Strange search-engine queries (443)

Monday morning brings lots of things, not all of which you may have wanted. Which is precisely why we present this brief summation of what sort of crap people were hoping to find at this site last week.

phil spector stereo:  It’s like Grumpy Cat’s holiday weekend. No matter how it turned out, it was awful.

biggify or biggerize:  Depends on the degree of expandage desired.

mazda 626 1987 yaha:  Not to mention whoop-de-doo.

how much carborator manfolt for 626 madza car:  And whoop-de-doo to you too.

naked andrea boehrer:  Who is she, and why is she naked?

how to jumpstart a puberty:  Ask Andrea Boehrer, whoever she is.

Andrea-and-Nolan.rsvpify.com:  And now there’s this Nolan guy? Sheesh.

softly whispering i love you david and jonathan:  Jonathan smiled and said nothing, while David tried to suppress the urge to deck the interloper.

katrena naive sexy ads pechar:  If she thinks sexy ads are going to help her career, she’s probably more naive than we thought.

turd world problems:  Among other things, the occupants are full of crap.

kali atrox:  Is this the woman who’s going to be the new Thor?

donwload dustury:  Bless you, Autocorrect.

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Personal logiene

Never let it be said that karma is a drab, dull, dispassionate sort of dispensation:

The 2009 “underpants bomb” plot failed because the terrorist had been wearing his explosive-laden undergarments for more than two weeks and soiled the explosives, a senior US official said.

Umar Abdulmutallab sent shockwaves through US intelligence when he successfully smuggled a bomb onto a Detroit-bound airliner on Christmas day three years ago. The British-educated Nigerian was able to light the bomb but it failed to explode, causing minor burns to the would-be bomber but sparing his fellow passengers.

John Pistole, the head of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), said on Thursday that the bomb did not detonate because Abdulmutallab had been wearing the same underwear for more than two weeks.

I am deeply impressed that Mr Pistole managed to say this without actual giggle fits:

Asked by his interviewer whether the bomb’s fuse had become “damp” from two weeks of wear, Mr Pistole said: “Let’s say it was degraded. We’re getting kind of personal now.”

Umar must be one of those “moderates” we’ve been hearing so much about.

(Via Tim Blair.)

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And yet he still breathes

File this under Unmitigatable Gall:

A man who’s in jail for several robberies including an attempted robbery at a pizza restaurant in Delaware is now suing police and several employees of that eatery for $260,000, claiming they were unnecessarily rough in subduing him.

Back in 2010, the then 19-year-old man forced his way into the restaurant through the back door with a gun. Several employees tussled with him as they tried to get the gun away from him, tackling him to the ground, reports The News Journal (warning: link has video that autoplays).

Punchline’s on the way, don’t worry.

According to his lawsuit, after he displayed a gun and a delivery driver handed him $140, he started to make his way forward into the restaurant. Another worker grabbed him from behind while someone else wrested the gun from him, which is when it went off.

“That is when the assault began,” he says in the lawsuit. “All of the [redacted] employees participated in punching, kicking and pouring hot soup over my body. I was unarmed and defenseless and had to suffer a brutal beating by all of the employees.”

“Unarmed and defenseless,” says the guy who brought a gun with him and couldn’t keep it. Then again, after pleading guilty, he also said this:

Shortly after entering his plea, [he] attempted to withdraw it claiming in a motion that he had not taken his medication that day… he should be allowed to take back his plea because, “I’m not good at making good choices.”

Dear Mr. Darwin: Couldn’t you have somehow contrived to have this bozo “accidentally” fall into a pizza oven?

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St. Jeff the Heretic

The following notice appeared on the back cover of Gilbert Magazine on behalf of its publisher, the American Chesterton Society:

AMAZON IS NOT AN APOSTOLATE

“With Amazon Prime, I get free shipping” is what we sometimes hear from friends of G. K. Chesterton. Amazon.com can certainly get you that book or DVD you’ve wanted for less. But free shipping, believe it or not, is expensive. It’s expensive because Amazon never has, and never will, run an apostolate dedicated to the greatest mind of the 20th century.

Amazon’s lower prices cannot replace an apostolate that cares about the mind and soul of your family. Neither will Amazon pretend it has any stake in the restoration of sanity, common sense and education as investments for a society desperately in need of the love of Christ or the profound commitment society owes to family life.

I may as well mention here that I have ordered material from ACS, and that I didn’t price-check it with the Great Bezos Machine beforehand. (Turns out they didn’t actually have it.)

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To say the yeast

It didn’t happen this way, of course, but it’s wholly consistent with human nature:

Sometime after beer was invented, somebody figured out that just boiling water was enough to make it safe to drink, you didn’t actually have to make beer out of it. Since people no longer needed to start the day with a tankard of ale, productivity went way up. This was the start of the industrial revolution.

Things have been going downhill ever since.

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Seven miles apart

This comes from the “Why the hell didn’t I notice this?” file.

In 1967, Bert Berns met up again with soul singer Hoagy Lands, for whom he had written half a dozen songs in the early Sixties; Lands recorded Berns’ “32 Miles out of Waycross (Mojo Mamma),” which is presumably still sitting in the Bang Records vault, and with the title clipped to just “Mojo Mamma,” the song became an album track for Wilson Pickett. It goes like this:

If those verses remind you of Edwin Starr’s “Twenty-Five Miles,” well, you’re not the only one, and current copies of Starr’s record bear composer credits for Berns and occasional songwriting partner Jerry Ragovoy.

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Over made over

It’s no accident that the optical storage medium with the shortest lifespan is the CD-Rewritable. What can we learn from this?

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A pittance for you, serf

You may remember this boilerplate, copied from a letter I received from CFI Care (not its real initials) two years ago:

The Affordable Care Act requires health insurers in the individual and small group market to spend at least 80 percent of the premiums they receive on health care services and activities to improve health care quality (in the large group market, this amount is 85 percent). This is referred to at the Medical Loss Ratio (MLR) rule or the 80/20 rule. If a health insurer does not spend at least 80 percent of the premiums it receives on health care services and activities to improve health care quality, the insurer must rebate the difference.

I didn’t get anything rebated to me that year, but Brian J. did, and he got some this year, too:

Yeah, I got my $36 check with a letter mandated by law to remind me that Obama’s got my back.

Strangely, the letter from my insurer that said my health insurance was going up $200 a month did not mention the ACA.

I’m sure that’s an oversight.

But of course.

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Tootsie in the sky with hijinks

Poster for 'Cockpit' (2012)As it happens, I wasn’t anywhere near New York City Thursday night, which is perhaps something of a pity, because I might have gotten to see a 2012 Swedish comedy with the unsubtle title Cockpit, as suggested by an apparently enthusiastic Tatyana:

After getting fired from his current job as a pilot, and dumped by his current wife, Valle seeks to find a new job. Out of desperation on the job market for male air pilots, he disguises himself as a woman in order to get a job at Silver, an airline seeking a female pilot. The dividing line between his female and male self, as well as his personal and love life, starts to blur to a point which he eventually is unable to handle.

Jonas Karlsson stars as Dustin Hoffman. And anyway, I suspect Tatyana would go to this event for reasons other than seeing weird Swedish variations on American film themes.

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Benson & Hersheys

Actually, I just made that up. But candy cigarettes are still a thing, albeit a weak one, and Will Truman bought some:

The “Carton” doesn’t actually say “cigarettes” on there anywhere. I don’t know if that’s a recent development or they never did. I can see why they don’t now… The pieces themselves don’t look nearly as cigarette-y as I remember them. I suspect this was the case before. But in my mouth they look as much like a glorified toothpick as anything… They taste exactly as I remember them.

This looks like the package Truman posted; interestingly, the inevitable “Frequently Bought Together” section lists those candy bracelets that always broke when you tried to stretch them, and the infamous Nik-L-Nips, wax bottles containing some mysterious colored liquid.

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In which Mindy projects

There’s actually no projected date for the publication of Mindy Kaling’s second book, Why Not Me? It didn’t stop her, though, from putting up some Instagrams from the photo shoot for the book cover, a couple of which I’ve borrowed, with the help of InStyle.

This first lacy thingumabob comes from Dolce & Gabbana:

Mindy Kaling in D and G

And this, with pockets yet, from 5th & Mercer:

Mindy Kaling in 5th and Mercer

If you’re not familiar with 5th & Mercer, it’s a line designed by La La Anthony, who is married to NBA star Carmelo Anthony. The shoes are all Jimmy Choos.

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Quote of the week

Glenn Reynolds takes the long view on capital punishment:

I’m skeptical of the death penalty’s administration because the criminal justice system is a disaster. But, assuming guilt, I don’t really care much about the morality of killing people. The nation-state is all about killing people. Its sole reason for existing is that it’s better at killing people in large numbers than any other form of human organization. If you don’t like the idea of the state killing people, you don’t like the idea of the state. If you don’t realize this, it’s because your thinking is confused.

If this perturbs you, ask yourself the question Reynolds hints at: “At what other function can the nation-state be legitimately deemed superior?” No matter what you come up with, it will be based on the power of coercion — at the point of a gun.

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There are also wardrobe adjustments

About three years ago, I posted an item about one Andrej Pejić, a rather androgynous fellow who actually looked really good in a print ad for a bra. I said at the time:

[Pejić is] arguably the prettiest six-foot-two blond(e) working the runway today. I’d argue that he sells the product remarkably well, inasmuch as it brings a figure with no actual bewbage at all up to an almost-solid B.

That figure has changed a bit since then: Pejić has added an A to her first name and has undergone sexual-reassignment surgery. Apparently this is what she always wanted:

I figured out who I was very early on — actually, at the age of 13, with the help of the Internet — so I knew that a transition, becoming a woman, was always something I needed to do. But it wasn’t possible at the time, and I put it off, and androgyny became a way of expressing my femininity without having to explain myself to people too much. Especially to my peers [who] couldn’t understand things like “trans” and gender identity. And then obviously the modeling thing came up, and I became this androgynous male model, and that was a big part of my growing up and my self-discovery. But I always kept in mind that, ultimately, my biggest dream was to be a girl. I wasn’t ready to talk about it before in a public way because I was scared that I would not be understood. I didn’t know if people would like me. But now I’m taking that step because I’m a little older — I’m 22 — and I think my story can help people. My goal is to give a human face to this struggle, and I feel like I have a responsibility.

Certainly this will make matters a bit simpler for the gatekeepers in modeling:

[W]hen I first moved to London. It was like, I’d walk into the boys’ casting, and they were like, “No … you don’t belong here.” And then at the girls’ casting, they were like, “Why are they sending us boys?” So it took time for everyone to get on board. It wasn’t all sweet sailing.

For the non-fashionista, the place you’re most likely to have seen Pejić is David Bowie’s 2013 video for “The Stars (Are Out Tonight),” the existence of which offers up two layers of irony: Bowie’s own long-ago flirtation with androgyny, circa Ziggy Stardust, and the unexpected Woman of a Certain Age appearance of Tilda Swinton, who much of the time aspires to look like Conan O’Brien. As Ray Davies once said: “It’s a mixed-up, muddled-up, shook-up world.”

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From shooting brakes to shooting guards

Kobe Bryant’s company is setting up in his hometown in Orange County:

Kobe Bryant’s new company is setting up shop in the famed basketball player’s hometown.

Council members authorized the sale Tuesday of a city-owned property in West Newport Beach to Kobe Inc. for use as a global headquarters.

Ordinarily I would give this the MEGO treatment, but:

The roughly 1-acre site, at 1499 Monrovia Ave., includes a 16,550 square foot office building, where Road & Track Magazine used to operate. It was sold for $5.8 million.

Which is probably more than Hearst Magazines could get for R&T itself, now having to bunk with Car and Driver in Ann Arbor.

Somehow I get the feeling the late John R. Bond is doing 2000 rpm or so right about now. (Think of it as a fast idle.)

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An idea worthy of emulation

I am not, to my knowledge, located anywhere recognizable on the Autism Spectrum, but I can see serious value in this practice at any gathering larger than a hoof-ful:

Of course, if I show up somewhere with a blue badge, you may safely assume that somewhere down the line I messed up.

BronyCon starts Friday, 1 August, at the Baltimare Baltimore Convention Center.

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I guess it just wasn’t my Day

I finally got around to following Felicia Day on Twitter, and as is their wont, Twitter duly sent me a list of “suggestions based on” this person. Since Day’s persona is the Gorgeous Geek Girl, I was kind of hoping they’d send me more of the same. Instead, they sent:

Then again, at least their geek credentials are impeccable, so give Twitter that much. They’ve done worse by me before.

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