It was a front she put up

A chorus and a verse of “Let It Go” for a Maryland politician who apparently can’t:

A Democratic state delegate in Maryland who is rumored to be considering a run for Congress was charged with trespassing and indecent exposure after exposing her breasts to her ex-husband and his fiancée at their home, according to court documents obtained by the Washington Post.

Del. Ariana Kelly was dropping off her children at their father’s home in Bethesda, Md. when she became enraged that her ex-husband’s fiancée was present.

Her ex, wisely, took pictures:

Barak Sanford captured video of the incident, which according to court documents revealed that Kelly exposed her breasts to the camera “with one breast in each hand [shaking] them up and down.”

After being told by police that she could be arrested for indecent exposure, Kelly said, “Arrest me then” and extended her hands towards the officers to be arrested.

And, well, you didn’t have to tell them twice.

It is not yet clear whether this will affect Kelly’s reported interest in Maryland’s 8th District Congressional seat, about to be vacated by Chris Van Hollen, who is seeking to replace the retiring Barbara Mikulski in the Senate.

(Via Robert Stacy McCain.)

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I haven’t the Vegas idea

Our old friend Cripes Suzette is in Las Vegas, and as always, she’s determined to find out what’s going on:

I wondered what was in the “Intimacy Kit” on the minibar on this hotel room so I picked it up to see.

Feel free to see for yourself. There is, of course, a downside:

And now I’m going to have a $32.00 charge on my bill for moving it off the sensor.

Curiosity killed the Carte Blanche.

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A slightly quieter crash

A lot of different things happen during a car crash, none of them good and several of them loud. Mercedes-Benz is trying to offset that noise:

When your ear hears a sudden loud noise, the acoustic reflex contracts the stapedius muscle in the middle ear to block out the sound, protecting the sensitive eardrums and other bits of the inner ear.

Mercedes has taken advantage of this in the E-Class, with a new feature called Pre-Safe Sound. When the car senses an imminent impact (using onboard cameras and ultrasonic sensors), the stereo plays a loud static-type noise around 85 decibels. It’s not so loud that it hurts, but it’s loud enough to trigger the acoustic reflex and protect the ear from the much louder sound of the accident that arrives a moment later.

This strikes me as eminently more useful than, for instance, the recent tendency of automakers to pipe engine noise into the cabin.

(Via The Truth About Cars.)

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It’s all about so much more

This song was never supposed to have been on Meghan Trainor’s album Title:

In fact, it was never supposed to have been a ballad, let alone a duet; Trainor reportedly conceived it as a reggae tune, possibly usable as a demo. Old friend Chris Gelbuda persuaded her to blow the dust off of it, and the two of them, playing all the instruments, assembled it into a workable track.

John Legend is involved because he and Trainor share management and record companies — he’s on Columbia, she’s on Epic — and once he heard it, he wanted to be part of it. In the time-honored Modern Duet style, neither of them was in the studio at the same time. But they sang it together at this year’s Billboard Music Awards, and somehow it was right.

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Amok timeline

Facebook’s Lord Zuckerberg will know who you are if it kills him. No, wait, not him. You:

Jemma Rogers, 30, a holistic therapist, from Lewisham, south-east London, set up a profile on the social network in 2008.

Wanting to avoid annoying friend requests from old friends and strangers, she created the profile under the pseudonym Jemmaroid Von Laalaa.

But last month she got a message from Facebook asking her to send identification to prove it was a genuine name and account.

It’s that “Von.” Makes her look like one of the nobility.

Confused but worried she’d be locked out, Jemma admits she desperately tried to photoshop her bank cards to prove that was her real name.

One day later, Jemma’s account was suspended and she couldn’t get in. She emailed Facebook explaining what she’d done and sent over her real ID — begging them to let her back in. But she was told they could not confirm her identity and her account was suspended.

In a desperate bid to get the profile back, she changed her name by deed poll and is now officially Ms Von Laalaa.

“Desperate” doesn’t even approach this level of, well, whatever the hell it is.

Von Laalaa has now obtained new credentials — driver’s license, credit cards — and Facebook subsequently relented. Since she’s, you know, all real and stuff.

Bayou Renaissance Man is suitably unimpressed:

Remind me never, ever to engage Ms. von Laalaa’s services as a “holistic therapist”. With so much stupid in the air, I might never recover!

I’d hate to have that much emotional webbing tying me to a social network. Especially that social network.

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It’s all in the delivery

Deborah Mailman, forty-three today, was the first Aboriginal to win the Australian Film Institute (now Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts) Award for Best Actress in a Leading Role, for her 1998 performance in Radiance. (In 2015, she co-hosted the AACTA award show with Cate Blanchett.)

Deborah Mailman in a pose of sorts, 2012

Deborah Mailman on an unred carpet, 2013

And Mailman truly delivers: she’s been nominated five times for AACTA awards, and won every time.

Among her most notable TV work is Offspring, which ran five years on Network Ten and was cancelled, partially because the showrunners had new projects to work on, and partially because the show had run 65 episodes, meaning no further subsidies from Screen Australia.

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Things to come, maybe

El Nuko celebrates the beginning of his tenth year behind a blog dashboard with a list of ten predictions, two of which I figured I ought to pass on:

  1. The huge NSA data collection center at St Louis will be totally breached, and all of the information will be released into the open. The US economy will be thrown into a deep depression as credit availability evaporates overnight due to lack of confidentiality.
  2. Obama will propose microchip implantation as the solution, which will be agreed to by both parties, with the exception of 2016 hopeful Mike Huckabee, who sees this as the “mark of the beast.”

Expect Mitch McConnell to offer token resistance at first, because that’s what he does best: token resistance.

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Haircut 101

“Haircut,” in the financial-crisis sense, sounds cheery, especially when you consider the reality of the matter:

Haircut. It sounds so droll; you can imagine a sharp banker in a fine suit cocking an eyebrow and sighing about someone having to take a haircut, when the truth of the matter is someone dragged to a stump and made to put his head in the blood of the last guy they brought up on stage. Hold still, it’ll be easier for you. The correct metaphor would probably be “have several layers of skin removed by rubbing a hot brick all over the body,” but it would seem as if there’s something unfortunate going on.

Why, everyone has a haircut, eventually.

And with it, probate. Probably.

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Success through failure

The Z Man reminds us that we’ve seen this sort of thing before:

Failing up is so common today it feels like it is new, but it has been a feature of the human condition for a long time. Alcibiades is a guy who would be comfortable in today’s culture of failing up. Instead of screwing up the invasion of Syracuse, he would have run a bank into the ground and then run for the Senate.

In prior ages, society could afford precious few of these sorts of people. Mistakes were simply too costly to tolerate having too many idiots in powerful positions. In the post scarcity world of today, it feels like we can tolerate an unlimited supply of losers, grifters and charlatans.

Carly Fiorina on a talk showCertainly we’re never going run short of such individuals — there are times when I think we’re breeding them deliberately — though I have to admit that I’m not quite sure exactly which of those three descriptors, or which combination thereof, he means to apply to Republican candidate Carly Fiorina:

A fair number of people who think of themselves as diehard conservatives are fans of Fiorina. She is polling in the single digits, but the GOP will find some reason to get her on the debate stage. The reason, of course, is she is a woman. To her credit she says the sorts of things you expect a Republican to say, which says a lot of about the state of the party, but the only thing that matters is she lacks a penis.

As distinguished from several Republicans of past and present who lacked testicles.

Looking ahead, then:

Fiorina is smart enough to know she is not winning the nomination. This is the long con and that means angling for the VP spot or maybe a cabinet position. She will get on the stage and look good in the debates. By spring of next year she will be out of the race and have a good idea as to who will win the nomination. She will make a big show of endorsing that person and campaigning on their behalf.

In 2017 she will be nominated as Secretary of HHS and she will do to health care what she did to Bell Labs.

Quite a shame, really. One of the things Fiorina has going for her is a record of firing people, something that doesn’t get done nearly often enough in Washington.

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Friendlier skies

Flying somewhere used to Not Suck. Really, it did:

Airport (the 1970 movie) portrayed air travel as it was back then; glamorous, bordering on exotic … a thing the hoi polloi could only dream of doing. Okay, put aside the part where the crazy guy exploded a bomb on the plane; that’s not my point. Back then, stewardii were all hot babes, your knees were not serving as backstops for the seat back in front of you, your seatmate was not wearing a Dumb and Dumber tanktop, carrying on luggage was considered tres gauche, and you were served food, on plates with silverware no less. As everyone knows, it’s not like that anymore.

I always spelled it “stewardae,” but then I was somewhat perverse in that era, and besides, I never actually got on a plane until 1972. After that, though, I logged some ridiculous number of miles in the next three years. (Somewhere in the low five digits, anyway.)

Airlines have become the Greyhound bus of the 21st century … and I am not saying that in a pejorative way. Yes, the relative luxury of air travel 40 years ago is gone and we can bemoan that. However, air travel today is fast, relatively inexpensive, and reasonably convenient. The price we have paid is being packed in so tightly with our fellow passengers that, if we were pigs headed for the slaughter house, there would be animal cruelty ordinances to prevent it. The animal analogy is a good one and, again, I am not being pejorative. Realistically, the only way airlines can move millions of people and their stuff around every day is to treat them like cattle. It works.

And we get farther from free-range every day.

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So quotidian

This was the tweet as I read it:

Thence to Pinterest, which put up the usual “Sign up if you expect to see this,” but not before I’d tabbed over to Nordstrom.com, where I found this:

Georgia by MICHAEL Michael Kors

This is “Georgia,” from the MICHAEL line of Michael Kors, and it’s on sale to Nordstrom customers before the store’s anniversary sale starting the 17th. And maybe it’s just a little glittery for everyday, but perhaps there are nights for which nothing else will do. “Georgia” stands four inches tall on a half-inch platform, and there’s a bit more peep than the average peep-toe, which may or may not be a good thing. $150 later; $100 during the current sale.

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Because boys don’t diet

The Coca-Cola Company says so:

I think I’ll take another swig of Dr Pepper.

[gulp]

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Weirdest donor just now

GoFundMe has raised its maximum donation by a factor of three and then some. Why? Two words: “Taylor Swift.” Behold:

On July 7th, a young girl battling cancer named Naomi got a huge surprise when her favorite singer, Taylor Swift, donated $50,000 to her GoFundMe campaign. Naomi and her family were understandably surprised and grateful for such a generous gift.

“Taylor Swift’s donation was so generous that it required us to increase the donation limit on the platform,” said Rob Solomon, GoFundMe CEO. GoFundMe’s previous donation limit was set at $15,000, but has now been increased to $50,000. There are never any limits on how much a campaign can raise.

There’s a cancer named Naomi? And they say I need an editor. (“You do.”–ed.)

You might look at this and think “Yeah, Tay just crashed their site and offered to make up for it.” Nope:

Including gifts to other campaigns, Taylor Swift has given more than any other donor in GoFundMe history.

I fully expect the next rocket to Mars to have her name on it.

(Via TSwiftDaily.)

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Strange search-engine queries (493)

This feature will be ten years old next month, and well, if it’s still acting like a nine-year-old, well, that’s what happens, right?

kudzu garnish:  It’s true. You default on a payment and they take away a portion of your kudzu until it’s paid.

monothelithic dumbhead:  Well, at least they’re not polythelithic, whatever the heck that means.

ariana grande having sex:  I’m pretty sure this sort of thing is not approved by Dunkin’ Donuts.

ari works at a train station. he notices that more people carry briefcases on wednesday than on sunday. he thinks that maybe this is because more people commute during the week. what should he do next?  He should quit watching briefcases and get his fat ass back to work.

when you find extra fries in the bottom of the bag:  You eat them and you don’t say a word about it to anyone.

reasonable psychic guidance cockeysville:  For instance, “Someday soon you will leave Baltimore County.”

business advisor to walk me through the merger process nueces county tx:  Who the heck would want to merge with you?

i need a business advisor to walk me through the merger process denver co:  Ever think about Corpus Christi, Texas?

my gummy bear dies my unicorn ran away:  And your job moved to Corpus Christi, Texas. This just isn’t your day.

barely-melted capacitor:  You can always wait until it melts completely, but it’s better to replace it now.

oversized male genitalia disorder:  Are you bragging or complaining?

i almost flew ass first into the screen at webcam jackers tube:  Perhaps they can pull you out by your “oversized male genitalia.”

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Why we look forward to the weekend

When there’s a new episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, there’s a manic Fark thread to discuss it, and inevitably thread drift is measured on the tidal scale. This week’s thread produced an utterly irrelevant but sort of amusing graphic, of Lyra Heartstrings sitting in the back seat:

Lyra Heartstrings as Rebecca Black

Which proves, I suppose, that it’s possible to get down on Saturday, if you get up early enough.

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For you, a ray of sunshine

For the disciples of Al Gore, it’s Gloomy Sunday indeed:

Among climate activists, gloom is building. Jim Driscoll of the National Institute for Peer Support just finished a study of a group of longtime activists whose most frequently reported feeling was sadness, followed by fear and anger. Dr. Lise Van Susteren, a practicing psychiatrist and graduate of Al Gore’s Inconvenient Truth slide-show training, calls this “pretraumatic” stress. “So many of us are exhibiting all the signs and symptoms of posttraumatic disorder — the anger, the panic, the obsessive intrusive thoughts.”

How much sympathy have I for these mountebanks? Somewhere below the Maunder Minimum.

(Via Steven Hayward at Power Line.)

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