Archive for Worth a Fork

He’s a dawg

The Oklahoma City Dodgers are promoting what they call a Cali Club:

Cali Club at Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark

Components:

Guacamole, diced tomatoes, pepper jack cheese, and shredded lettuce on an all-beef hot dog!

Ask about it at Franx.

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It’s weaponized!

With bacon, the question always is “What can’t it do?” See, for instance, this oh-so-British incident:

On her way to the market, an 86-year-old woman stopped by an ATM, according to the Greater Manchester Police’s Facebook page via Time, and when she started off home, she wasn’t alone. As she pushed her cart full of groceries out of the store, she was “challenged by an unknown female who grabbed her trolley and demanded the money she had withdrawn.” Instead of handing over the pounds, the elderly woman beat the thief with meat until her attacker ran away. Who knew bacon was so lethal?

[insert “meat beating” joke here]

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I do believe it’s true

Now, about those seeds:

boneless watermelon

(Via Todd Wilbur.)

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Gut reaction

This isn’t quite the British equivalent of “Here, hold my beer,” but it’s close:

A man was rushed to hospital, suffering from severe stomach pains, after eating three chicken wings doused in sauce made from what is thought to be the world’s hottest chili pepper.

Mark McNeil, 36, was hoping to be able to eat ten of the chicken wings to win a competition.

Despite being given advice at the University Hospital of North Tees for severe stomach pain, he is looking to try again in the competition which is held at The George on Stockton High Street.

The pepper in question?

The Carolina Reaper, originally named the HP22B, is a cultivar of chili pepper of the Capsicum chinense species. It is currently the hottest pepper in the world.

On the Scoville scale, where the jalapeño rates somewhere below 10,000, the Reaper checks in well beyond a million.

(Via Bayou Renaissance Man.)

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Dough, boy

I’m not sure I believe a word of this. That said, there are thieves, and then — well, there’s this guy:

Martin Klein, 41, of Las Vegas, was arrested after a shoplifting incident turned horribly wrong. According to reports, Mr. Klein and his partner, Jerry Weis, had stolen several grocery items from the Las Vegas Walmart.

Reportedly, Klein and Weis had entered the Las Vegas Walmart at approximately 11 A.M. and headed towards the breakfast food aisle. Both of the men had taken several cans of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls from the aisle and headed towards the bathroom. According to CCTV footage, Klein and his partner entered the restroom and stayed inside for nearly 20 minutes before exiting.

I’m not sure you want to know how this worked out:

According to eyewitnesses, the EMT that treated Klein on the scene said the Pillsbury Cinnamon Roll can exploded due to the amount of pressure inside Klein’s anus coupled with the shock of the fall. The can and its contents were removed from Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein was treated for his injuries and then placed into the custody of Las Vegas Police. Jerry Weis, the other suspect in the shoplifting incident, was also arrested. Weis gave a bizarre statement to authorities upon his arrest: “I hope my Mr. Martini will be ok. We just wanted to spice up the love making tonight with something sweet and thought that some Cinnamon Rolls would do the trick. Well at least my darling got the Cinnabuns he wanted. I hope he has some leftovers for me to try.”

Trolling level: Grands.

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Lost in the sauce once again

Jay Friedman says that salt and pepper are for sexual squares:

Describing store customers who are “repulsed” by more exotic spice combinations, Friedman argues that people who stick to salt and pepper “have a strict recipe for life … believe in sex for procreation only” and live their lives “in fear of falling off the edge.” Hence they seek “refuge in rules and regulations.”

He continues with the theme, saying people who keep their spices simple are the driving forces behind “anti-gay, anti-birth control, anti-sex education sentiment.”

They are “anti-sex and anti-pleasure, with such sentiment sometimes turning hostile,” Friedman writes. Never missing a chance to mention that he’s a sex educator, he continues that “I’ve endured angry confrontation, received hate mail, and faced vitriol that’s escalated to the level of death threats.”

Well, we certainly don’t have to traffic in vitriol. How about this: Friedman leaves me alone about my steak au poivre, and I don’t suggest that he find an anal application for sriracha.

(Via Weasel Zippers.)

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Twenty years from now it will be mandatory

So I distrust this, as I distrust all such pronouncements. But for now, the Food Police are boasting of their latest easy bust:

Breaking news: Everything fun causes death.

The FDA, aka, killjoys, has said it is no longer safe to eat raw cookie dough — even if you’re using one of those Pinterest recipes that doesn’t use raw eggs, according to the Indy News. In fact, the administration said in a new consumer update posted Tuesday, it’s not safe to eat raw flour in any form. Not homemade “play dough,” not licking the spoon of brownie batter. Nothing.

The FDA never finds a thing in the world wrong with, for instance, autostart video.

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And the lines are drawn

The first thing I noticed was that the food was much better down here in rehab. So I started comparing notes, and eventually arrived at the truth of the matter: the Happy Healers imposed several dietary restrictions on me, so I got gruel, or worse, diet gruel. In rehab, all I face is a 75-gm cap on carbs.

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I’ve had worse

And perhaps so have you:

What I ate today:

  • coffee
  • 1 banana
  • apple slices with almond butter
  • 3 carrots w/ tahini (This tahini isn’t raw.)
  • jicama
  • salad w/ mixed lettuce, tomatoes, pine nuts, avocado, white balsamic vinegar, olive oil, nutritional yeast
  • 1 zucchini
  • coffee
  • Bragg’s Organic Apple Cider Vinegar Drink (Acquired taste.)
  • 6 Kalamata olives

She said “coffee” twice.

And some folks are perfectly happy with that. It makes me want an Eskimo Pie.

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Vaya con queso

If I were to list all the individuals with whom I might associate quesadillas, William Shatner would probably be second from the bottom. Still:

Shatner Quesadilla via Bad Menu

First from the bottom? After the jump:

Read the rest of this entry »

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Make yourself a meal

An idea by Roberta X takes root, and a tasty root it is:

There would probably be limits on second helpings, purely for logistical reasons.

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Fear of Florida

Okay, not fear exactly, but maybe some deep-dish, dark premonitions:

I believe I’m going to have to FORGET ABOUT ACTUAL PIZZA after I move to Florida and just accept that Stouffer’s French bread pizza is the closest I’m ever going to get to actual PIZZA ever again.

I also believe I’m going to be sweaty and have bad hair forever.

And maybe have a 120 degree car interior waiting for me wherever I go.

Tell me that I’m wrong.

You’re wrong — about the pizza anyway. About one-third of the population of Florida is transplanted from New York and/or New Jersey; perhaps one-third of the pizza joints are operated by escapees from the Tri-State Area, so I don’t really think a Jersey girl is going to have a problem with that.

Admittedly, the combination of 90-degree heat and 90-percent humidity will play hell with everything else. On the upside, you won’t have to move your car when the snowplow comes through.

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Should have called it “Oreoboros”

What we have here, if you remember your “Cookies and Creme” ice cream, is essentially Oreo-flavored Oreos:

Oreo Cookies & Creme

Available exclusively at Walmart stores during 2017.

Me, I think I’d have a few of these for dessert after a dinner of, say, Chicken-Fried Chicken.

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I just canteloupe

Does one actually eat these?

Hello Kitty melon

The price is — well, you’ve seen worse:

[T]his year’s Hello Kitty Furano melons are an absolute steal at 5,500 yen (US$51.62) each. Grown in Furano, Hokkaido, one of the country’s best growing regions for the fruit, the special melon weighs roughly 1.8 kilograms (3.97 pounds), and stands out from its cheaper counterparts as the cutest in its field, with a distinctive Hello Kitty-shaped netting on its surface.

If this doesn’t sound inexpensive to you, do not read about the two non-Kitty melons auctioned off in Hokkaido last month for ¥3,000,000 the pair (US $27,240).

Only 300 will be available, and apparently they don’t ship outside Japan.

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Score this as a W

A Swedish court has ruled that M&Ms have the wrong sort of M:

The Stockholm Court of Appeals has barred Mars from selling its candy-covered chocolates using the lower-case “m&m” name in the country, judging it resembled a local brand too closely.

If Mars doesn’t appeal the ruling granting exclusive rights to Marabou for its “m” chocolate-covered almonds and peanuts, it will have to use the capital M&M logo in Sweden starting in July, or face fines of up to $246,000.

The Marabou brand belongs to snacks giant Mondelēz, maker of Oreo cookies and Cadbury and Toblerone chocolates.

Said snacks giant defends itself well:

In January, Nestlé lost its case to trademark the finger shape of its KitKat bars as a British court ruled that a Norwegian bar, called Kvikk Lunsj — also owned by Mondelēz — was entitled to use the same shape.

(Via @fussfactory.)

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Presumably an unhappy ending

Paracanthurus hepatus, we hardly knew ye.

(Via Laura Northrup.)

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Real cheezy there, Herb

Same great taste, now at three times the price!

Downside: Not as tasty as Fritos.

Upside: Probably tastier than kale.

(Via Felix Salmon.)

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The path of yeast resistance

Brian J. polishes off about one-half of one percent of a jar of Vegemite:

I mean, I grew up in poverty, but my family was not poor enough to serve this.

I’m blessed to have grown up in a bountiful land where one can go pick food from outdoors instead of a desert surrounded by twenty-foot-long crocodiles.

The wikihistory of Vegemite is that an entrepreneur wanted to make a food out of industrial by-products. And he did it.

God help me, I saw in the Wiki entry that they use it as a pastry filling. I suspect that the Australians do this to keep other people away from their doughnuts.

You know why Australian rules football is so vicious? The winners get a Vegemite sandwich. The losers get a year’s supply of Vegemite and a sixty-DVD Paul Hogan complete film set.

This is not unlike Steve Harvey’s reaction:

“Sounds like a pesticide. That about damn near what it tastes like.”

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And then something rises

Sometimes it’s the simplest things that keep you going:

I’ve had smaller, less intense dissociative episodes almost constantly, in addition to chest pains, anxiety attacks, and other symptoms. I have difficulty believing that I am really here, that my life is real, that the world around me isn’t a dream. I feel like I flicker in and out of reality.

But baking helps. Baking is something that knits my body and soul together, calming the mind that is so desperate to escape. My body becomes an anchor to the real world. Baking is tactile, purposeful, and produces a usable result (most of the time). Due to years of unemployment, under-employment, and abusive workplaces, food has not always been a guarantee. I’ve had to choose between keeping my phone connected, feeding my cat, or buying groceries for myself. Things are still tight. I have no hope of owning a car any time soon. I’ll never own a house or be able to retire. Some weeks, all I can afford to eat is cheap pasta. But as long as I have flour, water, yeast, and salt, I can make bread. Bread takes on a new importance when it is an essential part of a meal plan. It may not be exciting, but it’s always nourishing, always filling, always simply there. It’s not a feast, but it is food. It keeps me going.

I may tell myself that I reposted this here for you, but I suspect I reposted this here mostly for me.

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Non-refillable, non-disposable

Oh, wait, you can refill it, provided you meet certain requirements:

One should not present me with temptations like this. Who knows what I might put into that bottle?

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Put it on your Bucket List

I mean, they still sell KFC by the bucket, don’t they?

There’s a precedent for beauty products inspired by fast food: Last year Burger King Japan released a cologne designed to smell like flame-grilled beef patties. But the new effort from KFC in Hong Kong is arguably more bizarre.

Working with Ogilvy & Mather, KFC launched two edible nail polishes with flavors based on the brand’s best-loved recipes: Original and Hot & Spicy.

As Ogilvy explains in a release: “To use, consumers simply apply and dry like regular nail polish, and then lick — again and again and again.”

And KFC certainly can’t object to your finger-lickin’, can they?

Still, I have to wonder if this sort of thing is making Colonel Sanders rotate at faster-than-rotisserie speeds.

(Via Vandana Puranik.)

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Mr. Jerkbar

Apparently chocolate isn’t the draw it used to be:

American protein fiends who want a break from yogurt cups and Clif bars will soon have another option: meat bars.

Starting this summer, Hershey’s will introduce a souped up version of jerky from its Krave Pure Foods division, which the company acquired last year. If the concept is a bit bizarre, so are the flavors: black cherry barbecue, basil citrus and pineapple orange. Meat snacks are a tiny category in the US, said Marcel Nahm, the vice president of US snacks for Hershey’s. But as more consumers pore over food labels to find healthier, protein-packed snacks, more food companies are banking on health foods becoming a lasting trend.

Jack Link was not available for comment.

(Via Keaton Fox.)

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Wandering every which way

Yesterday was Taco Tuesday, and at some point in the proceedings I was sufficiently bored to read the label on the jar of taco sauce. “Old El Paso. Harrumph.” Mindful of a rival’s derisive TV spots of yore — “Why, this stuff’s made in New York City!” — I prepared myself for, at the very least, more harrumphing.

And there it was in boldface: “Distributed by General Mills Sales, Minneapolis, MN 55440.” The harrumph began, but broke off during the next line: “©2014 Pet Incorporated.” Um, say what?

As it turns out, Old El Paso originated in not-all-that-old El Paso, at an operation called Mountain Pass Canning Company, dating to 1938. After that, things got really complicated:

  • In 1968, Pet acquired the Mountain Pass Canning Company, maker of the Old El Paso brand of Mexican food products.
  • Acquired by IC Industries (ICI) in 1978. Hussmann and Pet were made into separate divisions of ICI.
  • In 1981, ICI sold off the Musselman division.
  • In 1982, the William Underwood Company was acquired, bringing with it the brands B&M and Ac’cent.
  • In 1985, the PET Dairy division was sold to the Challer Foods subsidiary of Finevest Dairy Holdings. This did not include the canned milk products.
  • In 1986, Pet acquired Ogden Food Products (including the brands Progresso, Las Palmas, Hollywood, and Hain) and Primo Foods, an Italian foods marketer.
  • in 1988, ICI changed its name to Whitman Corp.
  • Acquired Orval Kent, a prepared salad maker, in 1989.
  • In 1990, Pet, Inc. was spun off of Whitman.
  • In 1993, Pet sold the Whitman’s chocolate brand to Russell Stover Candies.
  • In 1994, Orval Kent was sold to Horizon Partners, a private equity group in Milwaukee.
  • In 1995, Pet was acquired by the Pillsbury Company division of Grand Metropolitan. Major brands of interest are Old El Paso and Progresso.
  • In 1997, Grand Met merged with Guinness to form Diageo.
  • In 1999, Pillsbury sold the William Underwood business to B&G Foods.
  • In 2000, General Mills acquired Pillsbury (incl. Pet) from Diageo.
  • In 2001, to satisfy the US FTC, Diageo and General Mills agreed to sell several, but not all, Pillsbury brands to International Multifoods. This included the PET Evaporated Milk and PET dry creamer products.

I think I’ll paste that entire list at the next person who tries to lecture me about the importance of branding as an indicator of stability.

And after that litany, we know the distributor, but we still don’t know where this stuff is made.

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Meanwhile at the coffee bar

They now have actual bars of coffee:

GO CUBES Chewable Coffee by Nootrobox

It’s a matter of portion control, says the manufacturer:

How much caffeine is in your regular cup of joe? 25 mg? 200 mg? You have no idea. It depends on many variables, including, bean varietal, process, and barista skill. Know exactly how much caffeine you consume so you can stay perfectly in the zone.

Nootrobox, the creators of GO CUBES, are experts at cognitive enhancement and nootropics. In addition to caffeine, GO CUBES contain precise amounts of other safe, effective supplements like L-theanine, B6, and methylated B12 that improve caffeine for enhanced focus & clarity.

They don’t seem expensive, either: the four-pack includes the equivalent of two cups of coffee, and a box of 20 four-packs from Amazon is $59. You don’t get latte decoration and such, but what the hey. And it’s got to be more interesting than Vivarin.

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Na, not really

The medical profession has long put the “odium” in “sodium.” I seldom add salt to anything, but I have a tendency to read while I eat, which detracts from the actual eating experience. So I’m probably not a candidate for this swell gadget, but I can think of lots of people who will be:

Japanese scientists are working on a solution in the form of a fork which is able to generate a salty taste by stimulating the tongue with electricity. The fork is being developed in Tokyo University’s Rekimoto Lab and is intended to allow those who must eat salt-free diets for their health to at least be able to enjoy the taste. It was trialled earlier in March as part of a project called “No Salt Restaurant” where a venue was offering a completely salt-free five course meal and proved to be a success.

The fork’s handle contains a rechargeable battery and electric circuit and when the user puts the fork into their mouth they simply have to press a button on the handle which applies a small electric charge to their tongue.

I suggest you not try it out on pizza.

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The price we pay for honesty

It is indeed stiff:

Meanwhile, you can get a whole can of biscuits of questionable uprightness for less than a dollar, and maybe they won’t explode in the trunk of your car.

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Probably not a kale fan

Baby Kale by OrganicGirlAt least, that’s the most reasonable conclusion I reach from this:

Got some groceries. Also got some non-food items like this package of kale. I got the smallest package I could find because I really don’t like kale. I would say I hate it, but hate requires expending some energy, energy that you will never get from kale. This entire package of kale will only deliver 70 calories of energy. With a price of $4, that comes to almost 6 cents per calorie. 6 cents doesn’t sound like much, but if you need 2,000 calories a day, that comes to $120. For something that tastes like dirt.

Then again, I know no one who lives exclusively on kale, or at least no one who would admit to it. And there is more to nutrition than calories:

The standouts are the high content of calcium, vitamin C, vitamin B6, folic acid, vitamin A (in the form of beta-carotene), vitamin K, potassium, manganese, copper, and even the plant form of omega-3 fatty acids (alpha-linolenic acid). In addition to the carotenoid beta-carotene, kale contains other very important carotenoid molecules called lutein and zeaxanthin (both necessary for eye health) and numerous others (probably too many to count, and maybe even yet identified).

On the downside: as packaged above — 5-ounce container — it’s 80 cents an ounce, which is $12.80 a pound, about what I paid for my last New York strip. And that strip didn’t taste like dirt, either.

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Multiple elbows

I’m sure this appeals to somebody, but for now, I think I’ll pass:

Stephanie Richard thinks insects are the protein of the future. The French chef runs L’Atelier a Pates, a pasta shop that sells a range of homemade pastas, including several made from crickets and grasshoppers. Richard’s customers have embraced her strange insect pastas with such enthusiasm that she’s struggling to keep up with demand.

According to CTV News, Richard pulverizes crickets, grasshoppers, or a combination of the two insects to create a special flour, which she then mixes with normal pasta ingredients like eggs and wheat flour. She claims the insects add to the flavor of the pasta and turn it into high-protein cuisine. “It’s protein of high quality that is well digested by the body,” Richards told CTV News. “People with iron or magnesium deficiencies will also eat these products.”

I am not at all keen on the prospect of actual pests taking up space in my pesto.

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Our hostess wins Brownie points

Actually, I don’t think the Girl Scouts have an official position on what wine goes with which cookie, so this item (courtesy of Babble) should probably be considered Non-Standard:

Match the wine to the Girl Scout Cookie

Wonder what I should dip into this handy Cardbordeaux?

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B-minus rations

When I was one of Uncle Sam’s grunts, the MRE — technically “Meal, Ready to Eat” but often disparaged as “Meal Rejected by Ethiopians” or worse — did not exist; we were still on the legendary (and not in a particularly good way) C-rations. I rather vividly remember a bivouac breakfast consisting of “Ham, Water Added, and Eggs, Chopped, Canned.” I am told the MRE is a decided improvement. Still, the MRE is expected to last for three years in storage, which would seem to limit the fare to Mickey D’s Happy Meals with the occasional Twinkie.

But now: pizza. Really:

“It’s a fully assembled and baked piece of pizza in one package,” Lauren Oleksyk, a food technologist at the US Army’s Natick Soldier Research, Development, and Engineering Center, told Tech Insider.

So what does it taste like? Think cafeteria pizza, or as Oleksyk describes it, like “day after pizza.” And while its square shape and bready crust can’t rival a New York slice, Olesky said soldiers give it the thumbs up.

I don’t know anyone who objects to day-old leftover pizza: it’s the delicious part of a marginally healthful breakfast.

Still, putting pizza into an MRE required some serious technology:

One hurdle to overcome was figuring out how to prevent mold from growing. For the dough, they used something called Hurdle technology that creates layers of protection from preventing bacteria forming. The tomato sauce has a higher pH and is more acidic to keep the critters away.

Well, technically there’s no one specific hurdle method: you use whatever’s appropriate for the contents to be stored. But I’m pretty sure this sort of thing didn’t exist in the days of the C-ration.

Meanwhile, Francis W. Porretto gets at the tactical details:

[C]an this fabled pizza survive a point-blank round from a Vulcan cannon? How about a Kalashnikov?

Most certainly, I’m not the guy to test this.

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