Archive for Say What?

We demand more flesh

No, no, a thousand times no:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Can I report someone on Instagram for not showing enough skin?

Masturbator wants more material:

Theres this girl who has super nice feet and nice legs and belly, but her photos are like … super boring. she only has like 4 decent photos (out of like 500 or more).

Is it possible to report her so Instagram gives her a strike and force her to upload sexier/revealing photos?

I think we may safely assume this chap is destined for perpetual virginity.

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Needs balls, or something

I really, really don’t understand this:

But this, of course, was the proper response, because that’s what I do:

Which, I need hardly point out, it is. And, as we shall see, there was a ten-foot peanut in the general vicinity.

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What’s more, it almost scans

This would seem well-nigh unassailable:

(Via Tony Woodlief.)

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Which explains the Ho, Ho, Ho

Some apparently would even pay for the privilege:

Although a pound and a half seems, um, er, never mind.

(Via @Smatt.)

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Farking trademark

Carla Ulbrich muses on how wonderful it might be to own the rights to the F-word:

(Also available without bleeps.)

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In search of lingua franca

As of now, the official language of Volkswagen Aktiengesellschaft is, um, English:

The Volkswagen Group can’t be fairly thought of as entirely German anymore, so the news that the company is switching its official language to English to help attract managers and executives is a rational, if surprising, decision. While many VW Group companies are still staidly German in character and culture, consider the other companies that it controls: Bentley (British), Bugatti (French), Ducati and Lamborghini (Italian), Škoda (Czech), Scania trucks (Swedish), and SEAT (Spanish). Not to mention the large Volkswagen Group of America operation, which constructs cars in Chattanooga, TN.

Volkswagen’s explicit motivation is to improve management recruitment — making sure the company isn’t losing out on candidates for important positions because they can’t speak German — and that’s inherently sensible in a globalized economy.

I could say something about how all the German-speaking auto executives on earth are tainted by VW’s Dieselgate scandal, but that can’t be true, can it?

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What the hay?

Somehow this seems disquieting:

A Dutch restaurant is now serving up some stallion with its scallions.

The offbeat food truck Keuken van het Ongewenst Dier, which translates to “The Unwanted Animal Kitchen,” now supplies its “My Little Pony Burger” year round to Babbe Hengeveld, a chef who runs her own restaurant Food Guerilla, reports Vice Munchies.

Keuken van het Ongewenst Die has been serving the burger periodically for years and the patty itself is made from the meat of butchered, aging horses that have worked at a local amusement park, Slagharen.

Many years ago, there was a small classified ad in the Oklahoman asking for “50 Head of Poor Horses” every week. They didn’t say that said equines were going to end up in sandwiches.

For what it’s worth, the Pony Burger is not a big seller:

“They don’t sell well because people do feel bad about the idea of eating horse,” Hengeveld told Vice. For some, horses will always be seen as pets in the same way dogs are. Cows and chickens, in many Western cultures, aren’t kept as pets so they’re okay for food.

“Will trade,” said the anguished dad in another classified ad, “two young ewes with friends and personality for two anonymous lambs for the freezer.” Or something like that.

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Beyond any conceivable binary

I don’t understand this either:

You’d think if they still need to be changed, they’re too young to be thinking about gender.

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How dare you be hard-working!

What a horrible thing to say to a woman:

Professors reveal their gender bias and hurt female science students when they write letters of recommendation describing them as “hard-working,” “kind,” or “conscientious,” one lecturer told Oxford physics students last month.

Athene Donald, a Cambridge experimental physics prof, recounted her Oxford lecture in a blog post republished by Times Higher Education. She claims that “gendered adjectives” in letters of recommendation are a “significant detriment to the woman’s progression even without a sexist intent.”

“Gendered adjectives,” which should supposedly be avoided, also include “dependable,” “warm,” and “diligent,” according to a University of Arizona guide [pdf] that Donald references.

Fortunately, “fucking stupid” is satisfyingly generic.

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We wouldn’t shih tzu

McG explains: “[It’s] what you get if you don’t watch where you step.”

It could be worse. Imagine the Jerry Springer Spaniel.

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Harshing your melatonin

A “personalized” Bing search for “Dangers of Too Much Melatonin” brought up this item near the middle of page one:

How much melatonin is too much?

I don’t think I want to know what that connects to.

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Properly upgirded

Not quite spelled so well, though:

W.A. Lions, I think

(From Pleated Jeans via Miss Cellania.)

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Do the Titan Up

Somebody may have been Kraken wise:

(Via Shipwreck, logically.)

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Dead man answering

It takes a lot to stand out in my email box these days. This item today definitely stood out:

Your Facebook friend Jeff Borland is on Quora

Now on Quora? Have you ever met anyone who waited until he had been dead for two years before signing up for a Web service?

Mind you, I’d love to see the guy there; Jeffro had a way with words and a willingness to shoot down total idiots, both of which are useful commodities on a Web site devoted to answering questions, and I’ve missed having him around. But somehow this rubs me the wrong way: if this is a family member using the man’s name, this is Bad Form, and if it’s just some scrub who hacked his way in from Jeffro’s FB account, this is unforgivable.

Incidentally, the Borland account is “following 26 topics.” And there is a function in Settings called “Find Facebook friends,” which makes me wonder if this might be sub-Turing-level bot work. He has 8 followers, one of whom I know.

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Not quite replicated

Having dropped the print edition for lack of ability to walk down the driveway to pick it up, I generally find myself reading what the Oklahoman calls the Print Replica: it’s a fairly accurate copy of the paper paper, available in some obscure native format or as a PDF. The Print Replica, however, is out of its depth when it comes to those little half-pages of advertising that wrap around other pages now and then, so I missed this miscall. The Lost Ogle, fortunately, did not:

Front page of the Oklahoman, 10-26-16

At least it’s kerned, and I don’t mean Sally.

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Plangent commentary

Me, I mock Yahoo! Answers users one at a time. Others, more industrious, make it up in volume:

The opposite of eugenics must be whatever encourages these losers to reproduce.

(Via Miss Cellania.)

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Requiem for none

This is Harris Faulkner, a minor character in the fourth generation of Littlest Pet Shop toys by Hasbro:

Harris Faulkner on LPS

And this is Harris Faulkner, Fox News Channel reporter and anchor for the last decade or so:

Harris Faulkner on Fox News

Now if you ask me, which the United States District Court for the State of New Jersey did not, there’s not a whole lot in the way of resemblance here. That said, after initially denying a Hasbro motion to dismiss, the court has dismissed Fox’s Faulkner’s lawsuit “with prejudice”: it cannot be refiled. Did the warring parties settle? We’ll probably never know.

That said, Harris Faulkner the newsperson does well with simple colors:

Harris Faulkner on the Fox Report

Harris Faulkner on the sofa

But never, ever cartoonish, am I right?

(Via Nancy Friedman.)

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Bobtail nagging at me

This is how I know I’m running a sleep deficit.

I’m reading a pill bottle, for a pill I’ve been taking for several years, and suddenly I begin to emit strange noises:

Hydrochlorothiazide
Doo-dah, doo-dah
Hydrochlorothiazide
All the doo-dah day.”

Now I’ve lapsed into this before, most notably during the heyday of Sally Jessy Raphael; I suspect I picked up the habit from Foghorn Leghorn, who often just hummed for seven beats before lapsing into “Doo-dah.”

Or maybe it was Liberace:

I really miss that guy, you know?

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Ambiguity to die for

Or maybe to live for, when you get right down to it:

Okay, it’s not Turrets Syndrome, but it’s funny.

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Words of buzz

These guys started following me on Twitter yesterday. What is it that they do, exactly?

Revolutionizing marketing at the online point of sale by helping marketers deliver unparalleled brand engagement across reseller channels.

They do have, for the moment, backers:

Synqy Corp., a Pleasant Hill, California-based brand engagement platform, secured $4.5m in seed funding.

The backers were not disclosed.

The company intends to use the funds to develop and launch its platform and expand partnerships in the consumer product goods and electronic sectors.

And there’s this:

Led by Michael Weissman, CEO, Synqy provides a SaaS based brand engagement platform that enables marketers to action a network of intelligent touch points across their reseller channels. The company is working with leading brand marketers and resellers including Nestle, Unilever, Kenwood and SiriusXM.

“SaaS” = “software as a service,” by which is presumably meant that they have a recurring subscription fee for a cloud-based application rather than a single-payment license for some sort of installable disc.

Maybe I’ll follow them long enough to get an explanation of “intelligent touch points.”

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Spicy sphincter

Of course, I could just be reading this wrong:

I mean, it’s only been half a century since I was twelve.

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Perhaps it doesn’t matter

Found on Facebook:

IDGAF Trucking

This operation apparently did at one time exist:

  • Company Name: IDGAF TRUCKING, INC.
  • File Number: 3290868
  • Filing State: New York (NY)
  • Domestic State: Delaware (DE)
  • Filing Status: Inactive — Dissolution By Proclamation / Annulment
  • Filing Date: December 9, 2005
  • Company Age: 10 Years, 8 Months

Sorry to see them go.

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Troncation

Tribune Publishing, now known as tronc, Inc., drew plenty of scorn for that new name, such as this:

I am fairly confident that years of exposure will not make me fall in love, or even in like, with tronc. It’s a word that sounds silly at best, ugly at worst, a rhyming cousin of honk, zonk, bonk, and honky-tonk.

What to do? Perhaps an act of desperation:

Which, I think, wouldn’t sound any worse than this:

The Chicago White Sox have struck a new deal with a Chicago-based company for naming rights to their 25-year-old ballpark.

Guaranteed Rate, a national mortgage lender with headquarters in Chicago, has signed a 13-year agreement that renames the ballpark Guaranteed Rate Field beginning Nov. 1.

Not that “U.S. Cellular Field” was all that euphonious.

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Mr. Swift declines

He did say, however, that he appreciated the choice of entrées:

Please initial your choice of entree

Note: I found this on Twitter the day before yesterday, and scheduled a post; the person who tweeted it later decided to make his timeline private, so it was no longer available.

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Algorithmic scrambling

We covered this on Friday. By Monday it was nearing Trending status on Facebook, and by Tuesday I was able to catch this as a screen grab:

EpiPen trending on Facebook

Maybe it’ll be up to 700 percent by the end of the week.

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How did he do that?

From page 7A in this morning’s Oklahoman:

Flooding in the Illinois Valley in December provided by Ed Fite, Oklahoma Scenic Rivers Commission

Really, Ed? You brought down that much flood water?

(Captioning is an art. So is punctuation.)

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Bar exam evidently failed

Or something like that:

I mention purely in passing that WBBH-TV, the Channel 2 in question, is licensed to Fort Myers, Florida, and that according to Wikipedia, “in regards to the number of hours devoted to news programming, it is the highest local newscast output among all Big-Three affiliated broadcast television stations in the United States.” We’re talking 45 hours a week. You’d think they’d have hired someone who passed first-year stats. Then again, this Channel 2 is not on Channel 2 at all, but on 15 (virtual channel 20); the local cable companies have it on 2, so they decided to brand themselves as NBC 2.

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The bill will be exact

The diagnosis, maybe not so much:

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Trumping all the others

In a manner of speaking:

Subtlety is perhaps not this guy’s strong suit.

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Protein-deficient

Government, we have learned, is capable of vast acts of sheer stupidity; but for sheer crassness, you pretty much have to turn to nonprofits, especially nonprofits who really, really need publicity.

PETA thinks this nickname is just horrible:

Like many others, we’ve been enthusiastically following your career, and we thought we’d send you a gift of delicious vegan steaks and burgers in the hope that you’ll consider adopting a kinder, healthier vegan lifestyle, which would pave the way for a new nickname: Andrew “Tofu” Johnston.

Your new nickname would also raise awareness of the urgent need to move towards a cruelty-free lifestyle to offset the worst effects of climate change. According to the United Nations, animal agriculture is “one of the top two or three most significant contributors to the most serious environmental problems, at every scale from local to global.”

Persuaded as I am that one of the most serious environmental problems is the continued existence of the United Nations, I would turn them down for political reasons. Beef takes a simpler approach:

Besides, one of his sponsors is Arby’s, which isn’t telling you loudly “WE HAVE THE SALADS.”

(Via Legal Insurrection.)

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