What more need I say?
While the rest of us stare in rapturous admiration, LeeAnn comes up with words worth more than pictures:
Ferrets, when properly raised and trained and had their scent-glands or whatever removed, are lovely, intelligent pets. This one was not. I named him Caviar because of the smell, and he constantly bit me. He’d run after me from room to room, biting my ankles. I looked like a shorts-wearing tourist at a Helen Keller weed-whacker convention.
The ferret, for his part, probably looked like one of these guys.
When you have only so much space to make a point, clarity sometimes falls by the wayside. An example, from the Consumer Reports Auto Issue (April 2011):
The new unibody [Ford] Explorer shares a platform with the Flex, but it’s taller and is shorter.
Evidently “not quite as long” wouldn’t have fit.
Addendum: You don’t like giant pygmies? How about fast zombies?
The search box over in the sidebar might get some use from you guys, but it probably gets a lot more from me, as I try to see what else I might have said on a subject.
While doing that sort of research Monday, I found a couple of old posts which didn’t bring up the topic desired at all — but which, when served up by the Big G, contained extraneous information that happened to match the search. These were static pages; I sent up fresh copies, just in case. And then I went looking for a reason why.
Turns out that last week someone managed to drop a bogus redirect for search engines into .htaccess, and directed it to an encoded php command hiding in a little-used directory. I had WordPress pretty well locked down, but I’m thinking the problem was with FTP. It took me about two minutes to find the offending code and trash it. Passwords and such, of course, are being adjusted.
The Consumerist has an item this week on the rising cost of US paper money, the largest single component of which is not paper at all, but cotton. And cotton prices, they say, are at a 140-year high.
Which prompted this bit of prime snark in the comments, from one Cheap Sniveler:
Cotton was cheap in the 1800′s. We should look into how they produced cotton so cheaply back then and do what they did. That ought to cut cotton costs.
Lack of expensive pesticides, right?
In the course of explaining that a comment about the iPhone is irrelevant to a post about beauty products, Julie notes that she’s not in the least an Apple fangirl:
While I’m sure they have their benefits, I refuse to drink the Kool Aid and become yet another slavish devotee to a company that is so proprietary and restrictive and yet successful at creating minions willing to die for their techie products. Why no one has a fit about the restrictions, controls, pricing, and marketing voodoo used by Apple is beyond me. It’s a brand. Steve Jobs doesn’t look long in this world. Enjoy your iPad when Apple’s version of Michael Eisner takes over and destroys the company.
And she closes:
At the risk of generating off-topic comments (I know my readers), I click publish.
Now to see if she’s annoyed by this post, which will produce an off-topic pingback. I mean, I’m not trying to pick on her, but that Michael Eisner line really needs further propagation, so I click publish.
You can’t go a single day in Yahoo! Answers’ Cars section without seeing some doofus wail about how he (it’s always a “he”) so wants a Nissan Skyline, preferably in GT-R trim, and what does he have to do to get one?
Of course, what makes him a doofus is not that he wants the Skyline, a legitimate halo (as distinguished from Halo) car, but the fact that he’s asking this question without running a simple search of the site to see if such a thing has been asked before. (Which it has; yesterday, in fact.) On the off-chance that any of them happen to wander over this way, I’ll point them to Tam’s:
I’ll sleep safer in my bed tonight, secure in the knowledge that rough men stand watch in the night, protecting me from cars that haven’t had the full battery of NHTSA frontal offset barrier impact tests.
Curiously, none of these guys seem to want the R35 version, which is actually available in the States, or the V36 Skyline, sold here as the Infiniti G. Maybe in twenty years, when the holographic version of The Fast and the Furious shows up.
I spent not quite half an hour yesterday morning wired to a laptop, and no, it wasn’t to improve the WiFi reception. Lucky me, I got to experience ANSAR, which is a test routine to evaluate my autonomic nervous system.
From the booklet they handed out:
There are two parts, or branches, to your ANS: the sympathetic branch and the parasympathetic branch. Generally, the sympathetic branch is more in control when you are stressed, nervous, or excited, while the parasympathetic branch is more in control when you are relaxing, sleeping, or recovering from an illness or injury.
A balance between the two branches of your ANS is essential for good health. In fact, most illnesses and injuries cause or result from an imbalance between these two branches.
Now “cause or result from” triggers the same flags as “jobs saved or created”: the WTF meter is almost pegged. Still, the discerning reader will presumably have already discerned that I have an imbalance, and a whopping one at that: the parasympathetic branch is apparently up to snuff, but the sympathetic branch is merely pathetic. (Video discussing for whom this test might be indicated.)
So it’s apparently time for a beta blocker, to
keep away unworthy men address any potential cardiac issues, since I am a tad hypertensive, albeit reasonably well-controlled. (138/76 of late.) I am, of course, not looking forward to this, but the idea of losing a symptom or three has a genuine appeal.
Cyd Charisse would have been 89 today, and regular readers will remember the send-off I gave her when she danced out of this world in 2008. I didn’t serve up any pictures at that time, though, so amends are made herewith.
You have to keep in mind, now, that the first time I saw her was in Brigadoon, an innocent Scottish lass who won over a surly New Yorker (Gene Kelly):
It did not occur to me at the time that a previous meeting with Gene was, um, perhaps a tad less wholesome:
Not everything she did, of course, involved Gene Kelly. From that earlier article:
Allow me to recommend the scene in Silk Stockings where she replaces her coarse Communist unmentionables with Parisian finery: the ratio of sheer eroticism to volume of actual exposed flesh is among the highest in motion-picture history.
Which you can see here. Mere stills would not do it justice.
While no one was looking, the Memphis Grizzlies climbed their way into eighth place in the West. The Griz won 21 of their first 30 games in the FedUpForum, and last night, just for good measure, they slid past the Mavericks in Dallas. You have to assume, therefore, that the Thunder, who’d beaten Memphis only once in three tries this season, were aware what they were up against. But maybe it didn’t matter: the Griz were clicking on all cylinders tonight, and Yahoo! Sports had the final score posted about four minutes (real time, not game time) before the game actually ended. (I went back a few minutes later, and they’d fixed it.) Grizzlies 107, Thunder 101, and that finishes off the season series.
Oklahoma City managed to outshoot Memphis (52.5 percent!), but they fell down on the boards, especially offensive boards, which the Griz dominated, 15-8. And they did it without Rudy Gay, who’s been out since mid-February with a shoulder injury. All five Memphis starters scored in double figures, led by guards Mike Conley and Tony Allen, both of whom picked up an even 20.
And for some reason, the Thunder weren’t getting the free throws. (Radio guy Matt Pinto would say it was because the fouls weren’t being called.) They put up only 18; worse, they made just 11. Neither Russell Westbrook nor Kevin Durant got to be a Force of Nature tonight, though Westbrook came closer, picking up 27 points on 11-21 shooting. (Durant went 8-19, despite four second-half treys; the Griz gave him grief from the opening tipoff.)
The road trip continues at Philadelphia. Do not get your hopes up: the Sixers have won eight of their last ten. On the other hand, they have to play at Indiana Tuesday, and the Thunder show up in Philly on Wednesday.
Things you may not know — at least, things I did not know — about the first 125 years or so of Cosmopolitan.
You can tell things are getting bad in Tulsa when a Tulsa World columnist actually calls for Oklahoma City to be running things:
What we need to outsource is City Hall.
How much do you think Oklahoma City would charge us to take over governing Tulsa?
I don’t know. How much did Heracles get for beheading the Hydra? It’s a comparable task, and it’s probably easier than rerouting the Arkansas River through 2nd and Cincinnati. And I’m pretty sure OKC Mayor Mick Cornett isn’t champing at the bit to take over.
Actually, Tulsa is contemplating some charter changes, one of which might be the adoption of a council/manager form of government similar to Oklahoma City’s, which is occasionally slow and cumbersome but once in a while manages to do the Right Thing. With Tulsa’s existing strong-mayor system, you have to hope that you elected someone up to the task, which too often you didn’t, which explains why America’s Most Beautiful City (Time, 1950s) has basically turned into the White Detroit.
The ultimate solution may be to dissolve the government entirely and let Jenks annex the city. At least they seem to know how to run things.
It’s either that or turn it over to Charlie Sheen.
Are the long nights and financial burdens of parenting really worth the emotional benefits? New research is saying no: When confronted with the real economic costs of having children, most parents will exaggerate their happiness to validate their choice to have children.
“Many people believe that to be truly fulfilled in life, it is necessary to experience the joys of parenthood. Children are considered an essential source of happiness, satisfaction, and pride,” Richard Eibach and Steven Mock of the University of Waterloo, wrote of their study in the March 2 issue of the journal Psychological Science. “However, the idea that parenthood involves substantial emotional rewards appears to be something of a myth.”
Shorter version: “But what’s in it for me? I mean, I am the center of the known universe, after all.”
Do you reckon the authors of this research considered the personal implications? Even assuming they are all childless … they were all children, once. Horrible, expensive, and emotionally draining children. Do they believe that their own dear mothers were irrational, too? Do they believe that they weren’t worth the money and effort?
Of course not. They believe that they’re just hunky-dory. Exceptional, even. After all, look at this valuable research that they’re doing.
One nice thing about God is, while He can’t help but overhear chatter about “If we have a baby, we won’t be able to afford arugula with our salads anymore,” He doesn’t respond with a lightning bolt to the gonads.
Rather a lot of people show up at Yahoo! Answers with desperate cries of “How do I clear my browser history?” It’s not that difficult, generally, but it ignores the other half of the equation: what happens to your server-side history? The answer: if it’s marginally amusing and it landed somewhere in this domain, it’s right here.
texico oil salesmen on t.v. said goaway kid you bother me: What did you expect? They’re the men of Texaco; they’ll kick your ass to Mexico.
how sincere was karla faye tucker’s conversion: The state of her heart is known only to God, and He’s under no obligation to reveal the details.
ethical violation in milligram: Governmental ethical violations are measured in metric tons.
ready to skedaddle: Make sure you fill out form 2395 (Federal Report of Proposed Skedaddlement) before you go.
fruit ninja slicesound gone: Well, see, that’s the thing about ninjas: you never actually see them go.
do any original parts in the 2002 mazda 626 have a life time warrety: No. And if one did, it wouldn’t be the one that broke just now.
U.S. to buy impotence: Must be a State Department deal.
levittra and ovarian can: Can what? Out with it, man!
mike rowe hatless: Well, it’s a start. There are women out there who’d like to see him shirtless, maybe even pantless.
robin meade, blurred cleavage: Maybe she’s moving too fast for you to freeze the frame.
how long can a man long sexually: Some of us have been longing for a long time.
canada generic: Saves you money on your health-care costs, or would if you had any.
what is the adverb form of criminal: Congressionally.
For a moment there, it looked like the Thunder were going to close out the Suns in grand style: Phoenix started the fourth quarter with only six points in seven minutes. Funny thing about the Suns, though: when it’s darkest, they rise. With a minute and a half left, they’d cut the margin to a single point, and it was still a single point when the shot clock was shut off. Then with 11.6 seconds left, Russell Westbrook picked Steve Nash’s pocket, drew the foul, swished a pair of free throws; Phoenix spent less than three seconds setting up Vince Carter for a trey to tie it up, and Kevin Durant’s pullup jumper at the buzzer went awry. Five minutes of overtime followed, and the Thunder eventually won it at the charity stripe, 122-118. It didn’t hurt that Carter, missing a key trey but drawing a foul in the waning moments, bricked two of three freebies.
The Suns put up 101 shots — thirty-one from beyond the arc — and hit 47.5 percent of the twos and 45.2 percent of the threes. Carter finished with 29 points, with Mickael Pietrus and Marcin Gortat racking up twenty each from the bench; Nash (11 points, 14 assists) and Channing Frye (11 points, 15 rebounds) got double-doubles. But here’s your telltale statistic: Grant Hill, usually a thorn in the Thunder’s side, had five boards and five fouls in 41 points, but no points.
Phoenix also did a decent job of confining Durant, who ended up 3-14 with 18 points. Westbrook, however, was not so easily boxed out, rolling up 32 points and serving up 11 dimes. And James Harden had a season-high 26 points. OKC outrebounded PHX, 49-45, and outrejected them as well: Serge Ibaka blocked four shots, his teammates five more, while the Suns came up with only three blocks, all from Gortat.
From this point, though, things get hairy. A two-game road trip runs through Memphis and Philadelphia, both in position to be playoff teams this season; then back home against Detroit, then on the road for three more (Cleveland, Washington, Miami). It’s showtime, guys.
Although Claude Rains was not available for comment.
(Via FAIL Blog’s Win!)
“Concerned,” after receiving an email forward, writes:
“Gosh, Mr. Answer Man, how can I make sure that my car isn’t being fueled by crude oil bought from the Enemies of Our Country, like all those horrible Middle Eastern places, or that nutcase from Venezuela?”
Buy a Nissan Leaf or a Tesla Roadster; they use no gas at all. Otherwise, you haven’t a chance.
Getting nowhere with the ladies, guys? Develop a taste for Nutella.
Seriously. In six trips to the grocery store in three weeks, I’ve seen five jars coming off the shelf, and each of those five was being bought by a lovely young(ish) woman. (The suffix because, well, I’m a poor judge of age.) Voilà: Instant Topic of Conversation.