Archive for Ventually

Difficulties ensue

If you can’t fold a fitted sheet, you’re probably normal.

If you can’t fold a flat sheet, you’re probably me. Poor you.

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In which the ball is dropped

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The Age of Trump

To hear some people tell it, it’s the end of the world as they know it. We should be so lucky.

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All in my head

What happens — or, perhaps, what doesn’t happen — when the entirety of your love life proves to be virtual.

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I go to pieces

Del Shannon, at least, had an excuse:

Me, I’m just somewhere near the end of my rope. God forbid, though, that anyone should discover that I have a rope to be near the end of.

And come to think of it, Del had problems of his own.

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Amid all the gloom

In case you were thinking that nothing on God’s green earth is working for me these days, I’m here to tell you that it ain’t necessarily so.

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The dial clicks once more

Until such time as I don’t, I have to assume that I’ll keep getting older; at least, that’s the one lesson I’ve learned from history, which puts me one up on rather a lot of people these days.

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The final few steps

All our days are numbered, and I suspect my own number is decidedly limited, in which case I want certain things on the record.

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The aftermath

Yeah, I know, all the TV coverage dealt with who’s winning. Me, I wanted to know who’s losing, and I don’t mind telling you why.

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All about that ballot

Yours truly is voting absentee this year, and on the off-chance that you actually care, I’m letting you know what sort of thinking went into my selections. It is not, I hasten to add, always sensible.

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A cascade of fumbles

Remember when I was a detail-oriented worker, perhaps not the fastest, but guaranteed to get to the end of the project with as few problems as possible?

Gawd, I miss those days.

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I, microfinancier

Were I to make a list of all the things I imagined doing in a lifetime, helping to build a toilet in the Philippines would probably be somewhere near the bottom. And yet it’s happening just the same.

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This world sucks

And as time wears on and the sucking continues, I contend that I am perfectly justified in wanting to leave.

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Three to make me

In which I attempt to define myself by invoking three fictional characters.

Warning: one is female, and a non-human female at that; and one exists only because Elvis said so.

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Your 2016 State Questions

I can stand two of them, maybe. The other five, I want nothing to do with.

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That empty feeling

There is, I suppose, something to be said for knowing that I won’t leave some poor woman a widow; but I don’t think I’m the one to say it.

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Diamonds are forever

The fifty-year odyssey of a born-again baseball fan.

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Fewer options

Maybe it would be simpler if I just retired and got it over with. Or maybe it wouldn’t.

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What I’ve become

And if you think I ought to be ashamed of myself, I’ll probably agree with you.

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Done with it

What can you say to someone who’s already decided she wants to die? “Don’t do that” seems somehow inadequate.

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In lieu of actual life

You know how some people say “good as dead”? There are times when I think “dead” might actually be better, and this is one of them.

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Limbo lower now

In which I wonder how low I can go.

(Fundraiser continues.)

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Assuming there’s a future

And at the moment, that strikes me as a hell of a lot to assume.

The circumstances aren’t quite the same, but I know the sentiment.

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A vision of what was

Some people just look right no matter how horribly they may be dressed.

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Gloom, despair and agony

What can I say? I’ve had ’em. In fact, I’ve had ’em just assembling this piece.

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This is spinal tapping

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Private sedentary

In which I consider the possibility of spending the rest of my days in a seated position. Not that I want to or anything, you may be sure.

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As the sand flows

Funny thing about that hourglass: if someone inverted it before the sand ran out, you’d never really know, would you?

I mean, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t.

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Ruining the brand

A lot of names don’t mean what they used to mean. Like “Cadillac,” for instance. Or “Democrat” or “Republican.”

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Punchline to the world

Some people think of this state as a laughingstock. Others cry over its failings. Me, I figure what goes around eventually comes around.

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