Fugliness afoot

My attention is drawn, generally, to really gorgeous shoes, and sometimes to shoes that are less than gorgeous. In fact, I admit that from time to time I’ve served up stories about shoes that were perhaps lacking in beauty altogether, though I don’t make a habit of it.

Through the Ides of March, Shoewawa is taking your votes for which of the 18 monstrosities they have on display is in fact the ugliest. I will not try to influence your choice in any way, except to note that they’re all several orders of magnitude worse than horrible plug-ugly.

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Strange search-engine queries (369)

It’s Monday morning, and the mood elevator is stuck between floors, so I might as well sift through the logs and see if there’s anything worth shouting out, or at.

sexe and porn olod women ower 80 years old chineses peoples:  Say what? You’re in Canada, FFS. Speak English. Or French.

milf moms train boy toy sons’exstreme incest kirsten archives forum:  This almost made sense up to “kirsten,” who doesn’t want her name connected up with anything so vile as, oh, archive forums.

hairy bearded guy on golden state warriors team in 2008:  Weirdly, the nba.com roster doesn’t list them by hirsuteness.

Hi, we’re a really shitty band called Chicken Abortion, from the terribly boring town of Germfask, Michigan. Our interests include: drugs, music:  And, of course, terseness.

new itunes won’t let me add wma:  Neither would the old iTunes. You’ll have to convert your favorite Chicken Abortion tracks before importing them.

rip van wintel:  Introduced hibernation mode on Windows-based laptops in the 1990s.

helen mirren knickers:  Did you check under the bed?

I was not going to post this but I feel compelled. These folks came into Turner Family 7-Elevens in Howell and stole the jar that we were collecting money for a child with Downs Syndrome who needs surgery. They drove a:  Hard bargain?

how to find out the name of male model in mercedes benz fragrance ad:  Was it this guy?

which tire has tracktion on a 97 mazda 626:  If it’s only the one tire, you’re going to be doing more donuts than Krispy Kreme.

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Bum steers

Who are you, and what have you done with the Chicago Bulls? Admittedly, this is not generally a high-scoring team, but thirty-six at halftime? Fifty-four after three? Da Bulls were shooting less than 20 percent in the first quarter, and finally got somewhere near 30 in the waning moments, as the Thunder coasted to an easy 102-72 win.

Yeah, yeah, we know: Derrick Rose. But he’s been out quite a while, and the Bulls had been doing pretty well in his absence: nine games over .500, a couple of ticks behind the streaking Pacers. Look at this instead: Joakim Noah, eight points. Richard Hamilton, five points. Carlos Boozer, two points. Luol Deng and Nate Robinson carried the offensive weight with 13 points each? How is that possible? Chicago did play some decent defense — ten steals, five blocks — but when Taj Gibson departed with a sprain, I suspect he was glad to be gone.

The big news for OKC, I suppose, was Jeremy Lamb’s career-high 9 points. The starters did what starters are supposed to do — both Kevin Durant (19 points, 16 rebounds) and Serge Ibaka (17/10) had double-doubles, Thabo Sefolosha (11) and Russell Westbrook (23) provided punch more or less on call, and Kendrick Perkins didn’t score a point but hauled in eight boards. Ronnie Brewer was apparently at shootaround this morning, but his paperwork wasn’t complete or something; he’ll presumably show up Wednesday against the Large-Billed Sea Birds.

Perhaps Scott Brooks is now happy with the OKC defense. Or maybe not: he could point to the Bulls’ 71-69 loss to Boston a week and a half ago, followed by an 86-67 pasting by Miami last Thursday, and would then demand, “How did you let these guys score 72?” The man is never pleased.

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Silence speaks a thousand words

And maybe a whole lot more, if it turns out that you weren’t listening in the first place.

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Either way, a hell of a lot

Whether milestone or millstone depends on one’s perspective, I suppose. Because I can, here is the complete text — minus links, of course — of the 25,000th spam caught by Akismet since installation in mid-September 2008:

Wearing advice: apricot form for choose lens face lighter color, a thin metal frames or frameless oakley glasses to abate the face of the weight of the above, to avoid was wide on half of the face more expansion feeling. And for a little thick frame round face, lens color slants cold, color deep glasses, have face visual effect, rich, delicate its leg, can design more emphasis on the integral design of the glasses, the center of the visual sense to attract the sunglasses and face collocation overall effect, let people ignore the shortage of the face.
Articles from foakley sunglasses online store. with the basic styles that have manufactured the Bayswater so well-known then you know you have some thing in your wardrobe that will in no way go out of style or fashion.
and they also about including:

, all the burberry product are top qualtiy and free shipping.Some critics are now questioning whether the donations were genuine charitable donations or an attempt to capitalize on the misfortune of the miners. Because the miners were at risk for permanent damage to their retinas, eye protection was a necessity, not a fashion statement. And because Oakley sunglasses are scientifically engineered — in this case with Plutonite lenses that filter UV rays to protect the eyes of high-performance individuals — the donation made perfect sense.

This came from 222.92.141.155; I’m pretty sure I don’t need to hear from that IP ever again.

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Mail order, so to speak

Having failed to sell enough in services and tchotchkes to make a hole in their deficit, the Postal Service is now entering the clothing business:

The Postal Service inked a licensing agreement with Cleveland-based Wahconah Group, Inc. to produce the new line, which will include jackets, headgear, footwear and clothing that allows integration of modern technology devices such as iPods, according to agency spokesman Roy Betts.

“This agreement will put the Postal Service on the cutting edge of functional fashion,” agency licensing manager Steven Mills said in a statement. “The main focus will be to produce Rain Heat & Snow apparel and accessories using technology to create ‘smart apparel’ — also known as wearable electronics.”

Fausta is not impressed with this scheme:

They’ll be more successful if they had a “dark of night” line of lingerie and sex toys… or maybe if they marketed some dog repellent.

Were it up to me, I’d suggest teaming up with PepsiCo to produce a Postal Service energy drink. They could call it “Postage Dew.”

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It made him feel small

You can only take so much of this:

“Sexually, do you feel so inadequate that the inability to satisfy your partner leaves you demoralised and depressed at how little you have to offer?

“Your lack of confidence and low self esteem is making you unattractive to others. Any partner you have is simply turned off by your small size and the chances of attracting anyone else are zero — you’re just too scared to reveal what little you have. It’s a vicious circle.”

And it wasn’t email, either. It was actual snail mail, or whatever it’s called in the UK, and the fellow struck back:

[H]e began receiving the Life Healthcare four page mailing on his doorstep on a monthly basis so he complained to the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA). The ASA noted the man had not requested the mailing… the personal nature of the suggestions — especially when coupled with the more general graphic and sexually explicit sexual references — were likely to cause serious offence and breached the Code.

Then again, what fun is there in sexual references that are not sexually explicit?

The ASA banned the ad and said the company must suppress the complainant’s personal data.

Perhaps it was Mr S of Bromsgrove, a Freemason and prospective Tory MP.

(Via Interested-Participant.)

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Platform amended

The downside of driving a so-called luxoboat is the fact that ownership of same is presumed to mean that you can afford parts and service even dearer than the usual; as a result, I have become acutely sensitive to the slightest changes in vehicle behavior.

Maybe. Out of the driveway to run yesterday’s errands, and damn, these brakes are grabby. Something left on the rotor from this week’s (sort of) snowstorm? Greater warpage than I’d thought? I changed my modulation technique — basically, I backed off on the pedal pressure — and the grabbiness went away. Okay, what’s different between yesterday and the day before?

The answer is “shoes,” but not brake shoes. Friday night I had noticed that the insole in one of my favorite pair of walkers — the very one I was going to wear Saturday — was looking rather thin, and I’d snapped in an aftermarket replacement I’d bought some months back but hadn’t yet installed. The new insole is about three sixteenths of an inch thicker than the old one. Did this result in three sixteenths of an inch deeper pedal application, and therefore more abrupt braking? It would so seem.

I wound up the trip marveling that women seem to have no problems like this no matter what shoes they wear. Presumably they get used to it.

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It was a thousand years ago today

And the research, as it must, goes on:

Before you ask: no, they did not evolve from Monkees.

(Thanks to HCShannon for that last quip.)

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Hang on, swoopy

Suzette wonders if white cars are especially likely to draw unwelcome attention from our fine feathered friends:

Do birds have some kind of fatal attraction that compels them to fling themselves at their own peril towards white cars? Does this happen with all white cars? Does it happen to you?

I’ve encountered only two suicidal avians in the past six and a half years of driving a vanillamobile, and one of them was a pigeon, perhaps more likely to be deranged than despondent.

What birds do fling at this car, however, is usually vaguely whitish, though obviously no attempt is made at color-matching.

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A buck extra for cheese

And then another buck to take it off again:

Food blogger José Ralat-Maldonado tweeted during his first visit to the Outpost American Tavern in Dallas: “A fee for leaving cheese off a burger?”

Aside to Ronald McDonald: You did not see this.

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Hang them up

How do you handle a persistent telemarketer? Have you tried verbal abuse?

Press 2 to be taken off the list, and I wasn’t taken off the list. Press 1 to talk to a representative and ask to be taken off the list, and I wasn’t taken off the list. I’m not proud to admit what I did that finally worked: I started harassing them. Rather, I started berating the person behind Press 1. I don’t like being anything but nice to working schlubs. But these people do work for a disreputable company (or series of companies) offering bogus deals on auto reinsurance.

Berating them worked. It was the only thing that did.

Much as I enjoy berating people, it’s a fact that the recipients in this case are merely cogs; the big wheels never suffer any inconvenience at all. And ultimately, we’re never going to get rid of these jerks until there’s an understanding by the general public that everything is a scam until proven otherwise.

The recent trend away from landlines will help, I think; it’s a lot easier to tell someone to go fart up a flagpole if you’re having to pay for those wasted minutes.

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First, delete system32

If this isn’t trollage, the person posting it needs to be kept away from anything with an IP address indefinitely:

Screenshot from Yahoo Answers: When I right click on the image and click print, it does, but when it is done printing and on paper the image doesn't move.

And if it is trollage, the person posting it needs to be kept away from anything with an IP address indefinitely.

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Wooden you like it

In the current My Little Pony universe, the dreaded Timberwolf is made of actual timber:

[They] can be destroyed by having rocks thrown at them, being flattened under boulders, or otherwise colliding with solid objects or walls. This, however, does not kill them outright, as they can reassemble themselves, or even form a much larger Timberwolf, from their own broken body parts and nearby trees.

Sort of a rustic Transformer. And tonight, Minnesota’s NBA Timberwolves, already reeling from injuries, kept getting the worst of it, and still kept coming back. The Thunder hit the century mark before the third quarter ended; the Wolves pulled to within nine at the two-minute mark, but they were flattened under the very solid OKC offense, which finally put them away, 127-111.

You want to see resilience? The Minnesota bench scored 59 points, seven more than the starters; in fact, the Wolves had seven players in double figures, led by rookie guard Alexey Shved with 17. Ricky Rubio and Luke Ridnour delivered good one-two punches; reserve center Greg Stiemsma blocked four shots. Minnesota shot better than 50 percent most of the game, winding up at 48. And J. J. Barea, no matter what colors he wears, always gives OKC a hard time; he was 6-10 for 14 points tonight.

But resilience can take you only so far, especially on a night when Russell Westbrook knocks down 37 points and nobody from OKC misses a single foul shot. (Westbrook had nine; Kevin Durant had eight, on his way to 27 points.) The Thunder even managed to edge Minnesota in the assist count, 28-26. (Westbrook had nine of those, too.) And 58 percent shooting never hurts. (OKC went 9-14 from Bricktown, a startling 64 percent.) You, or at least I, have to wonder where all this artillery was hiding during the last three games.

The Bulls will be here Sunday, and no way will 238 points be scored. Ronnie Brewer may be here; we don’t know about Derrick Rose just yet.

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Sequester this, pal

In law parlance, “sequestration” is the seizure of property by an agent of the court, pending the resolution of a dispute regarding same. The current Congressional definition seems to be something of a distortion of the term, but then it’s Congressional: the only seizure involved is the one you get when you hear what they’re up to.

And by “they,” I do mean all of them:

When it comes to the military, Republicans use the same “closing the Washington Monument” tactics that Democrats use for social programs, essentially claiming that a 5% (or 1%) spending cut will result in the cessation of whatever activity taxpayers most want to see continue. This process of offering up the most, rather than the least, important uses of money when spending cuts are proposed as a tactic to avoid spending cuts is one of the most corrupt practices imaginable. No corporate CEO would tolerate it of his managers for a micro-second.

The Washington Monument is a shade over 555 feet tall. It would therefore be essentially impossible to impale all 535 members of Congress upon it simultaneously. I suppose they’ll have to take turns.

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Hey, idiot!

You’ve always suspected it, and now there’s evidence to support it. Most traffic jams are caused by a mere handful of jerks:

In a study conducted by MIT and Berkeley, 680,000 Boston commuters were tracked along their commutes — anonymously — as their cellphones jumped from tower to tower. The resulting data gave a better picture of commuter habits than any old-fashioned survey had in the past. During rush hour, a massive 98 percent of roads were below peak capacity. But the two percent that were over capacity were enough to cause traffic jams that spiraled out into the less crowded roads. Granted, not all cities are the same, but it goes to show the potential power of just a few crowded streets.

We can only hope that drone strikes will be called in against the offenders. Traffic will be worse for the moment, but removing these individuals from the gene pool surely should prove a boon.

(Via Outside the Beltway.)

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