Such a dilemma:
I’d definitely trade off that student: they’ll never be worth more than they are right now.
Such a dilemma:
I’d definitely trade off that student: they’ll never be worth more than they are right now.
This may explain why CNN spends so much time trying, and failing, to track lost aircraft:
(Via Matt Drachenberg.)
This kid apparently aspires to be a secret agent:
Their website … http://michiagntsa.webs.com/
So I want to become a spy. I meet all their criteria. But its 2 weeks now after I emailed them and haven’t gotten anything back. Does anyone knows how long it takes?
And you can tell they’re serious about this spy business, since they misspelled “Michigan” in the URL.
Probably most of us have had jobs like this at one time or another:
Someone please explain to Reuters how a Venn diagram supposed to work. pic.twitter.com/avJd572Cam
— You had one job (@_youhadonejob) March 28, 2015
There is “Freedom and Unity,” the English-language motto of the state of Vermont, and then there is this:
An eighth-grader at the Riverside School in Lyndonville, Vermont, interested in the history of her state, wrote to her senator requesting that the state consider adopting a new official state motto — Stella quarta decima fulgeat. The phrase, which means “May the fourteenth star shine bright,” references a motto that was printed on old Vermont coins, as well as the pride Vermont has as the 14th state admitted into the union.
Unfortunately, when local television station WCAX covered the story, using the headline “Should Vermont Have an Official Latin Motto?” their Facebook commenters lashed out, seemingly interpreting “Latin Motto” to mean “Latino Motto,” and decrying the proposal as another step in the immigrant takeover of our great nation.
According to the 2010 Census, 1.5 percent of the state population is Hispanic, and 1 percent of Vermonters speak Spanish at home. (By comparison, 2.54 percent speak French.) I suspect a fair number of our present-day Green Mountain Boys are overstating the Brown Peril.
(Via Hit Coffee.)
This is why filtering for Improper Strings is ultimately a losing game:
I suppose it’s a good thing this happened on Wednesday and not on Sa****ay.
The first three Richards were kings of England; Richard IV was a fictional character in two British television series (The Palace and Blackadder). I have no idea who this guy is:
— WeeLaura (@WeeLaura) March 22, 2015
In CNN’s defense, there was no plane crash involved.
Even when it’s right, it can still be wrong:
"Every Street in Manchester city centre." I laughed far too much about this. pic.twitter.com/0ILNnWfiYc
— t j a thurman (@tjathurman) March 7, 2015
Press Any Key to continue.
Paging Inigo Montoya: I do not believe this word means what she thinks it means.
I had the best night ever in Toronto! Best crowd! I have swollen glans and didn't know how i was gonna get through but the crowd saved me.
— Meghan Trainor (@Meghan_Trainor) March 7, 2015
I’m pretty sure she has one, but I’m willing to bet that it wasn’t swollen that night in Toronto — unless she’s really serious about “best night ever.”
After the utterly asinine suggestion by an administration spokesdoofus that if there were more jobs, there’d be fewer jihadi, I suppose I should have expected this:
Still, give the questioner credit for keeping his wits about him:
… seems a longshot just to travel thousands of miles on the off chance they will employ you as a murderous rogue when they could conduct a perfectly good Skype interview.
Then again, truth be told, we don’t really know how selective they are.
I’m pretty sure who wrote this wire-service story [behind paywall], maybe not so sure of their employer:
Sloppiness, or entropy? You make the call.
Correction in the Lexington Dispatch. pic.twitter.com/2OSQHaa9Xx
— R.L. Bynum (@RL_Bynum) February 13, 2015
Revelation 17:10 (New International Version):
They are also seven kings. Five have fallen, one is, the other has not yet come; but when he does come, he must remain for only a little while.
Unless we’re using Galactic Standard Time or something, this would seem to eliminate the President, who’s remained for six years already and surely isn’t going anywhere in the next two no matter what noises emanate from the GOP.
And look, it’s on sale:
Miss Cellania explains: “Almojoy got nuts, Spunow don’t.” Still unexplained: the difference between Nickers and Sickers.
And where the heck are the W&Ws?
Aaron Robinson, in the March Car and Driver, on the Chevrolet Trax, a “wee SUV”:
The optional four-wheel drive is an electronically controlled system that engages clutch plates to add torque to the rear. It is not driver-lockable, just an automatic all-weather axle, there to straighten your path when the barometer nose-dives.
Or, you know, not. The lowest barometer reading in this town since ever — meaning, most likely, “since 1890″ — was 28.81 inches of mercury, on this very date in 1960. The high temperature that day was 75, which does not suggest a need for four-wheel drive. There were, however, F1-level tornadoes in the northeastern part of the state, and I don’t want to be driving in that kind of stuff no matter where the torque is allocated.
Maybe Robinson meant something other than “barometer.”
Two of my least-favorite words, in a headline for the ages:
people literally waited their whole life for this headline to be real pic.twitter.com/yccETeI5Uy
— my AESTHЕTIC don't (@moarajuliana) January 26, 2015
We’re talking the Moro Islamic Liberation Front; I have no idea what FAP is supposed to be in this context, though MILF, I presume, would regularly be engaged by the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP), suggesting (as does the slightly out-of-whack background) a bit of Photoshoppery.
Please tell me that someone saw this and thought “Hell, why don’t they fire some of those shits down in Salem?”
I'll try but it sounds difficult. pic.twitter.com/4Aoz6ZUOOl
— You had one job (@_youhadonejob) January 21, 2015
Maybe it would work with half a 100-mg tab. Then again, this is an antihypertensive, and I’m not at all sure how it would affect one’s eyes.
Billionaire Jeff Greene, who amassed a multibillion dollar fortune betting against subprime mortgage securities, says the U.S. faces a jobs crisis that will cause social unrest and radical politics.
“America’s lifestyle expectations are far too high and need to be adjusted so we have less things and a smaller, better existence,” Greene said in an interview [Wednesday] at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. “We need to reinvent our whole system of life.”
And by “we,” he means “you,” but not himself or the other jerks in the Davos circle:
Greene, who flew his wife, children and two nannies on a private jet plane to Davos for the week, said he’s planning a conference in Palm Beach, Florida, at the Tideline Hotel called “Closing the Gap.”
Perhaps “Closing the Yap” would be more apropos.
(Via Lachlan Markay.)
From a recent Hackney Gazette:
Mark Liberman said it best: “In some other place and time, perhaps there was a headline ‘Missing moonshine still discovered’.”.
Then again, once it’s happened, the probability is 100 percent, right?
This was the Mesonet report at OKC West, taken at State Fair Park. And the water total won’t be forthcoming until the snow — 2-3 inches, more or less — actually melts into their little tin cup.
I suspect a busted draw play:
Just your average NFL news on the bottom of the screen… pic.twitter.com/0IaSGE5wKE
— Hidden Secrets (@HiddnSecrets) December 21, 2014
I once tried to get myself hired as a captioner. Perhaps it’s just as well that I did not succeed.
Nancy Friedman, whose business it is to find the Right Name, occasionally happens upon someone who has found the Wrongest Name Possible, and you can’t get much wronger than this:
IncubusLondon is a newish venture whose name is intended to be a portmanteau of [startup] incubator plus bus: it’s a co-working space in a London double-decker bus. Unfortunately, incubus has a separate and sinister meaning: “a male demon who comes upon women in their sleep and rapes them.”
Incredibly, this is not the first time someone has tried to make commercial hay out of “incubus”:
You’d think the London gang would have learned from Reebok’s costly misstep, back in 1996, when it named a women’s running shoe the Incubus. According [to] the Snopes entry, “Reebok Incubus” had been developed in-house and selected from a master list of about 1,500 names.
I’ve owned some Reeboks, the wearing of which was akin to torture — but not this kind of torture.
“Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root…”
A local public relations agency says it’s changing its name after a firestorm on social media over the weekend.
In a flurry of tweets and retweets that started late Saturday and continued into Sunday, people from across the nation and around the globe chastised Austin-based Strange Fruit Public Relations, which shares its name with a Billie Holiday song dealing with racism.
It is widely accepted that the song, based on a poem written in 1937 by Abel Meeropol, uses the term “strange fruit” as a metaphor for lynching victims hanging from trees.
It’s not that they were unaware, exactly:
Mary Mickel, who co-founded the firm with Ali Slutsky, told the American-Statesman the duo was unaware of the song when they first settled on the name in 2012.
“We thought the name would be perfect for a hospitality PR firm that specializes in food and drink,” Mickel said via email. “We of course Googled to ensure that it was not taken elsewhere and found the Billie Holiday song online. Thinking it would have nothing to do with our firm, and since it was written in 1939 it wouldn’t be top of mind in the public consciousness. We now know we were naïve to think that, and should have known better.”
I’m betting there probably isn’t a Dred Scott Real Estate, either.
The architecture critic of the Los Angeles Times ponders an unexpected issue:
Somebody angry about the Latinization of L.A. just wrote to tell me he fears the city itself might wind up with a "Hispanic sounding name"
— ChristopherHawthorne (@HawthorneLAT) December 8, 2014
More so than “El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula”? Are we talking “Chuyville” or something?
46 Dems in next Senate will represent total of about 331 million Americans, 54 Reps in next Senate will represent total of about 288 million
— Alan Abramowitz (@AlanIAbramowitz) December 7, 2014
So: 619 million Americans, then? No wonder I can’t find a parking place.
2014 Bureau of the Census estimate is 319,309,000. So no matter what kind of number-crunching Abramowitz thinks he’s doing, it’s wrong from the word Go. And this whole scene could have been avoided had we realized from the start that the Seventeenth Amendment was a crock and killed it off before it could do any more damage.
An observation by Annemarie Dooling: “You know you go to Brazil too often when your autocorrect goes Portuguese.”
I looked at that, and darn near cried:
Saudade is a word in Portuguese and Galician that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return. A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing, moved away, separated, or died.
And in those circumstances, no amount of Sudafed can help.
They could have put that better. pic.twitter.com/NeELeiqRDL
— You had one job (@_youhadonejob) November 29, 2014
(Working title was “No noose is good noose,” discarded for obvious reasons.)
Something about this announcement seems a trifle off:
Girl, a digital men’s lifestyle magazine, is launching in January 2015. Published by commercial modeling agency Girl Management, the magazine will be aimed at men aged 18-30, and will cover topics including film, music, tech and games, cars, sports and fashion. It will be available as a free app for tablets and smartphones.
No other response makes sense:
Really? That's what you're calling it? pic.twitter.com/ryv3O03nh8
— Holly Brockwell (@hollybrocks) November 25, 2014
I’m guessing that this is where the idea came from:
Lads’ mag publisher Loaded has announced the acquisition of modelling agency Girl Management and will retain the services of its creative director Lucy Pinder and director Adam Sutherland.
The agency has previously worked with brands such as Puma, Boots, EA Games and Ann Summers, supplying models to the TV and film industry.
Paul Chaplin, owner of Loaded, said: “This is the perfect fit for the Loaded brand. Not only do we have men’s lifestyle magazines, we have digital platforms, Loaded TV and Loaded Radio, which will be launched later this year. We will be the one stop shop for glamour models.”
The agreement between Girl Management will also see Loaded take a stake in the Frank White picture archive.
This will end well, or at least quickly. How many such apps can one guy be expected to tote around?
The only time I’ve ever had a fuel line freeze, I was in KCTV’s home town of Kansas City, so I sort of understand the metric:
How Cold is Ass Cold? pic.twitter.com/YYX7v7duFA
— JKuhn (@h8rproof82) November 18, 2014
I didn’t have heated seats back then, either.