This feature is presented once a week as a public service, largely because we don’t think anyone could stand it more often than that. (Those of you in charge of scheduling Republican debates could learn something from this level of restraint.)
“zooey deschanel” “sneezes”: Well, yeah. She’s only human. Though I can’t explain the multicolored spray.
“brown bunny” swallow “three times” gallo: No way in hell am I doing a “multicolored spray” reference here.
mule won’t: Take it up with Hari Seldon.
speaking with flight attendants: It’s got to be more pleasant than speaking with airport security.
on rainy nights my nude neighbor does not close her curtains: And this is a problem — why, exactly?
mlp fim valentines chocolate: Over to you, Pinkie Pie.
rainbow dash car seat covers: Rarity can have that stitched up for you in no time, provided you promise not to help.
kirsten vangsness’ favorite food: A neatly-sliced section of your heart, braised in liquid.
feigned nonchalance: I used to do that, back when I gave a damn.
audrey hepburn physical features: Go to sleep. Dream. Now imagine the woman you dreamed about, only better dressed.
i need a damn business idea!!! Might I suggest — well, something that doesn’t require a blog.
can you change shift points on my ford escape: Not right now. I’m trying to make some money off a blog.