| No Comment menu | E-mail to Chaz
| Democrats and Republicans: The Differences at a Glance | ||
|---|---|---|
| ISSUE | DEMOCRATS | REPUBLICANS |
| Abortion Rights | Democrats are pro-choice, except that in the South they don't talk about it. | Republicans are pro-life, except that in the North they never mention it. |
| Creating Jobs | Democrats believe that job creation is a top priority unless it interferes with bond prices. | Job creation is OK whenever first approved by investment bankers. |
| Defense Budget | Democrats support expensive arms buildup but try to appear as wimpy as possible. | Republicans support expensive arms buildup. |
| Flag Burning Amendment | Democrats do not actively encourage the desecration of the American flag. | Republicans actively discourage burning the flag. |
| Free Trade Agreements | Democrats favor all free trade agreements because they encourage a higher standard of living for overseas workers. | Republicans favor all free trade agreements because they encourage a higher standard of living for American stockholders. |
| Human Rights Overseas | Democrats see human rights as an important priority in foreign relations, but don't press the issue when business is involved. | Republicans who back big-business interests overseas don't care about human rights because they interfere with profits. |
| Immigration Policy | Democrats see America as a nation made rich by its diversity, yet oppose opening the borders to legal immigrants. | Republicans see America as a nation made rich by the diversity of Northern European immigrants during the previous two centuries. |
| School Prayer | Democrats oppose school prayer on the grounds of constitutional separation of church and state. | Republicans, while favoring theoretical school prayer, oppose actual school prayer on the grounds of poor public opinion ratings. |
| The War on Drugs | Democrats support filling American jails with crack smokers. | Republicans support filling American jails with pot smokers. |
| Welfare Reform | Democrats reluctantly approve of eventually throwing all welfare recipients out into the streets. | Republicans enthusiastically support eventually throwing all welfare recipients out into the streets. |
Ted Rall, Revenge of the Latchkey Kids
Copyright © 1998 by Ted Rall. All rights reserved.
Posted 24 August 1998