It occurs to me that if I did this only once every four years, it would be just as much work, and you’d probably read it five hours late.
friday related song: I think we can safely eliminate “Manic Monday” and maybe “Ruby Tuesday.”
kirk “i will destroy it”: This was Plan B. (Plan A was “I will date it.”)
fictional Governor Preston: You know, we should start electing more fictional governors. Eventually one of them might become a fictional President, which might be an improvement over the last few real ones.
what nissan car cost $120,000: The GT-R, if you include tax, license, and the cost of insuring the driver who bought it after thinking he could use it for drifting after watching The Fast and the Furious too many times.
reset the server to its dreamhost-approved configuration: Hosed up your Web site, did you?
can you get chlamydia from trying on bikinis without underwear: Write the word “moist” on the blackboard 100 times, and stay out of T. J. Maxx for a year.
why did joan blondell’s breasts wobble when she walked: Never seen any actual breasts, have you?
oge wind power downside: It’s called “July,” when it’s 103 in the shade if you have any shade, and the wind is deader than a snow-cone shop in Tierra del Fuego.
burrito cheapest gas in town: Yeah, but the octane rating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
what qualifies as a nightmare: Watching campaign ads in an election year.