Archive for Wastes of Oxygen

Maybe she lost count

Whatever the reason, this is a spiffy, if depressing, lede:

Cristal Paulette Richardson told jurors at her murder trial that she doesn’t recall everything that happened when she stabbed Cedric Lamont Owens 130 times and castrated him inside a Far East Dallas motel room.

Of course, lots of factors can contribute to memory loss:

Richardson, 29, testified Friday in a Dallas County courtroom that she acted in self-defense because, she said, Owens attacked and raped her. She said the two, who had known each other less than 12 hours, had spent part of the night together and she used cocaine, PCP, marijuana and alcohol. She said she blacked out so she doesn’t remember all the details of what happened the rest of the night but testified that she was not high at the time of the slayings.

If you ask me, that would have been the ideal time to have blacked out, but then I have no personal experience with stabbiness.

(Via Interested-Participant.)

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Irony chef

These days, pundits speak of the “optics” of a concept. This one, I dare say, is blind as a vampire bat:

An animal-welfare organization is trying to capitalize on the notoriety of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer’s childhood home by suggesting it might turn the house into a vegan restaurant.

Ingrid E. Newkirk, president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, sent a letter dated Friday to the realty agent who has listed the Bath Township house for sale. In the letter, she asked about the listing and proposed making the house a vegan restaurant “to respond to the past with something positive.”

Local officials were not encouraging, pointing out that the property is zoned single-family residential.

(Via this John Podhoretz tweet.)

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Treated like crap

Why am I not surprised that (1) this is on Fark (2) with a FLORIDA tag?

A 49-year-old woman found herself in a pile of trouble after investigators linked her to apparent human poop in an elevator at the St. Lucie County Courthouse in downtown Fort Pierce.

The case against Patricia Ann Jamison, of Lake Worth, got rolling March 7 after court security staff learned of what looked to be “human fecal matter in the corner of the left public elevator by the buttons,” according to recently released St. Lucie County Sheriff’s records.

In case you’re not familiar with the substance in question — in which case, we welcome you, our new robot overlords — it’s like this:

Feces, also known as ordure, dung, stool, poo poo and feculence, typically is found in commodes or cow pastures, as opposed to public elevators.

And, if memory serves, it happens.

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Lies per hour

I am becoming persuaded that Barack Obama, once he leaves office in 2017, should head up a car company, just so he can get a good look at the godawful malfeasance of his erstwhile acolytes:

The battery-powered Tesla Model S is one of the world’s fastest and quietest luxury cars, but you might not know the latter if you watched the 60 Minutes interview with Tesla founder Elon Musk that first aired on Sunday.

Now CBS says it regrets the “error” that led to that impression.

Error, schmerror. This was either a deliberate hit or the most blatant act of stupidity in auto coverage since — well, since 60 Minutes decided to take out Audi. Get a whiff of this:

Following an introductory segment by Scott Pelley, whose wife owns a Model S, there is a series of shots provided by Tesla of a Model S driving down a road accompanied by the out-of-sync sounds of an internal combustion engine and the shifting of a transmission.

The Model S has neither of these things.

Nice fakery, CBS. Not quite up to the level of what you did to Audi, though:

Ed Bradley’s 17 minute “investigative report” aired on November 23, 1986. Between interviews of the teary-eyed “victims” (drivers) of unintended acceleration swearing their feet were on the brake pedal, CBS showed a clip of a driverless Audi lurching forward on its own.

Viewers didn’t get to see the canister of compressed air on the passenger-side floor with a hose running to a hole drilled in the transmission. An “expert” had rigged the Rube Goldberg device to shift the big Audi into drive and, like any automatic-equipped car, move forward (unless the brakes are depressed).

Edward R. Murrow is doing about 1800 rpm, even as we speak.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

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Super iPerv 9000

It’s 1967. Sandra Dee has just seated herself in the chair beside your desk. Being the douchecanoe you are, you adjust the angle of the mirror just a bit, and the reflection gives you what you wanted: an unobstructed view of Miss Dee’s grade-A legs.

This scene actually appears in the otherwise uneventful grade-B flick Doctor, You’ve Got to Be Kidding! And it had exactly the effect on this impressionable youth — I was 14 in 1967 — that you think it did.

But older and marginally wiser, I now feel compelled to warn you that This Could Happen To You:

Possible usage of Spy Cam Peek-I

There exists a crowdfunding effort to develop exactly this technology as an iPhone app, which as of the last time I looked had raised about eight times the original goal. The demand for this sort of thing by 14-year-olds of all ages is evidently substantial.

(Via this Avenging Uterus tweet, bounced into my timeline by Andrea Harris.)

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Scrupuloose

It’s exceedingly hard not to laugh at this character:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Is Customfakeidcards21@yahoo.com legit?

The sordid story:

I ordered 2 IDs from them for 250$ and they said they got my order and they took the money from the card immediately. They still replied back after they took the money saying they will send pictures before they send it out.

I figure he’s taking Chutzpah 101 and needs this for his lab requirement. (At the 200 level, you have to return used burglar’s tools for warranty replacement.)

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Could have been a real clusterbox

There is such a thing as discretion. This isn’t it:

Oklahoma City police arrested a man after several children reported seeing him walking to his mailbox naked.

The fellow wasn’t exactly contrite:

When officers arrived at the scene, they spoke with the suspect, 68-year-old Hillard Stallings, at his house. Stallings told officers that he was a registered sex offender, but he refused to give them his ID.

According to the report, officers then contacted the Sex Crimes Unit, and they stated that if Stallings came outside, the officers could arrest him. However, police said Stallings was very rude and did not want to talk to the officers.

He then escalated to Pervcon 3:

About five minutes after they spoke to Stallings, the officer said he saw a 14-year-old boy standing in front of Stallings’ house, looking toward the front door.

When the officer got closer, he said he saw Stallings outside his house, “shaking his penis and thrusting his hips out” towards the boy, according to the report.

If you insist on retrieving your mail in your birthday suit, you probably need to live in an older part of town: my mail, for instance, is shoved through a slot in the garage door.

And the time to discover that you fancy 14-year-olds is not when you’re pushing seventy.

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Young blood, and then some

There is something seriously wrong with this:

Three British liberals are feeling the heat these days, as well they should: Harriet Harman (Deputy Leader of the Labour Party), her MP husband Jack Dromey, and former minister Patricia Hewitt have been found by a Daily Mail investigation to have supported and promoted the agenda of a group called the PIE (Paedophile Information Exchange) through the NCCL (National Council for Civil Liberties). All three were ‘leading officials’ of the NCCL in the 70s/80s, which worked for four years with the PIE, a group of shameless, predatory child-molesters who lobbied to lower the age of consent to just four years old.

PIE, as it happens, was officially disbanded in 1984. And hairs were split: what PIE had said about four-year-olds was that they can “communicate verbally their consent to sex.” One must presume that they are also capable of communicating verbally well enough to deny consent.

And anyway, four-year-olds were of comparatively minor interest to PIE:

In 1978–9, the Paedophile Information Exchange surveyed its members and found that they were most attracted to girls aged 8–11 and boys aged 11–15.

Well, that’s different.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned in some regards. But I persist in thinking that fiddling about with jailbait should result in jail — or gaol, if they’d rather.

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Whatever under the bridge

Most everyone here, I assume, will agree that trolls suck. And now we have scientific evidence to support that premise:

[Y]our run-of-the-mill backseat pokers, hair pullers, and forbidden cat petters don’t generally grow up to spend large portions of their time harassing total strangers on the Internet in search of “lulz.” They don’t, in other words, turn into Internet trolls.

That’s because the true troll has a lot more of the sadist hidden deep inside than you do, gentle reader — at least according to a new study, “Trolls just want to have fun,” which appeared in the academic journal Personal and Individual Differences. The Canadian researchers behind the study conclude that “online trolls are prototypical everyday sadists… For those with sadistic personalities, [their] ideal self may be a villain of chaos and mayhem — the online Trickster we fear, envy, and love to hate: the cyber-troll.”

And unfortunately, the sheer ubiquity of the Internet has caused the miserable bastards to proliferate:

The Internet’s amazing ability to create communities even out of the strangest or most repulsive of niche interests has also been a boon to trolls, who in the past could only make themselves unpleasant in local ways — bringing family members to tears at Christmas dinner, for instance. Thanks to the ‘Net, though, not only do they have a broader (and more anonymous) outlet for their urges, but trolls “have greater opportunities to connect with similar others and to pursue their personal brand of ‘self expression’.”

Let us always remember not to feed them.

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Permanent adolescence

There is just so much wrong with this scenario:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: If I made 80K a year lived at home with my parents, had zero bills could I afford a used Lamborghini Gallardo?

That first $25,000 engine rebuild ought to discourage him, but it won’t.

The temptation is to conclude that this guy believes with all his glands that he’s never going to get laid unless he has an exotic car. Of course, living in the parental units’ basement pretty much assures a state of perpetual virginity anyway, and besides he’s Canadian — says so elsewhere on the page — so I’m putting aside my speculation that he’s hard up for health insurance.

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What’s in your shredder?

After you read this, probably your Capital One credit card:

Credit card issuer Capital One isn’t shy about getting into customers’ faces. The company recently sent a contract update to cardholders that makes clear it can drop by any time it pleases.

The update specifies that “we may contact you in any manner we choose” and that such contacts can include calls, emails, texts, faxes or a “personal visit.”

It gets worse:

The company’s contract update also includes this little road apple:

“We may modify or suppress caller ID and similar services and identify ourselves on these services in any manner we choose.”

Now that’s just freaky. Cap One is saying it can trick you into picking up the phone by using what looks like a local number or masquerading as something it’s not, such as Save the Puppies or a similarly friendly-seeming bogus organization.

“Why, yes, we are fundamentally dishonest. What are you going to do about it?”

Not a thing, except of course never to do even a dollar’s worth of business with you ever again, and I don’t care if you offer me zero percent APR in perpetuity and Zooey Deschanel’s cell number besides.

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In dire need of feck

And possibly also some gorm:

[T]he level of fecklessness (or perhaps gormlessness, or perhaps both) that I have encountered in certain people recently leaves me shaking my head. How do people who behave like that manage to function, to hold down a job, not eat those little silica packets that say DO NOT EAT on them? Is it just that enough people just do “cleanup on aisle five” and fix things for them? (And I admit, I do that more than I probably should. But sometimes I prefer to put myself out and have things around me generally running smoothly than have someone else’s inability to manage their own life derail everything around them — as much as they probably need to experience the consequences of such.)

This is largely because there are no longer any penalties for stupidity: the species has “advanced” (yeah, right) to the extent that it can afford to indulge its least-productive members. The gormless of today are the Eloi of tomorrow.

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Attaining a grasp of the obvious

Admittedly, some of us are better at it than others:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: I'm buying a 94 geo prizm but it don't have a starter do that mean it wont start?

Perhaps he should ask the ever-lovin’ 8-ball.

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Maintaining the escape vehicle

You’ve heard of drama queens? Here’s a jack, or maybe the nine of clubs:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Is it possible to flee from a cop chasing you if you overfill your windshield washer fluid box?

No, he says he’s serious:

I do not have any coolant nor oil. All I have is windshield washer fluid. Will I be able to get away long before my vehicle stalls on me?

I only had a few dollars so I had to buy windshield washer fluid and fill it up before my engine overheats.

I did not have enough money to buy all 3 fluids, so I made sure that I bought windshield washer fluid because I had none because it was empty.

Would I be able to elude 200 miles off into the distance as long as my windshield washer fluid box if full?

And in case you missed it the first time:

ONCE AGAIN, MY WINDSHIELD WASHER FLUID BOX WAS EMPTY AND I HAD TO REFILL IT IMMEDIATELY AND I ONLY HAD A LITTLE BIT OF MONEY, SO THEREFORE, I WAS NOT ABLE TO GET COOLANT NOR OIL BECAUSE OF IT!!!

Based on your reading of the above, how much Thorazine does this guy need?

  1. 10 mg.
  2. 20 mg.
  3. 40 mg.
  4. 80 mg.
  5. Enough to turn his brain pan into a wok.

Yeah, I know; that’s just the way they troll. I live in the hope that these people can get, if not the help they need, at least the hardware failures we’d appreciate.

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The discreet elite

Jack Baruth explains why Woody Allen and Roman Polanski had to get away with it, and it’s not “male privilege” or “rape culture” or any of that yammer:

Had young men made the allegations, the reaction would have been the same.

No, the reason everyone winks at Roman Polanski anally raping a thirteen-year-old girl or Woody Allen forcing a seven-year-old child into a closet is simple: society, as a whole, has decided that the souls of the abusers are bigger, and more vibrant, and more important than those of the victims. After all, Polanski directed the admittedly brilliant Chinatown. What had that girl ever done for anyone? And Woody Allen made all sorts of films that, if they perhaps fell flat in flyover country, resonated deeply with our privileged coastal overlords. Measured next to those brilliant pictures, who cares about Dylan Farrow’s vagina and what’s been in it?

And as you may remember, Polanski’s defenders became quite irate at the cavalier treatment of Their Hero by mere governments, and the repeated references to his victim bit o’ fun:

What’s the big deal? She should be grateful; it could have been Michael Bay or someone without talent.

It has always been thus, with every elite ever established since the Neanderthals began to select on the basis of, well, anything: privilege has its perks, and if you complain about that, you just don’t understand how the world works.

This is, not incidentally, why the current Republican establishment is so utterly devoid of feck: they’re convinced that if they can spout the right platitudes, they too can drive women off bridges in the dead of night and be lionized for it.

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Man with a grudge

Either that, or he has delusions of Christie-hood and just likes the idea of closed lanes:

For the second time, Phillip DeClemente has forced authorities to shut lanes on the Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge because of his threatening behavior, officials said Saturday.

Late Friday night, DeClemente was taken into custody after police closed the bridge’s northbound lanes for more than an hour.

Let’s see. What can we learn from DeClemente’s first time?

In the 2012 incident, DeClemente was arrested after he parked his SUV sideways on the bridge, blocking traffic, and contemplated killing himself, police said. On the Lexus’ windows, DeClemente painted the words “Stay Away,” “Back Off” and “Game Over.” Inside the car, he had a smoke grenade and two cans of pepper spray, police said.

Police closed the bridge and eventually talked him into surrendering. DeClemente spent 30 days in the Medical University of South Carolina psychiatric unit.

After being discharged from the hospital, DeClemente told The Post and Courier that he wasn’t suicidal, didn’t have a bomb and had no plans to harm the bridge. He said he was trying to expose what he described as a smear campaign against him and ongoing harassment by police and private investigators.

I refuse to believe that this guy doesn’t have his own blog.

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Every pirate on earth rolled into one

Is there any rationalization this guy might have missed?

Soooooo… I’m looking for the best way to download torrents I keep getting those pesky letters from Verizon saying that we have been involved in piracy. so they slow down our network speeds and I have had so many at this point they could possibly kick us off of their service permanently… and I really enjoy Verizons services.. I hate buying music just generally because It always ends up getting deleted at some point in the future via computer crash or having to restore a computer or internal/external hard drives becoming corrupt then I have to buy the stuff all over again.. and some albums you cant find unless you torrent them. so bottom line is I need the best way to hide my IP address. be it a proxy of some sort or whatever is best. but it MUST BE FULL PROOF!!!! I use vuze. and I have good antivirus and anti spyware programs so Im not concerned about getting bugs.

Oh, and musicians never, ever object to being ripped off:

Music isnt about money. It should never be about money.. music is art and expression and reaching out to people via that art or expression I didnt ask for your two cents on How what I am doing is wrong If I were an artist I wouldnt give two craps if people downloaded my music illegally as long as people were listening to it and getting something out of it. music is about changing lives and for enjoyment go listen to some immortal technique. He verbally expresses he would boot his own music to reach listeners… Also these people make millions on tours and gear that they sell. I doubt its gonna effect their sails that much if I download some of their music illegally

Since there’s basically no chance this yutz is living on his own and paying his own bills, I’m envisioning a scene in which his mom confiscates his computer:

“Where are you going with that?”

“Just reaching out to people and changing some lives. Surely you can’t object to that.”

And the door closes.

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Fast and frivolous

This may have all the plausibility of the Penthouse Forum, but trust me, this really came from Yahoo (now with no exclamation point!) Answers:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Where can i buy a powerful clutch for an R34 Skyline in the US?

Continuing:

I was in my R34 last night on a long back road going for a top speed run and see how fast my car can go and see how far i can jump the bridge at the end of the road, so i was a mile from the bridge and i was going 205 MPH and it was in 6th gear and i had the Nitrous activated, after i got the nos blasted i jumped the bridge about 30 yards but when i landed, i heard a loud crash and i immediately started shifting down, i got out and there was smoke everywhere and my heart was pounding, i thought i blew the motor but i looked under the car and saw that i blew the clutch out, its a Fluke racing clutch that can handle the power my car has but since its out, i need a new one, where can i get a clutch for an R34 Skyline in the US?

How many actual R34s are there in the States? Pretty damned few.

An actual Nissan tech responded as politely as he could without going into guffaws.

And if the clutch could handle that much power, wouldn’t it still be there?

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Make him put a ring on it

This may not be a new scheme, exactly, but it’s not something I was expecting in the 21st century either:

The wondrous part, of course, is the standard Craigslist “Avoid fraud, deal locally” footnote.

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The shiftless mind at work

Something — all right, everything — tells me that she didn’t think this all the way through:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: When it comes to the Infiniti g35 coupe, is manual better than automatic?

“Better”?

And furthermore:

I don’t want opinions. I want facts, please.

I gave her a by-God fact, you may be sure.

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Sterility ensues

I am actually a fan of universal contraception, not so much because I think Sandra Fluke deserves a ride now and then, but because some people simply don’t have any business reproducing, and this, assuming she actually exists, is definitely one of them:

Boys should not be breastfed because feminism

Then again, I could be unnecessarily alarmist here: what the hell kind of self-respecting male would allow his seed in the same room as this person, let alone sow it there? I concede that there are males who lack self-respect and will consider themselves fortunate to be allowed on the premises, but this is the exact point where Ouroboros gets his first lick of tail.

(First seen here.)

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Cast into the wilderness

Once upon a time, the great digital god Google smote me with the back of its algorithmic hand; I had to mend my ways and atone for my wickedness before I would be readmitted to Google’s good graces, a process which ultimately required me to hire the services of a white-hat malware consultant, my own mad skillz being insufficient to the task.

But that’s Google: it knows the quality of mercy, even if it’s difficult to entreat them to extend it to someone. Lesser entities have their own methods of persuasion:

The McAfee Site Advisor website claims, about NaturalNews.com, “We tested it and found security risks. Beware.”

These claims by McAfee are utterly false and highly defamatory. By spreading this information through its downloadable browser tools, McAfee is severely harming the reputation and web traffic of Natural News while misleading potentially millions of users about a website that they find to be highly informative, reputable and completely free of security risks.

UPDATE: McAfee contacted us and explained that if we paid them $38,000, they would certify our website and “take care” of the red reputation rankings. In a second conversation, they told us that if we made the decision to go with them TODAY, they would reduce the fee to just $32,000. Feeling forced into having our website reputation destroyed if we did not pay, we paid McAfee $32,000, which we consider an “extortion fee.” Magically, within minutes, all the red flags on our website were lifted and Natural News is no longer being blocked by McAfee. This cost us $32,000!!!

“We tested it” seems arguable:

Site Advisor’s scores are derived from users who sign up to be “site reviewers.” The ratings from these “site reviewers” are then TRUSTED by McAfee to be accurate, regardless of whether they are accurate or not.

This faulty reputation structure allows gangs of online paid trolls (so-called “anti-P.R. companies”) to game the system and coordinate a campaign of submitting negative ratings for any targeted website (such as Natural News).

I need hardly point out that if there’s one thing trolls like better than trolling, it’s getting paid for trolling.

They haven’t sent Maggie a bill yet, but they’ve blacklisted her on the flimsiest of “evidence”:

[T]he warning on Site Advisor about Maggie’s Notebook points to Blogads as my problem, and to be clear, Blogads is not the problem, and because of McAfee, Blogads has not been on my site for months. BUT here’s the story: McAfee says they “haven’t tested it [Blogads] yet,” and by their own admission they “don’t have enough information,” but flagged me anyway. Many, many sites use Blogads as an advertising source. They are completely reputable.

If nothing else, this shows you how often they update their “information.”

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And no black interiors, either

Now this question, in and of itself, doesn’t necessarily imply anything racist:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Cadillac, BMW or Mercedes? (Asian brands do not count)

Until you read what comes next:

This question is only for traditional white people to answer. Not interested in the China-man’s Lexus or cheap wanna-be-Mercedes brands like Audi. The real question is — Cadillac or Mercedes? I think Cadillacs will last significantly longer than Mercedes — assuming it receives proper care and maintenence.

Not being a traditional white person, I gave him just the hint of a flame.

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You misspelled “degraded”

Not that you’d notice, of course:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: What are key words to use when trying to find cars with upgraded rims?

Continuation:

I am trying to search for vehicles on many different websites, that have upgraded rims. Not anything to do with the suspension though I am looking for a dodge charger, for example words such as bagged, low profile, and donk would work but are not professional. I have used the word upgraded but it doesn’t seem to find much. I am using auto trader the most but what are some other words?

A hundred pounds of extra weight, deteriorating chassis performance, and blithering bad taste. Yeah, that’s an “upgrade” all right. And “professional”? It is to laugh.

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Appeal may not be successful

As fraud cases go, this one is not particularly slick:

One night in early August, Maurice Owens was riding an elevator at the Potomac Avenue Metro station when, he says, he slipped on a banana peel as he was getting off, injuring his hip and leg. The District Heights man sued the transit agency for $15,000 — in part to cover $4,500 in chiropractor bills.

Problem is, the whole incident was caught on tape — and the tape showed something different. The claim against Metro was thrown out, and Owens, 42, ended up being charged with second-degree fraud, a felony.

What’s on the video? Pretty much what you’d expect:

Near the end of the video, as the elevator doors open, Owens can be seen flipping something onto the floor behind him. According to a Metro Transit Police report “this object was later identified as a banana peel.”

In a dramatic gesture, Owens falls to the ground — half his body inside the elevator, half outside.

With those mad flopping skillz, Owens might as well try out for the Washington Wizards, or at least the Generals.

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Strewn about

In 1937, Sylvan Goldman invented the shopping cart, which someone probably left in the parking lot:

For many years I have used every platform and every tool at my disposal to fight against the terrorists who leave their shopping carts chaotically strewn about the surface of the Earth. Every time I drive into a supermarket parking lot these days it looks like 9,000 people were raptured into heaven right as they put their last grocery bag in the trunk. Or maybe they’re all bomb technicians and they had to go diffuse explosives somewhere. Or maybe they’re Batman. Yes, maybe they saw the Bat Signal and had to go find the Penguin and foil another of his dastardly plots. They must be SOMETHING important if they couldn’t carve out the requisite half-minute to shuttle those cart back from whence they came.

Or, or, or maybe they’re just lazy.

There are exactly two ways to deal with this. One of them is used by the German discount chain Aldi: charge you a nominal sum for the cart, which is refunded when you return it to the proper location.

The other is a bit harder to pull off: it requires (1) a store with a marginal cart supply and (2) a weekend when EBT cards and such are recharged. If there are no carts waiting at the door, people can, and occasionally will, fetch them from the lot themselves. (Hard as this may be to believe, I have actually seen it happen.)

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But privacy!

Like the Postal Service is going to deliver to someone named, oh, how about “herbtarlekxoxo11″:

I recently bought something off eBay. Will the package have my name (on my account) or my eBay username? Does the buyer have access to my real name?

Um, aren’t you the buyer?

If you insist on leaving no trail, go to the farking thrift shop like everyone else. And pay cash.

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@[unperson]

Oh, we’re taking away your soapbox, too:

A suburban Philadelphia woman has been banned from using Twitter as part of her sentence for a stalking conviction.

Montgomery County Judge William Carpenter barred 34-year-old Sadiyyah Young of Pottstown from tweeting for at least five years.

Authorities say Young used derogatory and harassing tweets against people involved in a custody case regarding her children, including a judge who ruled against her, lawyers, social workers and foster parents.

And this didn’t get her suspended?

Young pleaded guilty Wednesday to misdemeanor charges of stalking, forgery, and identity theft. She also was sentenced to 11½ months to 23 months in jail and three years’ probation.

Oh. Identity theft. She probably got suspended and appropriated someone else’s username. There is, I regret to say, precedent for this sort of thing.

(Via Robert Stacy McCain.)

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There’s one in every rush hour

Why is this annoying bint always right in front of you at Bob’s Burger Barn?

“What’s wrong with you people?! I just sat in the drive thru for ten minutes and now I have to come in here because you guys can’t understand f*cking English! I ordered this burger with NO ketchup but of course I get it with gobs of ketchup. Unbelievable. This happens every f*cking time!”

Wait, it’s unbelievable yet it happens every time? Hmmm. And your ketchup specifications are this important to you, yet you continually come to the one place in town that apparently has a ketchup obsession? There are literally 6 other fast food joints within a 2 mile radius, but here you are at the one place that screws up your order “every f*cking time.” Interesting. Logical thinking isn’t exactly your forte, is it?

Of course not. She doesn’t give a ruddy rat’s rear about the burger or the ketchup; she just wants you to know how superior she is.

“No, I don’t want a new burger. Give me your name and the number to corporate. I’m sick of this sh*t. Give me my money back and the number to your corporate office! Why can’t I ever f*cking get good customer service?!”

Because you don’t deserve it. At the moment, you’re lucky you’re not staring at point-blank range into the bottom of the fry vat.

Next time, order it with no mayo. You’ll be much happier, and the counters will be much quieter.

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Scammer resents scammage

Truly, it is to laugh:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Has anybody used the site in-i-d.com to buy a fake id?

He continues:

I am looking around trying to buy a fake id, but I want to be sure the site i get it from is not a scam. This site seems the most legit to me. But if anybody has bought an id from a site online and it worked, let me know where from. Thanks!!

This is almost on par with a burglar taking a prybar back to Sears to get his money back under the Craftsman warranty.

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