Strange search-engine queries (494)

Admittedly, we only pull ten or twelve out of the logs for review here, but remember: #AllSearchesMatter.

stan and hilda can mow the lawn in 60 minutes if they work together. if hilda works three times as fast as stan:  It’s because Stan spent the first half of the weekend on the couch watching sports and has no energy left for actual work.

brain teaser: i am something:  Yeah, you just think you’re something.

whatever happened to quinn cummings:  She’s on Twitter as @quinncy, her lacerating wit intact.

youtubers who smoke cigarettes:  I suspect some of them have been smoking, um, something else.

what ford transmission do i have:  The one that’s broken.

tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength:  Too many people willing to cause too many tragedies.

jerking off made simple:  When, exactly, was it complicated?

the most lewd and vulgar video webcam jailbait girls:  Are still better behaved than Washington politicians.

funny paramecium cartoons:  Oh, they’re so ciliated.

did ariana grande have a baby:  Far as I know, she’s had only donuts.

girl with two heads:  You’d have better luck finding a girl with two faces.

trying to be less of an asshole than yesterday:  Well, thank you for that, Mr. Trump.

Comments




No advance fees, period

California says a talent agent can’t collect money from a client before representation actually begins, as explained here, and one such agent has now been convicted:

Debra Baum, 53, entered a plea of no contest to one count of operating an advance fee talent service. Judge Deborah Brazil sentenced Baum to 36 months summary probation and ordered her to serve 45 days in jail or perform 20 days of community labor. Baum also agreed to pay $91,252.75 in restitution to the parents of the victims…

The City Attorney’s office said that Baum solicited a 19-year old in 2012 who she heard singing in a hair salon and signed her to a $10,000 per month management contract to promote her vocal career. Before terminating the contract in September 2012, the victim’s family paid $70,000 in management fees to Baum as well as thousands of dollars in third party expenses for vocal training, stylists and recordings.

Said Baum on Twitter:

This doesn’t quite sound like someone who just entered a nolo plea.

Comments (1)




The last of the romantics

Just when I was starting to think that Taylor Swift was turning (and turning me) cynical in her old age, here comes Carly Rae Jepsen to sweep me back to hearts and flowers:

Dropped this past Friday, “Run Away With Me” is the lead track from E-MO-TION, already out in Japan and due here next month. If it outsells “I Really Like You,” which peaked at #39 in Billboard, we’re looking at a gold, maybe platinum album. Peanuts compared to Taylor; but then, Taylor’s already mapped out her road for the next twenty-five years. Carly is still feeling the tug of “What now?” And damn if she doesn’t make me feel it too.

Comments




Someone call the government

Shihka Dalmia writes at TheWeek.com:

[P]rivatizing marriage can’t sidestep the broader questions about who should get married to whom and under what circumstances.

Bill Quick took a shot at this notion, pointing out that people routinely make contracts that don’t have to have governmental approval, which led to this exchange in the comments. First, Bill, refuting an earlier comment:

Except for the fact that marrying close relatives has been a feature of marriage all through history (and we now have the technological means to determine potential harm in such marriages), polygamy may or may not be socially destructive, it is practiced in much of the world openly, and much of the rest sub rosa, and “socially destructive” is a flimsy and often ugly reason for banning something.

Many believe private ownership of guns is socially destructive. Private ownership of automobiles certainly delivers a mass slaughter every year. And we all know how fantastically successful the ban on some drugs has been — why, no social destruction issuing from that ban at all, eh?

Return volley by SteveF:

Private ownership of automobiles causes social destruction not by the endless, inevitable slaughter of innocents but by allowing people to travel easily, quickly, and privately. If people can go where they want, when they want, and are not limited by the schedule of buses and trains and don’t need to show ID to get from place to place, who knows what mischief they might get up to?

Besides that, I’ve heard tell that some young men drive their automobiles to meet young women from outside the village. Society is doomed if we don’t put an end to this!

It could be worse. Those young men could be dating female college students.

Comments




Did I call it, or what?

Back in January I ran a shot from a Tesla Model S P85D’s touchscreen, with two speed options selectable: “Sport” or “Insane.” Total tool of pop culture that I am, I titled that piece “Ludicrous speed.”

And now “Ludicrous” is being added as a legitimate option:

[O]wners and buyers can now upgrade to the new Ludicrous Mode on the Model S P85D. This upgrade is quite involved, requiring a new, advanced “smart fuse” and upgraded main pack contacter. Together, the upgrades result in a 2.8 second sprint to 60 mph — an improvement of 10 percent — and a quarter-mile time of 10.9 seconds, states [Elon] Musk. Car and Driver says the upgrade gives the Model S 762 horsepower.

If you are ordering a new P85D and want the Ludicrous Model update, prepare to shell out $10,000 plus another $3,000 for the required range update.

As usual, the upgrade will be offered to current P85D owners, though since it involves about $5000 worth of new hardware, it will require more than just the usual software download.

Dark Helmet, I assume, will be pleased.

Comments




PET reset

In 1977, Commodore produced its first PET (Personal Electronic Transactor) computer, a 6502-based box running at a startling 1 MHz. It sold well enough to justify follow-on products — surely you remember the legendary Commodore 64? — but Commodore was extinct by 1994, and ownership of the trademark has been floating around almost randomly ever since.

Now comes a new PET, but it’s a cell phone:

[W]hile there’s no real connection with the famous 8-bit home computer, Massimo Canigiani and Carlo Scattolini have designed the new Commodore PET with a focus on gaming. The handset will run Android 5.0 Lollipop and will ship with two built-in emulators (VICE C64 and Uae4All2-SDL Amiga, as noted by Wired).

And if you’re gonna run Commodore emulators, those are the ones to run.

It’s a pricey little handset, starting at $300, and one might reasonably question its potential marketplace longevity. Still, seeing the chickenhead on a phone is bound to jolt those of us of a Certain Age.

Comments (1)




Grexit sign

I happened to find these two pictures of model Anastasia Perraki, who turns 30 on Monday, and somehow they seem to bracket the ongoing financial crisis in her native Greece. The first is from a local Vogue pictorial, shot in and around a classic Cadillac, circa 2012. Note the invocation in the corner:

Anastasia Perraki in the back seat

More somberly, an official photo of Perraki from her modeling agency:

Anastasia Perraki is represented by Ace Models, Athens

You can almost read it: “Yeah, fine, austerity. Whatever.”

Comments (2)




PBR goes home, sort of

Until 1996, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer was brewed in Milwaukee; corporate headquarters were in a former school building on West Juneau Avenue, purchased by Captain Frederick Pabst himself. But Pabst closed down its Milwaukee operations and moved away, first to San Antonio, then to Los Angeles.

While they’re not actually reopening the brewery, the current incarnation of Pabst is going to be making some beer in the old complex:

The brewery behind Pabst Blue Ribbon intends to open a microbrewery and tasting room in their former complex, a mixed-use development located in downtown Milwaukee. The complex’s main building was constructed in 1871 as a German Methodist church and acquired by Pabst in 1898.

Pabst has previously used the building as a bar and restaurant for its employees, as well as a training and conference center. “The fact that Pabst is coming back to brew at the original site, but in such a unique spot, is thrilling for me,” said Milwaukee restaurateur Mike Eitel, who will operate a restaurant and tavern in the building, one floor above Pabst’s ground-floor microbrewery and tasting room.

As per Eugene Kashper, Pabst’s chairman and CEO, the company plans to use their new brewery to experiment with recipes for discontinued, pre-Prohibition beer brands, including Kloster Beer, Old Tankard Ale and others.

A Milwaukee ale house recently revived Old Tankard Ale on a limited basis.

To me, this seems a good sign, if only because Pabst, which owns a couple of dozen brand names from the past, hasn’t actually brewed any beer for some time now: production has been outsourced to various other brewers. PBR itself is brewed at a Miller facility.

Comments




Greater Exposure

What was the last great girl-group song? For my $3.98, it was “Seasons Change” by Exposé, their fifth single and their only Billboard Number One. Inevitably, there was a video, which was murky then, and even more so in the unofficial YouTubed versions that survive. But the version I played to death, and still spin, was the Extended Remix on the 12-inch, which runs nearly eight minutes — the album track less than five, the radio edit just over four — and which, to these ears anyway, contains not so much as a second of padding.

What I said the last time I mentioned it, a couple of years ago:

This is cut from the same cloth as other Lewis Martineé freestyle tracks, but this 12-inch mix goes on well past the 4:53 album cut, and the singers drop out to make room for an uncredited guitarist who for two minutes makes some of the purest rock and roll noises you’ve ever heard, right on top of that same hypnotic rhythm bed.

And I bring it back here because I never get tired of it.

Nor will I ever, I suspect.

Comments (2)




Quote of the week

Morgan Freeberg is old enough to remember when fun was actually earned:

You start off with this lengthy and expansive list of things you have to do today, and you make a big enough dent by 4 or 5 in the afternoon that you can take a breather. That’s why a house involved in some level of luxury would have a “wet bar,” but this led to an associated stigma of alcoholism. Now the wet bar is something you see in a really old movie, maybe a Twilight Zone episode from the first couple seasons, because we’ve gotten rid of alcoholism and replaced it with addiction to marijuana, crack, meth and illegally-acquired prescription drugs, along with the legal stuff to do something about our made-up “learning disabilities.” The casualty in all this is not the addictive lifestyle; what we’ve gotten rid of is the idea that you start with the work, and finish with the leisure which is predicated on the work actually getting done. That’s been consigned to the ash heap of history, at least within this romper room stately pleasure dome we’ve constructed for ourselves.

I suspect most “lifestyles,” to scare-quote a word I’ve always hated, have their addictive aspects; anyone’s who’s seen my standard Saturday cuisine — fried chicken and RC Cola — might suspect some sort of psychological dependency. But that $10 worth of grub was made possible by actual toil, and while I’d never say I’m addicted to work, I would hate like hell to give up any of the things it buys me.

Comments (2)




When the title says it all

I am considered at least reasonably competent at producing titles for the stuff I churn out, but I admit to being awed, and then some, at this Ace zinger: “Gawker Staff Smears Feces On Itself, Boards a Schoolbus Loaded With Gasoline and Napalm, Then Intentionally Drives That Schoolbus Into a Cargo Train Transporting Toxic Waste and Retarded Clowns”.

Apart from separating “school” from “bus,” there’s not a thing in the world I’d want to change about that.

Comments (4)




Crisper material

Then again, perhaps not yours or mine:

If you care, this is the Homeland store at 18th and Classen, widely derided as the weakest link in the chain. To me, these so-called “green beans” look like they’ve spent a long time in someone’s ears.

Comments




Hey, seize this, pal

Taste considerations obviously don’t enter into it:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Wording a warning message for people with Epilepsy on a Tumblr blog with a rainbow-colored flashing background?

And apparently it’s just this short of a done deal:

I already have the Java Script and everything, I just don’t know how to write the warning in a professional way.

Like there’s anything “professional” about a rainbow-colored flashing background to begin with. How about an autostart audio file to make it worse?

Comments (2)




Almost perfectly in sync

A mere two minutes apart:

Adjectived noun is adjective. Sort of.

Comments (1)




Crude estimate

Dave Schuler, as he often does, points out something that a lot of the pundit class has missed:

Most commentators seem to believe that as soon as sanctions are lifted Iran will begin selling oil.

At $60 a barrel, what can go wrong? This: Iran has to earn at least twice that to break even on production.

Or, in Schuler’s words:

Iran’s profit-maximizing strategy requires the price of oil to go up or, failing that, for Iran to leave its oil in the ground until it is able to produce oil at a lower cost.

That in turn leads to two observations. First, if Iran sells oil at all it means that it’s absolutely desperate for foreign exchange. And, more disquietingly, expect Iran to foment instability in the Middle East. Stability is bad for business.

That particular business, anyway.

Comments (3)




It’s all too much

Nothing in life prepares you for finding a hefty chunk of tree just lying in the street on an otherwise-peaceful morning.

Well, nothing has prepared me for it, anyway.

Update: Morning wood gone by evening, so to speak.

Comments (4)