If you’re new around here, this is the first piece that comes out on Monday morning, in which search strings are extracted from the site logs and then evaluated for cheap laff potential. (Of course, if you’re not new around here, this is still the first piece that comes out on Monday morning, in which search strings are extracted from the site logs and then evaluated for cheap laff potential.)
hate “dallas style homes”: They’re especially sick of them in Fort Worth.
“common cents” law suit: Commonly, the plaintiff gets the cents, counsel the dollars.
wank avoid filter: Watch 24 hours of C-Span. It should eliminate even the slightest thought of wankage.
bacon helper: Since when does bacon need any help?
where’s my electrical tape: You probably left it in the garage again.
plagiarism 2.1: It’s already up to 3.0, incorporating all the previously-stolen text.
hitting me where i live: Hitting you where you work is considered unsporting.
oklahoma private land taken for private use: Shh. We can’t talk about that here. It’s private.
natural warm wax nads big packets from distributor: Shh. We can’t talk about that here. It’s privates.
how looks an ordinary girl in victoria’s secrets lingerie: Like anyone else who overpaid for underwear.
too old for hello kitty: Hint: it has nothing to do with whether you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret.
anvil falling on obama: Well, there goes Acme’s Obamacare waiver.
infiniti m37x viper blade vs nissan maxima: They don’t have quite the same size vindshield, so the vipers might be different.
being unobservant: The secret of my success, such as it is.