Archive for Say What?

Not that I’m aware of

Is it somehow pertinent to the matter at hand?

Insurance. It’s gotta be. Who else would care?

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Never underestimate the opposition

They may have already thought of something to thwart your intentions:

Fiendishly clever, wouldn’t you say?

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No Buffaloney

It is what he said:

The Justpaul family, I surmise, emigrated from North Dystopia to the Niagara Falls area in the late 17th century.

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Did you check the woods?

Smarter than the average tourist? Not this one:

At least one visitor to Yellowstone National Park doesn’t appreciate that the bears didn’t do their part to make the visit memorable.

“Our visit was wonderful but we never saw any bears. Please train your bears to be where guests can see them. This was an expensive trip to not get to see bears.”

This is right up there with the woman who thought that deer-crossing signs were actually encouraging deer to cross the highway.

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Whoever the heck he is

Maybe it’s really John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt!

I mean, it certainly can’t be Gary Allen.


The sad fact is

And will likely continue to be:

Headline: someone will win presidential race

(From Bad Newspaper via Miss Cellania.)

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All those Antilles look alike

To a guy in a control room in New York, anyway:

Good thing they didn’t ask him to pinpoint Jamaica. He’d probably have stuck it somewhere among Canada’s Maritime Provinces.

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Sticking a finger in the news hole

It must have been a slower news day than I thought. From page 3C of this morning’s Oklahoman:

Blowing your nose at the dinner table is disgusting

Or maybe it’s just expressing the need for more greens.


The walrus, he is not

This is another reason why, as Abraham Lincoln used to say, you can’t believe everything you see on the Internet:

All You Need Is Love t-shirt featuring Yoda

“Love, all you need is.” It perhaps isn’t the way Yoda would have said it; it is, nonetheless, what he would have said.

(Via Roger Goode.)

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Math continues to be hard

In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t even get taught this year:

Four quarters of schooling and for what?

(Found on reddit by Miss Cellania.)

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No major changes at the Vatican

At least, not to that extent:

I think we can safely say that yes, he is.

That other question has also been resolved.

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Nor is it a dry heat

This apparently was the display for the Sunday-evening forecast. Hindsight being closer to 20/20, I think we can safely say that at least one of those numbers was way the hell off:

Weather screen from KFOR

(Snagged from Facebook, of course.)

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Presumably a Solo operation

That “really bad feeling” might be a case of the Kessel runs.

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Irate, you rate

Lead story in the Oklahoman today begins with this anecdote:

When a passing motorist yelled “Road rage sucks” at Oklahoma City police Sgt. Matthew Downing during a January 2014 traffic stop, Downing chased the man down in a convenience store, wrestled him to the ground and arrested him.

A supervisor who soon arrived disagreed with Downing’s use of force and subsequent arrest and released the man.

Police Chief Bill Citty directed the department’s Office of Professional Standards to conduct a criminal investigation into the incident.

In February, Downing pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and battery and was sentenced to 90 days’ probation. That same day, he resigned from the department, where leaders say he was still under administrative investigation for the incident. Oklahoma County District Attorney David Prater said Downing’s guilty plea and resignation were part of his plea agreement, which is typical in criminal cases involving police officers.

Not that I at all object to keeping the police on a fairly tight leash — those rogue cops obsessed with their authority (“Trigger-happy policing,” said Marvin Gaye back in the day) need to be pulled back — but I have to wonder: is it the position of the City, or of the OCPD, that road rage does not suck?


Kitten gag

Had this actually happened, we’d have a case of someone taking the law into his own hands, so to speak. See the third paragraph:

Clipping from North County Times, San Diego, 2008

This is not precisely the way the Associated Press sent out this February 2008 wire story. Subsequently, one staffer at San Diego’s North County Times was sacked, another suspended, and the editor performed a public act of contrition:

After conducting an internal investigation, I believe that our editors were not being malicious, furthering some political agenda, or expressing ill will toward Cardenas or anyone else. Instead, I have concluded that our mistake flowed from a deeply misguided joke that made its way into print.

By sheerest coincidence, massive layoffs at the Times began in 2008, culminating with the paper’s absorption by U-T San Diego in 2012.

(Via Miss Cellania.)

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Not entirely up to date

This mental_floss piece, titled “25 Things You Should Know About Kansas City,” blows it before you ever get to the second thing:

There’s more to the City of Fountains than just barbecue. (Although the barbecue is legendary.) Study up before your next visit to the midwestern metropolis of 467,000.

1. Kansas City spans two states: Missouri and Kansas. The international airport, baseball stadium and football stadium are all on the Missouri side. The professional soccer team and the NASCAR race track are found on the Kansas side.

As the discerning reader has presumably already discerned, there are two separate cities named “Kansas City,” on opposite sides of State Line Road; the Missouri town dates to 1853, while the one in Kansas was founded in 1872 and merged with several other area towns fourteen years later. And the population figure is more or less correct for the Missouri side, but Kansas City, Kansas has 150,000 people of its own.

And I really wished they’d tacked this onto item #9: there is an actual organization of dog fanciers (on the Missouri side) called the Jesse James Kennel Club. (The club is based in Kearney, which was James’ boyhood home; I don’t think they’re in favor of robbing banks or anything like that.)

Disclosure: I have two children, one who lives in Kansas City, Missouri, and one who lives in nearby Independence. I include this for the benefit of anyone who wants to ask “Why do you know these things?”

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You can’t hide your lion eyes

It’s easy to mock Gawker for its occasionally sloppy work, but once in a while they absolutely nail it, even if they have to swipe it from CNN:

(How we know it’s Gawker.)

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U wot, m8t?

If Australia’s anti-swearing laws are supposed to be protecting children, they’re doing a farking poor job of it:

In some Australian states, people can be spot-fined up to $500, and even spend time in prison, for swearing in public.

Quentin Bryce Law Doctoral Scholar at [University of Technology, Sydney], Elyse Methven, has pointed to research showing children are exposed to swearing at the age of one or two.

She said the evidence swear words were harmful was negligible.

And besides, the kids have already learned all those words — from you, okay? They learned them from you:

“Children around one or two know several swear words, and children of school age have a vocabulary of up to 42 taboo words.”

What’s more, there may be some therapeutic effect:

“There have been studies showing that when people swear, they can get some sort of pain-relief effect from the swearing.”

In which case, I know some people who should be able to smile while a lion gnaws on their extremities.


A perfect night to dress up

Taylor Swift T.S. 1989 sweatshirtAbout five and a half billion people on this plain granite planet will recognize this sweatshirt as being part of Taylor Swift’s new clothing line, intended to promote her platinum / palladium / unobtainium album 1989, in stores now and not streaming very much. That leaves a billion and a half who might see something different in it:

The date — as well as being Swift’s year of birth — refers to her album and live tour of the same name, which she will perform in Shanghai in November.

But the date — and the initials TS — are particularly sensitive in China, as they signify the Tiananmen Square massacre in 1989, when hundreds of students were killed in pro-democracy protests.

Bad move? Maybe not. Chinese retailer, which will carry the Swift line, doesn’t seem to have any trouble selling the 1989 CD.

(Via Marginal Revolution.)

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The glucose is clear

I’m not quite sure I understand this promotion:

Actually, that’s only half a gallon, but it still sounds a bit strange.

(Via Dawn Summers.)

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Crisper material

Then again, perhaps not yours or mine:

If you care, this is the Homeland store at 18th and Classen, widely derided as the weakest link in the chain. To me, these so-called “green beans” look like they’ve spent a long time in someone’s ears.


Meanwhile, 12-year-olds applaud

Regardless of actual age, I might add:

I’m sure this was quite unintentional; WaPo seldom of late has shown any willingness to get to the bottom of things.

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Captain Obvious drops me a line

Fake PayPal email is so common I barely notice the real PayPal email. And if they’re going to use subject lines like this, it’s just as well:

Balance Notification: You have funds in your PayPal account.

Well, duh. That’s what it’s for, you knuckleheads. I assume you’re wanting me to go forth and spend more, but hey, that’s not your call — unless, of course, I don’t have funds.

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Zombie pitcher on the mound

No, wait, he’s not dead, or even undead:

If the Dodgers have figured out the Lazarus Effect, all of baseball is threatened.

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Aw, stick it in your ear

No! Wait! Don’t do that! It says so right on the package…

Of course, any tool can be misused. Using one of these to clean a clogged spritzer from a bottle of Axe Body Spray would be unforgivable.

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Perhaps out of their league

It has come to this. The Mets, otherwise a few ticks over .500, lose to a hockey team?

I suspect high-sticking.

Actually, the Blue Jays beat the Mets 7-1, so I figure some lazy individual at this CBS station just grabbed the first Toronto logo he could find.

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Can this truly be just?

Inquiring minds want to know:

We’ll get a Wiring Justice Warrior right on it.

(Via Nancy Friedman.)

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Well, ****

Just watch your mouth when you’re in Arlington, Virginia, okay?

Uttering some of the more expressive words in the English language will cost you up to $250 if you say them in Arlington, now that county officials have upped their fines on public uses of profanity. The Arlington County Board just approved a measure increasing penalties for public intoxication and blue language from $100 to $250.

Odd that those two offenses should be paired — or maybe not:

Even if Arlington is sacrificing its reputation as an urbanist’s dream community, its leaders have not given up their mission to clean up its residents’ sometimes-naughty antics. The code change adopted during Saturday’s board meeting came after the Arlington Police Department reported making 664 arrests for public inebriation and foul-mouthed talk in 2014.

About 230,000 people live in Arlington’s 26 square miles, and it’s not like they can’t go somewhere else to cuss:

While the District [of Columbia] bans abusive language designed to provoke a physical response from another individual, it does not prohibit casual profanity. Maryland also offers safe harbor to the salty-tongued, except for Rockville, where the city charter reads, “person may not profanely curse and swear or use obscene language upon or near any street, sidewalk or highway within the hearing of persons passing by, upon or along such street, sidewalk or highway.”

Still, for the sake of traffic, let’s hope the [redacted] don’t all go at once.

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Ground control

“My neighborhood,” says Quinn Cummings on Instagram, “virtually defies satire”:

Earthing poster in Los Angeles County

Electrons as antioxidants. I don’t remember that from sophomore chemistry. (I did remember that when stuff is oxidized, it loses electrons, but you can’t just shove electrons back at it.) Maybe these free radicals are freer — or more radical — than usual.

Now I wonder if tinfoil is used.

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Haunted, dead or alive

The problem with sticking to a format:

I guess it’s important to know that Sir Christopher died in real time.

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