It was one of those nights

A fairly routine Sunday game: Los Angeles Dodgers 9, St Louis Cardinals 6. Until you look at this:

Mike Meyers gets his first major-league loss

And yes, it’s just like it looks:

The Dodgers scored a half-dozen runs off Cardinals callup Mike Mayers before the Cardinals ever came to bat. The first four trotted home when Gonzalez tattooed a 2-2 fastball 427 feet over the center-field wall. Gonzalez finished the game with three hits, the second of which preceded Howie Kendrick’s home run with one out in the second.

That blast marked the end of the day for Mayers, who had been summoned for the spot start after the Cardinals’ rotation order was interrupted by a doubleheader earlier in the team’s homestand. Mayers, who had a 2.62 ERA in 18 Minor League starts this year, allowed nine runs before being pulled with one out in the second. It was the shortest start by a Cardinals pitcher making his MLB debut since Memo Luna in 1954.

Mayers is now back among the Memphis Redbirds, the Cards’ Triple-A affiliate.

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Because cash

A defense of the payday-loan industry:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever used the services of Payday Loan. No? That’s because you’re an upstanding, respectable citizen with a decent paycheck and a bank account. I, on the other hand, (ahem) haven’t been any of those things for going on 20 years. And since I fell on hard times in California, where the Franchise Tax Board can and absolutely will hoover up the contents of your bank account if you piss them off, even when I had a paycheck I found myself looking for ways to do without banks.

What I’m saying is, even though I never actually took out a loan with them I do know the inside of a Payday Loan. They also cash checks for a fee, and help you wire money to Guatemala or wherever. Personally I’ve always suspected that this is what [Sen. Elizabeth] Warren and her totalitarian pals really object to: Payday Loans (PL in future) makes money less transparent to the government and less susceptible to confiscation. For that reason alone I like it.

Besides, the government hates competition:

Now, they are pushing to include language in the Democratic Party platform to add banking to the line of services provided by the U.S. Postal Service.

Imagine it with me, Mr. and Mrs. America. The post office, which has practically driven itself out of its own centuries-old monopoly through incredible ineptitude, would now be granted…

“nothing fancy, just basic bill paying, check cashing and small dollar loans.”

What could possibly go wrong?

“But… but… non-profit!” I’d perhaps be more impressed with that, except that my stint last month in an ostensibly non-profit emergency room ran up a tab of twenty thousand dollars.

(Via View From The Porch.)

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Does this sound crazy to you?

Because I’m afraid it might make sense:

Neither side actually WANTS to win, because neither side wants to be in the White House during the next four years. They do not want to be the ones tasked with the Sisyphean and possibly impossible task of dealing with the fire breathing hydra with rabies that is the deteriorating world situation. Their best case scenario is to lose, and in the unlikely event there are any survivors, come out of their bunkers and pick up the pieces, while blaming the other party for the catastrophe that they fortuitously dodged having to deal with.

Given both parties’ long history of Blame Avoidance as a top priority, this would seem to explain the nomination of wholly unacceptable candidates perfectly well.

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They never saw it coming

And really, if you think about it, they should have:

Irish Psychics broke

This happened a couple of years back:

A liquidator has been appointed to the firm behind Irish Psychics Live, which was founded by former journalist Tom Higgins.

A document lodged with the Companies Office confirms that Eamon Leahy of Leahy & Company, Fairview, Dublin has been appointed as liquidator arising from a resolution of the members of Realm Communications Limited.

The liquidation of the firm follows eight months after the company, which was behind what was Ireland’s most high profile and controversial premium phone line service, ceased trading.

The appointment of Mr Leahy also follows a Revenue Commissioner’s notice in January confirming it had petitioned the High Court to wind up Realm Communications Ltd.

The premium phone line business was established in 1998 and built up a large cash pile over the years before Mr Higgins and his wife Theresa Dunne cashed out in 2009, sharing a dividend payout of €9 million.

(From Bad Newspaper via Miss Cellania.)

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Such a deal, indeed

On the 20th of June, I was loaded aboard an ambulance, and the Health Misadventures of 2016 were under way. I mention this because it’s time once again for this program:

EMSAcare provides you and permanent members of your household with emergency medical transport through EMSA, with no out of pocket expenses. Your membership covers expenses not paid for by your third party insurance. The program is just $3.65 per month and can be included on your utility bill. More than 180,000 Oklahoma City households participate in EMSA’s EMSAcare program.

With the charge for a single emergency ambulance ride now over $1,300, it is easy to see that EMSAcare is the smart choice for you and your family.

Third-party insurance covered none of my $1,324 ambulance bill; EMSAcare took care of the whole thing. Heck of a deal for $43.80 a year.

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Mrs. T

This picture of Melania Trump caught my eye:

Melania Trump on being so much younger

“The age difference,” she says, “is not a problem for us: Donald wants more children from me.” Well, she’s only forty-six, so it could happen. Maybe.

Still, she doesn’t come across as a brood mare, if you know what I mean:

Melania Trump resplendent in orange

Melania Trump resplendent in blue

Before you ask: no, she never did finish her degree work at the University of Ljubljana, despite what you may have heard.

The guys at ShePolitico thought she was worthy of one of their legendary gawk sessions, complete with unidentifiable background music:

You’ll get no argument from the likes of me. She’s reported to wear a size 10½ shoe, which is definitely nothing to sneeze at.

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And it all wraps around

On my list of Best Band Names Ever is the Anderson Council, straight outta New Brunswick, New Jersey; like another, better-known band, they were named for Piedmont Blues singers Pink Anderson and Floyd Council.

Their new waxing, Assorted Colours, contains eight tracks from their back catalog plus four new songs, one of which, “Girl on the Northern Line,” I’d heard before; Michael Lynch, then proprietor of the much-missed Ready Steady A Go Go podcast, cut a version.

Lynch’s version owes a little, perhaps, to “The Little Black Egg.” He got the song from its composer: rock historian Dawn Eden, now better known as Catholic theologian Dawn Eden Goldstein, who’d always intended the song for the Anderson Council. (Lynch and Goldstein would later collaborate on the chewy, chewy “Dubblbubbldandylionluv,” issued under the name “Man Cherry and Candy Date”; Goldstein herself would contribute a cover of Kirsty MacColl’s “They Don’t Know About Us” to the compilation The Stiff Generation.)

Goldstein is properly amused by the appearance of “Girl on the Northern Line”:

If MOJO magazine ever does a feature on “Systematic Theologians Who Rock,” perhaps now I will be on their short list.

I can hardly wait.

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Will it blend?

Into the background, yeah, probably better than anything you’ve ever driven. It showed up, so to speak, on craigslist a few days back:

Invisible Truck

“A marvel of modern science,” says the Road & Track guy:

What was once a perfectly ordinary 1984 Chevrolet (Fleetside, short-bed) with a scant 74,000 miles on its hidden-from-view odometer has been transformed by a cadre of our nation’s brightest materials science engineers to remain perfectly unseen by the ordinary eye. Every surface and part has been coated with some sort of invisibility-inducing substance: its 305ci V8, its 4WD drivetrain, its clean windows, its “like new” interior, its stack of Don Henley cassettes strewn across the bench seats.

Craigslist is pulling the listing for some inscrutable reason. Me, I want to see Wonder Woman driving this thing.

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Old door, new name

News Item: Kevin Durant’s Bricktown restaurant closed Sunday, but vows to open with a new theme after Labor Day, Hal Smith Restaurant Group said Monday. “The concept will offer an updated atmosphere with a similar menu to what has been available at that location in the past.”

Top Ten new proposals for the restaurant concept to replace Kd’s:

  1. Draymond Green’s Kick It!
  2. Hey, it’s Bricktown, come eat
  3. The Steve Lackmeyer Express
  4. Al Eschbach’s House of Helium
  5. Opubco Imports
  6. Where the Streets Have Several Names
  7. James Harden’s Beard Garden
  8. Bromo Seltzerium
  9. Tag Agent 007
  10. Please, Russ, don’t leave us

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Mark it well, sir

You’ll need one, or two, of these:

Case of Butt Markers from The Home Depot

And don’t worry, they’re cheap.

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Strange search-engine queries (547)

People wander into this site from all over the place, and chances are they’re looking for something. And some of those somethings will make you shake your head.

rebecca black 19th birthday:  That was last month. And not on a Friday, either.

expired pamprin:  Still better than PMS. Take it.

feminism future:  Imagine half the world with bottles of expired Pamprin.

after hurricane katrina, cindy was found walking by the roadside. she could not remember how she got to this place. according to freud, the details of her experiences in the hurricane have been:  Brainwashed away.

/index.php/services unbeautiful:  I don’t recall that particular setting in b2evolution.

how to turn off fpa lock on rca tv:  You’d figure by now the kids would have learned how to reset parental controls.

eccentricrich:  If they’re not rich, they’re merely weirdos.

disney™ frozen sisters forever soft sided rolling luggage:  Hold on to it. You don’t want to know what happens when you let it go.

black men white women sex:  Really, Mr Duke, you’re beating a dead horse.

etcetera etcetera etcetera:  Yadda, yadda, yadda.

unbaked lies:  Bake to an internal temperature of 165° before swallowing.

diaper sex tumblr:  Imagine Yahoo! paying a billion dollars to own stuff like that.

oversized male genitalia disorder:  I dunno. It sounds pretty orderly to me.

gypsy chickens:  It’s none of your damned business why they crossed the road.

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Limbo lower now

In which I wonder how low I can go.

(Fundraiser continues.)

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Still looking up

Just found out that Rokusuke Ei has passed away at 83. And who was Rokusuke Ei, you ask? He wrote these words for Kyu Sakamoto:

“Sukiyaki,” the unfortunate title slapped on “Ue o muite arukö” — “When I walk I shall look up” — by Western record guys, is still, after 53 years, the only #1 hit in America sung entirely in Japanese.

Sakamoto died in a plane crash in 1985.

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Wapiti wap

It’s 900 pounds of elk versus 1600 pounds of Smart Fortwo, and the driver walks away:

A lot to be said for that little safety cage. And better yet, the car is so small that the critter couldn’t come crashing through the windshield.

Not so lucky: an elk. We may never hear that new theory about the brontosaurus.

(Via The Truth About Cars.)

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Maybe just a little bit gullible

I mean, why would the Internal Revenue Service ask for iTunes gift cards?

Portland [Maine] police cut short a phone scam on Wednesday, coming to the rescue of a woman who thought she was paying the IRS with thousands of dollars worth of iTunes gift cards, police said Thursday.

The police got an anonymous tip about the woman buying the cards, and found her in a Portland parking lot, talking on her phone and with a pile of gift cards on the passenger seat of her car.

She told the officers she was on the phone with the IRS, and they were demanding she pay them in iTunes gift cards, according to Portland police Lt. James Sweatt. She told the officers she had spent hours getting the money from banks and then purchasing the gift cards.

“They would not let her off the phone, repeatedly threatening her,” police said. The suspects hung up when the officers asked to speak with them on the phone.

By the time the police arrived, she’d spent $8700 on gift cards.

(Via Fark.)

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Quote of the week

This tale from Jennifer Finney Boylan struck me as just about perfect:

After I left the otolaryngologist’s office with my diagnosis I called my wife on the phone. Mid-call, my throat closed up and I began to weep. “I’m sorry you have to be married to someone like me,” I sobbed.

“Jenny, I stayed with you through the gender thing,” she said. “You think I’d leave you because you have hearing aids?”

It was a beautiful morning in New York. I was surrounded by honking taxis, singing birds, shouting children.

“What?” I said.

Boylan, I have long since learned, has a cheerfully wry sense of humor, and her delivery is vaudeville-quality.

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