MAD at Bex

The current issue of MAD pokes fun at TMZ — perhaps not the most difficult target, I concede, but sometimes low-hanging fruit is tasty — and works in a reference to our “Friday” friend that I’m not sure I want to contemplate:

Panel from Mad magazine #530

Thanks (I guess) to Desmond Devlin and Tom Bunk.

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A plugin to be desired

A couple days ago, Jack Baruth was sorely vexed with the sort of literal-minded schnook who can’t detect satire no matter how obvious it is. A commenter responded with this programming note:

I am in the final testing of a program that I will be offering for sale to the operators of blogs and any other website that allows comments. It will be known as the Butt Hurt Detector XP-9 and will work as follows;

When Butt Hurt is detected in a post, an immediate message will be sent to the poster’s device that consists of the following, a full screen flashing extended middle finger with the invitation to “Pull on your big girl panties and get over yourself” and immediate termination of posting privileges. Any attempt to establish another posting account from the same device, will result in a self destruct command to be sent back, hopefully resulting in a fiery explosion of said device(I’m still working on that part).

I have but a single objection: “butthurt” really needs to be one word.

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Downtime a-comin’

The surfer dudes who host my sites have advised that said sites will be down for at least part of Sunday evening:

We’re continuing our roll-out of Ubuntu 12.04 Precise to an additional 150 web servers this Sunday, October 12th. As we’d like to get all of our customers over to this new OS, we will be upgrading 2 batches per week. While the total estimated maintenance is 5 hours, we expect actual downtime due to the upgrade to be around 45 minutes. A large part of the maintenance window will be spent testing all of the servers post-upgrade to ensure everything is in order.

And it is indeed a new OS for them: far back as I can remember — and I’ve been there almost 13 years — they’ve been running some flavor of Debian.

Of course, the major thrill with any such announcement is the list of actual machine names to be upgraded, which includes such august designations as “augusta,” “coweta,” “king-william,” “snowstorm” and “tricia-mcmillan.”

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A site old enough to vote

Still like that old-time Robert Dole? Jonathan Blake advises that the Dole/Kemp 1996 campaign Web site is still up in more or less its original format, maintained by political-history site

I must tell you, it looks every one of its eighteen years. (Like I should talk, right?) Still, it’s no Space Jam, as Bob Dole would tell you if you were talking to Bob Dole.

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Shroom for one more

If there hadn’t been a fungus among us beforehand, there certainly is now:

A 1.7m long and 1.2m wide reishi mushroom weighing 220 kilogram has been found by a local man in Ea Kar District, the Central Highlands province of Dak Lak.

The mushroom has been sold to Dao Duc Dai in Ban Me Thuot City at VND200 million.

A 500-pound mushroom is not something you see every day. (And 200 million dong works out to $9500 US, so this wee beastie brought around twenty bucks a pound.) Let’s have a look:

Humongous reishi mushroom

The buyer apparently hiked into the forest to get a look at it, and:

Mr. Dai said that at the time he purchased the mushroom, it was clinging on a big stump in the forest. He had to mobilize nearly ten men to remove and take it home.

I don’t doubt it. This looks even less maneuverable than the contents of Utah Phillips’ Moose Turd Pie.

(Via Interested-Participant.)

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Fox-y lady

I could not let this pass by:

Well, she wants to believe.

Addendum: Here’s the quiz.

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The new water rates

They go into effect today, and there was a slip included with my water bill detailing the changes. There are only two tiers, but they’re simple: (1) 10,000 gallons or less; (2) more than 10,000 gallons. Up to now, it’s been a flat $2.65 per thousand, but no more:

  • Today: $2.73/1000 gallons up to 10,000; $3.14/1000 gallons thereafter.
  • October 2015: $2.81/1000 gallons up to 10,000; $3.32/1000 gallons thereafter.
  • October 2016: $2.89/1000 gallons up to 10,000; $3.50/1000 gallons thereafter.

There will also be small increases in sewer fees and the base customer charge. The bill I received yesterday, for 2000-gallon consumption, was $56.05; under the new rates next month, it would be $58.11. (This assumes there’s no increase in the price for trash-collection service, since none was mentioned in the announcement.)

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The cubist at your door

I’m guessing that she walked down Picasso’s street, and she could not resist his stare:

Picasso-esque Halloween costume

Nor did she call him names, either.

(From the Facebook page of KS107.5 in Denver.)

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Enthusiasm curbed

Robert Stacy McCain, on the dodgy subject of GOP Election Possibilities:

The Republican Party reminds me of a Bible verse, which is to say it is “without form and void” (Genesis 1:2).

I might suggest “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).

If the Republican Party were listed on the periodic table of elements, it would be in the right column, among the inert gases.

Also known as the “noble” gases, but that wouldn’t work here, would it?

From the foregoing discussion, you can perhaps understand that I’m just quivering in anticipation at the prospect that Republicans might — just barely, maybe — capture a majority in the Senate on Nov. 4.

Which they might, which is to say that the possibility is nonzero. However, one should never underestimate the GOP’s capacity for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory at the last moment.

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Fair is foul, and fouls are fair

One does not expect flawless play action in the NBA preseason. The Nuggets, who’d already played one game, were a smidgen less sloppy, but only a smidgen. (And they’d lost that earlier game, to the Lakers in San Diego.) The Thunder started out minus four players due to injury — Jones, Ibaka, Collison and Perkins — so big guys were at a premium. Steven Adams, starting in the middle, knocked down seven of eight shots for 15 points to lead OKC; he also collected six fouls. We saw a lot of shots not going in: the Nuggets shot close to 60 percent, the Thunder less than 40. (You want to see a curious line? Jeremy Lamb was 9-10 from the foul line, 1-14 from anywhere else.) And the fouls! Fifty-eight of them, 32 by OKC. (Which means 26 from Denver.) The last OKC lead was four points, early in the fourth; Denver then ran off an 18-2 run to go up 12, and held on for a 114-101 win.

Timofey Mozgov led all the scorers with 20 points; Jusuf Nurkić demonstrated both rebounding (15 boards) and histrionic (quelle flop) talent. And since the Nuggets have only one preseason game at home — this one — it’s probably a good thing they got to show the home crowd some good stuff. As for the Thunder, well, if they’re back at full strength Friday at Dallas, maybe we can figure out something. I’m thinking, though, that the guys who came in for training camp — Lance Thomas, Michael Jenkins and Talib Zanna — really seem to be busting a nut for a roster spot, which is always a good sign.

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Iggnernt fahkeds

There was a time when misspelling an occasional word to get past a spam filter was just uncommon enough to make you giggle as you pressed the Del key. Then the focus shifted to random word salad. But there are traditionalists out there, and one of them sent me this offer, in which the occasional word is spelled correctly, undoubtedly due to an oversight:


Best Medications Onlinee

Best prrices in the world

0,90$ Viggara
1,52$ Ciilaais
2,18$ Levtira
0,79$ Piink Femaale Vigaaraa
2,02$ Viigaraa Soft Taabs

View all

Somee infoormation
a.. Top quality
b.. 100% Satiisffacttion Gurantee
c.. Loweest priices in thee universe!
d.. FDA approoved
e.. Offiiciial suppliiers
f.. Unmarkeed parceel
g.. Insuraancee deeliveeryy
h.. Worldwiidee trackablee shippiing
i.. Gifts and diiscoounts
j.. All kiind of products in one place
k.. Neext daay faast shipping foor Americaan cliients ^NEW!


Now how the farking fark did they get A through K in the right order? (Singing, I’d guess.)

Of course, people should be discouraged from buying from operations like this, if only because the products will be used in connection with sexual activity, and if you answer ads like this, you are obviously too stupid to live.

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Too stupid to live

One of the reasons human evolution, as distinguished from the purely technological advances that either decorate or desecrate our lives these days, seems to have slowed to a crawl, if not actually stopped altogether, is that there is apparently no punishment for stupidity. You can imagine what I think of that.

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That telltale scent of citrus

Technically, we don’t have self-driving cars yet. Tell that to Stephanie:

Tuesday, as I backed down my driveway, the car went dark. The engine turned off, brakes failed, steering locked but the radio continued to play.

Not a good sign:

I was now heading into rush-hour traffic while being entertained by the best of the 70’s, courtesy of XM Radio. This was the first time I realized that the car does not come equipped with an easy-access emergency brake. Who in their right mind hides an emergency brake? How are drivers expected to bring a car to a stop, in a crisis, without a clearly visible emergency brake? This is how: open the door, drag your foot along the ground, and jam the semi-locked foot break to the floor as hard as you can. Trust me, it works. I did it.

Fred Flintstone, white courtesy phone, please.

And unfortunately, she’s heard this part before:

I received a call from the service manager who was overseeing the diagnostics on my car. He told me that, once again, they were unsure of the root cause but he said the car has what they categorize as, phantom issues. This means they know there are issues, however, they can neither replicate nor diagnose the problem.

Thirty-thousand-dollar paperweight. I wonder if it’s new enough to qualify under the lemon law.

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Hops right onto the toast

It’s newer than Nutella, and far more inexplicable, perhaps:

Beer lovers, rejoice! The world’s first spreadable beer — “Birra Spalmabile” — is a genius Italian invention that allows you to enjoy your favorite beverage early in the day, completely guilt-free. No one can judge you for indulging in this delectable beer-based breakfast spread — just slather the stuff on your toast and crepes, or stuff it in your pastry.

Made of 40 percent beer, Birra Spalmabile is predominantly sweet to taste. The spread comes in two flavors — one light and delicate, and the other with an intense aroma and stronger taste. Both flavors are available for purchase internationally at $51 for a 280-gram jar.

Ten ounces for $51 may seem a bit steep, but hey, at least it isn’t Country Crock.

(Via WFMU.)

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Approved for Room 101

Although presumably you’d need the optional Sharp Pain attachment (sold separately):

Self-hypnosis equipment by Schneider

Rumor has it this was actually more effective than watching VH1.

(Via Mostly Forbidden Zone.)

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Versus Tweedledullard

Dave Schuler finds it hard to pick the next Governor of Illinois, given the choices available:

I honestly don’t know who will prevail in the Illinois governor’s race, the incumbent Democratic Gov. Pat Quinn or the challenger, wealthy Republican businessman Bruce Rauner.

On the one hand I don’t see how the same policies that have dug Illinois into the hole in which we now find ourselves will eventually succeed if we just persist at them long enough. On the other hand Rauner’s proposals consist largely of Underpants Gnome schemes and the reality is that his campaign is predicated on his not being Pat Quinn.

Which latter is not an inconsiderable virtue; Joe Dornan will pick up a fair number of votes in Oklahoma by dint of not being Mary Fallin. This Illinois race may wind up like so many: it’s a damn shame someone had to win.

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