Archive for Worth a Fork

Fear of Florida

Okay, not fear exactly, but maybe some deep-dish, dark premonitions:

I believe I’m going to have to FORGET ABOUT ACTUAL PIZZA after I move to Florida and just accept that Stouffer’s French bread pizza is the closest I’m ever going to get to actual PIZZA ever again.

I also believe I’m going to be sweaty and have bad hair forever.

And maybe have a 120 degree car interior waiting for me wherever I go.

Tell me that I’m wrong.

You’re wrong — about the pizza anyway. About one-third of the population of Florida is transplanted from New York and/or New Jersey; perhaps one-third of the pizza joints are operated by escapees from the Tri-State Area, so I don’t really think a Jersey girl is going to have a problem with that.

Admittedly, the combination of 90-degree heat and 90-percent humidity will play hell with everything else. On the upside, you won’t have to move your car when the snowplow comes through.

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Should have called it “Oreoboros”

What we have here, if you remember your “Cookies and Creme” ice cream, is essentially Oreo-flavored Oreos:

Oreo Cookies & Creme

Available exclusively at Walmart stores during 2017.

Me, I think I’d have a few of these for dessert after a dinner of, say, Chicken-Fried Chicken.

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I just canteloupe

Does one actually eat these?

Hello Kitty melon

The price is — well, you’ve seen worse:

[T]his year’s Hello Kitty Furano melons are an absolute steal at 5,500 yen (US$51.62) each. Grown in Furano, Hokkaido, one of the country’s best growing regions for the fruit, the special melon weighs roughly 1.8 kilograms (3.97 pounds), and stands out from its cheaper counterparts as the cutest in its field, with a distinctive Hello Kitty-shaped netting on its surface.

If this doesn’t sound inexpensive to you, do not read about the two non-Kitty melons auctioned off in Hokkaido last month for ¥3,000,000 the pair (US $27,240).

Only 300 will be available, and apparently they don’t ship outside Japan.

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Score this as a W

A Swedish court has ruled that M&Ms have the wrong sort of M:

The Stockholm Court of Appeals has barred Mars from selling its candy-covered chocolates using the lower-case “m&m” name in the country, judging it resembled a local brand too closely.

If Mars doesn’t appeal the ruling granting exclusive rights to Marabou for its “m” chocolate-covered almonds and peanuts, it will have to use the capital M&M logo in Sweden starting in July, or face fines of up to $246,000.

The Marabou brand belongs to snacks giant Mondelēz, maker of Oreo cookies and Cadbury and Toblerone chocolates.

Said snacks giant defends itself well:

In January, Nestlé lost its case to trademark the finger shape of its KitKat bars as a British court ruled that a Norwegian bar, called Kvikk Lunsj — also owned by Mondelēz — was entitled to use the same shape.

(Via @fussfactory.)

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Presumably an unhappy ending

Paracanthurus hepatus, we hardly knew ye.

(Via Laura Northrup.)

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Real cheezy there, Herb

Same great taste, now at three times the price!

Downside: Not as tasty as Fritos.

Upside: Probably tastier than kale.

(Via Felix Salmon.)

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The path of yeast resistance

Brian J. polishes off about one-half of one percent of a jar of Vegemite:

I mean, I grew up in poverty, but my family was not poor enough to serve this.

I’m blessed to have grown up in a bountiful land where one can go pick food from outdoors instead of a desert surrounded by twenty-foot-long crocodiles.

The wikihistory of Vegemite is that an entrepreneur wanted to make a food out of industrial by-products. And he did it.

God help me, I saw in the Wiki entry that they use it as a pastry filling. I suspect that the Australians do this to keep other people away from their doughnuts.

You know why Australian rules football is so vicious? The winners get a Vegemite sandwich. The losers get a year’s supply of Vegemite and a sixty-DVD Paul Hogan complete film set.

This is not unlike Steve Harvey’s reaction:

“Sounds like a pesticide. That about damn near what it tastes like.”

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And then something rises

Sometimes it’s the simplest things that keep you going:

I’ve had smaller, less intense dissociative episodes almost constantly, in addition to chest pains, anxiety attacks, and other symptoms. I have difficulty believing that I am really here, that my life is real, that the world around me isn’t a dream. I feel like I flicker in and out of reality.

But baking helps. Baking is something that knits my body and soul together, calming the mind that is so desperate to escape. My body becomes an anchor to the real world. Baking is tactile, purposeful, and produces a usable result (most of the time). Due to years of unemployment, under-employment, and abusive workplaces, food has not always been a guarantee. I’ve had to choose between keeping my phone connected, feeding my cat, or buying groceries for myself. Things are still tight. I have no hope of owning a car any time soon. I’ll never own a house or be able to retire. Some weeks, all I can afford to eat is cheap pasta. But as long as I have flour, water, yeast, and salt, I can make bread. Bread takes on a new importance when it is an essential part of a meal plan. It may not be exciting, but it’s always nourishing, always filling, always simply there. It’s not a feast, but it is food. It keeps me going.

I may tell myself that I reposted this here for you, but I suspect I reposted this here mostly for me.

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Non-refillable, non-disposable

Oh, wait, you can refill it, provided you meet certain requirements:

One should not present me with temptations like this. Who knows what I might put into that bottle?

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Put it on your Bucket List

I mean, they still sell KFC by the bucket, don’t they?

There’s a precedent for beauty products inspired by fast food: Last year Burger King Japan released a cologne designed to smell like flame-grilled beef patties. But the new effort from KFC in Hong Kong is arguably more bizarre.

Working with Ogilvy & Mather, KFC launched two edible nail polishes with flavors based on the brand’s best-loved recipes: Original and Hot & Spicy.

As Ogilvy explains in a release: “To use, consumers simply apply and dry like regular nail polish, and then lick — again and again and again.”

And KFC certainly can’t object to your finger-lickin’, can they?

Still, I have to wonder if this sort of thing is making Colonel Sanders rotate at faster-than-rotisserie speeds.

(Via Vandana Puranik.)

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Mr. Jerkbar

Apparently chocolate isn’t the draw it used to be:

American protein fiends who want a break from yogurt cups and Clif bars will soon have another option: meat bars.

Starting this summer, Hershey’s will introduce a souped up version of jerky from its Krave Pure Foods division, which the company acquired last year. If the concept is a bit bizarre, so are the flavors: black cherry barbecue, basil citrus and pineapple orange. Meat snacks are a tiny category in the US, said Marcel Nahm, the vice president of US snacks for Hershey’s. But as more consumers pore over food labels to find healthier, protein-packed snacks, more food companies are banking on health foods becoming a lasting trend.

Jack Link was not available for comment.

(Via Keaton Fox.)

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Wandering every which way

Yesterday was Taco Tuesday, and at some point in the proceedings I was sufficiently bored to read the label on the jar of taco sauce. “Old El Paso. Harrumph.” Mindful of a rival’s derisive TV spots of yore — “Why, this stuff’s made in New York City!” — I prepared myself for, at the very least, more harrumphing.

And there it was in boldface: “Distributed by General Mills Sales, Minneapolis, MN 55440.” The harrumph began, but broke off during the next line: “©2014 Pet Incorporated.” Um, say what?

As it turns out, Old El Paso originated in not-all-that-old El Paso, at an operation called Mountain Pass Canning Company, dating to 1938. After that, things got really complicated:

  • In 1968, Pet acquired the Mountain Pass Canning Company, maker of the Old El Paso brand of Mexican food products.
  • Acquired by IC Industries (ICI) in 1978. Hussmann and Pet were made into separate divisions of ICI.
  • In 1981, ICI sold off the Musselman division.
  • In 1982, the William Underwood Company was acquired, bringing with it the brands B&M and Ac’cent.
  • In 1985, the PET Dairy division was sold to the Challer Foods subsidiary of Finevest Dairy Holdings. This did not include the canned milk products.
  • In 1986, Pet acquired Ogden Food Products (including the brands Progresso, Las Palmas, Hollywood, and Hain) and Primo Foods, an Italian foods marketer.
  • in 1988, ICI changed its name to Whitman Corp.
  • Acquired Orval Kent, a prepared salad maker, in 1989.
  • In 1990, Pet, Inc. was spun off of Whitman.
  • In 1993, Pet sold the Whitman’s chocolate brand to Russell Stover Candies.
  • In 1994, Orval Kent was sold to Horizon Partners, a private equity group in Milwaukee.
  • In 1995, Pet was acquired by the Pillsbury Company division of Grand Metropolitan. Major brands of interest are Old El Paso and Progresso.
  • In 1997, Grand Met merged with Guinness to form Diageo.
  • In 1999, Pillsbury sold the William Underwood business to B&G Foods.
  • In 2000, General Mills acquired Pillsbury (incl. Pet) from Diageo.
  • In 2001, to satisfy the US FTC, Diageo and General Mills agreed to sell several, but not all, Pillsbury brands to International Multifoods. This included the PET Evaporated Milk and PET dry creamer products.

I think I’ll paste that entire list at the next person who tries to lecture me about the importance of branding as an indicator of stability.

And after that litany, we know the distributor, but we still don’t know where this stuff is made.

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Meanwhile at the coffee bar

They now have actual bars of coffee:

GO CUBES Chewable Coffee by Nootrobox

It’s a matter of portion control, says the manufacturer:

How much caffeine is in your regular cup of joe? 25 mg? 200 mg? You have no idea. It depends on many variables, including, bean varietal, process, and barista skill. Know exactly how much caffeine you consume so you can stay perfectly in the zone.

Nootrobox, the creators of GO CUBES, are experts at cognitive enhancement and nootropics. In addition to caffeine, GO CUBES contain precise amounts of other safe, effective supplements like L-theanine, B6, and methylated B12 that improve caffeine for enhanced focus & clarity.

They don’t seem expensive, either: the four-pack includes the equivalent of two cups of coffee, and a box of 20 four-packs from Amazon is $59. You don’t get latte decoration and such, but what the hey. And it’s got to be more interesting than Vivarin.

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Na, not really

The medical profession has long put the “odium” in “sodium.” I seldom add salt to anything, but I have a tendency to read while I eat, which detracts from the actual eating experience. So I’m probably not a candidate for this swell gadget, but I can think of lots of people who will be:

Japanese scientists are working on a solution in the form of a fork which is able to generate a salty taste by stimulating the tongue with electricity. The fork is being developed in Tokyo University’s Rekimoto Lab and is intended to allow those who must eat salt-free diets for their health to at least be able to enjoy the taste. It was trialled earlier in March as part of a project called “No Salt Restaurant” where a venue was offering a completely salt-free five course meal and proved to be a success.

The fork’s handle contains a rechargeable battery and electric circuit and when the user puts the fork into their mouth they simply have to press a button on the handle which applies a small electric charge to their tongue.

I suggest you not try it out on pizza.

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The price we pay for honesty

It is indeed stiff:

Meanwhile, you can get a whole can of biscuits of questionable uprightness for less than a dollar, and maybe they won’t explode in the trunk of your car.

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Probably not a kale fan

Baby Kale by OrganicGirlAt least, that’s the most reasonable conclusion I reach from this:

Got some groceries. Also got some non-food items like this package of kale. I got the smallest package I could find because I really don’t like kale. I would say I hate it, but hate requires expending some energy, energy that you will never get from kale. This entire package of kale will only deliver 70 calories of energy. With a price of $4, that comes to almost 6 cents per calorie. 6 cents doesn’t sound like much, but if you need 2,000 calories a day, that comes to $120. For something that tastes like dirt.

Then again, I know no one who lives exclusively on kale, or at least no one who would admit to it. And there is more to nutrition than calories:

The standouts are the high content of calcium, vitamin C, vitamin B6, folic acid, vitamin A (in the form of beta-carotene), vitamin K, potassium, manganese, copper, and even the plant form of omega-3 fatty acids (alpha-linolenic acid). In addition to the carotenoid beta-carotene, kale contains other very important carotenoid molecules called lutein and zeaxanthin (both necessary for eye health) and numerous others (probably too many to count, and maybe even yet identified).

On the downside: as packaged above — 5-ounce container — it’s 80 cents an ounce, which is $12.80 a pound, about what I paid for my last New York strip. And that strip didn’t taste like dirt, either.

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Multiple elbows

I’m sure this appeals to somebody, but for now, I think I’ll pass:

Stephanie Richard thinks insects are the protein of the future. The French chef runs L’Atelier a Pates, a pasta shop that sells a range of homemade pastas, including several made from crickets and grasshoppers. Richard’s customers have embraced her strange insect pastas with such enthusiasm that she’s struggling to keep up with demand.

According to CTV News, Richard pulverizes crickets, grasshoppers, or a combination of the two insects to create a special flour, which she then mixes with normal pasta ingredients like eggs and wheat flour. She claims the insects add to the flavor of the pasta and turn it into high-protein cuisine. “It’s protein of high quality that is well digested by the body,” Richards told CTV News. “People with iron or magnesium deficiencies will also eat these products.”

I am not at all keen on the prospect of actual pests taking up space in my pesto.

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Our hostess wins Brownie points

Actually, I don’t think the Girl Scouts have an official position on what wine goes with which cookie, so this item (courtesy of Babble) should probably be considered Non-Standard:

Match the wine to the Girl Scout Cookie

Wonder what I should dip into this handy Cardbordeaux?

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B-minus rations

When I was one of Uncle Sam’s grunts, the MRE — technically “Meal, Ready to Eat” but often disparaged as “Meal Rejected by Ethiopians” or worse — did not exist; we were still on the legendary (and not in a particularly good way) C-rations. I rather vividly remember a bivouac breakfast consisting of “Ham, Water Added, and Eggs, Chopped, Canned.” I am told the MRE is a decided improvement. Still, the MRE is expected to last for three years in storage, which would seem to limit the fare to Mickey D’s Happy Meals with the occasional Twinkie.

But now: pizza. Really:

“It’s a fully assembled and baked piece of pizza in one package,” Lauren Oleksyk, a food technologist at the US Army’s Natick Soldier Research, Development, and Engineering Center, told Tech Insider.

So what does it taste like? Think cafeteria pizza, or as Oleksyk describes it, like “day after pizza.” And while its square shape and bready crust can’t rival a New York slice, Olesky said soldiers give it the thumbs up.

I don’t know anyone who objects to day-old leftover pizza: it’s the delicious part of a marginally healthful breakfast.

Still, putting pizza into an MRE required some serious technology:

One hurdle to overcome was figuring out how to prevent mold from growing. For the dough, they used something called Hurdle technology that creates layers of protection from preventing bacteria forming. The tomato sauce has a higher pH and is more acidic to keep the critters away.

Well, technically there’s no one specific hurdle method: you use whatever’s appropriate for the contents to be stored. But I’m pretty sure this sort of thing didn’t exist in the days of the C-ration.

Meanwhile, Francis W. Porretto gets at the tactical details:

[C]an this fabled pizza survive a point-blank round from a Vulcan cannon? How about a Kalashnikov?

Most certainly, I’m not the guy to test this.

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I shot the sous chef

Turns out, the person who should have been shot was the guy who wrote up the menu descriptions, for causing this sort of confusion:

I was reading the menu of a new Mexican restaurant here in our happy little burg — they had their soft opening a week ago and some of my friends recommended the place to me — when I noticed that amongst the fillings offered with their homemade tortilla tacos were children and Jamaican jerks. This took me aback; these are not the sort of things anyone would expect to see on a restaurant’s menu, especially a restaurant that hasn’t really opened yet.

Aside: So “soft openings” are a thing now?

The average taco connoisseur expects to see fish, pork, or beef as a filling, although in some places one can get kangaroo, cockatoo, or emu too; I should point out here that I would not actually eat a fish taco if one of my brothers’ lives depended on it — I hate fish with just about every fiber of my being. I hate liver, eggs, and asparagus as well, but I would eat them if one of my brothers’ lives depended on it … maybe. No, not maybe, definitely, sort of, and only if Mom made me. I suppose I should say something about the use of children as a taco filling, but an Irish clergyman of my acquaintance has modestly proposed something along these lines a while ago and so I recommend that you peruse his recommendations. I agree with most of his major points and I see no reason to repeat those points here.

At least that matter was disposed of swiftly. But about those jerks:

This seems to me an act of cultural appropriation on a truly monstrous scale, nothing less than the forced bastardization of two national cuisines that do not derive from the same cultural and culinary sources and share no common traditions. And to what purpose? Like Tex-Mex, chop suey, and Chicago style deep dish pizza, using Jamaican jerks as filling is less a celebration of culinary mestizaje than a surrender to the unyielding demands of Americanization and assimilation, a demand that all the world’s cuisines subsume their cultural autonomy into the black hole of the American melting pot and transform themselves into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

George Carlin once said that if you nailed together two things that had never been nailed together before, some schmuck would buy it from you. If restaurateurs can make use of this same knowledge, it’s reasonable to assume that they will.

That said, you should take steps to make sure that the Jerk Store is not supplying jerks under false pretenses:

Approximately thirty-five percent of all restaurants advertising Jamaican jerks in their tacos or as a separate menu item were not using Jamaican jerks at all; these restaurants were using locally grown American dumbasses instead. One veteran department investigator told the NPR reporter covering the story that this was one of the most blatant cases of false advertising and consumer fraud that he had ever seen.

Nor is [it] consumer fraud we are dealing with here. The use of American dumbasses in place of Jamaican jerks who should have gotten those jobs is an in your face example of nativist prejudice and racism at its worst. I understand, as does anyone who has to deal with the public everyday, that dealing with jerks of any race or nationality is always a bit trying — jerks wouldn’t be jerks if they weren’t trying — but to deny jerks work simply because they are jerks is un-American in principle and probably a civil rights violation in practice.

A word to the wiseguys is sufficient.

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Once more, the power of cheese

Apparently it goes straight to your brain:

Researchers from the University of Michigan have revealed that cheese contains a chemical found in addictive drugs.

Using the Yale Food Addiction Scale, designed to measure a person’s cravings, the study found that cheese is particularly moreish because it contains casein.

The chemical, which is found in all dairy products, can trigger the brain’s opioid receptors, producing a feeling of euphoria linked to those of hard drug addiction.

Oh, great. Before long we’ll have regular hydrocodone and hydrocodone with cheese.

Scientists studying dairy products found that in milk, casein has a minuscule dosage. But producing a pound of cheese requires about 10 pounds of milk — with addictive casein coagulating the solid milk fats and separating them from the liquids.

As a result the super-strength chemical becomes concentrated when in solid dairy form, so you’ll get a higher hit of addictive casein by tucking into a cheese sandwich than you will in your morning bowl of cereal.

The management will not be responsible for anyone who reads this and then orders a pizza.

Note: “Moreish,” as a word, was new to me.

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Tacos 101

And really, it shouldn’t be a surprise:

At the University of Kentucky, taco knowledge is power.

And why wouldn’t it be? In a time when tortillas are outselling bread and salsa is outselling ketchup in the US, the last thing anyone wants to be is ignorant about tacos — especially in the state of Kentucky. The state has one of the fastest-growing Latino populations in the country.

This semester, the university is offering an undergraduate course called “Taco Literacy: Public Advocacy and Mexican Food in the US South.” Led by Steven Alvarez, an assistant professor in the university’s Writing, Rhetoric, and Digital Studies department, the class aims to teach students about Mexican foodways in Kentucky and the broader South.

Asked about the syllabus, Professor Alvarez answered:

You can find everything you would like to know at our website. We’re examining transnational community food literacies and how these connect the stories of people and food across borders. We explore the history of networks of Mexican and Mexican-American food in Kentucky by writing about recipes and rhetorics that deal with things such as authenticity, local variations and preparations, and how food literacies situate different spaces, identity, and forms of knowledge.

And at least it’s not called “Chalupa Studies.”

(Via Cameron Aubernon, who notes: “Sonata Dusk will be enrolling ASAP.”)

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Not the original recipe

At least, I assume it isn’t:

But can you see the Russian Tea Room from there?

Note: 0161, if I remember correctly, is around Manchester.

(Via Liz Mair.)

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Another one bites the taco

I knew about May and Britton (the first one listed), but not the others:

I mean, I haven’t been there in ages, but I’m sure they weren’t waiting on me to show up.

Dave at GreaterFalls.com will be devastated. Remind me not to mention this in front of him.

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Whatever the hell this is

I’m not entirely sure I want to check the label, if you know what I mean:

Vegetarian ham, or so it says

But the coup de grace, of course, is “Chicken Flavour.” Wait, what?

Said the woman from whom I poached this pic: “I should send this to the vegan that didn’t want to go out with me just to mess with him.”

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Short of hop

Anyone of a certain age who grew up in the South — and I mean to include myself, even though I was born in northern Illinois, simply because I got most of my formal education in South Carolina — is familiar with Hoppin’ John. Then again, that familiarity is somewhat dulled by the fact that it almost certainly doesn’t taste the way it used to:

The original ingredients of Hoppin’ John are simple: one pound of bacon, one pint of peas, and one pint of rice. The earliest appearance in print seems to be in Sarah Rutledge’s The Carolina Housewife (1847), and it’s important to note that everything was cooked together in the same pot:

“First put on the peas, and when half boiled, add the bacon. When the peas are well boiled, throw in the rice, which must first be washed and gravelled. When the rice has been boiling half an hour, take the pot off the fire and put it on coals to steam, as in boiling rice alone.”

Which nobody does anymore, and it wouldn’t help if they did:

If you try to cook Sarah Rutledge’s recipe for Hoppin’ John using bacon, rice, and black-eyed peas from the supermarket, you’re probably going to be pretty disappointed. Today’s ingredients have been transformed by a century of hybridization, mechanization, and standardization to meet the demands of an industrialized, cost-minimizing food system.

So variations have erupted, even in places that aren’t all that Southern; the Pioneer Woman hath wrought one herself. But if you’re within a reasonable drive of old Charleston, you can find reasonable approximations of the original ingredients, just in case you want a taste of 1847 in 2017. (It’s probably too late to do it for this New Year’s.)

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And then it was gone

We all waited impatiently for the return of Blue Bell Ice Cream after the Great Listeria Scare. And now that it’s (mostly) back — a few flavors at a time — a local supermarket chain is, for the moment, dropping the line for “unfair pricing.”

This isn’t the first time Crest Foods told a food producer to take their product and shove it, either:

A few weeks back, Nick Harroz’ Crest Foods in central Oklahoma posted a notice beside the pasta-sauce shelf to the effect that they would no longer be stocking the Classico and Ragú brands, owing to large price increases by Unilever, owner of those brands, which the store did not wish to pass on to shoppers. It’s easy enough to be cynical about this sort of thing, but Harroz has done this before, and almost invariably he’s gotten his way, or a reasonable fraction thereof, which is how he manages to keep his prices around the Walmart level without going all, well, Walmartish on us: he’ll take on anyone up to and including mighty Coca-Cola.

Harroz died last year at 94, but it’s pretty clear that the store plans to follow his plan. And this, too, shall pass, once Blue Bell gives in — which they almost certainly will.

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Not in the ingredients list

Boston Market Boneless Pork Rib mealWith the local Mickey D’s turning its back on the rare and precious McRib, desperate diners, such as Your Humble Narrator, have been forced to seek alternatives. And this is not a particularly bad alternative: the sauce, I reckon, is just a tad too sweet, and the potatoes have the general consistency of library paste, if not as much flavor, but they can be found in at least one local store for as little as $2.50, offsetting pretty much all the problems except, well, this one:

It’s a logical move for chain restaurants to expand into frozen meals. A brand like Boston Market already has recognition among consumers, who see the name and logo and think, “comfort food containing meat.” The boneless pork rib (shaped patty) from the Boston Market line of frozen meals is less comforting right now, though: it’s been recalled because there may be pieces of hard plastic or glass inside the meal.

The recall comes after multiple reports to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the government agency that regulates meals that contain meat. None of the customers were injured, but 326,016 meals have been recalled out of concern that more meals could be contaminated.

I had one in the freezer, which I had for lunch on Monday. I do believe I found one of those plastic shards, though the offending fragment never made it past my fork. The box is long gone, so I couldn’t tell you if this was one of the affected batches; I suppose I’ll know when I get to the store Saturday and find a blank space, baby, where this used to be.

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To improve your mettle

Breakfast cereals occasionally claim to be fortified with stuff like iron, which you’re presumably not going to get from all the other horrible things you eat, and apparently this fortification, in the case of iron anyway, is done in the simplest way possible:

However, this may not be true in Denmark, as of 2004:

Danish health officials … banned the cereal company Kellogg’s from adding vitamins and minerals to its famous food brands, saying they could damage the health of children and pregnant women.

The company, which expressed incredulity at the decision, had hoped to enrich 18 breakfast foods and cereal bars with iron, calcium, vitamin B6 and folic acid, just as they already do in many countries including Britain.

But the Danes said the manufacturer of Corn Flakes, Rice Krispies and Special K wanted to include “toxic” doses which, if eaten regularly, could damage children’s livers and kidneys and harm foetuses in pregnant women.

I guess this means I can eat it, but I’ve already stocked up on sausage biscuits.

(Via Neatorama.)

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Little green balls of death

There’s an old tradition, in the comics if nowhere else, of kids disposing of undesired vegetables by slipping them under the table to the family dog, who presumably has no discernible taste, or finding other ways to get them off their plates without actually having to eat the horrible things. You’d probably think of this as something that happens at home, but apparently it can also happen at school:

A Year 3 pupil at Monkfield Park Primary School in Cambourne, Cambridgeshire, appears to have been secretly planting Brussels sprouts in their classmates’ bags to rid him or herself of the dreaded greens. Staff at the school have been left mystified as to who is behind it all and have now sent out a letter to parents in a bid to nip the prankster’s activities in the bud.

Parents, having once been kids themselves, don’t seem overly concerned:

But the bid to “out” the sprout smuggler, aged between seven and eight, has caused amusement for some parents at the school. One dad, who did not wish to be named, said: “When I read the letter I laughed. I thought it was a wind-up. The kid should get a medal and a job with MI5. The kid hid the sprouts from his mum and dad, probably got praise for eating them, then sneaked them into school. I appreciate the school protect pupils but an assembly and letter seems over the top for something so petty.”

The school, meanwhile, sternly maintains that this situation could be dangerous, in case anyone happens to be allergic to the little green spheres, though:

Experts say Brussels sprout allergies are very rare, affecting fewer than 1 in 50,000 people and are more likely with a raw vegetable than a cooked one.

(Title swiped from this earlier item.)

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