Lossless compression

A few posts ago, I said I would atone for paying attention to some long-legged British Amazon in the Daily Mail by focusing on someone a bit shorter. How much shorter? This much shorter:

We learn two things from this:

  • Christina Ricci will indeed fit in a minifridge;
  • If you want to try this — and I’m pretty sure you don’t — unplug it first.

Why wasn’t I following this woman on Twitter before?

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In precisely that order

I’m assuming this is true for all law students, not just those at ‘Bama.

the stages of law school.

1 — yay, I’m in law school I’m going to get some great job and make millions.

2 — I’m not going to accept any summer job less than like $20 an hour, $10 is insulting.

3 — $10 isn’t as bad as it sounds, I mean it’s something, right?

4 — do you think if I emailed this person they would let me intern? i mean hell I’ll do it for free, i just want the experience.

5 — OMG will I ever find a job?

With modifications, this will fit rather a lot of situations.

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Speed of execution

As everyone remembers, the Memphis Grizzlies excel at demolishing the Westbrook-less Thunder. And these Grizzlies are better than the last batch of Grizzlies — Courtney Lee is more or less assimilated, and Marc Gasol is back in action — so I didn’t expect a repeat of the 116-100 win from December. The issue, as always with Memphis, is which team enforces its preferred pace; the Grizzlies prevailed in the first and third quarters, the Thunder in the second, and the teams fought on more or less equal terms in the fourth — although Memphis went into the final twelve minutes with a five-point lead, and the Griz were still up four with ten seconds left. Serge Ibaka delivered a trey, but Lee knocked down two free throws in the last second to give Memphis a 90-87 win.

This is one game where the plus/minus numbers are scary. All the Thunder reserves were plus; all the starters were minus. The bench, as usual, did yeoman work, contributing 20 points to the cause; the Memphis bench managed only 10. But Ibaka got into double figures only after that last-minute trey, which gave him 11; Reggie Jackson had 17, and might have had more had he not been bedeviled with personal fouls. Yeah, Kevin Durant had 37, but you have to figure Kevin Durant would have 37 against the Justice League of America.

If they were watching Gasol’s minutes, they apparently weren’t paranoid about it; the big guy put in 24 minutes and scored 12. Lee led the Griz with 24; Zach Randolph was right behind with 23, and the perennially-scary Mike Conley dropped in 19. Memphis is now within one game of .500, and if they’re healthy — which means, basically, if Tony Allen gets better — they may be in this playoff hunt after all.

As will the Thunder, though now they’re 28-10, and the next two will be tricky: at Houston on Thursday, and against Golden State back at the ‘Peake on Friday. Either, or both, are capable of inflicting further damage on the wounded Thunder.

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He who made kittens put snakes in the grass

Apparently there exists something called Jungle January, in which persons skilled with the needle are invited to come up with something suitably exotic for themselves. Lynn’s participating this year with her own spiffy creation, a burgundy-ish dress with a front panel just jam-packed with giraffes.

Weirdly, this hit my timeline yesterday:

I like it, but I think Lynn has the better of it — especially considering what Lilly is asking for this.

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Just sheets, Sherlock

Half a dozen arguments are offered here for sleeping in the altogether, and while I’m not in a position to challenge any of them — to put it bluntly, I have no hoo-ha to air out — I can say that they’ve missed the one that’s most important to me: I am a fairly thrashy sleeper, and anything I might be wearing is apt to end up ripped or on the floor or both.

Also left out of the discussion: if you own no pajamas, you are unlikely to run afoul of city ordinances against appearing in public in pajamas.

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Worst friends forever

Rule 63 of the Internet holds that for every fictional character, there exists an opposite-gender counterpart. Just about everypony in Equestria has been sixty-three’d at one time or another; arguably the most popular is the colt version of Twilight Sparkle, almost universally named Dusk Shine.

The following spammer, caught in Akismet yesterday, apparently isn’t up to Dusk’s high standards:

Dung Shine

I’m guessing he’s the black — um, brown — sheep of the family.

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Up to the sky

The Daily Mail has become the go-to place for odd commentary about body parts, especially female body parts, and while this sort of thing does nothing (usually) for readers’ body image, it does wonders for selling text ads to Brits vaguely embarrassed by topless Page 3 girls.

Alexandra Robertson, 20, a six-foot-one British model, gets her 15 minutes in the spotlight by dint of having what she says are 47-inch-long legs, the longest in the known world. (Photos perhaps not to scale.)

Alexandra Robertson photos

Robertson’s claim apparently was sparked by a Mail piece on 18-year-old prelaw student Anastasia Strashveskaya, who won a contest in Russia last week with 42-inch gams.

No word from Guinness, which supposedly conferred the World’s Longest title on Svetlana Pankratova after measuring her stems at 52 inches.

As penance, I will go look at pictures of five-foot-one Christina Ricci.

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And it was all yellow

Do you, in fact, have any Pasteurized Recipe Cheese Product at all?

While the current Cheesepocalypse is a difficult time for our great nation, we are incredibly humbled and appreciative of the outpouring of love and support for the Liquid Gold of Velveeta. As you have likely seen or heard by now on social networks and major media outlets, there is currently limited availability of some Velveeta products in many stores nationwide. We want you to hear directly from us that it’s true — we are experiencing a temporary scarcity of our nation’s most precious commodity: Liquid Gold. But please know that we are working tirelessly to get more Velveeta on store shelves as soon as possible and that this was in no way a “publicity stunt.” We always want Velveeta where it belongs — in your hands, in your homes and in your stomachs.

This hysterical rant calls for some historical perspective. And few places have as much cheese history as Orange County, New York: Emil Frey, working for the Monroe Cheese Company, first developed Liederkranz, a variation on Limburger. He was eventually shipped off to Monroe’s second location:

The company opened a second factory in Covington, Pennsylvania, where it made mostly Swiss cheese. But many of the cheese wheels broke or were misshapen… [T]he broken bits were shipped back to Monroe, where Frey spent the next two years tinkering with them on his home stove. In 1918, he had his second big break. He discovered that mixing the broken wheels with other cheese byproducts created a smooth end-product with a velvety consistency. He named it Velveeta.

This brand spun off into the independent Velveeta Cheese Company, incorporated on Feb. 14, 1923.

Velveeta, in fact, was the last cheese-like substance to be manufactured in Monroe; its original parent company had decamped for Ohio in 1926, and the following year, Kraft acquired Velveeta.

Incidentally, Orange County was also the original home of Philadelphia Cream Cheese, created by Lawrence & Durland of Chester, New York.

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High-fructose cornball

The nonprofit (that’s a legal term) Center for Science in the Public Interest is headed by Michael Jacobson, once described by me as “the Perez Hilton of health”; when he’s not haranguing Starbucks into putting out a Broccoli Venti, he’s sending out something called the Nutrition Action Healthletter, a promotion for which landed on my doorstep in an envelope ominously marked “You Wanted This.” Obviously NSA isn’t as efficient as they think they are.

One of the sheets is headed “We Name Names!” It contains specific examples of Things You Dare Not Eat, including Cold Stone Creamery’s Oh Fudge! shake in the “Gotta Have It” size (24 ounces), which contains, they say, “the saturated fat content of two 16-oz ribeye steaks plus a buttered baked potato, all blended into a handy 24-oz cup.” Truth be told, I don’t think I could get both those steaks and a spud into my Seventies-vintage blender, but now I’m keen to try.

I was most amused, though, by the pitch for watermelon: “When they’re in season, watermelons are often locally grown, which means they may have a smaller carbon footprint than some other fruits.” This would almost make sense if they hadn’t also plugged mangoes, which are grown on this continent in laughably small quantities; flying in a bag of mangoes is likely to burn up more precious hydrocarbons than trucking in a couple of dozen watermelons.

Still, there’s nothing here appreciably more alarmist than your average issue of Consumer Reports, and it’s decidedly cheaper: $20 for a year. Then again, Jacobson doesn’t test cars, and if he did, he’d want to know why we’d own such fiendish devices in the first place.

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Utterly dude-icrous

But hey, this is how they sell women’s magazines:

Brosmopolitan Magazine

(Surprisingly, via FAIL Blog.)

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Gravity wins again

In a way, this sounds almost peaceful and bucolic:

Multnomah Falls, on the Oregon side of the Columbia Gorge, is listed as the second tallest year-round waterfall in the United States. The falls drops in two major steps; the upper falls of 542 feet, then a gradual 9 foot drop in elevation to the lower part of the falls, which drops 69 feet, listing a total of 620 feet.

I mean, yeah, that’s quite a distance, but hey, it’s only water, right?

Not necessarily:

Unfortunately, water is not the only thing that falls. An occasional boulder may also careen through space, slamming into the pool at the bottom of the upper falls, or into the Benson Bridge which spans the space between the upper and lower falls. [Thursday] a boulder did a lot of damage to the bridge.

Engineers came to inspect, and closed the bridge temporarily:

Stan Hinatsu, a spokesman for the Columbia River Gorge National Scenic area, told KATU [TV in Portland] the good news is there didn’t seem to be damage to the arch structure of the bridge. Still, if they can’t come up with a short-term fix, it may be Memorial Day before repairs are complete.

What kind of “short-term fix” can deal with a hole in the deck big enough for someone to fall through?

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Strange search-engine queries (415)

This weekly feature exploits a little-known fact: when you search for something on the Web, the search engine fabricates a URL as referrer, and often that URL contains exactly the string of characters for which you were searching. This is readable if the recipient of the search knows what he’s doing, and often I do.

does my ford escape have a factory engine cooler or transmission cooler:  Um, yes. It’s called a radiator.

jason lackmeyer the underground detective:  Not likely to be noticed by us above-ground types. Sorry.

hair color of Alessandra Ambrosio Circa 2007:  That I wouldn’t know. Have you considered consulting an underground detective?

what does the quote “that government which governs least governs best” mean?  Nothing anymore, since government has shown no signs of wanting to govern best.

Mazdaspeed 6 speed in a ford Probe:  Either sixth gear is too tall, in which case the engine will lug, or it’s too short, in which case you won’t get the extra few mph at the top end that you were expecting.

www.nastypornshots.com:  So basically, you’re going through Google with the hope that no one will read your browser history?

what is the name of the song by Bobby Goldsboro that has the lyrics in it “1432 Franklin Pike Circle Hero”:  Bobby Russell sounds nothing like Bobby Goldsboro.

girl died 1887 rebecca black’s video:  Were that so, she’d still be dead, would she not?

toyota yaris damage bumper suspect meth addicted:  I doubt it. Most low-end Toyotas are perfectly content with unleaded regular; methamphetamine won’t even boost the octane rating.

“Story Of O” jpegs:  At least they weren’t asking for animated GIFs.

a system is to be made which could be used by every age of person like children adults and may require certain modification which features functional and non:  Sensical drivel.

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Not quite my idea of fun

But hey, I don’t work for E!, do I?

E! Fun Facts starring Michael J. Fox

This provoked a brief flurry of #EFunFacts tweets of similar hilarity.

(Via this Amanda Lucci tweet.)

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Perhaps someone can pass this

Not actually a course, yet. Wasting time on the internet: a syllabus:

What I Did For Love: Taste, Evaluation, and Aesthetics in American Culture

“I don’t know art, but I know what I like,” goes the disclaimer. In this writing-intensive part-workshop, part-seminar, we will seek to unpack the relationship between “art” and “what I like” by examining a variety of cultural objects together with accounts of “taste.” What are the uses of an art that nobody likes? Could “annoyance” be an aesthetic principle? What is the role of money in taste? What are the ethics of aesthetics? Under what circumstances is an aesthetic pleasure “guilty”? When should the appreciation of art works be a matter of disinterested judgment, and when a matter of passionate engagement? Does “love” blind? What is the difference between a “fan” and a “critic”? What are the affordances and limits of the “formulaic” and the “generic”?

Four weeks of this course will be devoted to workshopping students’ critical writing, examining the roles of description, praise, blame, analysis, and enthusiasm in writing about culture. Students will also maintain a course blog. For the final assignment, students are encouraged to pitch their writing to an appropriately chosen publication.

I mention purely in passing that “Arms So Freezy: Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’ as Radical Text” will be introduced in Week 8.

Said Natalia Cecire, who wrote this syllabus: “Posting it on my blog was actually the wasting time on the internet part.”

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It was either that or “Vista 3″

Yours truly, just last week:

Windows, say the wags, runs the opposite of Star Trek films: the odd-numbered versions are good, the even-numbered versions (like Vista, which was 6) not so good.

Obviously Microsoft is aware of this phenomenon:

Windows 8 is tanking harder than Microsoft is comfortable discussing in public, and the latest release, Windows 8.1, which is a substantial and free upgrade with major improvements over the original release, is in use on less than 25 million PCs at the moment. That’s a disaster, and Threshold [the next major release] needs to strike a better balance between meeting the needs of over a billion traditional PC users while enticing users to adopt this new Windows on new types of personal computing devices. In short, it needs to be everything that Windows 8 is not…

To distance itself from the Windows 8 debacle, Microsoft is currently planning to drop the Windows 8 name and brand this next release as Windows 9. That could change, but that’s the current thinking.

Will the Start Menu return? It just might.

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The relentless spammer

Someone identified as “Cynde Delaina” at upjnkwgcv-at-gmail.com dropped a couple of fairly useless comments my way Friday night. After verifying that the URL she claimed didn’t go anywhere, I tossed them; she followed with twenty-one more, from six different IP addresses, and then another couple of dozen overnight before letting up some time Saturday afternoon. If you see her in your spam trap, you may be assured that she’s not worth keeping.

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