Beyond that, these trucks are more alike than different, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen CR test a thesaurus.

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Major hotness

I have my doubts about some of this, captured about 10:35 last night:

Screenshot from Weather Underground for Philadelphia

That negative rainfall has got to hurt, especially with 83 feet of it.

(Via John Salmon.)

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Notice to upside-down drivers

The Texas DMV is looking out for your right not to be offended:

The Texas Department of Motor Vehicles is revoking the personalized license plate issued to a Houston man, because it has now been deemed offensive.

“I had it for more than three years without any problem,” Safer Hassan said.

Hassan recently received an official letter from the state that said his Texas plate, “370H55V,” would be canceled within 30 days.

Believe me, Texas takes inversions of this sort very, very seriously.

(Via Fark.)

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I beg your padron

Rather a lot of would-be jesters have been making this joke for some time now, but it took the deadly serious British Broadcasting Corporation to make it stand up:

BBC News: Large Hardon Collider

This is the first time the machine has been restarted since 2013, the sort of situation which you hope is not immediately followed by “That’s what she said.”

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Making the tough choices

Such a dilemma:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: What car should I get next?<br />
I currently own a Ford Focus and a sixth form student

I’d definitely trade off that student: they’ll never be worth more than they are right now.

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Smoking Pol Pot or something

This may explain why CNN spends so much time trying, and failing, to track lost aircraft:

CNN screenshot: Operation Twisted Traveler

(Via Matt Drachenberg.)

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Double O RLY?

This kid apparently aspires to be a secret agent:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Have anyone heard of Michigan Teenage Secret Agency?

The details:

Their website … http://michiagntsa.webs.com/
So I want to become a spy. I meet all their criteria. But its 2 weeks now after I emailed them and haven’t gotten anything back. Does anyone knows how long it takes?

And you can tell they’re serious about this spy business, since they misspelled “Michigan” in the URL.

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Reasons for leaving

Probably most of us have had jobs like this at one time or another:

(Via @SwiftOnSecurity.)

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Chacun d’entre vous me mordre

There is “Freedom and Unity,” the English-language motto of the state of Vermont, and then there is this:

An eighth-grader at the Riverside School in Lyndonville, Vermont, interested in the history of her state, wrote to her senator requesting that the state consider adopting a new official state motto — Stella quarta decima fulgeat. The phrase, which means “May the fourteenth star shine bright,” references a motto that was printed on old Vermont coins, as well as the pride Vermont has as the 14th state admitted into the union.

Unfortunately, when local television station WCAX covered the story, using the headline “Should Vermont Have an Official Latin Motto?” their Facebook commenters lashed out, seemingly interpreting “Latin Motto” to mean “Latino Motto,” and decrying the proposal as another step in the immigrant takeover of our great nation.

According to the 2010 Census, 1.5 percent of the state population is Hispanic, and 1 percent of Vermonters speak Spanish at home. (By comparison, 2.54 percent speak French.) I suspect a fair number of our present-day Green Mountain Boys are overstating the Brown Peril.

(Via Hit Coffee.)

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Dumb, dumb filter

This is why filtering for Improper Strings is ultimately a losing game:

Screenshot from OKCTalk 25 March 2015

I suppose it’s a good thing this happened on Wednesday and not on Sa****ay.

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Richard the 150th

The first three Richards were kings of England; Richard IV was a fictional character in two British television series (The Palace and Blackadder). I have no idea who this guy is:

In CNN’s defense, there was no plane crash involved.

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Let’s be inclusive!

Even when it’s right, it can still be wrong:

Press Any Key to continue.

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Evidently it’s not about the base

Paging Inigo Montoya: I do not believe this word means what she thinks it means.

I’m pretty sure she has one, but I’m willing to bet that it wasn’t swollen that night in Toronto — unless she’s really serious about “best night ever.”

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Rent-a-jihadi

After the utterly asinine suggestion by an administration spokesdoofus that if there were more jobs, there’d be fewer jihadi, I suppose I should have expected this:

Yahoo Answers screenshot:<br />
Why don't ISIS have a HR department or email address where you can upload your CV?

Still, give the questioner credit for keeping his wits about him:

… seems a longshot just to travel thousands of miles on the off chance they will employ you as a murderous rogue when they could conduct a perfectly good Skype interview.

Then again, truth be told, we don’t really know how selective they are.

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Somewhat dissociated

I’m pretty sure who wrote this wire-service story [behind paywall], maybe not so sure of their employer:

Garbled version of Associated Press

Sloppiness, or entropy? You make the call.

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Apocalypse soonish

Um, okay:

Revelation 17:10 (New International Version):

They are also seven kings. Five have fallen, one is, the other has not yet come; but when he does come, he must remain for only a little while.

Unless we’re using Galactic Standard Time or something, this would seem to eliminate the President, who’s remained for six years already and surely isn’t going anywhere in the next two no matter what noises emanate from the GOP.

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Make mine Spunow

And look, it’s on sale:

Chocolate bars for sale

Miss Cellania explains: “Almojoy got nuts, Spunow don’t.” Still unexplained: the difference between Nickers and Sickers.

And where the heck are the W&Ws?

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How are the aerodynamics?

Aaron Robinson, in the March Car and Driver, on the Chevrolet Trax, a “wee SUV”:

The optional four-wheel drive is an electronically controlled system that engages clutch plates to add torque to the rear. It is not driver-lockable, just an automatic all-weather axle, there to straighten your path when the barometer nose-dives.

Or, you know, not. The lowest barometer reading in this town since ever — meaning, most likely, “since 1890″ — was 28.81 inches of mercury, on this very date in 1960. The high temperature that day was 75, which does not suggest a need for four-wheel drive. There were, however, F1-level tornadoes in the northeastern part of the state, and I don’t want to be driving in that kind of stuff no matter where the torque is allocated.

Maybe Robinson meant something other than “barometer.”

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Offensive, you say?

Two of my least-favorite words, in a headline for the ages:

We’re talking the Moro Islamic Liberation Front; I have no idea what FAP is supposed to be in this context, though MILF, I presume, would regularly be engaged by the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP), suggesting (as does the slightly out-of-whack background) a bit of Photoshoppery.

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Fan may have been struck

Saturday afternoon in Portland, Oregon:

TV screenshot: Shits Fired at Lloyd Center

Please tell me that someone saw this and thought “Hell, why don’t they fire some of those shits down in Salem?”

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I think this might hurt

Maybe it would work with half a 100-mg tab. Then again, this is an antihypertensive, and I’m not at all sure how it would affect one’s eyes.

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Setting a fine example

Someone else is pleased to tell us we’re in deep doo-doo:

Billionaire Jeff Greene, who amassed a multibillion dollar fortune betting against subprime mortgage securities, says the U.S. faces a jobs crisis that will cause social unrest and radical politics.

“America’s lifestyle expectations are far too high and need to be adjusted so we have less things and a smaller, better existence,” Greene said in an interview [Wednesday] at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. “We need to reinvent our whole system of life.”

And by “we,” he means “you,” but not himself or the other jerks in the Davos circle:

Greene, who flew his wife, children and two nannies on a private jet plane to Davos for the week, said he’s planning a conference in Palm Beach, Florida, at the Tideline Hotel called “Closing the Gap.”

Perhaps “Closing the Yap” would be more apropos.

(Via Lachlan Markay.)

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