Archive for Wastes of Oxygen

When one’s gears are ground

If they’re still taking nominations for America’s Most Needing Disembowelment, I nominate these utterly worthless sons of bitches:

A father was shot and killed in front of his wife and 10-year-old daughter after being carjacked because the killer didn’t know how to use a manual transmission, police said.

It happened just before midnight near Richcrest Dr. and Greenbriar Park [in north Houston].

This, unfortunately, does not look promising for those folks who swear by the stick shift because it thwarts crime.

Pedro Aguilar, 47, was in his car on the street in front of an apartment complex when two men in their late teens to early 20’s approached him to carjack him, police said.

They weren’t able to get the car into drive because it was a manual transmission, not an automatic, and shot the man in anger, police said.

This is generally the time I remind you that if it’s not cruel and unusual, it’s not much punishment, is it?

Comments (3)




Kindness misplaced

Like Alfred E. Doolittle, he’s one of the Undeserving Poor:

Several months ago my elderly neighbor allowed a homeless young man named Anthony to live in his garage in exchange for work around the yard and allows him to make modifications to the garage to make it more livable. The neighbor did this out of the kindness of his heart and has a reputation for helping those less fortunate. He is involved in AA and recovery and hoped that by providing Anthony a place to stay and work to keep him busy, plus his guidance. He might be able to influence Anthony and help him to get clean from Alcohol and Drugs.

Sadly, as is the case many times. Anthony is not ready to get clean and sober.

Anthony has not only continued to use drugs, Anthony now has a homeless young lady, also doing drugs, living with him in the garage now as well as frequent visitors doing drugs.

The garage was meant to be a temporary condition to to give Anthony time to get on his feet and get clean. Instead it has given Anthony a level of stability that allows him to do even more drugs.

And worse than that:

The elderly neighbor cannot make Anthony leave. Because he has allowed Anthony to stay there. Anthony now has rights. Anthony has to be served by a Oklahoma County Sheriff with a 30 day eviction notice. Anthony know this, because he has pulled it in others before.

So now the elder gentlemen is a prisoner in his own house until such time as we can get this all sorted out proper through proper legal channels.

This is apparently happening about three miles from me. I’m not at all sure what, if anything, can be done about it.

Comments (8)




The Audi from hell

Yeah, I remember when I was a whiny adolescent:

I’m not asking for a 2017 mustang or anything near that but I have a 2004 Audi A4 with 154,000 miles which has this thing it does where you’re driving and it bumps forward (almost made me hit a car once). I’m only 18 and work part time so I gotta smile and pretend like I like what’s literally been killing me inside. I wanna cry just looking at it. But “I am lucky” to have a car as I have been told. I could sell it for a reasonable price and put that down as down payment towards the car that I do want which is under 10k and is much nicer and in great condition(2012). My dad won’t listen like always and I really fantasize about driving it off a cliff that’s how sad this car makes me. I feel this pain in chest thinking about it. What should I do honestly? And stop all this “you’re spoiled thing” when you know you’re only saying that cause you are not in my situation.

Well, if it’s “literally killing” you inside, it doesn’t matter: you’re about to be very, very dead, which if nothing else should reduce your level of sadness.

And trust me on this: if you’re suicidal with Car A, you’re going to be suicidal with Cars B through Whatever.

Bottom line: Fix the goddamn Audi and shut the frack up.

Comments




Quote of the week

Jack Baruth, after noticing the contradictions inherent in the nation’s abortion laws, gets down to the underlying issue:

As a society, we’ve placed the pleasure of sex above the safety or security of children. And it’s going to get worse before it gets better. The nice people at Salon made a push for a while to “normalize” pedophilia. Eventually they backed off under strong pressure, but you can consider it a test balloon. We worship youth, beauty, and sexuality in this society. These urges are too strong, and the potential supply of teenaged and tween-aged sex objects too tempting, to be forever denied to the adults in power. Come back to the website in the year 2057, when I’m long dead, and see if I was right. The “age of consent” is going to be dropped to where it was in medieval times, which is to say it will be dropped to puberty.

In other words, we are back to using children for adult purposes. It was a nice little holiday for kids there, and a short one too. Let’s mark it down as 1950-2000, in certain parts of the Western World only, and unevenly distributed within those borders. But the holiday is over. Time to get to work. If you’re lucky, it will be the maquiladora. If you’re unlucky, it will be after school in your teacher’s office. (Yes, that happens all the time, too.)

About the only redeeming social value in any of this is that the loudest, most vehement feminists are relatively unlikely to reproduce: why do you think they work so hard at recruiting students?

Meanwhile, Third World hellholes continue apace at the task of becoming the literal bulk of humanity, and some of those hellholes are controlled by people whose attitude toward children is even more inexplicable than ours.

Comments (5)




Chapeau de Reynolds Wrap

We have here a nimrod who says he “needs [an] attorney in Boston.” What he needs, if you ask me, is a tailor who can provide him with 60-inch sleeves:

I am a very smart 30 year old male. The last 2 year’s I have been relentlessly bullied online, here is what I think has happened for I have been using my PC every day for 20 years.. I am being used as an experiment for the government, I do have proof and my word, I never lie. I can tell you thing’s you never would of imagined and I know I am right because of the action’s I see take place online interacting with people online from all over the world. One thing I am very passionate about, is retrieving my transscripts from an internet chat site called Omegle, I been using this site every day speaking my theories and random stuff like a robot for 4 years, there could be over 1 million chats, I feel the items I have wrote into this site can be very valuble and I believe they are being used by the government for i Have seen some of my possible work in the public. I need help, I am just trying to learn about life as I go and make for better things but I am being tortured, I know I am. I really want all my chats back in paper form and data form from Omegle. I have that right, please give me the info to an attorney who can do this for me. My name is Roy and yes I LOVE my PC and using my PC and people are ruining it for me by their words and now corrupting my working PC.

There are no “very smart 30 year old” males on Omegele, which exists largely to provide adolescents the opportunity to look at each other’s naughty bits. And while under copyright laws he does in fact own his words, this does not obligate anyone to provide him hard copy. (I am something of a legend in chat rooms, but I don’t delude myself that anything I wrote is valuable.)

And if you were a very smart 30-year-old male and had been bullied for two years, what would you do? Hint: you wouldn’t hang around at the same place all the damned time.

Comments




Impurrfectly worded

I tend to distrust people who lead off this way:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: How do you delete someone elses Tumblr so they will stop making cat jokes?

Especially if they pivot at the end: “I need them to stop right meow”.

That said, this character has no standing to request deletion of a Tumblr, unless he can prove felinity.

Comments (1)




In search of a solution

What to do, what to do?

I’m furious at BioTechniques “magazine” and the telemarketing firm they used. It will cycle through where I will get calls daily from their telemarketers wanting me to take a survey and “update my subscription.”

I am not a lab scientist. I do not know how I got on their mailing list. I want off of it. I have asked the telemarketers this periodically over the past year.

Finally, early last week, I e-mailed the person listed on their webpage as CEO asking to be taken off their calling cycle, that I regarded the calls as intrusive and borderline harassment. (Honestly: calling a professor DAILY.)

He e-mailed back, saying yes.

(NEVER BELIEVE ANYONE)

It never takes long for a promise to be broken.

I wish there were some really loud public bullhorn though where I could say BIOTECHNIQUES USES SCAMMY TELEMARKETING TECHNIQUES AND BOTHERS PEOPLE WHO HAVE REPEATEDLY SAID “DON’T BOTHER ME” but I don’t know where.

It would have to be some place using ALL CAPS, I would think.

Comments (4)




Daydream fail revisited

Remember this douchelet? Last week he was asking about buying a Lamborghini and claiming an absurd salary to justify himself. Well, he’s back, and he’s more specific this time:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Which should i buy a 2009 ferrari 430 or a 2007 lamborghini murcielago?

He goes on (and on):

the ferrari cost 184k it has 2048 miles the murcielago lago cost 189k it has 8452 miles which has less cost of maintenance which is more reliable im gonna keep it forever not selling it again

Well, it’s certainly true that he’s not selling it, inasmuch as he can’t possibly buy it. Someone (not I) gave the little dink a stern lecture and this link:

You can buy two new Corollas for that kind of money.

Comments (1)




Daydream fail

I mean, this character is delusional from the word Go:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Can i be able to buy and keep a lamborghini huracan?

To justify this delusion:

i earn 140-170k per year
i average 8-11k per month

Um, no you don’t. That alleged maximum of $11k per month comes out to only $132k a year. If you made that kind of money, you’d either be able to figure that yourself, or perhaps hire a fourth-grader to do it for you.

Last I looked, base price was $203,295, though I suspect none are sold at anywhere near base price: most of them have $30,000 or more worth of options.

I suspect this guy won’t be getting out of his ’99 Corolla for a long time.

Comments (3)




No fourth-graders were available

Had there been, we likely wouldn’t have seen this:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: I have used 0.01 GB out of 2 GB. How many GB do I have left?

I suppose she was told there would be no math.

Comments (1)




The bigot underneath

On the face of it, this would seem to be a perfectly reasonable question:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Do people buy Chevrolets, Fords, and Chrysler vehicles because they are so reliable, long lasting, and well engineered?

But he let it slip in his “update”:

whenever i see someone driving a new chevrolet, i think…someone that ‘loves America” and probably hates immigrants and muslims, apple pie, country music and most likely a church going christian?

Well, whenever I see someone writing this, I think I’m dealing with a thickheaded Pajama Boy, or worse, who has never seen anything of the real world and wouldn’t learn anything from it if he did. He probably cried his little heart out when the Wicked Witch of Chappaqua failed to steal the White House.

Comments (2)




And they call it puppy love

“2016: The Year in Dog Sex” is Robert Stacy McCain’s title for a roundup of alleged humans who couldn’t keep their hands (or worse) away from Fido. The first story was disturbing enough:

Jesus Gutierrez, 39, lived with his 43-year-old girlfriend and her pet Maltese dog, Princess, in a New York City apartment. One day in April, when the girlfriend left for work, she set up a video camera to record what was going on in the apartment during her absence. She was certainly correct in suspecting that Gutierrez was up to no good. Prosecutors in New York say Gutierrez “assaulted the dog for a half hour, sodomizing the dog with his fingers … The dog was visibly distressed in the video, prosecutors said.” Gutierrez was arrested “and the traumatized dog was taken to a veterinary hospital,” the New York Daily News reported.

I think I take this personally because I used to date someone who lived with a Maltese, and while I would occasionally chide the little furball for yappiness, this seems like an awfully cruel thing to do to an awfully small dog, especially an awfully small dog who isn’t in a position to consent to such.

Comments off




See you in 2027

We have maybe ten years left, says this insufficiently grizzled academic [warning: autostart video]:

There’s no point trying to fight climate change — we’ll all be dead in the next decade and there’s nothing we can do to stop it, a visiting scientist claims.

Guy McPherson, a biology professor at the University of Arizona, says the human destruction of our own habitat is leading towards the world’s sixth mass extinction.

Instead of fighting, he says we should just embrace it and live life while we can.

“It’s locked down, it’s been locked in for a long time — we’re in the midst of our sixth mass extinction.”

It gets better, or perhaps worse:

“I can’t imagine there will be a human on the planet in 10 years,” he says.

“We don’t have 10 years. The problem is when I give a number like that, people think it’s going to be business as usual until nine years [and] 364 days.”

On 1 January 2027, if this guy has the least bit of honor, he should fall on his sword.

Better yet, he should fall on Paul Ehrlich’s sword, Ehrlich himself being obviously unwilling to admit that he was, and is, full of it.

(Via Coyote Blog.)

Comments (6)




Fidel

John Hinderaker relates an apropos anecdote:

Back in the early 1980s, a young woman who worked in my law firm went to Florida to watch the Minnesota Twins in spring training. After she returned, she told me that she had met an elderly couple who had fled Cuba. Like many Cuban exiles, they were Twins fans. The Twins had a number of Cuban players, starting in the early 1960s. They told my friend that they were saving a bottle of champagne, and they would drink it when the earlier of two events occurred: either the Twins won the World Series, or the Tyrant died.

We shook our heads sadly. Castro was going strong, and the Twins were hopelessly bad. It seemed certain that the Cuban couple would not live long enough to celebrate either event. But it turned out that we were too pessimistic. When the Twins won the World Series in 1987, I remembered that Cuban couple and imagined their champagne cork popping. I don’t know whether there is champagne in Heaven, but I hope that same couple is enjoying a toast today, in honor of the Tyrant’s demise.

I’ll drink to that.

A possibly related remark from John Derbyshire, many years ago:

Wherever there is a jackboot stomping on a human face there will be a well-heeled Western liberal to explain that the face does, after all, enjoy free health care and 100 percent literacy.

We heard from plenty of them today.

Comments (2)




The dial clicks once more

Until such time as I don’t, I have to assume that I’ll keep getting older; at least, that’s the one lesson I’ve learned from history, which puts me one up on rather a lot of people these days.

Comments off




Take away his name already

It’s the Daily Double!

Elapsed time: eight minutes.

Comments (1)




Fahrenheit 459

I guess they should have told him to go soak his head — elsewhere:

An Oregon man who died after falling into a scalding Yellowstone National Park hot spring was looking for a place to “hot pot,” the forbidden practice of soaking in one of the park’s thermal features, officials said.

Sable Scott told investigators that she and her 23-year-old brother, Colin, left a boardwalk near Pork Chop Geyser on June 7 and walked several hundred feet up a hill in search of “a place that they could potentially get into and soak,” Deputy Chief Ranger Lorant Veress told KULR-TV in an interview.

As Sable Scott took video of her brother with her cellphone, he reached down to check the water temperature and slipped and fell into the hot pool, according to the incident report obtained by KULR through a Freedom of Information Act request.

Peter Grant explains why this was a Bad Idea:

That’s a Darwin Award for sure. How is it possible that this idiot and his sister didn’t do even the most basic research on Pork Chop Geyser? The water in that thermal basin has been measured at no less than 459° Fahrenheit (about 237° Celsius for foreign readers) — well over twice boiling point! — and a pH similar to battery acid; yet these two doofi were looking for a place to soak???

And there’s nothing left to bury:

Search and rescue rangers spotted Colin Scott’s body in the pool the day of the accident, but a lightning storm prevented recovery.

The next day, workers could not find any remains in the churning, acidic water, Veress said.

Because, well, acid.

Comments (4)




Not a clean getaway

Florida has its own Fark tag. We don’t. But it looks like we’re working on it:

A Connerville man got caught taking a bath in someone else’s home [Thursday] evening, after running from police while in handcuffs.

Shortly after 5 p.m., 35-year-old Justin Pollock was pulled over for speeding on State Highway 99 in Connerville.

An Oklahoma highway patrolman found marijuana, put him in handcuffs, and put him in the front of the trooper’s car. But while the trooper was searching Pollock’s van, Pollock maneuvered the cuffs to the front and got out, before running to his van and driving off.

He abandoned his car in some trees of a close by parking lot, and was found in a home around 6.

Charges, of course, were filed:

He has been charged with felony drug possession, felony evading arrest, escape and burglary.

At least he didn’t stink at the time.

(With thanks to Fillyjonk.)

Comments (2)




Welcome to post-literacy

The asshats, they are everywhere:

My mom sent me a clipping from her “back home” paper she get about a woman who showed up drunk at a political rally and started painting phalluses in peanut butter (!) on people’s cars, and while she meant it to be amusing, I just found it distressing because really — being needlessly ugly. So many people now are being needlessly ugly and it seems the ad hominem has replaced the “finding logical counter arguments to the points the person is making that you disagree with.”

If she “meant it to be amusing,” that’s more than enough qualification for rectal millinery: wieners are funny only in context, and vandalism is never funny at all.

It doesn’t help, of course, that we’re embroiled in a political campaign involving the two worst candidates in the history of the Republic, and that their loudest (and probably drunkest) partisans are straight out of William Butler Yeats: “The worst are full of passionate intensity.” Yeah, they’re full of something, all right.

Comments (2)




Just gimme the answer

A subtle question, made less so by its conditions:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: When do you become an adult? This is a topic for my University essay and i want to know the answer from that point of view?

In other words, he wants the answer they’re presumably looking for.

And just in case you were in doubt about that:

Pls dont use google for answering it since my teachers will check if i used google or not i need creative ideas

At the very least, this would seem to constitute an admission that his own ideas are not creative, though I suspect “He’s a lazy pillock” would probably be accepted as an alternative explanation.

Comments (3)




Spoofer fail

I blew off the call from 405-511-2897, because scumbags, but this is both scummier and stupider than I’d anticipated:

Caller ID said XXXXXXXXXX OK. I never answer unidentified calls. Rang 3 times and then stopped. Funny thing is the same thing happened yesterday except it was XXXXXXXXXX GA from phone no. 404-511-2897. So I guess they can make it look like the call is from any state?

If you happen to be Googling this number, you may be absolutely certain that they’re Up to No Good and you have no reason at all to talk to them.

Comments (9)




Failure to plan

I am having a whole lot of trouble coming up with any sympathy for this guy:

The protagonist in this story, Todd Anderson, wants to help the environment, so he bought a 2016 Chevrolet Volt. Not a bad choice — decent electric range for around-town jaunts and a gas generator for out-of-town trips. Another bonus: $12,500 provided by Ontario taxpayers to help him foot the bill. The problem is, he has nowhere to charge it, and this is the city’s fault.

Anderson says he has to run an extension cord to his outdoor parking spot (kitty corner to his home) in order to juice up the Volt. He has installed a recharging station on his front lawn, but the street in front of his house is a no parking zone. If he parks there (and he does), Anderson has to run a cord across the sidewalk, potentially tripping people, while parking tickets collect under his wiper blades.

Some might say that he could have avoided the situation by not purchasing a vehicle that requires a driveway. Or, he could wait until his living accommodations allow him to easily use such a vehicle. Anderson doesn’t see it that way. The city, he says, should make it possible for residents to charge their cars on the street.

“I don’t think someone who drives a gas car would put up with not being able to use a gas station on a daily basis,” he told the Toronto Star.

You’d think he might have been aware of these things before he bought the vehicle.

Comments (3)




Perv doing pervy things

I’m sure you can find someone to justify roadside masturbators, but I decline to provide assistance:

Police arrested a man at an Oklahoma City park after he was found with drug paraphernalia, a penis pump, binoculars inside his vehicle.

The Oklahoma City Police Department arrested Michael Eugene Spence, 50, Aug. 1 on complaints of possession of a controlled dangerous substance and drug paraphernalia.

Officers were called to Memorial Park, NW 36 and Military, after a witness observed Spence sitting in his vehicle in the parking lot allegedly looking at children through binoculars.

From the Department of Lame Alibis:

Spence allegedly told police he was sitting in the parking lot because he was working as a tree trimmer at a home across the street from the park and had just gotten into a fight with his girlfriend. Spence said he came to the parking lot to cry because of the argument.

Nice try.

Comments (1)




Failure to plan

I get the distinct impression this guy was really not prepared for whatever nefarious scheme he’d dreamed up:

Guy gives real name because he can't spell a fake one

Um, yeah.

(From Bad Newspaper via Miss Cellania.)

Comments (1)




High-speed karma

Remember, boys and girls, do not steal wheels:

A 43-year-old man was found dead at noon Saturday in the north parking lot of the Ron Marhofer Buick GMC dealership on Whipple Avenue NW.

Stark County [OH] Coroner’s investigator Rick Walters said the man apparently was trying to steal wheels from an SUV at the dealership when the GMC Yukon fell off the jack, struck him in the head and crushed him. Walters identified him as Richard E. Ritch. He would have turned 44 next month.

Rich E. Ritch?

Cue Fats Domino: “Ain’t that a shame?”

(Via The Truth About Cars.)

Comments (1)




Maybe just a little bit gullible

I mean, why would the Internal Revenue Service ask for iTunes gift cards?

Portland [Maine] police cut short a phone scam on Wednesday, coming to the rescue of a woman who thought she was paying the IRS with thousands of dollars worth of iTunes gift cards, police said Thursday.

The police got an anonymous tip about the woman buying the cards, and found her in a Portland parking lot, talking on her phone and with a pile of gift cards on the passenger seat of her car.

She told the officers she was on the phone with the IRS, and they were demanding she pay them in iTunes gift cards, according to Portland police Lt. James Sweatt. She told the officers she had spent hours getting the money from banks and then purchasing the gift cards.

“They would not let her off the phone, repeatedly threatening her,” police said. The suspects hung up when the officers asked to speak with them on the phone.

By the time the police arrived, she’d spent $8700 on gift cards.

(Via Fark.)

Comments (2)




There’s always someone more useless

Although this is getting close to the bottom, I suspect:

A central Pennsylvania man was charged Thursday after police say he sprayed fluid used to embalm a human brain on marijuana that he then smoked.

State police in Carlisle charged 26-year-old Joshua Lee Long with abuse of a corpse and conspiracy.

Court records indicate Long’s aunt contacted detectives on June 21 after finding a human brain in a department store bag under a porch while cleaning out a trailer.

And oh, it’s real, all right:

Court records indicate a coroner concluded the brain was real and that Long supposedly named it Freddy. The coroners who examined the brain believe it was most likely a stolen teaching specimen.

“Freddy”? Well, okay, that’s different.

Comments (4)




Screw you, pay us

It was just a matter of time, right?

First instance of ransomware showing up on campus. Ugh. Someone clicked on an attachment to an e-mail that was apparently claiming “here’s the invoice you asked for” and boom. I guess I better be extra careful (though I almost never open attachments, and only then if it’s something I KNOW I need and if it’s clearly sent by someone I know). Maybe time to send all the vital stuff I’ve not backed up yet to the campus cloud.

I tend to feel like penal colonies should be re-established for folks who commit cybercrimes (and people who do stuff like install skimmers on credit card readers). No, they wouldn’t have to be hellish pits, just places people could not leave and that would prevent them from having access to whatever technology they used to commit their crimes. Surely there are a few islands full of time-share properties people are looking to unload? There could be periodic air-drops of food and whatnot so the people stay alive, just, they have NO internet or cell phone access whatsoever.

Ransomware seems especially bad; Computer Services indicated this one was 128-bit encryption so hard for a white-hat hacker to fix it and of course it fundamentally “bricks” your computer. And if you pay the ransom, you’re just encouraging the goons to do it again. (And who knows where that money goes; it could even buy blocks of C4 for would-be terrorists, for all we know.)

But … but … they mean well, don’t they?

Comments off




From under this particular bridge

Where do all these farging trolls come from? Robert Stacy McCain proposes an origin story for some of them:

[M]aybe the average cubicle-dweller lives such a dehumanizing existence — crunching code, responding to inter-office emails, attending pointless staff meetings, etc. — that when he finds an unrestricted Internet playpen where he can say whatever he wants behind the screen of a pseudonym, his inner adolescent inevitably emerges.

Eight hours a day, five days a week, the cubicle-dweller does whatever it is he does to pay the bills, and there are all these rules, see? The 21st-century office environment is quite hostile to free expression. The list of Things You Can’t Say grows longer every day, and the cubicle-dweller’s inner adolescent must be strenuously repressed, lest he accidentally say or do something “offensive” that will get him written up or fired for violating the human resources policy. This regime of repression, I suggest, is why so many guys delight in saying rude things in any Internet venue where anonymity protects them from consequences.

I have noticed that rather a lot of them make a point of misunderstanding the First Amendment; maybe Congress “shall make no law,” but reddit or Facebook or, yes, God help us, Yahoo! Answers can make whatever rules they like, and if you don’t like them, you can go fart up a flagpole.

Comments (2)




Now this is answering

A very typical Y!A car question:

I recently found two cars that I like. One is a 2004 bmw m3 and one is a 2003 g35.

How much should I expect the monthly insurance to be?
Is it expensive as a 2004 bmw m3?

There are basically three types of drivers who ask this:

  • Young drivers
  • Shitty drivers
  • Young, shitty drivers

I blew off this question, but fortunately, someone else gave this little twerp what he needed:

Yes, Mark. Performance cars are very expensive to maintain and insure. And you’ve already been told hundreds of times that at this point in your life, it makes absolutely no sense to purchase one.

Last year, after graduating high school, you started classes at Bergen Community College, but dropped out a week later because you read on one of your course syllabi that class participation counted for five percent of your grade. Since you were nervous about talking in class, you quit school and went to work full-time stocking shelves at Costco.

Now, you are considering returning to college at age 19 (almost twenty). You clearly need a more practical car — one that has good reliability and gas mileage. The money you’ve managed to save should go entirely towards your educational expenses, which is an investment in the future.

I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why you think it’s so important to go from 0-60 in a short time. There’s absolutely no benefit in that. Since you live with your parents, you should sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk about your future. Perhaps they can set you straight and help fix some of your delusions. For example, you’re not a “straight-up gangster” and you’re obviously not black.

You are an extremely short and plump Indonesian teenager, with delusional aspirations towards the thug lifestyle. (You’re 5-5, small-framed, and a whopping 232 pounds!) In other words, you’re a fat little “gangsta-baby.” A Toyota Corolla would would be a much more practical option for you. Get an education and lose that 100 pounds of fat. Once you graduate college or university and get a decent job, you can start thinking about high-performance sports cars.

Basically, Mark, you need to fix your life-priorities. You are wasting your time fantasizing about being an inner-city hoodlum and driving fast cars. This makes absolutely sense no at all and you ought to be ashamed of yourself. You seriously need to grow up and start acting like a responsible adult. The waitress you are crushing on was totally correct about that.

Even if only a third of this is dead accurate, he has the twerp dead to rights.

Comments off