Pointed rejection

Somehow I don’t think this will work:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Can i put barbed wire on my fence?

Reason for the decorations:

i like going in my hot tub at night naked and recently i found out all the neighbour kids watch me and i havent been able to go out since and i was wondering if you can put barbed wire up its like all the back gardens are a strip by the house and a long parallel fence and then each seperated by another fence i want to put wire all around the fences that define my garden an i allowed to do that and if not what can i do to get rid of them

Barbed wire doesn’t do a whole lot to block anyone’s view, so we’re forced to assume that the kids are having to climb up to see. The path of least resistance here is either a taller fence or enough of a hedge to block the line of sight.

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After while, crocodile

Russia’s Food Czar, or whatever, has approved the importation of crocodile meat:

Russia’s food safety watchdog has approved the import of crocodile meat from the Philippines to replace the beef and pork banned under Moscow’s restrictions on foods from Western countries, a news report said.

The veterinary and sanitary inspection agency, Rosselkhoznadzor, has added a Filipino producer of frozen crocodile meat, Coral Agri-Ventures Farm, to its list of companies allowed to supply food to Russia’s markets, the Interfax news agency reported Thursday.

The restrictions, of course, are intended as payback for Western sanctions imposed as a response to Russian incursions into Ukraine. But Moscow is prepared to look far and wide for replacements, and not just crocodiles:

Russian officials have also visited India to consider imports of buffalo meat after dismissing it for years over quality concerns.

And the government is planning a hard sell to hungry Russians:

The government’s official daily Rossiiskaya Gazeta recently published an article extolling the culinary qualities of meats that have otherwise remained exotic for the vast majority of the country’s population.

Titled “Grilled Crocodiles and Hippos on a Skewer,” the article also reviewed the taste of kangaroo, shark and ostrich meats.

A bag of otters’ noses, please. Um, make it two.

(Via Interested-Participant.)

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Strange search-engine queries (454)

In fourteen hundred ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, and wound up taking a wrong turn at the Bermuda Triangle or something. I am not celebrating today, not so much because I have social-justice warrior bona fides to burnish, but simply because I don’t get a day off. And neither does this regular-ish Monday series.

People in this group wake up..its not yet night:  No compelling reason to get up, especially on a Monday.

yours school plans celebration on childrens day and want students to participate wholeheartedly by displaying craft material and other decorative pieces made by them no. one:  Should be “How come we had to come to school today?”

this grp its very uptight and weak.. i thnk i must change the group name -change the:  First, change the idea that you are in charge of naming the group.

Are there transmission problems with 20 year old Mazda SUVs:  They’re 20 years old. What the hell do you think?

sgt. pepper factoids:  Remember when they said “It was twenty years ago today”? Now it’s sixty-seven.

newsok Anthony Caudill marriage:  So it did not occur to you to go to NewsOK first? They do have a search screen of sorts.

Records that were mixed in mono sound clean:  Yeah, but that’s because nobody did very good stereo mixes early on.

round the twist lady disappear episode:  Eventually, the entire series disappeared.

A poster about yourself “Learn me Better”:  The White House is just crammed full of those.

ginny arnell sings Dumb Head in Japanese:  The Japanese surely understand the concept of “dumb.”

daniel cohn-bendit Carmen Bizet:  Actually, Bizet missed the schemes of Danny the Red, having conveniently died ninety-odd years before the 1968 uprising in France.

what are the dials in the seats of the pagani huayra:  They’re for God to remind you that you’re making too damn much money.

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That whole civic-duty thing

Something called BadVoter.org will query a name in the State Election Board’s database and return the number of days it’s been since that person was handed a ballot. (Anything under 365 is considered “good.”) Presumably, this will empower you to nag your neighbors, or at least Ree Drummond, who, they say, has missed several elections.

This sort of thing, to me anyway, has just enough of the busybody about it to make me think it’s a Democratic get-out-the-vote scheme, and indeed Matt Silverstein, the designated Democratic sacrificial lamb against Senator Jim Inhofe this year, is promoting it on Facebook. (Read the comments, if you dare.) I, of course, figure that everyone knows when I vote, because I post about it here.

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They did the Mash

And boy, did they:

The formal release of this track (and fourteen others) is still a couple of weeks away, but hey, that’s why there’s a video out now.

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Is this next year’s sandal?

It’s certainly one of next year’s sandals: InStyle.com included it in a gallery of “Standout Accessories From Spring 2015 New York, London, Milan, and Paris Fashion Weeks,” and I do freely concede that it stands out. Thakoon (Panichgul), a designer born in Thailand who grew up in Omaha, perhaps is best known for outfitting Michelle Obama on the last night of the 2008 Democratic convention, though I can’t possibly imagine Mrs O wearing this particular shoe under any circumstances:

Wedge sandal by Thakoon for Spring 2015

The unnamed model here is probably happy, though, because (1) she’s working and (2) Thakoon’s wedge is not making her obvious heel blister any worse.

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Sentimental on my mind

Glen Campbell, now in the final stage of Alzheimer’s, will soon leave the stage entirely. He has left us one last song, with the ironic title “I’m Not Gonna Miss You”:

The melody is somber and contemplative, but the lyrics show Campbell’s ability to find irony in his disease. The result is a beautiful combination of sadness and joy, which ends much too quickly.

At least the man from Delight goes out on a somewhat-happy note.

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Quote of the week

We open with a paragraph from Wikipedia, in case you missed what was going on:

Malala Yousafzai (born 12 July 1997) is a Pakistani female education activist, who became the youngest ever Nobel Prize recipient in any category. She is known mainly for human rights advocacy for education and for women in her native Swat Valley in northwest Pakistan, where the local Taliban had at times banned girls from attending school. Yousafzai’s advocacy has since grown into an international movement.

All this, says Pakistani journalist Kunwar Khuldune Shahid, makes it easy to hate her:

Do you think it’s easy for me to accept flag bearers of my religion as my enemy? Do you believe that it’s easy for me to accept the fact that a 16-year-old girl fearlessly took a stand against the biggest threat facing this country while men like me were busy being apologetic on the behalf of the “freedom fighters”?

Do you honestly believe that it’s easy for me to accept that a young girl from our neck of the woods, with all the societal handicaps that one can think of, can singlehandedly orchestrate a global rude awakening? The thought rips the bigoted, discriminatory and misogynistic ideals that I’ve grown up with, into tiny little shreds.

How can I accept Malala to be a hero, when her speeches do not have any Islamic or nationalistic agenda? How can I consider her to be my future leader when nothing she says or does imbues a false sense of superiority in me as a Muslim or a Pakistani? How can I accept that a young girl was able to highlight who our actual enemies are, when grown up men in our parliaments are still hell bent on befriending them?

How can I rejoice at Malala’s global achievement when I’ve been taught all my life that a girl’s place is in the kitchen? I just can’t.

The religion I follow is inherently misogynistic. The society I live in is quintessentially patriarchal. And I’m supposed to manifest ideals of gender equality and women empowerment out of the blue?

Tough questions. But in the long run, the penalty for a wrong answer is infinitely tougher.

(Via Blazing Cat Fur.)

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Let the other be Papyrus

Others face the music. ISIS faces the type:

Oh, for some (Times New) Roman warriors right about now.

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Fark blurb of the week

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Straining the argument

Last month, we found out that Oklahoma apparently does not have a problem with a driver’s-license photo featuring the traditional headgear of the Pastafarians. British Columbia, by contrast, has a problem:

Here in one of the most religiously diverse communities in Canada, it is possible to obtain a driver’s license wearing a kipa, hijab, habit, turban or Amish cap — really, any piece of religious headgear that does not obscure the face.

But lifelong Surreyite Obi Canuel is currently unable to drive because he has refused to remove a spaghetti colander from his head for his driver’s license photo. He does it, he claims, because he believes the world was created by an intoxicated Flying Spaghetti Monster.

The FSM soused? Perish the thought.

Last November, Mr. Canuel posed for his driver’s license photo while wearing a blue toga and plastic spaghetti colander.

The unusual photo was deemed fit for Mr. Canuel’s provincial I.D. card, but after lengthy review by the Insurance Corporation of British Columbia — the province’s official licensing agency — it was ultimately deemed insufficient for his driver’s license.

This may be a mission-creep issue: the ICBC was originally created as a Crown Corporation to provide auto insurance, and only later was handed the responsibility for licensing drivers. And drivers don’t think much of their insurance these days.

Still, British Columbia could legitimately be seen as a laggard:

U.S. soldiers have had “FSM” listed as a religion on their dog tags, a town councilmember in Pomfret, N.Y., was recently sworn in while solemnly wearing a plastic pasta colander, and colander-wearing pastafarians have been able to obtain driver’s licenses in Austria, the Czech Republic, California, Texas, Oklahoma and New Zealand.

And I suspect Victoria won’t stand for that for long.

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Evolution in action

Species survive because they adapt. The Gulf Coast is not likely to run out of birds any time soon:

On our first evening here, we dropped into a local supermarket to pick up a few essentials. When we came out, we noticed a flock of small birds hopping from car to car. They were carefully inspecting headlights, radiator grilles, etc. for dead insects and eating all they found. It was very businesslike behavior. Thinking about it, it was entirely logical, of course. Many people drive hundreds of miles to get here, and accumulate lots of dead insects on the front of their vehicles in the process. What better source of food for a hungry bird? I wonder how long it took them to learn to look there?

We’re not exactly a tourist destination here in the Big Breezy, so our major example of bird adaptation can be seen most easily in big box store parking lots: roughly four-and-twenty black birds for every dropped bag of popcorn. Ground Zero might be the Crest Foods store at 23rd and Meridian: not only does it sell a lot of to-go stuff to people who will actually eat it walking back to their cars, but in front of it are a Burger King and an A&W/Long John Silver’s combo.

Then again, we’re not talking picky diners here:

Crows have been reported to eat over 1000 food items, including insects, worms, berries, birds eggs and nestlings, small mammals, bats, fish, snakes, frogs, salamanders, animal dung, grain, nuts, carrion, fried chicken, hamburgers, Chinese food, french fries, and human vomit.

Then again:

They can be weirdly picky though — an experiment showed crows prefer French fries in a McDonald’s bag over those in a brown paper bag. To top it off, a nestling can eat 100 grasshoppers in 3 hours.

You can’t tell me that a crow can’t recognize the Golden Arches.

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Watch that wallpaper

I suppose what I really want to know here is why this clod expects to have his phone seized:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: To the women if a guy has a naked woman as his phone background do you make him change it/r u offended enough to leave him?

Which naked woman, you ask?

I want to have Anna Nicole as my background but I fear the loss of a future gf if I start dating & she grabs my phone.

“Honey, she’s been dead for seven years!” will not help you in this case.

I admit to having once had a picture of Debbie Gibson as phone wallpaper, though she was not unclothed. (At least, not completely.) Never you mind what’s there now.

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Close-order drill

The Thunder, who were shorthanded in Denver, were more so in Dallas, with Mitch McGary, wounded at the Nuggets game, out for six weeks, Sebastian Telfair out with something or other wrong with his ankle, and Reggie Jackson, after 17 minutes retired with a wrist injury. So former Europlayer Michael Jenkins wound up running the Thunder offense — no way was Russell Westbrook going to play in the second half — and Jenkins did a pretty decent job, with seven points and five assists. This is, after all, why one has a preseason, right? Fortunately, the shorthandedness went in both directions: Dallas was Dirkless for the evening, Monta Ellis was unwell, Raymond Felton was hurt early on, and Mavs-Thunder ended up as the usual see-saw, with OKC up by one with 1:33 left and gradually opening up that lead into a 9-point win, 118-109.

Things to note:

  • Anthony Morrow, who was hired as a long-distance sharpshooter, was pretty much that: 2-7 from inside the circle, 4-7 from outside of it.
  • After a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night at Denver, Jeremy Lamb recovered enough to come up with a double-double: 19 points, 11 rebounds. Guards, you may remember, don’t usually get 11 rebounds.
  • If they don’t pick up Talib Zanna and at least assign him to the 66ers Blue, I will be most disappointed.

There were 85 foul shots tonight, 45 by the Mavs (who made 32). Dallas also put up 36 treys, of which 11 actually hit. This is standard Maverick procedure, but it’s easier when you have the starters to work with.

First home game at OKC will involve the Grizzlies, on Tuesday. Fasten your safety belt.

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More patience than I would have had

The Friar actually answers one of those automated telephone polls from a state-senate campaign:

But now I’m confused, because I don’t understand what an election to a state legislature has to do with what religion I think the President is, whether or not he is effective in leading the nation against terrorism and whether his health care reform initiative has been a plus or a minus.

Which suggests that this was a Republican campaign calling, since state Democrats hardly ever mention that Obama fellow, who apparently isn’t all that popular in this neck of the woods.

Still, the relevance of this material is questionable:

What that has to do with who represents this part of the state in a crumbling capitol building and state political leadership that has at best one adult in the room when the heads of the executive and legislative branches gather together is beyond me. Maybe I’m just a low-information voter.

The best kind, according to campaign types.

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MAD at Bex

The current issue of MAD pokes fun at TMZ — perhaps not the most difficult target, I concede, but sometimes low-hanging fruit is tasty — and works in a reference to our “Friday” friend that I’m not sure I want to contemplate:

Panel from Mad magazine #530

Thanks (I guess) to Desmond Devlin and Tom Bunk.

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