Definitely all that

How is it possible that Gabrielle Union just turned forty?

Then again, she was still clinging to 39 when she showed up in this teensy Zac Posen number for the BET Awards in late June:

Gabrielle Union at BET Awards 2013

And what color is that, exactly? It’s not really orange, but it’s something distinctly different from your garden-variety red.

Being Mary Jane, her series for BET, bore the working title Single Black Female, which kind of gives away the premise. The pilot episode aired in July; the regular season begins in January 2014, but BET apparently has already committed to a second season.

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Scammer resents scammage

Truly, it is to laugh:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Has anybody used the site in-i-d.com to buy a fake id?

He continues:

I am looking around trying to buy a fake id, but I want to be sure the site i get it from is not a scam. This site seems the most legit to me. But if anybody has bought an id from a site online and it worked, let me know where from. Thanks!!

This is almost on par with a burglar taking a prybar back to Sears to get his money back under the Craftsman warranty.

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Good deeds for a big need

This is reprinted more or less verbatim from Erin Palette’s place, because she’s in charge of the operation. Well, maybe not the operation exactly:

You know I’ve been spearheading the effort to secure enough funds for Squeaky Wheel’s surgery, and then post-surgical care/ medications/ bills/ unexpected crap that always happens, right?

Good news: Her surgery [took place on] October 18.

Bad news: She doesn’t have enough to pay for the deductible and needs at least $1800 more.

OCD news: This makes the needed total a nice round $6000, and $4200 of that has already been funded.

Shiny news: I’m going to be running a raffle filled with lots of really cool things designed to fill you with enough OMG WANT! that you’ll gladly empty your wallet for a chance to get them.

The actual raffle will take place on the third of November, so you need to get yourself moving.

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If you like your spam, you can keep it

As received in the mail, with some minor spacing adjustments:

Medicare –
Xy2eFb2k6uLfM7C-4559b9a3b76170576178358c1b805d48Re: please sse your plan. A, B, D – mmt 6890766791 http://www.medicare.gov/what-medicare-covers/index.html 4559b9a3b76170576178358c1b805d48
U.S. Coverage Options
Medicare Enrollment Center

Deadline Approaching: Open Enrollment has started.

OK sounds like a good idea. Let me know what else you were thinking.
Lets Get Started:
This tool will help you locate the best coverage suited to your needs.

Step 1: Enter your Zip-code below

http://www.hodwag.com/cater/act.htm?ver=FYa0APGAuhNzX06-VeGMR-nXAbw3N5DtUTkoIWVnEyY=

The Deadline is almost here….
Failure to enroll by the deadline will result in penalties. Please review your outlined options. Part A, B, D.

Medicare Type: 480316

Seems like there are a lot of birthdays in our family today! My brother, my nephew and two friends. WOW. I’m leaving something for the family made of turkey breast. I found a good deal on them at the grocery store, so that’s the main meal. I’ll also leave steamed grean beans (last of the garden crop) tossed with parmesan and rosemary salt. I’m thinking that quinoa will be the easiest starch for them as well. That might change once I decide what to do with the turkey breast. If I bread them I’ll leave the US coverage options are sent from RRX Enrollment Center 115 REDBAY LN Clayton NC 27527 (Email sending optinos can be changed here)quinoa, if I do some kind of sauce or stewing with them then there will be pasta to soak up the sauce. I’ll update later. Dessert will be cake. I’m going to go make a pound cake. That one of .40’s is a favorite around here. We have some blueberries to go with. Mmmmmmm.

In the HTMLed original, all the food references are in white text on a white background, meaning you weren’t supposed to see them, but the mail server’s spam filter was.

I’m assuming that the hodwag.com address is real enough; the domain certainly is, and both Sender and Message ID refer back to hodwag.com.

Google, asked for “hodwag,” will ask if you meant “hodag”; on receipt of a click to the contrary, they will cough up a Google Books passage from The Spiritualist: A Comedy in Four Acts, an 1882 play by Joseph Marion Baker. Here we have Mr. Quattlewich declaring his innocence:

Melissa, do you think that the President of the Hodwag & Southwestern Railroad Company could descend to such a petty act as the slaying of a dog?

Baker also wrote Meladore: A Tale of the Battle of Saratoga (1877).

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While we’re drinking 3.2

Supposedly, this is the World’s Strongest Beer:

Snake Venom is the latest pushing-the-limits beer produced by Scottish outfit Brewmeister. The 135-proof concoction beat out the previous record-holder, Armageddon, also made by Brewmeister.

“Unlike Armageddon, Snake Venom is not designed to mask the taste of the alcohol,” reads a statement on the company’s site. “The alcohol is very strong but the beer still tastes like a beer rather than a spirit. It’s hoppy, malty and very pleasant.”

A bottle of Snake Venom will run you about $80 (if you can find it) and contains a warning label cautioning imbibers from drinking too much.

Let’s see. 67.5 divided by 3.2 is, um, 21.1. This is, therefore, the one beer to have when you’re not having twenty-one.

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Kiss your CAPTCHA goodbye

It’s now software-readable, assuming one has the correct software:

An artificial intelligence system has cracked the most widely used test of whether a computer user is actually a software bot. And according to its designers, it is more than a curiosity — it is a step on the way to human-like artificial intelligence.

Vicarious, a start-up firm in Union City, California, announced this week that it has built an algorithm that can defeat any text-based CAPTCHA — a goal that has long eluded security researchers. It can pass Google’s reCAPTCHA, regarded as the most difficult, 90 per cent of the time, says Dileep George, co-founder of the firm. And it does even better against CAPTCHAs from Yahoo, Paypal and CAPTCHA.com.

Fortunately for us lowly bloggers, Vicarious isn’t planning to sell this algorithm to the sly, the slick and the wicked:

Vicarious will pit its tool against more Turing tests. The aim is for it to tell what is happening in complex scenes or to work out how to adapt a simple task so it works somewhere else… This kind of intelligence might enable things like robotic butlers, which can function in messy, human environments.

As a messy human, I suppose I must approve. But for now, I’m waiting for someone to jack their code and turn it into a bot function.

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Revisiting the question of the ages

Women, I am told, can bike in heels. Or they can’t. Inasmuch as at the moment I own neither heels nor a bicycle, I am not in a position to go Full Empirical.

Someone who is has fabricated the appropriate shoes:

I was inspired to make these shoes on my ride home one evening when I witnessed a beautiful woman riding in high-heels along Market Street in San Francisco. True to form, I will acknowledge that I noticed the sexy handmade bike before the woman, and what was (perhaps, unfortunately) most noteworthy to me was how awkward the connection was between the pedals and the shoes.

Having recently built up a bike for my beloved, I was immediately taken with idea of making high-heels with a clipless cleat. I had been keen to build a pair shoes for a while and the curves of a high-heel shoe seemed like an inviting challenge.

And so he did:

Low-heeled shoe for bicycling by Corwin

I make no judgment one way or another: I merely seek to continue the conversation.

(Via The Atlantic Cities.)

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Introducing Minihappy

Not-quite-post-Chávist Venezuela apparently viewed George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four as an instruction manual:

Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro announced the creation of the “Supreme Happiness Under Secretary” to address social debt shortcomings and which was in honor of the late Commandant and president Hugo Chávez and the country’s liberator, Simón Bolívar.

“Comrade Rafael Rios will be responsible for implementing and coordinating the famous missions created by our ‘perpetual Commandant’ with the purpose of ensuring ‘supreme social happiness’,” said Maduro on a national address from the Miraflores Palace. Rios is a former lawmaker and military.

The Ministry’s first task, you ask?

The Orwellian and Kim Il Sung style announcements coincide with the creation of the “Loyalty and Love to Hugo Chávez Day” and come a few weeks ahead of the 8 December municipal elections which could bring surprises to the Bolívarian revolution ravaged by the most serious economic shortcomings in a decade particularly the lack of sufficient food and basics in the country’s stores.

The Venezuelan military, however, did demonstrate its capacity to almost smuggle a ton of cocaine.

And before we get around to promoting the idea of “Bolívarian revolution” — there is apparently no revolution Washington won’t promote, other than the American, which was more than 100 years ago — it might be well to remember that, as Kinky Friedman once said, “Simón Bolívar is the only person in history to be exiled from a country named after him.”

(Via Fausta’s blog.)

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Sartre, grey discourtesy phone, please

There’s much to be said about the hurly-burly of the big city, but I’m fairly burly in my own right, and sometimes it makes me want to hurl. Nor am I at all unique in that latter sensitivity:

It takes less than 10 minutes in a crowd situation before I’m really, really wanting to hurt people. The most amazing and rage inducing portion of being in crowds is the total lack of awareness that the rest of the world has of their surroundings. People who elbow into the 10 inches between me and what I’m looking at, groups of people who walk side by side everywhere and apparently expect everyone else to get out of their way, and that isn’t even getting into the whole oblivious cell phone user dynamic.

Which is why shopping is best done at your desk:

The internet has been a truly amazing invention for those of us who loathe the rest of humanity most of the time. :) I can spend unwise amounts of money on gifts for the season without ever leaving my cats, my slipper socks and my hot tea or encountering the masses of asses.

About the only enjoyable aspect of shopping these days is scoping out the babes, and at my age, that’s an act of sheerest futility.

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Improbable history

I am not at all sanguine about the possibilities here:

As our old friend Rocket J. Squirrel used to say, “But that trick never works!”

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A true rock and roll heart

The Velvet Underground didn’t sell an enormous number of records; but, as the saying goes, everyone who heard them started a band.

This isn’t quite true — I haven’t quite worn out White Light/White Heat yet, and I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a stage — but I knew, even then, that I was always going to pay attention to Lou Reed, even when I couldn’t tell what the heck he was doing at any given moment; the man was simply Out There, and “There” sometimes wasn’t even on the map.

Still, Reed live on stage was something to behold, sometimes a man on fire, sometimes a man on Quaaludes, but always interesting. For an example of the former, see his 1974 (actually recorded the week before Christmas 1973) live set at the Academy of Music (on the Rock N Roll Animal LP), in which “Sweet Jane” turns into an outright anthem.

And what amazed me is that no matter what he did — Metal Machine Music, directing a video for a Susan Boyle (!) cover of “Perfect Day,” singing backup on a Metric single — he never managed to make himself appear irrelevant.

Reed walked to the quiet side yesterday at seventy-one; you may be sure that rock and roll heaven has no idea what to make of him, but they’ll adjust. We always did.

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Strange search-engine queries (404)

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The ’14 Grand Damn

“Maximum Bob” Lutz, presumably at a safe distance, discloses that the Feds ordered the death of Pontiac:

“The Feds basically wanted to get GM down to Cadillac and Chevrolet. They said, ‘you don’t need all these brands. You need one prestige brand, and one mass-market brand.’ And we said ‘well we can’t get rid of Buick because Buick is important in China, and if Buick becomes an orphan in the United States then the Chinese are no longer gonna be interested in it.’ And the Feds said ‘Fair enough, but everything else goes.’ We said well we’d also like to keep GMC. They said ‘well, GMC is basically just like Chevrolet,’ and we said ‘that may be true, there may be a lot of shared components, but GMC has an entirely different image, a different customer base, and people are willing to pay different prices for a GMC, and here’s the profitability,’ and the Feds said ‘whoops, okay, keep GMC.’

“So now we had Buick, GMC, Cadillac, and Chevrolet, and then, I wanted, badly wanted, to keep Pontiac, because Pontiac was on its way back, and it had been mismanaged for a number of years, you know, with ‘rebuild excitement,’ and the excitement was only in the plastic body cladding, mechanically there was nothing about Pontiac in the 90s that would make your heart beat faster. And with the solstice and solstice coupe, and with the Pontiac G8, which was a great car. We were embarked on a strategy of making Pontiac different from the rest of GM in that Pontiac wouldn’t get any front wheel drive cars, they would all be rear-wheel drive, and the next G6, was going to use the architecture of the Cadillac ATS, it was going to be a 3-series sized rear-wheel Pontiac, with basically the Cadillac ATS ‘de-premiumized,’ obviously, a lot of the cost taken out, but still fundamentally that architecture.

That was going to be the next G6, and I think we could’ve moved Pontiac away from every other American volume brand and really started positioning it as attractive US alternative to some of the, and obviously at much lower prices than the European rear-wheel drive cars, but the Feds said ‘yeah, let’s just, how much money have you made on Pontiac in the last 10 years?’ and the answer was ‘nothing.’ So, it goes. And, when the guy who is handing you the check for 53 billion dollars says I don’t want Pontiac, drop Pontiac or you don’t get the money, it doesn’t take you very long to make up your mind.”

Truth be told, I rather liked that original government pitch: you get one mass-market brand, one premium brand, and that ought to be enough for anybody. (Ford, not incidentally, came to this conclusion on its own.) But notice how the Feds are willing to indulge the Chinese with regard to Buick, which at the time was selling roughly half Pontiac’s volume in the States.

Personally, I think they should have ordered GMC to go a bit farther upscale. And if we’re really concerned with GM’s proliferation of brands worldwide, why is Chevrolet trying to get a foothold in Europe, thereby cannibalizing sales of Opel/Vauxhall?

So now the General is repositioning Cadillac as the purveyor of RWD BMW alternatives, the ATS aimed right at the 3-series, the new CTS going after the 5. I’m not sure where the XTS fits in here, unless it’s just to reassure old farts like me who remember the word “Brougham,” and the ELR, let’s face it, is basically a Voltier Chevy Volt. Neither XTS nor ELR, I submit, would have had any business being a Pontiac.

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This is no mantra

Apparently you can’t always believe the label on a music app:

I was searching for some nice, soothing music to type by, and chose an app that has all kinds of music from all over the world. I searched for “meditation.” I got a list of stations and chose one. Ahhh. Soothing music greeted me.

Then, for no apparent reason, a loud, fuzzed out guitar began to play heavy metal, or thrash metal. Then the drummer joined in. It sounded like he was rolling around metal garbage cans filled with ricocheting bowling balls while simultaneously pounding the cans with a ball peen hammer. My automatic reaction was to scream in anguish while randomly slapping the screen of my iPad, trying desperately to turn it off. What the hell? Is this some new kind of meditation I haven’t heard about, like Masochism Meditation? Yegods! Count me out.

I’m guessing that the idea here is to overcome that old stress with new stress. Sounds counterproductive to me, but hey, I’m not a streaming-music programmer, this notwithstanding.

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Glitch or no glitch

The Oklahoman reported Saturday [behind paywall] that as of the 18th, at least 74, but not more than 82, residents of Oklahoma had managed to sign up for some sort of health insurance through healthcare.gov. (The uncertainty, said Mike Rhoads, John Doak’s deputy at the Insurance Department, was due to the fact that two of the five providers were giving out ranges instead of exact numbers.)

The numbers, incidentally, were not obtained from the Feds; OID simply contacted the actual providers and asked them.

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Climate uncontrol

Ask ten people what “room temperature” should be, and you’ll get seven or eight different answers varying over about a 6-degree (Fahrenheit) range. None of them, however, are likely to go along with this sort of thing:

End of October, nights are cold and days becoming increasingly chilly; it has been decidedly freezing in my apartment — I wore warm socks and sweaters and slept under two woolen blankets. Finally super turned on the heat — and how! It is a sauna! I need to buy the room thermometer to see exactly how high it is, but even w/o it I’ll tell you: it’s unbearable. Yesterday I called the super and he came over, installed a control valve on the radiator (which doesn’t help a bit) and told me that “people on 6th floor complain of cold, so I have to turn the heat on”. But why go to such extremes? That’s a rare case when I’d welcome “middle of the road”. I have a glass+aluminum night table placed over radiator in my bedroom: the heat was on at 3am this morning and by 3:30 the table was impossible to touch.

Not that you asked, but the magic number for me is 74 (call it 23 Celsius). A certain amount of slop is allowed, inasmuch as one can expect only so much performance from an HVAC system, especially, as I have been recently reminded, from an old HVAC system. Lows well below freezing or highs on the Death Valley scale require a certain amount of personal adjustment.

(Official coldest low this month: 32, on the 19th. The high next day was 73, and if that sounds odd to you, you don’t live here.)

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