Alternate choices

She loves me; she loves me not. It’s a lot easier for me to believe the latter.

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Less-competent thieves

Um, yeah:

And now, so does the whole world.

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Although not Rainier

Not only do we obsess over the weather forecast, we’ve been known to review old forecasts:

For more than three weeks Oklahoma has been wrapped in fog, dark clouds, and just a flannelly cocoon of winter weather. We are not built for this much darkness! I really don’t know how people in the Pacific Northwest cope with it. So yesterday we all felt refreshed just seeing the sun. I went for a quick little 3 mile run wearing only a light jacket, and I had thoughts like better get the pool opened up soon!

“Light jacket” makes sense: the inversion layer sitting above us has produced indifferent highs but uncharacteristically above-freezing lows.

The National Weather Service properly caters to this tendency:

I missed that little bit of sunshine, being stuck in Post-Vacation Recovery Mode, but we’re actually getting some today. Which is good, since I am told that there’s no parking left at Byron’s, or as no one dares call it, Booze R Us.

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Consumerist must have been getting serious mail about this, else they wouldn’t have come back with an article titled “For The Love Of God, McDonald’s Is Not Getting Rid Of The Big Mac Or Apple Pie.” Seriously:

You’ve probably seen your Facebook news feed overrun in recent days with people bemoaning the death of the McDonald’s Big Mac and apple pie. But there’s no need to start a petition or put on mourning garb, it’s just another hoax… [T]he McDonald’s Twitter feed is now working overtime (but probably not getting paid for it; after all, this is McDonald’s) reassuring folks that the fast food chain’s signature sandwich and dessert aren’t going anywhere.

The source of the hoax is a story on a site called Daily Buzz Live, which displays a faked Tweet from the same McDonald’s account stating, “It is with a heavy heart that we must announce that the Big Mac will no longer be apart of our menu. It is our sincerest apologies.”

Sheesh. Even the Hamburglar is more articulate than that.

Now if I could only find a freaking McRib.

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Long-ball blues

Says it all:

“Here” was a 98-all tie after 48 minutes. And with 1:39 left in overtime, Russell Westbrook, having scored a season-high 40 points — with 10 rebounds, no less — fouled out. In the last ten seconds, LaMarcus Aldridge and Serge Ibaka got into a brief altercation; a foul was called on Ibaka, his sixth, and Aldridge, who threw the first punch-like exchange, was thumbed. Even sillier, a skirmish broke out in the stands. The Blazers already had this one won, having tossed in a remarkable 17 points in the overtime period for a 115-111 triumph.

And there wasn’t much anyone could do about Damian Lillard, who dropped in 40 points — three short of his season high — on a mere 21 shots. (We’re talking 8-12 from outside the circle and 10 of 11 free throws.) It was Lillard who forced overtime with a three-ball with three seconds left, and it was Lillard who got seven of those 17 overtime points. Wesley Matthews added 22. And Aldridge, however rotten he may have felt, put up 28 shots, making only nine, but still clocking 25 points.

With Nicolas Batum and Robin Lopez out, Portland didn’t have much of a bench, and the Blazer reserves contributed only 19 points, or two fewer than Reggie Jackson. The OKC bench popped up 46 points. Then again, Andre Roberson and Perry Jones combined produced only two.

Still: Thunder 54 points in the paint, Blazers 24. The offset: Blazers 17-31 from outside, Thunder 6-19. Which supports a premise I’ve long believed, to the effect that the three-point shot works better as fanservice than an actual tool for winning — unless you make a hell of a lot of them. Portland, which collected 51 points from beyond the arc, did exactly that.

How blue a Christmas? Ask the Spurs. The Thunder have to go to San Antonio to find out.


Close enough

Andrew Crossett has been collecting votes for the Best Celebrity Legs of the Year for eighteen years now, and this year, I figured, it was just a question of how far out in front that amazingly tall singer of country songs who no longer sings country songs would end up.

And the answer is not at all, because Crossett’s poll, for the first time ever, ended in a tie. It’s not that the competition came out of nowhere, either, since she won back in ’12. From the winners’ gallery, here are a couple of shots of Emma Watson:

Emma Watson out for a stroll

Now that’s the sort of shot we’ve been seeing all year from That Other Young Woman. (But this is not really a stroll: it was shot on the set of Colonia Dignidad, in which Watson plays a German woman in Chile whose husband has been “disappeared” by Pinochet’s secret police.)

Emma Watson in a slit gown

I can’t take this sort of thing too seriously — Jennifer Aniston, who didn’t even have the best legs on Friends, won seven times — but I do admit to having a folder on ye olde desktop named “eyecandy.” (For the record, these are the winners.)

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Distribution of misery

Off Morgan Freeberg’s Facebook page:

Localized poverty has always angered me. If it’s absolutely necessary for people to suffer economically, well, you know every once in awhile there are some things that are bigger and more important than an economy. People tend to get by with less when there’s a war on … something like that. But when the suffering is concentrated into a tiny area, that means it’s unnecessary suffering. Municipal suffering. Underclasses of economically underpowered people; classes created by politics, and maintained by politics, for the achievement of political purposes. While people suffer.

Of course, were there no poverty in these semi-United States, we would lose an entire industry: those who are paid to lament the suffering and to spend money on it, but who dare not eliminate it completely.

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Anything that’s part of you

A great song by Elvis, written by Don Robertson. Nothing to do with this:

A man is selling Elvis Presley’s pubic hair online.

This might just be the weirdest bit of Elvis “memorabilia” we’ve come across.

The man, from Ohio, is selling the pubic hair on Craigslist for $5,000.

The seller claims he has been holding on to Elvis’ pubes since 1965 saying: “I hate to part with them.”

He added that they come with a letter of authenticity signed by a man called Colonel Parker, a reference to, according to Playboy, Elvis’ manager Colonel Tom Parker.

Weirdly, this is classified as “for sale / electronics — by owner.”


Some perfectly cromulent lexicography

Michael Adams has a cameo in this Oxford Dictionaries blog:

Embiggening is the sort of word you make up from scratch when you’re lacking the edumacation to know that enlarge already exists, and edumacation is the sort of word you use if you also use embiggening. The infix -ma- is a Homerism, and it’s productive — metabomalism, pantomamime, macamadamia, saxomaphone — in words that already have too many syllables for Homer to handle. He hears and reanalyzes them in a rock-a-bye nursery rhyme rhythm. For all of Homer’s verbal pyromatechnics, however, Ned Flanders is the series’ king of indiddlyfixing.

(Via Fark.)

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Amazing how these things just happen

The New York Post points a finger:

A Suffolk County politician pulled a move out of the Anthony Weiner playbook when The Post discovered he was following Duke porn star Belle Knox — by claiming the account was hijacked.

County Executive Steve Bellone said that is how the 19-year-old Duke University student and porn actress ended up as one of the 267 people on his “following” list.

Knox, whose legal name is Miriam Weeks, made headlines earlier this year when she was outed by a fellow student at the North Carolina school for her extracurricular activities in the sex industry.

Bellone, a married father of three who is up for re-election next year, insisted he has no idea how his account came to be linked to Knox.

Robert Stacy McCain was not available for comment.

Not that anyone cares, but I follow two porn stars, one active, one retired; one of them follows me.

(Via Fark.)

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Meet a guy, pull up a chair

Joe Cocker, singing one of his own songs — well, his and bandmate Chris Stainton’s, anyway:

Then again, he quite famously got by with a little help from his friends.

Miss you already, Joe.

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So it was written

I’d forgotten this little squib, which I posted to Facebook on 12/25/13:

Informing us that there would be no thunderstorms in the near future, the Weather Guys explained that there was a cold stable air mass in place. And let’s face it, you can’t have Luke’s gospel without cold stable air.

I admit, though, that it might be nice if they moved Christmas to July, when the stores aren’t so crowded.

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Early assimilation device

Never had any problems resisting them, though:

Mid-century Borg bathroom scale

This is actually pretty famous, as bathroom scales go:

In 1952, this Model 1500 Flight bathroom scale was designed by Don DeFano, Richard Latham and Franz Wagner of Raymond Loewy Associates. It was introduced by the Borg-Erickson Company in 1953 at $15.00, and was later selected by Fortune magazine as one of the top 500 designs of all time.

Well, no wonder. Raymond Loewy, more or less the Godfather of American Industrial Design, definitely knew how to pick ’em.

Still, you couldn’t sell one of these today if it only went up to 250 (actually 259) pounds.

(From Visual News via Miss Cellania.)

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Strange search-engine queries (464)

The first batch of search strings since the beginning of winter. What does this portend? Nothing much, probably.

nicole petallides nude pics:  Yeah, you wish.

romantically yours twiggy:  Yeah, I wish.

is the la4a-el hard to build:  That depends. If you’re a transmission guy, probably not. If all you know is LEGO, you’ve got problems.

assforgascom:  Damned exchange rates are all messed up.

uranus lipton:  I don’t care if it’s brisk.  I hope to hell this guy is planning on laying linoleum.

troubleshooting 1997 mazda 626 fuel injection:  Either (1) you have fuel or (2) you don’t have fuel. This isn’t exactly rocket science.

5F31J hard:  You’d complain if it was too soft.

ivy retardation:  Yeah, we had to hold it back a year, the poison wasn’t developing on schedule.

rebuilding mazada 626 transmission:  I’m figuring if you can’t read the nameplate on the car, you sure as hell can’t read a service manual.  Four. O. Four.

cast your fate to the wind:  You do that here and it’s liable to end up on your face.


Far out to sea

Early on, it looked like it was going to be One Of Those Nights. Anthony Davis had piled up 21 points by halftime, including a 7-0 run all by his lonesome. Omer Asik presented the usual impenetrable wall. And Tyreke Evans was, well, Tyreke Evans. In the third quarter, the Pelicans had worked their way to a nine-point lead, and the crowd at the ‘Peake were grateful it wasn’t nineteen. Gradually the Thunder got some defense working, and went up five at end of three. Early in the fourth, Anthony Morrow went down, and Russell Westbrook, antsy on the bench, came back a couple minutes before Scott Brooks had planned. But just inside the four-minute mark, though, New Orleans regained the lead, and Serge Ibaka still hadn’t figured out how to defend against Davis; going into the last minute, the Pelicans were up two and Davis was up to 38 points. Lots of maneuvering in those sixty seconds, but no actual Thunder offense, and the Beak Boys, who hadn’t won a game in OKC since early 2010, flew away with a 101-99 win.

Along with those 38 points, Davis reeled in 12 rebounds, as many as Asik; Jrue Holiday collected 11 points and delivered 15 assists, one fewer than the entire Thunder team. (The Pelicans served up 33 assists in all, while coughing up only 12 turnovers.) Ryan Anderson led the New Orleans bench with 14 points. But this may be the Telltale Statistic: Davis and Asik each blocked three shots. Ibaka had no swats at all.

Westbrook, of course, looked like Westbrook: 29 points, eight assists, five boards. But his shooting mojo didn’t accompany him onto the floor in that fourth quarter, and probably wasn’t even within screaming distance on that final brick. Perry Jones, starting in favor of the walking-wounded Kevin Durant, came up with 12 points; Reggie Jackson, having remembered how to shoot, was good for 19. And Steven Adams posted yet another double-double, 12 points and 10 boards. Imagine how he’ll do when he can hit more than half his free throws.

The Trail Blazers, who lead the Northwest by several dozen games, will be here Tuesday. They’ve won their last five and have no desire to drop one on a sub-.500 squad.


Now that’s gotta hurt

I suspect a busted draw play:

I once tried to get myself hired as a captioner. Perhaps it’s just as well that I did not succeed.

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