With apologies to Harper's Magazine, which does this sort of thing:

  1. on a regular basis, and
  2. perhaps somewhat better.


Years since I discovered the modem: 30
Years since I discovered divorce lawyers: 27
Lowest number of miles on a car I owned, at final sale: 87,297
Lowest number of miles on a car I owned at disposition other than sale: 55,650
Highest number of miles on a car I owned at final sale: 194,751
Golf balls it would take to balance me on a scale: 3,220
Height at my tallest, in meters: 1.86
Height at present, in meters: 1.82
Women with the same first and middle name as my daughter, so far as I know: 11
Of them, the number I have actually met: 0
Percentage by which my income changed, 1986 to 1991: -55
Percentage by which my income changed, 1991 to 1996: +26
Age at which I started losing my hair: 24
Age at which my hair started turning grey: 24
Age at which I was first married: 24
Length of my daily commute, one way, in miles: 10.7
Time in minutes to drive this distance, under ideal conditions: 15
Number of days per year when these ideal conditions prevail: 20
Dates required to establish a "relationship", by my own definition: 2
Women with whom I have had such a "relationship": 6
Of them, number which subsequently sought psychological help: 4
Year in which I registered as a Democrat: 1972
Times since then I have wondered why: Thousands
Times when the answer was delivered by a Republican: Almost all
Temperature of hell when I switch to the GOP, in degrees Celsius: -1
Year in which I bought my first phonograph record: 1965
Year in which I last acquired a stylus for my turntable: 2000
Cassettes I have recorded for home or automotive use: 334
Number of CDs around the house: 1150
Number of DVDs around the house: 50
Size of the largest television set I own, in inches (diagonally measured): 20
Size of the largest PC monitor I own, in inches (diagonally measured): 22
Typewriters I have owned since grade school: 3
Slide rules I have owned since grade school: 3
Automobiles I have owned since grade school: 7
Number of each of these I still have functioning: 1
Lowest ZIP code I have ever had as part of my mailing address: 01433
Highest ZIP code I have ever had as part of my mailing address: 90254
Average of all ZIP codes I have ever had as part of my mailing address: 58194
Approximate distance in miles from ZIP code 581xx to my current location: 933
Number of people who wrote to tell me they hated the previous background on this page: 2
Amount, in United States dollars, taken by the last person to burglarize my home: 3.25
Estimated amount to repair the damage done to obtain this sum: 136.00
Cost of my present alarm system, annually: 323.40
Average number of items posted to my blog per week: 37
Average number of comments posted to my blog per week: 99
Number of bloggers who have mentioned me in their books: 3
Average number of hours I am dressed per week (February): 100
Average number of hours I am dressed per week (August): 55
Longest consecutive number of hours I was not dressed: 73
Number of years covered by my mortgage: 30
At the present rate of remittance, number of years it will take to pay back: 29.5
Date this page was last updated: 18 December 2014


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