Poor me

Google deals me a solid:

Screenshot of Google preview

Oh, well. At least I have a job. (Of course, your mileage may vary, since Google tends to adjust these things from time to time and from user to user.) I assure you, I wasn’t looking for something particularly morose when I started.

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Warmth vs. intercoolers

This guy thinks he has a dilemma:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: If I have to buy a sports or super car like Maseratis, Porsches, Ferraris or Lamborghinis, should I sacrifice dating/marriage?

He goes on:

I’ve always wanted a nice european car and its been my dream for quite a while. I was told the car is financially cheaper than the woman. So if I wanted a nice super car like a Maserati GranTurismo MC Stradale, Porsche 911 Turbo S or a Audi R8 5.2 V10, maybe even a Lexus LFA. Should I sacrifice on women and children, get a good education and save as much as possible for 15 years before buying my dream car?

Not to worry. The process is automatic: once a woman finds out you’re more interested in a car than in her, she will scorch the pavement for a quarter-mile just to get away from you.

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My share of the debacle

In December, CFI Care [not its real initials] made a presentation at the office, presumably to sell everyone on the benefits of the new government-approved health-insurance policy being sold us. I missed it, as I was already ill, though it was whispered to me that the old $3000 deductible was being replaced with a new $5000 deductible. I suggested that this was scarcely an improvement, and got a half-hearted shrug in return, a shrug that said “Yes, yes, we know, but what can we do about it now?”

Back in the days before bronze and silver and gold, when they were talking about Cadillac policies, what we had was basically a five-year-old Pontiac with a leaky valve-cover gasket. The office picks up my premium expense. However, I estimate my additional out-of-pocket expense, based solely on the new copay specifications, at $800. God forbid something should actually happen to me in this ’96 Hyundai with bad brakes.

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Strange search-engine queries (468)

During the past week, nearly a thousand people visited this site who weren’t among the regular readers: they were Looking For Something. Sometimes the Something for which they’re Looking demands some kind of response, if only a wisecrack. The solution? You’re soaking in it.

nanoskirt femtoskirt:  For those of you who thought microskirts and miniskirts were insufficiently revealing.

hershey cadbury lawsuit 2015:  This is about those damn creme eggs, isn’t it?

latest sunrise ever:  It’s the one that never comes, because the sun has finally burned itself out.

check engine light off won’t come on on02 mazda 626:  Do you have any idea how many people would be freaking grateful for such an occurrence?

found female cat on N.w Sheridan Ave Okc:  Good for you. Now try putting this on Twitter, where it’s more likely to be read before the poor cat suffers further.

scrotum flapping around:  I suggest you throw something over it before it gets used as a cat toy.

inverse of gentrification:  Those of us who have lived there called ’em “the projects.”

626 y5 gearbox changing in hold only:  Pretty much all powertrain questions boil down to this: “What can I do that won’t cost me anything?” The answer, almost always, is Nothing.

Is Cerulean Studios profitable:  They’re not making a dime off me, anyway.

www.at what mileage should injectors for mazda cronos be changed:  One mile before they fail.

all cats are grey in the dark example ayuda:  First thing you need to do is turn out all the lights.

they expected the ocean something big something colossal but they were served instead with some agitated water in a saucer:  This is basically the first semester of Advertising and Marketing 101.

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Even crap costs more

Found in the Meh forum:

In a shocking turn of events, the quintessential Woot thing where you get three craps and a bag for a dollar per crap (plus five dollars shipping) has changed once again. Now, instead of paying $3 (plus five dollars shipping plus tax in most states), you will be paying $5 (plus five dollars shipping plus even more tax in most states).

Then again, it’s not like anyone was ever ordering one or two craps at $1 apiece, and Woot used to inveigh against that nonexistent practice before defaulting everyone to three craps for $3 (plus five dollars shipping).

Says the forum correspondent:

The salient bit for me is: “Which is all highfalutin preamble to saying that we’re raising the price of the Bag Of Crap by $2 and not improving the quality whatsoever.

This is the official Woot announcement.

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Fizzling spells

If there was one thing more remarkable than the Thunder’s 37-point first quarter, including a 13-0 opening run, on the road at Orlando, it was the 42-point second quarter; were it not for the team’s genuinely lousy foul shooting — 10-17 for 59 percent in that half, versus 73 percent from the floor — one might have thought that this thing was in the bag. And then the Magic opened the second half with three consecutive treys, exposing some of the defensive rot yet to be pruned away.

Still, in the third quarter Orlando managed to slice the Thunder’s 34-point halftime lead only by seven, so the Foregone Conclusion button was pushed, neither Kevin Durant (21 points, 11 rebounds, one technical) nor Russell Westbrook (17 points, one industrial-strength dunk, one technical) came out for the fourth, and OKC emptied the bench with 6:11 left. The final: Oklahoma City 127, Orlando 99, and the Thunder is back at .500. Unfortunately, so is New Orleans: the Pelicans edged the Raptors, 95-93.

With all 12 players getting minutes, seven Thundermen scored in double figures, including the bookends of the bench, Dion Waiters (17) and Reggie Jackson (13). Andre Roberson rolled up 10 points for the second time ever. Serge Ibaka knocked down 16. Even Kendrick Perkins bagged 11 points (!), on 5-7 (!!) shooting. That 73-percent shooting percentage early on did drop, but only to 58; OKC enjoyed a startling 54-33 advantage on the boards.

Despite all that, the game-high man was Orlando’s Victor Oladipo, with 23 points. Elfrid Payton, beside him in the Magic backcourt, added 19. The woeful Magic shooting percentage in the first half became less so in the second, rising to just under 40. Both sides hit around 35 percent from beyond the circle. And interestingly, both sides had two players with five fouls: Payton and Nikola Vučević for the Magic, Steven Adams and Nick Collison for the Thunder.

The next week will be unnerving, against four Eastern foes, all of them for the moment playoff-bound: Miami (Tuesday), Washington (Wednesday), Atlanta (Friday) and Cleveland (Sunday). It’s going to take some seriously high-energy balling to get through this bunch.

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Nix on that idea

Spike Lee, Knicks fan par excellence, is not a man to mince words:

During a recent interview, Yahoo’s Jordan Zakarin asked Lee why he didn’t attend the Knicks’ game against the Milwaukee Bucks in London. His response was priceless.

“We’ve lost 16 motherf—–g games in a row. 26 out of 27,” he said. “And I’m gonna get on a plane for that?! I can take a cab to see them lose!”

(Via HoopsHype. Dashes in the original, handled weirdly by WordPress.)

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Tweet unto others

And they will tweet unto you God knows what. I, for one, shrug.

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You’re hearing this

The Tulsa Sound, says Wikipedia, is “a musical style that originated in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It was a mix of rockabilly, country, rock ‘n’ roll, and blues sounds of the late 1950s and early 1960s.”

What's This I Hear cover artThere are occasional references to the Tulsa Sound in state publications, but this is the first compilation of recordings I’ve seen pop up. The prospectus:

From this vantage point, some 60 years later, and with so much water under the bridge, it’s hard to imagine just how much of a shockwave the emergence of Elvis Presley shot through the youth of America. This was no less true for the collection of young wannabe musicians who called Tulsa, Oklahoma, their home in the period of time the “Tupelo Tornado” twisted his way across the USA, leaving a trail of devastation and inspiration in his wake.

The “Tulsa Sound” would become one of the most influential strands of American Rock music in the 1970s, and beyond, and on this collection we take a detailed look at the early years of the artists that would go on to put Tulsa on the musical atlas. Featuring highlights from Tulsa pioneers like Clyde Stacy and David Gates, who would find fame as the lead-singer and chief songwriter for the massively popular Bread, this release also includes, for the first time, all 8 of the songs that the great JJ Cale recorded in his formative years in his hometown, before heading out to LA with other Tulsa friends, in search of glory.

Cale was recording as “Johnny Cale” in those days; by the time he’d signed to Liberty in the middle 1960s, he’d become JJ. (Birth name: John Weldon Cale.)

What’s This I Hear?, named for a pre-Bread song by David Gates, is due out from England’s Cherry Red label in February.

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Just don’t say the name

While various allegedly American institutions attempt to chip away at the First Amendment — you know who you are — here’s how things go in a place where such concepts never existed:

Prosecutors seek up to five years of imprisonment for Turkish journalist and anchorwoman Sedef Kabaş for her tweet in which she called on citizens not to forget the name of the judge who dropped the Dec. 17, 2013 corruption probe that involved high-profile names and former Cabinet members.

An indictment has been prepared by the prosecutors on charges of “targeting people involved in the fight against terrorism and making threats,” which is punishable with jail time from one-and-a-half years to five years.

What is it exactly that Kabaş said?

“Do not forget the name of the judge who decided not to pursue the proceedings in the Dec. 17 probe,” Kabaş tweeted. She was referring to a massive graft probe which was officially dropped on Dec. 16 when the Istanbul Chief Prosecutor’s Office rejected an objection to its decision to not pursue proceedings in the case.

Seditious, isn’t it? In the meantime, you might not want to tweet anything about Ekrem Aydıner.

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Zooeypalooza 22!

Zooey Deschanel has twice as much to celebrate these days: not only is it her birthday (she’s 35), but the oven now contains an actual bun, for which we offer best wishes to Mom and to dad Jacob Pechenik. All this, of course, prompted an all-too-rare Zooeypalooza.

Zooeypalooza 22!

Clickage yields embiggenment.

Prior Paloozas: ZP 1, ZP 2, ZP 3, ZP 4, ZP 5, ZP 6, ZP 7, ZP 8, ZP 9, ZP 10, ZP 11, ZP 12, ZP 13, ZP 14, ZP 15, ZP 16, ZP 17, ZP 18, ZP 19, ZP 20, ZP 21.

Update, 21 January: Zooey and Jacob are engaged. And high time, too, doncha think?

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Recipient has no game

Received last night: a reasonably careful replica of an actual iTunes Store invoice. Since I hadn’t bought anything from the iTunes Store in the last week or so, I knew this was a fake. And this is what I’m supposed to have bought:

Space Qube

About this game:

Space Qube is a voxel based retro style shooting game which also allows the players to create everything they can image in the game using voxel.

There’s a lot to be said for retro shooters. And this was said:

SpaceQube will be free on iTunes store soon. Then it will be ported to Windows 8, Windows Phone 8 and maybe Android.

In the meantime, it’s $2.99, which is nowhere near the £38.59 asked by the forgers of the invoice.

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Deep heeling

No way am I going to put up a picture of a sex toy for foot fetishists with the unappealing name “vajankle.” [Link should be considered NSFW.]

Not gonna happen. I will, however, quote one paragraph from the story:

This level of sexy silicone foot times doesn’t come cheap. In fact, the vajankle costs a toe-curling $179 (approximately £118).

Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

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The ultimate intersectional

To what level of privilege is the Judeo-Christian God entitled in the age of the social-justice warrior? Captain Weeaboo examines the evidence:

Since God is a spaceless being without a skin color or bone structure it shows that God cannot be classified in any race that we currently know of. Meaning that he is a whole classification of race himself. Since this race has not even be classified or acknowledged it clearly shows that God’s race is in fact extremely oppressed and marginalized, combine this with the fact that he’s the smallest minority to exist he is very oppressed and underprivileged.

Furthermore:

God does not appear to have any sexual interest, meaning that he is asexual. An orientation so oppressed it doesn’t even appear to be in the LGBT initials.

And on and on, though not necessarily unto eternity.

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set syllables = 17

This has serious charm, given its alleged mechanical origins:

The AIs are coming for us.

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Warriors subdued

As Thunder/Warriors games go, this one was closer to the norm than the last two: major ball movement, lots of scoring, and close until the very end. There was an odd and-two at the end of the first half. Steven Adams hit the first of two foul shots with one second left; he missed the second, but Russell Westbrook batted it back in just before the buzzer. Steve Kerr complained, and continued to complain during halftime, which explains why the third quarter opened with a free throw, shot by Kevin Durant. That made it 70-60 Thunder; OKC was up seven to open the fourth. And after appearing to stumble, the closers earned their coffee: the margin was 13 with three minutes left, and a minute later, it was still 13. “Lots of scoring” did materialize: Durant knocked down 36, Westbrook had a triple-double (17 points, 17 assists, 15 rebounds), Dion Waiters had 21, and Serge Ibaka recorded 27, tying his career high. The final: 127-115, with Klay Thompson putting up 32 for the Warriors.

Golden State didn’t overwork the bench, exactly; the Warriors’ starters contributed 94 points, though no one expected Stephen Curry to be the third scorer. (Steph had 19, ahead of Harrison Barnes but behind Mareese Speights.) David Lee, unaccustomed to coming off the bench, did the best he could, coming up with nine. GS came out popping threes, but eventually the Thunder found some perimeter defense, holding the Warriors to 9-24 from outside. (OKC was 10-22.)

So it’s 1-3 against the Warriors. Then again, one win against arguably the best team in the Association is nothing to grumble about.

Next outing: Sunday at Orlando.

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