Archive for You Asked For It

Strange search-engine queries (450)

The number 450 hasn’t a great deal of applicability in real life: for me, it’s the temperature to which I should have preheated the oven instead of 400, but I didn’t notice until I’d already shoved in a full baking sheet. In Canada, it’s the score for a perfect game (twelve consecutive strikes) in five-pin bowling. Anyway, here are this week’s search strings:

“baby duck syndrome” asperger:  This perhaps explains more about the grown-up Donald than Disney had intended.

blurbese:  The language of marketing. Any similarity to English is coincidental and not intended.

scdo 07 latex corset ballet boots:  As seen on People of Wal-Mart.

the wonderful webers:  Not referring to grilles, either.

slightly skewed skateboards of oklahoma:  You know, we wouldn’t have this issue if we had some real sidewalks.

626 capella glx fuel consamptoin:  It’s like “consumption,” only faster.

celia ebert one buckhead loop condo association:  Never met Ms Ebert, but I’ve seen plenty of buckheads thrown for a loop.

the boston rag:  That would be the Globe. (The rival Herald is more of a dustcloth.)

elyse moore diaryland xanga:  Um, did you try Geocities?

martha lasley “clean language”:  Um, did you try Geocities?

cold calculating thinking:  Less common than it used to be, but so are other varieties of thinking.

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Strange search-engine queries (449)

Welcome to Monday. Here’s what you (not you you, necessarily) were looking for last week.

muslims cameltoe:  Not the same thing. They use real camels.

how to set tappets on a mazda 626 1983 model:  Did you consider checking this out with Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers? Because this is, like, their wheelhouse.

hit records that should be in stereo:  These days, all of them. Then again, they’re so loud, who can tell?

rolling stones monaural records:  Practically all of them in the Andrew Loog Oldham days, with the exception of the ones recorded at Chess in Chicago. Then again, they’re so loud, who can tell?

the invisible woman 1983:  Haven’t seen her since.

names of female that can turn invisible:  I warn you, she may not look like her passport photo.

what can i put in my cd4e transmission to quiet the pump:  The proper fluid, for once?

are spammers:  No. They’re just hard up for work.

threadbare essentials:  The epitome of shabby chic.

pictures of mature sexy irish tinker women:  Come on now. Be specific.

andrea harris in a thong:  Not a chance. Trust me.

trip to gunnison beach saw penises:  What were you expecting, some sort of Playboy pictorial? Approximately half the population has penises (usually men).

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Strange search-engine queries (448)

Lucky me, I got to fight with a server outage over the weekend, and therefore this week’s entries are not necessarily from, you know, this week. They’re still real, though, even if the links may have expired by now.

textbooks suck:  And not only that, but they cost six times as much as other books that suck.

wraith sentence about 750 to 2500 words using the pronoun i:  I think that I’d find that to be a pretty long sentence, I would, and I think that the wraiths would agree with me.

hes just a man:  You sure he wasn’t a wraith?

why aren’t unfrosted blueberry pop tarts available in california?  I’d guess it’s because they don’t meet emissions requirements. [burp]

publicity plan for a yogurt business:  “No crawly things. Ever.”

bubba the love sponge comments on mexican immigrants on 93.1:  Hey, as long as they aren’t eating up the yogurt.

appraisal of uneconomic remnant real estate parcels by a municipality in condemnation:  “You’re blighted! You hear that? Blighted! We’re gonna tear you down and put in a yogurt business!”

what willbe mybasic income a month as a lpn in new orleans:  About as much as you’d make dishing up frozen yogurt.

what transmission is in my ford probe:  Probably a broken one.

rebate check “positive id required” deposit:  Yeah, they wouldn’t want to hand over a buck-fifty to the wrong person, now would they?

dickweed polish:  Hmmm. I always thought he was Hungarian.

jim cantore boxers briefs:  If it ever gets to the point that we know, there will probably be an evacuation order.

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Strange search-engine queries (447)

The so-called “dog days” of summer are actually of no special interest to dogs; even when it’s ten below outside, they’re just happy to be here. This is a lesson I have yet to learn.

www.2001 mazda valve body cb4e automatc transmission(fits mazda 626):  You really think someone’s going to sell you the valve body separately? Rotsa ruck with that.

problems associated with mazda 626:  Parts shortages due to people constantly searching for them on the Web.

my 1995 GMC suburban flashs its dash and signal lites ever 10 mineta what doos this:  I’d suggest you read your manual, but this might be beyond your capacity. In the meantime, pick up a used Mazda.

invisible woman 1983:  Probably easier to find than random transmission parts.

cd4e fluid out overflow:  Yeah, I suppose if fluid’s coming out of it, that’s an overflow.

grace slick aston martin:  Well, you know, she has funny cars.

chuck’s seed and feed:  You blew the punch line! No wonder nobody got it.

kaiser wilhelm’s batman:  Not to be confused with The Goddamn Batman.

gulliver naughty:  Aw, he was just trying to get a Lilliput.

under ground music various artists circa 1970:  By now, many of them are literally under ground.

rainbow dash thunder lane sex fanfiction:  Oh, he wishes.

filly feelers rainbow dash:  That’s “filly-foolers,” you flankhat.

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Strange search-engine queries (446)

It was never our intention to make you cry on a Monday morning. The guys wielding the tear gas — well, that’s another matter entirely.

where is mazda protege 1987 speed sensor automatic:  A secret that will never be told.

novel about an invisible woman:  You might try Hillary’s Hard Choices. You can barely see her against the framework of excuses, passive-aggressiveness, and sheer downright FUD, and it’s nonfiction mostly because she says it is.

dong resin:  Something you will not find in Hillary’s book.

mx little pony banned From Equestria:  This is true. You want your email in Canterlot, you better have an A record rather than an MX.

instructions for making a magic antidote:  This is why we can’t have nice potions.

is going without hosiery considered gauche?  Only if your bare legs look like they’ve been overlaid with a map of the New York subway system.

cut out song king mack fowler:  Apparently someone was wondering what happened to those two million copies of the soundtrack album of the Sgt. Pepper’s movie.

major pain diaz:  I think I served under him during World War 2.5.

tonight you can do anything you want eharmony:  Not a chance. What if I have a date or something?

who make sifry fried onion at sam hoston pkwy:  Probably some Food Extrusion plant near Secaucus, New Jersey.

audeo vobis non me:  Not quite a double-dog dare, is it?

sextube meta windowslive:  You’d think a Windows phone would have this sort of thing built in.

why is this happening the electronic shift solenoid 2001 mercury cougar all gears pull except drive no trouble codes come up help:  Should I tell him that he has five solenoids in that slushbox?

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Strange search-engine queries (445)

Last week, a couple of thousand people wandered onto this Web site. But only a handful were looking for stuff like this:

generic limerick:  This is not the one that begins “There was an old hermit named Dave…”

girl drinks invisibility potion stories:  And she dies and the medical examiner just shakes his head.

96 mazda 626 transmission bands or plates:  [buzz] “Name two things I can’t possibly fix on my own.”

f3a transmission and tcm wiring:  [buzz] “Name two more things I can’t possibly fix on my own.”

brumstidk in sight:  Initiate evasive actions.

What is recombinant b n a:  The genetic code you must have to be able to change planes in Nashville.

brina flashong hold light on dadh:  You just let your mom worry about that, honeychild.

96 cougar od button:  That’s all we need: somebody OD’ing in a Cougar.

george washington’s axe for sale handle replaced:  Yes, but is it the original blade?

vo tech tanya tucker sussex vo tech nj:  Because if there’s one thing Tanya Tucker reminds you of, it’s vo-tech in New Jersey.

nokia komposer ambulan dan lowbat:  Because, as Weird Al says, “I paid good money for this ringtone.”

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Strange search-engine queries (444)

“Come Monday, it’ll be all right / Come Monday, I’ll be holding you tight…” Well, no. Actually, come Monday, I’ll be posting the wackiest search strings of the week. Have fun in Margaritaville, Jimbo.

“synaptic dump”:  That’s what I’d end up taking if I wound up in Margaritaville.

you can never please anybody in this world:  Sure you can. All you have to do is hate the same people they hate and promise them free government crap.

is it hard to take the top blocks on a 1999 mazda 626 v6 es:  If you have the right tools and a reasonable bit of familiarity with that engine, no. Otherwise, you’re screwed.

fawlty towers resort is still clothing optional:  I think your information is fawlty.

specs 195 55 15:  It’s a tire size, fercrissake. Anything else you need to know, you have to check out the actual tire.

“nice guy syndrome” -manga:  There are no nice guys in anime.

mondeo cd4e servo piston blown out:  Amazingly, there’s no YouTube video showing you how to replace it.

spiel don’t Trey:  Is that like “Homie don’t play that”?

prepaid EarthLink service term will soon expire:  And you let it, or you listen to them try to sell you other stuff for half an hour.

do all mazda 626 have bad transmission:  No, just yours.

first student bus driver hello kitty duct tape:  In contemporary Hollywood, this is what passes for a screen treatment.

preserveness:  That’s what keeps your jam up and jelly tight.

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Strange search-engine queries (443)

Monday morning brings lots of things, not all of which you may have wanted. Which is precisely why we present this brief summation of what sort of crap people were hoping to find at this site last week.

phil spector stereo:  It’s like Grumpy Cat’s holiday weekend. No matter how it turned out, it was awful.

biggify or biggerize:  Depends on the degree of expandage desired.

mazda 626 1987 yaha:  Not to mention whoop-de-doo.

how much carborator manfolt for 626 madza car:  And whoop-de-doo to you too.

naked andrea boehrer:  Who is she, and why is she naked?

how to jumpstart a puberty:  Ask Andrea Boehrer, whoever she is.  And now there’s this Nolan guy? Sheesh.

softly whispering i love you david and jonathan:  Jonathan smiled and said nothing, while David tried to suppress the urge to deck the interloper.

katrena naive sexy ads pechar:  If she thinks sexy ads are going to help her career, she’s probably more naive than we thought.

turd world problems:  Among other things, the occupants are full of crap.

kali atrox:  Is this the woman who’s going to be the new Thor?

donwload dustury:  Bless you, Autocorrect.

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Strange search-engine queries (442)

The 4-4-2 combination looms large in Oldsmobile history. Originally it meant a four-barrel carb, a four-speed stick, and dual exhaust, though time and “improvements” gradually eroded away its significance. Not unlike this weekly feature, in fact.

gao yuanyuan diet:  Just gao ahead and eat whatever yuan damn please.

local girl sex vedio with her name in 1mb or 600kb:  That’s either a very short “vedio” or a very long name.

compilation album Neil young big yellow taxi Joni Mitchell groundhog:  Keep me waiting for this heart of rodent, leave me the birds and the bees.

how do transmission coolers work:  Asks the guy who doesn’t know yet that he needs one.

slightly skewed skateboards of oklahoma:  I blame the sidewalks, or the lack thereof.

Borat and gary jones:  One of the great bromances in the history of the U. S. and A.

aggravated mopery:  See also Robbie Robertson’s plaint: “I’ve just spent sixty days in the jailhouse for the crime of having no dough.”

1996 MAZDA 626 SHIFTING ROUGH:  It’s almost 19 years old. You should be surprised it shifts at all.

what does the automatic transmission linkage clip look like for a 1996 mazda 626:  Why, is it shifting rough or something?

cash for gold 39th may okc:  You can’t miss it, even if you want to.

I have a drainage ditch in my yard whixh is strictly for neighbors water to drain, shouldn’t he be responsible for upkeep?  It’s your yard, Bunkie. Either grant an easement or STFU.

femmes are invisible:  You’re not looking hard enough.

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Strange search-engine queries (441)

Another week goes by, another trip through — and sometimes over — the logs, looking for the search strings that brought you (no, not you, some other you) to this very site.

how to remove cd4e from 2000 mazda 626:  If you have to ask, you don’t have any business trying to do it in your back yard.

The Girl Gets Her Cape Tugged:  If it was Wonder Woman, you’re probably singing an octave higher by now.

mono recording and mixing:  Piece of cake. All you have to do is forget you have 31 (or 63) other tracks at your disposal.

What is tje function of the hold button one a ford gear lever:  I’d suggest you read the manual, but now that I come to think of it, this may be more difficult than I’d have expected. Also, you misspelled “teh.”

peter mulready drugs:  Hmmm. Never seen those at Walgreens.

99 cougar transmission shifts eratic when hot:  Oh. Erratic. I thought you were trying to say something else. (Never know with those Cougars.)

Mane six r34:  Take your clop somewhere else. Oh, and don’t touch the screen.

naked andrea boehrer:  Take your clop somewhere else. Oh, and don’t touch the screen.

what happens when you hold your breath and bite your tongue:  You get a much more entertaining session of the legislature.

vapor barriers NASCAR racing:  The delicate scent of melting tires should keep you from wandering onto the oval.

heir to the massengill fortune:  A perfect query for a summer’s eve.

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Strange search-engine queries (440)

If you’re groggy after the long weekend, well, trust me, you are not alone in your suffering. Fortunately, the Web surfers don’t take the days off, so I still have something to post on Monday morning.

ce inseamna o/d off:  I’ve only known one woman whose inseam seemed to be in overdrive.

mrs butterworth rule:  “Don’t lick the top of the bottle” will do for starters.

1996:  A year in which no one has partied like it’s.

We at the Internal Revenue Service would like to inform you that: you have qualified for 2014’s subsidy benefit. scam light houses:  In fact, scam all the houses. Everyone wants a subsidy.

who is don alverzo:  If there’s ever a steampunk version of Sábado Gigante, he’s the host.

Duratec and ATX Rebuild Pages/CD4E FAQ.html:  You know, when Ford announced this particular transmission as “light-duty,” that should have been a clue.

www.pakistan colig garl pechar in burqa:  That’s a switch. Usually we get requests for them out of burqa.

zappos female models:  I dunno. Does Zappos sell burqas?

lou reed shawn colvin:  The very antithesis of a Perfect Day.

why does the engine fuse blow up on a 1994 mazda 626:  They generally don’t do that, so we shall assume that it’s Your Fault.

erotic stories of boy using invisibility potion on his mother:  I think you just pinned the Creepy Meter.

fixing mazda remove hold mode flashlight:  Um, it’s gonna take a lot more than a flashlight to fix this.

851 vents:  Pay attention. You’re about six months behind the times.

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Strange search-engine queries (439)

Here we are, nearly halfway through the year, and the talk has changed from “Hurry up, summer!” to “Damn, is it supposed to be this hot?” The one thing that hasn’t changed, of course, is your Monday roundup of funky search strings.

helle thorning-schmidt shoe size:  Who is this, the EU Foot Patrol, looking for statistical outliers?

replace selector cable on 2003 mazda tribute:  Another shade-tree mechanic, on a day when there’s no shade.

dustbury 626 gear ratio:  At the moment, I’m geared for minimum acceleration.

joe webber married to diane webber:  Yep, they were. Sorry, no wedding pictures.

Grandma 85yrs.old nude and fucking free:  And probably tired of you boys peering into her parlor window, I’d bet.

room101 bags:  Don’t go looking in there, if you know what’s good for you.

sheila tea for two hundred:  Two hundred? Take a bow, Sheila.

allintext: Allen OR OR  And please hurry. I need to spam this guy before that damn Nigerian prince shows up.

charles basotti you may already be a weiner:  Well, as long as you’re not some damn Nigerian prince.

1995 mondeo with a vehicle speed sensor fault. car won’t go into 5 gear:  So are you bragging or complaining?

comic strip about invisible potion:  Apparently it only works on ’95 Ford Mondeos.

all language .dustnury:  All except that one, anyway.

are movincool classic loud?  Say what? I can’t hear you over this racket.

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Strange search-engine queries (438)

This feature has appeared more or less uninterrupted for over seven years, and unlike the case with some ventures I could name, I have the archives to prove it.

cheap pimped 90s 323s forsale hatchbacks:  Fortunately, pimping a vehicle tends to reduce its resale value, so “cheap” might actually be possible.

rebecca black “saturday” “synthpop”:  Well, it certainly isn’t death metal.

hertzlinger doritos:  Available only during certain times of the year.

How much does a engine weigh in the 1988 Mazda 626:  People asking this are really asking “Do I have to have an engine hoist?” Yes, you do.

origin of the term dirt bag:  Well, it certainly can’t be older than dirt.

jury rig 90 geo prizm oil cap:  Of course, ever last one in the junkyard is gone, because everyone else did the same damned thing.

surlier:  A combination of “surly” and “earlier,” this describes my mood after being told I have to go to work two hours before the usual start time.

penislenthoil:  Probably expensive, like all synthetics aimed at the desperation marketplace.

drowned ferraris:  Funny thing: they can’t swim.

yaris sixy gairl rapes xxx you tube:  See how you like it if you’re raped with a Yaris. Or, indeed, any small Toyota.

Intructions making antidote to reverse the action and visible within an hour instead of a day:  Unfortunately, it’s printed in invisible ink. Maybe tomorrow.

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Strange search-engine queries (437)

While the attention of the world is focused on the World Cup, I’m busy sorting through the last 3600 or so log entries, trying to find what possible reason your search string ended up here. I’m figuring I probably work best uninterrupted.

coaxed pronunciation  See, for instance, Hamlet: “Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you: trippingly on the tongue.” Any more coaxing than that and it would border on coercive.

320porn .com:  This is less than 360, so I assume there are 40, um, activities not covered.

paray full naked pictures:  Must be from one of the 40 not covered.

Is Frosty Troy a socialist?  Naw. But if you need to find one, it won’t be difficult.

waldorf records corp 10″ dean martin LP cover:  Truth be told, and given the fact that Waldorf, despite its name, was purely a budget label, they might have sold it in a plain sleeve.

spendophobia:  A common disease among the middle class, though the US Congress, curiously, has a natural immunity to it.  Don’t be picky. There are some perfectly lovely French women over the age of redacted.

Should i drive with hold on 93 626:  Look at it this way: the car’s over 20 years old. You can’t make things much worse than they already are.

anna swenson equestrian:  And a princess, no less.

how to set up weatheradio model 181b:  Short version: install battery, turn it on, turn tuning knob until you hear something other than noise.

one is never too old to yearn meaning:  Meaning you’re probably too young to understand.

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Strange search-engine queries (436)

Google, eventually, will encrypt all search requests, which will mean that the people who ask for this weird crap someday will be secure in the knowledge that it won’t show up here. In the meantime, though:

phil spector mono vinyl:  Mostly, yes. Why this matters on a Wii U, the device which requested this, I do not know.

the song there dosnt seem to be any one around:  Because, you know, one is the loneliest number, and all that jazz.

sarah michelle gellar double jointed legs:  Hmmm. Now I’m going to have to rewatch all those old episodes of Buffy.  Probably none of them are double-jointed, and what will your mom say?

erotic video kid turns table on mom by turning invisible:  Yeah, like that’s really gonna press Mom’s hot buttons.

non nude pictures of girls in panties:  I suppose that would qualify for “non nude,” yes.

what happened between rebecca black and alexa losey:  I’m not sure, but I don’t think it involved panties.

is the 2001 mazda 626 automatic unleaded gas only:  Hint: Leaded gasoline was banned in the States in 1996.

1930 chevrolet roadster seats spanish grain fabric core 1930 explained:  What do you care? You can’t even run leaded gas in it.

animal and giral fual xxx pechar:  That “xxx” doesn’t make me feel any better about it, let me tell you.

Roger Miller song which mentions Baltimore Colts:  Um, that was Bobby Russell’s “1432 Franklin Pike Circle Hero.” And, of course, the Colts moved to Indianapolis.

www.empty  Now that took some balls.

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Strange search-engine queries (435)

On a Monday, anyway, the best part of waking up is burying your nose in a spreadsheet full of search strings, amirite?

scotapp system initilization:  Otherwise known as “Blue Screen of Produce.”

Chinese magical potion for invisibility:  Seriously, do you want to subject your body to the sort of stress caused by assembly-line apothecaries making $2.85 an hour?

how to fix Mazda tribute drive light:  The general procedure is this: (1) remove bad light; (2) install new one.

mazda 1983 truck cant find reverse:  Did you look in the back? Or was the light bad?

fetish having sex in the backseat of an acura mdx:  Now that’s so, so suburban. Next time, imagine you’re in an ’83 Mazda truck with no reverse gear.

did motown record in mono:  They acquired multitrack recording capabilities early on, but those capabilities were devoted to the best possible sound on a 45, which back then was in mono.

free pak ps2 pogrom:  If it’s actually free, it’s probably so old it runs on an IBM PS/2.

is there a fuse for the tranny on a 86 mercury mystique:  Considering there were no Mercury Mystiques until model year 1995, I think it’s safe to say that there isn’t.

fax say:  The ones I get say things like “You can get $500,000 term insurance NOW!”

automobile magazine jamie kitman fired:  Actually, given all those ancient British contraptions in his yard, “backfired” is probably closer to the mark.

busty jailbait:  Remember: fifteen can get you twenty.

“oh yeah” in a sentence:  Nice to hear from you again, Duff Man.

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Strange search-engine queries (434)

Monday morning finds me busy at work thoroughly zonked after the weekend, and it’s time once again for a trip through the logs in search of cheap blogfodder.

Fiorello LaGuardia fill a pothole quote:  It was something like “There’s no Democratic or Republican way to fill a pothole.” Here in Oklahoma City, where municipal elections are nonpartisan, there’s no way to fill a pothole, period.

Deep web rulez, imao:  Yeah? Where’d you get the link?

what happen if throttle position coming fail in ford mondeo?  Generally, if fail is coming, you stop going.

whos older derrick fisher or tim duncan:  Fisher’s older, though not by much compared to the dinosaurs who walked the earth in those days.

julio iglesias facism:  See, for example, his hit “To All the Proles I’ve Exploited Before.”

overfilling ford cd4e transmission:  Simple. Just pour in the required quantity of ATF, and then don’t stop.

common cents cheat codes:  Giving up so soon?

All work and no play may make Jim a dull boy, but no work and all play makes jim all kinds of a jackass:  You may know Jim, but most assuredly you don’t know jack.

what fails inside 4eat automatic transmission:  Internal parts only. Isn’t that convenient?

if we do not learn by heart, the heart does not feel the rhythms of poetry as echoes or variations of its own insistent beat  Similarly, if we go Googling for passages rather than write our own, the gradebook does not feel the sensation of an A, or sometimes merely a B.

mane six discovering r34:  I wouldn’t wish that on anypony.

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Strange search-engine queries (433)

If you’re just now arriving for the first time — well, what took you so long? This weekly feature celebrates the weirdest and wackiest search strings used by actual Googlers and Bingers and such to get to this very site. I do this because, well, it beats the heck out of coming up with a think piece on a Monday morning.

john green and holt mcdougal:  The fault, dear Brutus, is in Amazon’s database.

fun hourglass:  If it’s like those “fun size” candy bars, it runs out of sand in about a minute and a half.

erath and comanche county scanner news may 9 2014 5:40 pm:  What happened? Someone rob the only liquor store in Stephenville?

“good news about olds”:  It’s like the deal with Hummer: if you ever get another one, you must assume that it’s been used.

halloween “boys dressed up as girls” catholic:  Doesn’t sound like any of the Catholics I went to school with.

define curmudgeoncoot:  You’d know this from Words with Friends, if you had any friends.

do you drive a mazda 626 with the O/D button on or off:  Remember when we first discovered people too dumb to drive a stick? Now we have people too dumb to drive an automatic.

odds of 1in 4 quadrillion from publishers clearing house are outlandish:  But not necessarily inaccurate.

what other vehicles have radiator that fits 1993 mazda protege standard trans:  So you’re removing a component full of rust, and replacing it with a used component from a junkyard. What’s wrong with this picture?

What is the meaning of “Make it a date”?  Now see, this is why you’ve never been on one, and never will.

hold vilgub:  I’ll thank you to hold your own damn vilgub.

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Strange search-engine queries (432)

I hope you thanked your mom yesterday for everything she’s done for you. Now back to work.

alexandra gotardo sexy:  Um, I’ll take your word for it.

how much does a transmission weigh in a mazda 626:  Trust me, you can’t lift it.

2002 mazda 626 v6 dipstick tube ass:  This is what happens when you try to lift it.

are they bringing back ford probe:  No. And be careful with that dipstick tube.

preserveness:  See also “jamification” and “jellitude.” ?interstitial:  Well, as long as it’s not a collect booty call.

pearl cup Newman Datsun:  I always suspected Newman drove something like that.

what’s the value of 2006 retired sangria wine glass by lolita yancy:  Depends. Is it empty?

history of witchcraft in henryetta ok:  That town was never big enough to support more than one witch, and she didn’t talk much.

is there a way to tell if my shift sensor is good or bad:  Replace it. Or consult a nearby witch.

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Strange search-engine queries (431)

Sisyphus had his rock; I have my search-string logs. For both of us, the task seems never-ending; however, I suspect I have more fun than he does.

sexy female escort at winstar casino:  Yeah, you should be so lucky.

Athol Kay on jen aniston:  I don’t think Jen would tolerate that for long.

pechear redyanec masheen:  I haven’t seen such a masheen since, well, ever. Maybe I’ll ask one of my redyanec neighbors.

when and where did sweetwater record the song why oh why?  Who, oh, who, put you up to this? (1968 at the Sound Factory in Hollywood.)

david hooten for senate:  You’ll recognize him immediately. He’s the Republican who’s not married to Sally Kern.

ford probe transmission identify:  Yep, that there’s a transmission, all right.

lesley gore herself:  Wouldn’t that hurt?

1924 what happened that year what is a fillyjonk:  Well, Tove Jansson was 10 years old in 1924; a fillyjonk is a “female … who believes order and principle are vital to life, and she does not want her three children to learn bad habits. She easily loses her temper and even the slightest misfortune depresses her. She is often seen cleaning the house.” (Definition from Wikipedia.)

caned across the seat of trousers:  Standard classical discipline. (Remove the trousers, and you have, um, something else.)

lawsuit filed on injured finger poulan weedeater gas blower:  Or that’s what you’re hoping for, anyway.

kyrgyz consonants how do we pronounce:  Just the way they look. Don’t try to breathe in between.

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Strange search-engine queries (430)

Once again, we take a peek into who’s been visiting, and why, and should the why have amusement potential, we blow it out of proportion. Because Monday.

for emily wherever i may find her emily dickinson:  Paul Simon says it wasn’t her. Then again, he was supposedly a Robert Frost fan, if you believe conversations that dangle.

naturally stoned 1968:  Some have yet to emerge from that state.

summary of if you ask me: spellbound by libby gelman-waxner in new york:  Obviously you need to read this; Libby can be spellbound anywhere from Beverly Hills-adjacent to Burkino Faso, without so much as wrinkling that chenille skirt she got from a Junior League fundraiser.

1 june 2004 watchtower:  Ask the nearest Witness, coming up your street right this instant.

csaba csere testifies dealership service fraud:  Which is not at all applicable to your situation: you bought that hunk of crap for twice its value without checking it out.

christy brinkley getting out of limo:  Keep in mind, first you have to get her into the limo.

what does the solenoid in the transmission for the mazda 626 do:  You wouldn’t ask this if it were still doing it.

angie dickinson million dollar legs:  $735,600 after depreciation.

what high mileage ATF anyone use for cd4e:  Nobody knows: if you believe the message boards, no one’s ever gotten a CD4E to “high mileage.”

I am a nymphomaniac of the heart:  Not a transferable skill, I am told.

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Strange search-engine queries (429)

It’s Monday morning, and you all know what that means: time to poke around in the server logs until such time as we turn up something that might marginally qualify as amusing. Blather, rinse, repeat. Leaves your hair — pretty much alone, actually.

overlord of the flies:  Surprisingly, it’s the kid who pins them down and pulls off their wings.

teacher story locker numbers IQ:  What they don’t tell you is that the kid in locker #172, thinking himself a genius, proclaimed himself Overlord of the Flies.

prono ghique photo:  It’s not all ghiques; sometimes you see kneards and dorques.

94′ mazda 626 1st shift rpm high:  Yeah, like you know anything about gear ratios.

can i replace automatic gearbox with manual gearbox on mazda 626:  It would be cheaper just to fix the damn automatic.

i change two transmission in my 03 ford escape 4.4 because no shift and spdometer no work why:  Because you’d rather spend $5000 on part-shuffling than pay someone $3000 to actually fix the bloody thing.

are women sunbathing in her backyard naked woman sunbathing in her backyard naked:  Yeah, we get it. I assure you, if she’s doing it, she’s not doing it for your benefit.

ipop-neo results chart picture:  Why, yes, charts tend to be pictorial. Does this surprise you?

light green bicycle Sena on Latuda advertisement:  That’ll work, sure. “Why did you choose this brand of bicycle?” “I saw it in an ad for antipsychotics.”

is a 86 lx mx 6 a 6 cylinder:  You tell me. Does a BMW 3-series have three cylinders?

stocking jerk:  Good way to cause a run, if you’re not careful.

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Strange search-engine queries (428)

The Polar Vortex rears its ugly head, or heads its ugly rear, and once again we bring in the logs, not so much for warmth as for amusement value.

protege valve body:  Truth be told, I’m still snickering about the possibility of a protege valve: one can only take so many of them, I suppose.

thad balkman adultry case:  Never heard of it, though I will concede the possibility that Balkman is in fact an adult, and probably not a baseball mascot in the Sally League.

brown shoed square:  Make it a cube if he uses the word “cordovan.”

Brussel practice of kung fu Vedio:  Even if the Euroweenies are doing martial arts, I assure you, I don’t want to see it.

entirely symbolic:  For instance, the middle of the “wish sandwich” in “Rubber Biscuit.”

is 2000 mazda 626 v6 automatic a better trans than the 4 cylinder auto trans:  If you define “better” as “harder to fix,” then yes.

ARE WE HAVING FUNDS YET? Solution:  You solve this by, um, obtaining funds. I would think that would have been obvious.

many people hang up on telemarketers but other will listen politely to their pictures even though they are not interested in the product. know that any one who agrees:”  is probably silly enough to think pictures (except motion pictures) can be listened to, politely or otherwise.

I use the 5 speed gearbox Ford Escape for mazda tribute:  Yes, but do you wear sunglasses at night?

what is fair to all corncerd of the four way test:  If everybody gets 25 percent, but thinks he got 30.

what does the fax say:  Not much, though it screeches a helluva lot.

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Strange search-engine queries (427)

“Spring is sprung / The grass is riz / I wonder where / The searches iz?” Right here.

Applications for the Cd4e transmission:  See if you can find one that will tell you when it’s going to fail.

masterbation of purnia girl fully nacked girl:  You’ll never make it there in time, inasmuch as your transmission is about to fail.

i have a 2006 mazda tribut and the transmishion filter is in the transmishion cant be changed how often doo i need oil changed:  I’d point to the manual, but the chance that you’d be able to read it seems awfully small.

what causes the shift solenoid in the transmission to work:  Electricity. Now what causes it not to work?

a small sport-utility vehicle gas tank holds 60 quarts of gasoline. how many gallons does it hold?  Fifteen, which all by itself will decrease the Arctic ice pack by 0.9 percent.

weird trick grocery stores:  You have to know what you’re doing, but generally it works like this: you hand over some green paper, they give you a shoulder roast.

licke boy viode:  If you insist, though I don’t think anyone will like it.

joseph emmet from his 1882 play fritz among the gypsies:  Not recently revived, as the set decorations are constantly on the fritz.

sextube windowslive:  Let’s hope this is Windows XP and you get the malware injection you so richly deserve.

How much does a receptionist earn at skynet:  $10.10 an hour plus all the humans you can exterminate.

index of hendrix .wma:  And so downloads made of sand / Go 404 / and not much more.

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Strange search-engine queries (426)

Monday morning brings a fresh(ish) set of search strings from our very own visitors, lightly mocked, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Interstate 235 36th street interchange prior to reconstruction OKC flickr:  Not even Flickr remembers back that far.

futility is resistable:  Are you kidding me? Entire nations embrace it as a cause.

2001 mazda 626 transmission problem only with 4 cylinder:  Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, Mister Gottahava VeeSix.

what will make transmission slip on 2002 mazda 626:  Most commonly, it’s due to inadequate maintenance.

loratabs gone:  This surely must be a country song, possibly by George Jones.

shania yummy:  I suppose so. No point in telling George Jones, though.

Are exact coins required to travel the Kilpatrick turnpike in oklahoma?  Inexact coins won’t make it through the collecting machine.

running tolls on creek turnpike:  The least you could do was try some inexact coins.

mention about padama lakshmis stepfather:  What about him? You just can’t go around mentioning people.

parent directory ” /bizarre/ -xxx -html -htm -php -shtml -opendivx -md5 -md5sums”:  And guess what, ladies? He’s single!

“deed for speed”:  Hey, where can I get one of those?

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What’s that, friend? You say your bracket is busted and there’s no reason to go on? Allow me to show you this week’s wacky search strings. They won’t make you a million dollars or anything, but hey, it’s Monday; if they get even the most feeble grin out of you, they’ve done their job, and mine.

aux transmission cooler on ford escape 6 speed automatic:  Usually the time to shop for those is before you have an overheating problem.

what in a cd4e will cause it not to come out of first gear:  Any number of things. Has it been overheating?

passeys bronze horse statue stolen in benson:  What, did Iron Man ride it away or something?

how hard is it to rebuild gf4a-el:  You know, there’s a reason they charge you $2000 for that sort of thing.

maggie mayhem data base:  With a name like Maggie Mayhem, I suggest that not a whole lot of data is necessary.

pet sounds album which two songs are instrumental without vocals?  Actually, all the songs without vocals are instrumental. (But just for the record, “Pet Sounds” and “Let’s Go Away For Awhile.”)

which is the number one cylinder on a 1992 Mazda 626 with a 2.2:  Perhaps surprisingly, the first one.

in colorado does the property ownier have a right to have the interior easement surveyed if neighbor wants to use it:  I’m trying to imagine a situation in which a property owner would not have a right to have an easement surveyed.

sluts email:  Sluts don’t have time for email. They’re busy being slutty.

fuse for overdrive 1996 mercury mystique:  “Please, Lord, please, please, let it be a two-dollar fuse and not a thousand-dollar solenoid block!” And the Lord looked down, and saith: “Hey, I didn’t build this thing. Call Ford.”

what is opposite of nondescript?  Kerry Washington.

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Strange search-engine queries (424)

It’s time for yet another installment of the series that gives you the reassurance you need: whatever weird crap you were looking for on Google last week, somebody else was looking for something even weirder.

snopes the cato institute is a well known and respected conservative ‘think tank.’ they released a study showing that welfare benefits pay more than a minimum wage:  And either pay better than a think tank.

amanda.king pahrump nv nude:  Not without checking with Harry Reid, she isn’t.

acura rl washer fluid low warning light wont go off:  Did you try actually adding washer fluid?

chronic false CHECK ENGINE faults on Lesxus ES300:  How does someone who can’t spell “Lexus” judge that the codes are “false”?

whats tge mist tgat gas bn awarded in a TCPA lawsuit:  Methinks the mist is affecting your typing, or something.

are amazonbucks spam:  First rule of the Internet, Subparagraph B: If you think you’re getting something for nothing, you’re too stupid to be on the Internet.

nicole kidman inseam:  I’m sure she’ll be delighted to hear that you’re making pants for her.

wood shavings falling from ceiling:  It’s that guy upstairs, making pants for Nicole Kidman.

what is the automatic trans capacity for a 97 mazda 626:  Usually they come with just one. And no, you’re not changing the fluid yourself. I know better than that.

infiniti m37 gas cap poor acceleration:  Ideally, the gas cap should accelerate at the same speed as the rest of the car.

bottemless tip jar:  I imagine it’s hard to retrieve anything therefrom.

download free song mp3 goldfinch:  I’ll be here all decade. Try the sidebar.

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Strange search-engine queries (423)

If you’re new here, and by “new” I mean within the last week, because otherwise you’d certainly have seen this before: this is a weekly compendium of odd search strings, actually used by real Web surfers, which may or may not have been supposed to land here, but did.

nothing up my sleeve striptease:  Eventually, of course, there is no sleeve.

sylvia label blind artest:  They say that if you lack one of the senses, the other four will compensate. People with no sense at all, however, run for political office.

97 ford thunderbird lx v6 67,000 miles o/d light blinking:  This phenomenon is described in your owner’s manual. If you do not have an owner’s manual, you have no business driving.

wheres the fuse for forth gear on a 2003 mazda:  Gears don’t have fuses. You obviously need an owner’s manual.

bread without no meat:  Modern-day equivalent: “We doubled your premium, but now your deductible is three times as high.”

where is “34th and vine” from the old song located:  Just outside the gypsy’s place. You can’t miss it.

bad mlp, no idicator light cd4e:  The only really bad MLP was Equestria Girls, where the girls didn’t seem to be getting much in the way of idication.

should i play mono remixes in mono:  If that’s the way they’re mixed, it’s the only way you can play them.

rape and torture of diana ross and the supremes:  Either somebody is spreading sick rumors, or somebody really, really didn’t like “Reflections.”

bess myerson wore a swim suit that was too small:  This is a hell of a time to start complaining, don’t you think?

sex women next door impugn:  Ha. Not with that impugny thing, Buster.

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If you’re not outside in this Big Ball O’ Frozenness, give thanks to whatever force in the universe you think responsible, and settle back with this week’s weirdest search strings, harvested in this late-winter cold to be at the peak of freshness. Or something.

sequoyah county oklahoma drug bust cockfighting club in the 1980s:  I think it’s just terrible that they were giving drugs to those poor chickens.

where on my 2001 mazda 626 car can i find out what kind of transmission does it have:  There’s only one kind it could have if you’re looking for this: broken.

fedex intervarsity ann gerth scam walmart:  And they told me sorority girls had no ambition.

frognosticator:  So tell me: is Kermit finally getting to second base with Miss Piggy?

how to reset ford ef safety mode light:  Oh, yes. You wouldn’t want something on the dashboard telling you to be safe, now would you?

the only world number 1 largest,fattest,biggest sextube:  I imagine all kind of things go on in the London Underground.

judge barbara m scheper golf:  Look, if a public official wants to knock down 18 holes some afternoon, it’s no big deal, okay?

Cutie mark crusaders High maintenance bronies:  Not that I’d know this, but all bronies are high-maintenance. Just keeping all those pony manes tamed is a full-time job.

60 Electrical Mechanical Instrumentation Company CEO livemail:  “Please help me spam these dudes.”

I didn’t know they still made records like this:  They don’t. Now shut up and go to the iTunes Store like you were told.  And to think I used to make fun of Quaker State.

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Strange search-engine queries (421)

Last week, a couple thousand people visited this site. Some of them were looking for something specific. And if it was (1) specific and (2) weird, it’s listed here.

generic limerick:  There once was an A who did B / In front of a horrified C; / The sight of his D / Made her cry loudly, “E!” / And we’re happy this ends before Z.

does jason scheff use autotune?  To sound like Peter Cetera? Please.

Brian Northcott gratis pornofilme:  Probably doesn’t use Auto-Tune either.

recently did engine overhaul on my mazda 626 y5 but nw my gears won’t shift:  Aw, that’s too bad. Have you tried Auto-Tune?

You Need Your Thumb to Vacuum Clean – Here Comes Honey Boo Boo:  If I may suggest an alternate use for that thumb … but never mind.

automatic transmission o/d solenoid explained:  If the solenoid is working, the shift occurs; if not, it doesn’t. Even Honey Boo Boo can figure that one out.

prayer is the best gift from god. No cost but lots of reward:  You still shouldn’t count on it to fix your transmission solenoids.

should i turn simulated stereo off:  It’s okay with me.

hank you, i appreciate your sympathy. since i don’t have anyone in my life at this moment i got involved in a greenpeace project at the arctic circle i’m:  Surprised that anyone connected with Greenpeace would know anyone named Hank.

Incidentally, someone from dropped by Saturday night, seeking information specifically from this site on four local broadcast stations: KOKH, KKNG, KAUT and KTUZ. I have no idea what for.

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