It was all I could do to keep from spewing BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! all over the answer box:
Thieves complaining about the merchandise they stole. Sheesh.
As we say in CL: CALL CURLIB/GALL *MITIGATE=NO.
It was all I could do to keep from spewing BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! all over the answer box:
Thieves complaining about the merchandise they stole. Sheesh.
As we say in CL: CALL CURLIB/GALL *MITIGATE=NO.
Billionaire Jeff Greene, who amassed a multibillion dollar fortune betting against subprime mortgage securities, says the U.S. faces a jobs crisis that will cause social unrest and radical politics.
“America’s lifestyle expectations are far too high and need to be adjusted so we have less things and a smaller, better existence,” Greene said in an interview [Wednesday] at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. “We need to reinvent our whole system of life.”
And by “we,” he means “you,” but not himself or the other jerks in the Davos circle:
Greene, who flew his wife, children and two nannies on a private jet plane to Davos for the week, said he’s planning a conference in Palm Beach, Florida, at the Tideline Hotel called “Closing the Gap.”
Perhaps “Closing the Yap” would be more apropos.
(Via Lachlan Markay.)
The Oklahoma City Police Department has fired an officer accused of rape and other misconduct last year.
Daniel Holtzclaw was arrested in 2014 in the parking lot of Gold’s Gym in northwest Oklahoma City… Police say Holtzclaw stopped women, threatened them and made them expose themselves and perform sexual acts. He pleaded not guilty to 36 counts of sexual assault.
One alleged victim was a 44-year-old woman who says Holtzclaw pulled up next to her, found a crack pipe, and told her “you know you could go to jail.” She says Holtzclaw then forced her to perform oral sex.
The Department has made public the letter dismissing Holtzclaw [pdf], which contains this statement by Chief Bill Citty:
Your offenses against women in this community constitute the greatest abuse of police authority I have witnessed in my 37 years as a member of this agency.
And then sew up the cover so he can’t escape easily:
He compounds the atrocity:
24 inch rims on my 2011 impala with no lift or cutting ? Is it possible
Now you know my particular bias: I think anyone who calls ‘em “rims” ought to be buried clavicle-deep in the Alaskan tundra. But one of the answerers dealt this guy a solid, good enough to pass along here:
No, it just needs a hefty dose of good taste and some common sense to realize that even if it could be done, DOING THAT IS RETARDED. Why on Earth would you RUIN the ride comfort, resale value, handling, durability, gas mileage, and acceleration??? Take the drug money you would have spent on the dum-dum wagon wheels and set fire to it so you’re not tempted.
I don’t think I could have said it better myself.
A couple years ago, a friend of mine went to a nude beach for the first time. She thought it was wonderful, though she suspected one chap a few yards down the beach of being something of a perv.
In fact, the clothing-free community is not overly fond of pervs, or visiting pervs anyway:
Angry nudists chased down and surrounded a man they believed was secretly filming them in a naked citizens’ arrest at Adelaide’s Maslin Beach.
Police were called to the iconic nudist beach, south of Adelaide, after naked beachgoers chased down the man who was allegedly using a hidden camera concealed inside a blue esky.
George, who has been bathing unclad at Maslin Beach for the past eight years, said he was hanging out with friends on Sunday, December 21, when they noticed the man positioning his esky towards a couple.
“A couple of my friends noticed this guy rearranging his esky and one of them said ‘are there holes in the esky’ … one woman walked past and saw a video camera set up inside,” he said. “It had this wooden setup inside where he could put this little handicam and it had three or four holes where he could position this wooden frame and put the camera inside to line up with the hole.”
Now that’s pervy. Pervacious, even. (An esky, a genericized Australian brand, is one of those large rectangular picnic coolers.)
What could this fellow be wanting? To George, it was at least somewhat obvious:
“A few people have seen him before and one couple said that he had been known to upload film to a website, so it’s not just for his personal use apparently,” he said. “It’s on a website that you need a credit card to access — I’m not going to pay $30 just to see if my own arse is on there.”
Police paid the man a visit, but were unable to determine whether he was in fact photographing nudists, and let him go with a warning.
Dear idiot who hacked my Amtrak account and tried to order Staples gift cards with my points: I know where you live. pic.twitter.com/4S8ko1oSu9
— Josh Barro (@jbarro) December 24, 2014
And now, so does the whole world.
Is there a good reason why this guy shouldn’t be taken out behind the woodshed and put out of his misery?
I am pinging a website to crash it, not a big website. But a small one. I opened 4 CMD windows using a batch file then sent a ping request like this: ping [IP ADDRESS] -t -l 65500
It is sending and responding. It has been 15 minutes and it seems to me like the site has not crashed yet. It is working fine with the same speed. The time ranges between 64ms and 167ms, and it is very random. Do I have to wait longer, can someone teach me another way to crash this website (my friends website). How long will it take, Help! Lol!
A ping constitutes a whole 32 bytes; it’s going to take a whole lot more than 2,620,000 pings (8.3 MB) to bring down his soon-to-be-ex-friend’s website.
I suggest we dig up his IP address and turn it over to the North Koreans.
A fired communications director for Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-Tex.) is suing the congressman’s office for creating an uncomfortable work environment, including allegations that he made sexual comments to and about her.
Lauren Greene, who worked for Farenthold from February 2013 through her termination in July 2014, cited a number of grievances in a lawsuit filed with the U.S. District Court here on Friday.
In her complaint, Greene alleges that Farenthold “regularly drank to excess, and because of his tendency to flirt, the staffers who accompanied him to Capitol Hill functions would joke that they had to be on ‘red head patrol’ to keep him out of trouble.”
Farenthold, 53, represents District 27, in and around Corpus Christi. This is not the first time eyebrows have been raised at the mention of his name: in 2010, Farenthold was photographed in “ducky pajamas” in the presence of some scantily-clad females, and more recently someone noticed that he owns the domain blow-me.org.
Because he’s not paying attention to where he’s going:
Why would anyone want to know this, you ask?
Trying to do a bypass so I can watch dvd while driving
Look around for a bridge abutment with a GMC nosepiece embedded about, oh, this deep.
A young woman wrote a satirical limerick about Michael Brown, at least slightly tasteless and definitely weak in the scansion department. Unsurprisingly, some people found something wrong with that, and are threatening her because hey, social justice, otherwise known as “Freedom for me, but not for thee.”
The only truly satisfactory solution to this would be for the whole sorry lot of them to be rocketed into the Sun, though I suspect the Sun would complain briefly along the lines of “Well, there goes the neighborhood.”
Reminder: Social justice is to justice what social disease is to disease.
I have lots of inexplicable stuff, but nothing in this league, to be sure:
An iron gate with the infamous sign “Arbeit macht frei” (“Work will set you free”) at the former Nazi concentration camp at Dachau in Bavaria has been stolen, police said [last] Sunday.
The theft of the historic wrought iron gate, which measures two metres by one metre, apparently happened overnight, police said in a statement.
The site has no surveillance system, but is monitored by security guards and the theft apparently took place between their rounds of the camp, said police, who have appealed for any possible witnesses.
Chancellor Angela Merkel called on Tuesday for thieves of a gate to the former Nazi concentration camp at Dachau to be swiftly brought to justice, as she received an award from Holocaust survivors… “All the more appalling… are acts like the theft of the gate of this concentration camp memorial,” she said. “I hope that those who did that are caught quickly and held to account.”
Unnamed neo-Nazis seem to be on the police list of Expected Perps.
Low — but not unprecedented — aspirations:
There is, of course, a motivation for this:
Im ******* sick and tired of being dirt poor, how do I sell drugs? IM NOT ASKING THIS FOR YOU TO TELL ME NOT TO, IM VERY AWARE OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF SELLING DRUGS. AND THIS IS MY ******* CHOICE. So please take your scared of the police and getting into trouble, BULLSHIT elsewhere, unless you have some USEFUL ******* advice for ****’s sake.
Hey, it’s your funeral, pal. Amateurs don’t stand a chance against the pros.
Once they start getting into “rights,” my eyes glaze over:
I like to play music out loud in my dorm,but my roomate say its annoying and noisy,and he want me to put on earphones.What i always play are my favorate songs, definitely not noise,and i always play them when he is not sleeping,how can that annoy him?Everyone knows listening music through earphones is bad for hearing ability,how dare he ask me to do that?
I think what he has done is a violation to my right! But he deny my right!
Evidently someone has denied him access to a Remedial English class.
A convicted rapist who won almost £5 million on the Lottery is planning to build a 30-bedroom hotel next to one of Britain’s busiest motorways.
Edward Putman, 47, who was jailed for breaking into a house and twice raping a 17-year-old girl, submitted an official planning notice for a budget motel at the site in Kings Langley, Hertfordshire.
His plans, which were refused by Three Rivers Council last month, include demolishing the £600,000 house and outbuildings he bought with his lottery winnings and converting them into a hotel off the M25.
This is not to say, mind you, that his newfound wealth has made him a Better Man. Quite the contrary:
He had intended to keep his win a secret by requesting anonymity from National Lottery operators Camelot, who were unaware of his previous convictions.
But his past came to light when it was revealed that he had carried on claiming £15,000 in income support and housing benefits following the win… He admitted two counts of benefit fraud and was sentenced to nine months in prison in 2012.
The Fark headline on this story: “You know what’s worse than a convicted sex offender who just won $10 million in the lottery? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
And as always, there was some joker taking it too literally:
A Florida man today took a stuffed animal off a Walmart shelf and then used the toy to masturbate before returning the ejaculate-covered item to a store shelf, police report.
The repulsive episode occurred around 3 PM at a Walmart in Brooksville, a city 50 miles north of Tampa.
According to a police report, Sean Johnson, 19, “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf in the garden department.” He then went to the comforter aisle in the housewares section, “proceeded to pull out his genitals,” and “proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements.” The lewd act was captured by surveillance cameras.
The jerkoff was released after posting $1500 bond. I do hope he wasn’t carrying cash.
Did you see any graffiti in Ponyville? In Canterlot? In Manehattan, for Luna’s sake? So why would you want to see it in Butte, Montana?
Someone tagged a Butte neighborhood with not only the names but the words “My Little Pony.”
It’s unknown at this time if it’s a gang of tweens or a group of “Bronies,” adult men who love the cartoon and toys.
Given the vast quantity of hatred for bronies out there, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that this was the work of self-described brony enemies, trying to embarrass (or worse) the local pony fans.
Police received reports starting Saturday morning of the cartoon names scrawled on a vehicle, fences and garage doors. The majority of graffiti was found on Keokuk and Hancock streets. About six sites were hit.
The monetary damage will depend if the black and white spray paint washes off, police said.
Well, there you go. A genuine fan of My Little Pony would have come up with show-accurate colors for each and every mention.
(Michelle Malkin saw this before I did.)
Most of us, at one time or another, will encounter someone who is Clearly Inferior, and we won’t say a word because, well, we’re just not that way.
Which is a shame, because being that way leaves open the possibility of a denunciation like this:
Let me tell you why. I’m not in WalMars wearing what looks like a drag-queen’s best curtains turned into yoga pants and basted with neon. I’m not testing the tensile strength of those pants by sausaging a 10 pound rump roast into a 2 pound sack. I’m not wearing a t-shirt with what I can only imagine are strategically placed holes designed to let all eligible males know you are open for business and your nipples, even though they’re at approximate knee level, are fantastic as far as you and your pimp go. I don’t smell like I rolled in a puddle made of wet dog and Old Thunderholt and then sprinkled my seven-acre cleavage with glitter and cheap cigarillo ashes. I speak normal, understandable English. I haven’t spent my entire net worth on acrylic talons the length of Godzilla’s dick so I have to try to con the cashier into letting me get my generic cigarettes on the food stamp card. But you know the main reason, the absolute main reason I’m better than you?
I’m not you. Put that in your crack pipe, which I see sticking out of your oversized, stuffed with thongs you just shoplifted, purse, and smoke it.
Invertebrates like me will simply shop somewhere else and pay the extra $6.19 a week.
This is very nice, but it’s not what we’re really looking for. Being blood-thirsty American Imperialist running-dogs (to use our full third world title), we want to hear something more like “DEATH TO ISIS” or “KILL ALL THE JIHADISTS”. Oh wait, that’s kind of what being a Jihadist is all about isn’t it? How do you tell the good Jihadists from the bad Jihadists? Especially when the only good Jihadist is a dead one? So I can sort of see why they went with their milder slogan.
Wasn’t “imperialist running dogs” more of a Maoist sort of denunciation? Although I can see why jihadi might like it, given their avowed dislike of canines, running or otherwise.
You know, if they’re going to eat it themselves, it’s no loss to anyone. But just in case:
Investigators in Liechtenstein are probing the theft of 1.3 tonnes of cheese that was set to be destroyed because it contained dangerous bacteria, according to a report from the Swiss news agency ATS.
The country’s food inspection office is concerned the bad cheese will be sold either directly or indirectly, posing a health risk to anyone who consumes it, ATS reported on Tuesday.
And this is seriously bad cheese:
The problem is the “Alp Sücka” cheese was found to be contaminated with Listeria monocytogenes, a bacterium that causes listeriosis, a potentially deadly infection.
Word to all you sückahs in the Alps: steer clear of this Deadly Cheese.
You may have heard the term “special snowflake” before. Here’s a particularly flaky example:
Speaking for the defense:
First, I am “spoiled” but if you’re going to comment that I am you’re wasting your time because believe me, I know I am.
Okay so I drive a 15 year old POS that doesn’t even start all the time. It’s a crappy Nissan SUV that’s in an ugly girly color. The inside is crappy and I feel embarrassed driving my gf or even my friends in there because it is so filthy. It’s almost disrespectful to my passengers and I try to clean it but you can’t get out decade old stains and smells. At my HS, kids drive NEW BMW 4 series coupes, Mercedes Benz, even Porsches I know 4 girls who drive 911s. Like everyone in my town, including my family, is very wealthy. We live in the wealthiest county in Florida. Kids get dropped off at school in Teslas, limos, and their nanny’s range rovers. And I don’t get why my parents can’t just buy me a 15k BMW!? Like my wrist watch is probably worth more than my car. It is so frustrating. My best friend drives a new Mercedes c250 and my other friend has a 2012 5 series. It is just annoying af and I feel self conscious because they have plenty of money to buy me a used car. That would be like your parents saying they don’t have $2 for a vending machine water when they obviously do. I have a job, but it’s an internship at a real estate office and there’s no way in hell I can afford a car making minimum wage. What should I do
This is how your parents got rich: not buying you crap.
Only one question left: does he run for Congress in ’26, or wait until ’28?
Or one very much like him, because there are a heck of a lot of guys like this:
30 years ago, I was in my boss’ office talking shop with him. The door was open, and it was the day annual reviews were implemented and raises first showed up on paychecks.
One young lower-level manager, upset with the size of his increase, stormed into the office, ignoring me, slapped his paycheck down on the boss’ desk, and exclaimed, “This is an insult! When are you going to pay me what I’m worth?”
Without batting an eye, the boss slid his check back over towards the young chap and said, “I’d love to, son, but there is the minimum wage law to consider.”
In fact, I’ve seen some people who should have been billed for the work they did.
I admit to a certain difficulty trying to determine a motive here:
Imagine going to Walmart only to find that what you need is off the shelf. Not because it’s out of stock, but because it’s been soaked with doe urine.
Arrest and booking reports show that the damage amounted to more than $2,500.
I mean, who carries this stuff around? Besides deer, I mean, and they get rid of it as quickly as they can.
Police said Cody Hudson, 18, and Jon Ohlman, 24, sprayed doe urine on toys, fabrics and shoes inside the Walmart near East 96th Street North and Highway 169 in Owasso.
I’m guessing the culprits, nabbed right across the street, were not exactly fawned over.
There are times when you just can’t resist rubbing it in:
A 40-year-old woman tackled a 20-year-old man fleeing from police in Washington state, then taunted him about being taken down by a grandmother.
Richland police Capt. Mike Cobb tells the Tri-City Herald that Becky Powell was driving by Wednesday when she saw the man run from officers. She told her husband to speed ahead of the fleeing man, and got out to confront him.
Powell says the man tried to stiff-arm her, but she felled him, pulling down his shorts in the process.
She says she got help pinning the man down and asked him how it felt to be taken down by a mother of five and a grandmother of three.
An officer on the scene gave Powell a high-five, but higher-ups later issued the usual “Don’t help us” warning: “We appreciate the assistance, but we don’t want to have people get involved because they can get hurt.”
Don’t wait for it to happen on its own, either:
Taste considerations require this go below the jump:
Sometimes they even admit it:
Definition of “a little”:
There were some really nice Braeburn apples but they were $3.99/lb, I refuse to pay more than $1.99/lb for any fruit except berries. So at the self-checkout I punched the button for Red Delicious apples which are $1.69. Am I a horrible person or does pretty much everyone cheat once in a while?
No, you’re a horrible person. And a couple of years from now, when you’re whining about waiting tables and being stiffed on a tip, you might want to remember this little incident.
(Title via She & Him.)
The 2009 “underpants bomb” plot failed because the terrorist had been wearing his explosive-laden undergarments for more than two weeks and soiled the explosives, a senior US official said.
Umar Abdulmutallab sent shockwaves through US intelligence when he successfully smuggled a bomb onto a Detroit-bound airliner on Christmas day three years ago. The British-educated Nigerian was able to light the bomb but it failed to explode, causing minor burns to the would-be bomber but sparing his fellow passengers.
John Pistole, the head of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), said on Thursday that the bomb did not detonate because Abdulmutallab had been wearing the same underwear for more than two weeks.
I am deeply impressed that Mr Pistole managed to say this without actual giggle fits:
Asked by his interviewer whether the bomb’s fuse had become “damp” from two weeks of wear, Mr Pistole said: “Let’s say it was degraded. We’re getting kind of personal now.”
Umar must be one of those “moderates” we’ve been hearing so much about.
(Via Tim Blair.)
A man who’s in jail for several robberies including an attempted robbery at a pizza restaurant in Delaware is now suing police and several employees of that eatery for $260,000, claiming they were unnecessarily rough in subduing him.
Back in 2010, the then 19-year-old man forced his way into the restaurant through the back door with a gun. Several employees tussled with him as they tried to get the gun away from him, tackling him to the ground, reports The News Journal (warning: link has video that autoplays).
Punchline’s on the way, don’t worry.
According to his lawsuit, after he displayed a gun and a delivery driver handed him $140, he started to make his way forward into the restaurant. Another worker grabbed him from behind while someone else wrested the gun from him, which is when it went off.
“That is when the assault began,” he says in the lawsuit. “All of the [redacted] employees participated in punching, kicking and pouring hot soup over my body. I was unarmed and defenseless and had to suffer a brutal beating by all of the employees.”
“Unarmed and defenseless,” says the guy who brought a gun with him and couldn’t keep it. Then again, after pleading guilty, he also said this:
Shortly after entering his plea, [he] attempted to withdraw it claiming in a motion that he had not taken his medication that day… he should be allowed to take back his plea because, “I’m not good at making good choices.”
Dear Mr. Darwin: Couldn’t you have somehow contrived to have this bozo “accidentally” fall into a pizza oven?
First, the question:
Then, the excuses:
Okay, I know it was rude but I called my professor lazy. And there isn’t an excuse for it. I know, okay? I feel bad about it. My sister has has had cancer for three years and we just found out last week that the cancer is stage 4, metastatic, and spread to her brain, liver, and lungs.
I was so mad at the world last week and I was frustrated because we have two weeks left of class and the professor still didn’t tell us our grades, so I posted on ratemyprofessors a review and I said he’s lazy, and don’t take him. That’s honestly the only thing I said.
Then in class, the professor told us all he was hurt by it, and even the website deleted it because it was “so mean”. Then he gave us back our midterm, and I was the only one who didn’t get mine back? He said he left it with the other class’s stack. I’m pretty sure he knows it was me, but how? I don’t have a username on the website, I reviewed as a guest, and I only said one sentence.
So my question is, did the website violate my Constitutional rights by giving out my IP address and location to a professor? The Constitution states that everyone has the right to free speech without the use of “fight words”. I’m pretty sure calling someone else “lazy” isn’t a fight word, or else hundreds of millions of people would be in jail right now.
I’m thinking that this individual got shitty grades; if she thinks that that’s what the Constitution says, it’s a safe bet her mastery of the subject she’s studying is just as questionable, if not more so.
Peter Grant, aka Bayou Renaissance Man, has written five books — the Maxwell Saga trilogy, the first book of the Laredo Wars series, and a memoir of his days as a prison chaplain. This puts him at least four point something up on the likes of, well, me. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t post a review, but whatever the circumstances, I shouldn’t post a review as shoddy as this:
Comparing this atrocity to the work of Heinlien [sic] is like comparing festering garbage to a meal at a Michelin Star restaurant.
Without a doubt, the worst book I have ever attempted to read. The narrative has all the skill of a seventh grader writing about their summer vacation. I am offended that anyone had the gall to charge actual money for this pig slop. It was so wretched that I gave up on it after the second chapter. Do yourself a gargantuan favor and do not buy this trash masquerading as literature.
I have a pretty good idea who wrote that review. If I (and others) are right, it’s someone who’s been identified as a troll by several other authors of my acquaintance, some of whom instantly remarked (when they learned about the review) that it has all the hallmarks of his grammar, vocabulary and phraseology. I don’t know for sure, but I thought most of you would find it as entertaining as I did.
I’ve always had this weird idea that if you’re going to act superior to someone, at some point you need to demonstrate some capacity for superiority. The troll isn’t born who could actually do that.
“Vladimir Nabokov. Human writer from the last century. Best known for a smug little tale of foalcon.” He coughed on that last word. “Bastard was probably in love with her, too.”
“Let’s just say she wasn’t on her way to earning her cutie mark, and leave it at that.”
That may have been the whole point for that bastard Humbert, who’d managed to convince himself — and maybe the girl — that there was something sweet and natural about their perverse relationship. It certainly fits with this guy’s worldview:
Ken Plummer is emeritus professor of sociology at Essex University, where he has an office and teaches courses, the most recent scheduled for last month. “The isolation, secrecy, guilt and anguish of many paedophiles,” he wrote in [1981’s] Perspectives on Paedophilia, “are not intrinsic to the phenomen[on] but are derived from the extreme social repression placed on minorities …”
“Help, help, I’m being repressed!”
“Paedophiles are told they are the seducers and rapists of children; they know their experiences are often loving and tender ones. They are told that children are pure and innocent, devoid of sexuality; they know both from their own experiences of childhood and from the children they meet that this is not the case.”
“Hey, they’re already despoiled. Fair game, you know what I mean?”
Actually, I think I do. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like what I think about it.
This is not, I hasten to add, a matter of universal agreement among the general run of tweedy academic pervs:
After a fierce battle in the American Psychiatric Association (APA), which produces it, a proposal to include hebephilia as a disorder in the new edition of the [DSM] has been defeated. The proposal arose because puberty in children has started ever earlier in recent decades and as a result, it was argued, the current definition of paedophilia — pre-pubertal sexual attraction — missed out too many young people.
Ray Blanchard, professor of psychiatry at the University of Toronto, who led the APA’s working group on the subject, said that unless some other way was found of encompassing hebephilia in the new manual, that was “tantamount to stating that the APA’s official position is that the sexual preference for early pubertal children is normal.”
Axes were duly presented for grinding:
Prof Blanchard was in turn criticised by a speaker at the Cambridge conference, Patrick Singy, of Union College, New York, who said hebephilia would be abused as a diagnosis to detain sex offenders as “mentally ill” under US “sexually violent predator” laws even after they had completed their sentences.
Because whatever else a kiddie-diddler might be, well, he certainly can’t be sick.
But perhaps the most controversial presentation of all was by Philip Tromovitch, a professor at Doshisha University in Japan, who stated in a presentation on the “prevalence of paedophilia” that the “majority of men are probably paedophiles and hebephiles” and that “paedophilic interest is normal and natural in human males.”
Come the revolution, the first ones with their backs up against the wall will be the idiots who claim that majority support legitimizes everything.