Some Brazilian fellow, I suppose

There is yard work, and there is, um, yard work:

Bikini-line trim advertisement

(From Bad Newspaper, which used to be

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Shot in the lowest possible resolution

There is, I suspect, no chance that this will ever become an actual series:

In the company’s first two official sales this development season, Mark Gordon’s Mark Gordon Co. has set up two comedy projects from writer Scott King (The Neighbors) — one at ABC and one at Fox.

The Fox project, Clothing Optional, is about a family who own and operate a wholesome all-inclusive resort but suddenly must put their morality and better judgment on hold when a scandal rocks their hotel and they decide to just go with it and turn the place into a Clothing Optional resort to keep the business afloat.

Scott King could perhaps do this concept justice, but the FCC, assuming they come back to work by next fall, will not be amused.

And I refuse to contemplate the possibility of a crossover episode with, oh, let’s say, New Girl.

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Quibbles and bits

There’s a 2013 Audi Allroad 2.0T in the Motor Trend Garage, signed out to Arthur St. Antoine, and his update in the November issue contains this observation:

I giddily loaded up a memory card with lossless audio files (using both FLAC and ALAC codecs), only to discover that the head unit won’t play files with bit rates higher than 320 kbps.

I stared at this, realized I didn’t know what difference bit rates made in FLAC in the first place, and duly hunted down the FAQ:

With FLAC you do not specify a bitrate like with some lossy codecs. It’s more like specifying a quality with Vorbis or MPC, except with FLAC the quality is always “lossless” and the resulting bitrate is roughly proportional to the amount of information in the original signal. You cannot control the bitrate much and the result can be from around 100% of the input rate (if you are encoding noise), down to almost 0 (encoding silence).

So I went to my small folder of FLAC files and played them through Winamp, which has a semi-reliable bit-rate indicator. The absolute lowest bit rate obtained was 807 kbps.

Curious, I pulled out a wav file from the archives and shot it through the FLAC frontend at the default “quality level” of 6. It came back at 910 kbps.

So instead of sniping at St. Antoine for being picky, I get to grouse at Audi for failing to anticipate this sort of thing.

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Strange search-engine queries (401)

Monday’s child is fair of face, though it hardly seems fair that she should have to face this sort of thing so early in the morning.

andrea myerson documentary who crushed on wendy darling:  Insert “Peter” reference here.

words you don’t hear often:  “The American Congress, the finest legislative body on earth.”

dimentions celebrities:  Generally, larger, or at least wider, than they’d prefer.

see big penis:  Not for celebrities, I hope.

do batou dolphins have blowhole sex:  They will, but it’s an extra fifty fish.

invisible girl reappears:  Yeah, they do that. Eventually.

strict dress code, outlawing of alcohol and drugs, a ban on pork not unlike the Kosher diet common in Judaism, ban of interest charges on loans, and restrictions of art representation:  Generally are not characteristic of individuals seeking to plagiarize their way to a passing grade in their Comparative Religions class.

manny has been a coffee drinker since he started college three years ago. now he realizes that anytime he smells coffee when he enters a nearby starbucks he:  Is about to spend six bucks.

he must see life not as a vale of tears but as a happy time; he must take joy in his work, without regarding it as the end and all of living:  And once in a while, he should stop in at Starbucks for a six-buck coffee.

U must be kidding, right … yahya my selular is Blowbat … i will charge my selular … so sorry yahya I hv to go … see u later:  You can so turn off autocorrect.

kirsten vangsness wears dresses only:  I could swear I saw her in a pair of shoes once.

clopfics in google docs:  Probably, though there are better ways of getting some tail.

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Go, go, Nomorobo!

The Nomorobo anti-telemarketer system, as illustrated here, is now, I am told, online and running. Per their announcement email:

Initially, Nomorobo supports AT&T U-Verse, Cablevision Optimum, SureWest, Verizon FiOS, and Vonage. But don’t worry if you don’t see your carrier listed – new carriers are being added all the time. Sign up [] and you’ll receive an alert when your carrier supports Nomorobo.

A quick, one-time setup activates Nomorobo on your current phone line. Caller ID isn’t required. School closings, doctor’s appointment and prescription reminders, weather advisories and other legal robocalls aren’t blocked.

Telephone Science Corporation
5507-10 Nesconset Hwy #201
Mt Sinai, NY 11766

I am not rushing to sign up just yet: after all, I have had a working call screener for many years, and I’d like to see some real-world results before I do anything.

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Billed for Ted’s excrement adventure

Welcome back, my friends, to the sideshow that never ends:

Although my still-aboveground “temporary” line remains in place and uncut, meaning I have television and internet service, I can no longer watch Turner Classic Movies or baseball playoffs on the Turner Broadcasting System channel. I also can’t watch CNN, Headline News, Boomerang and the Cartoon Network, but I usually didn’t.

As my Cable One communications rep whined to me in an e-mail the other day and the Cable One CEO has been whining on commercials while wearing a stylish regular-guy denim shirt, darned old Turner wanted a tremendous price increase to carry channels with declining ratings. I now probably owe all of you a new keyboard, since charging lots of money for channels nobody watches in order for them to watch the half dozen or so they want is in fact Cable One’s business model.

For “tremendous,” read “nearly 50 percent,” as the whining CEO whined.

On the one hand, I figure it’s a Good Thing that this squabble is occurring out in the open, rather than behind closed doors in the presence of an FCC drone. But it’s a rerun, dammit. We’ve seen this dozens of times before and it always ends the same way: the warring parties kiss and make up, and dollars are hoovered from your pocket to pay for their reunion party.

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Less than one percent

News Item: A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO racer has become the world’s most expensive car, selling for $52 million. The red competition car … was acquired by an unidentified buyer in a private transaction.

This is a Very Bad Thing, says Jack Baruth, for several reasons, one of which is aggravation of existing class warfare:

It’s hard to argue that there’s no “one percent” in this country or elsewhere when you consider that a) the real-world unemployment rate in America is at near-Great Depression levels and b) somebody just paid fifty-two million bucks for a car. We’ve entered a mirrored funhouse where returning Afghanistan veterans can’t find work and children are going hungry and real-world wages have been worse than stagnant for a decade and above us the Gilded Age party just keeps roaring louder. This sort of thing causes Black Bloc protestors to spring out of the ground and it lends potent ammunition to those who advocate for a forceful redistribution of wealth. It promotes class-warfare rhetoric and excuses extreme behavior and in the end it’s the small businessman with a used F355 who winds up taking the brunt of that resentment when some yahoo boots his store windows in during an “Occupy” protest.

Not that I’m particularly sympathetic to yahoos of any description, but I do have a certain instinct for self-preservation. The other day, I was doing some speculative calculations for the time when, barring catastrophe, I emerge from my current financial travails, and figured that I could, theoretically anyway, belt myself into a Mercedes. Not a big Benz, mind you — nothing over an E-Class, and possibly not even that — but still, there’d be a three-pointed star on its nose, another on its backside, and it suddenly occurred to me: do I want to spend forty-odd hours a week just off Treadmill Avenue, a thoroughfare not known for high levels of social amity, worrying if some drive-by dastard is going to suddenly vent a lifetime’s worth of resentfulness on my daily driver?

No way.

Unless, of course, I can find, or rig up, an anti-intrusion system that is guaranteed to waste the mofo while somehow not damaging the MB-Tex.

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Big girls don’t cry

Not if you give them something nice to wear. Maybe. Daily Mail columnist Sarah Vine tried on half a dozen examples of “shapewear,” which are supposed to present the illusion of (comparative) svelteness without exotic technology like metamaterials or computer graphics. Although she ranked this one third, it’s my favorite of the bunch:

Floral print Magi-Sculpt dress by Marisota worn by Sarah Vine

Really, really comfortable on, this one. I loved the pattern too, and the length is great, just below the knee. It has an integrated internal control slip which is not so tight as to be uncomfortable, but sufficiently robust to boost my confidence.

The only downside: too informal for some occasions.

This is how it’s supposed to work:

The £65 price doesn’t seem out of line.

(Via Fark.)

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Minor editorial comment

Everybody talks about Siri, but Android has a warped little mind of its own:

Twerks for me.

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Made in the shade, sort of

Two cool cats, possibly related to one another, were engaged in two different sorts of frolic this afternoon in the back yard. This one was exerting less effort:

Cat under the evergreen

The other one at the time was alternately glaring at, then turning away from, a large chunk of tree that was taking up presumably valuable real estate.

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Eyes only

The Well Quiz at offers a test on how well you can read people’s emotions. I suspected, going in, that I might not do well.

The test is simple: you look at the picture of someone’s eyes, and you pick the one emotion that seems to match up with the person’s expression. There are three dozen in all, and here’s how it’s scored:

The average score for this test is in the range of 22 to 30 correct responses. If you scored above 30, you may be quite good at understanding someone’s mental state based on facial cues. If you scored below 22, you may find it difficult to understand a person’s mental state based on their appearance.

I scored 13.

And this is the part that surprises me the least: where the answer was “interested” or “flirtatious,” I was always wrong.

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Constantinopening night

I admit here that I wasn’t even awake for the Thunder/Fenerbahçe game in Istanbul, which started at 8 am Central, and which ended with OKC winning 95-82. I had, however, dug up some backstory on this team of Turks, the most surprising factoid being that this team has been around since 1913. This was their second meeting with an NBA team; they beat the Celtics 97-91 on this date last year.

What I didn’t do was go through the rosters. I knew that Thunder guard Thabo Sefolosha had played for Fenerbahçe during the 2011 NBA lockout; I did not know that Linas Kleiza, amnestied by the Toronto Raptors, had come to Turkey. (Kleiza had Euroleague experience: he’d played two seasons for Olympiacos before signing with Toronto. I still think of him as a Nugget.) Kleiza, whom I’d most often seen as a small forward, started at the two for Fenerbahçe, scoring nine points in 26 minutes.

There wasn’t much unusual to see in the box score, really: there was Kevin Durant leading all scorers with 24, Serge Ibaka blocking four shots, and — wait a minute. Jeremy Lamb playing more time (31:23) than anyone else on either team? And speaking of minutes, Reggie Jackson started at the one (22:45, nine points), Derek Fisher backed him up (19:08, eight points). So for the moment, Diante Garrett must be, sort of, the last-string point guard. (He scored two in those six remaining minutes.)

And for the record, while the team’s full name is Fenerbahçe Ülker, “Ülker” is there for sponsorship reasons, and the team plays in Ülker Sports Arena, which is operated by AEG, an Anschutz Corporation subsidiary. (As is, incidentally, the Oklahoma Publishing Company.) The arena holds, says Wikipedia, 13,800; the box score reported attendance to be 12,191. Considering it was an afternoon game — which renders my title completely null and void — I suppose that’s not so bad.

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Check out that back wall

Just in case you thought Susan Richards (née Storm) was the only invisible female in the city of New York:

To assist me at the exam I had to select two Proctors; one of them was with me today. Not very diligent, as it turned out, didn’t read the Manual thoroughly as instructed, etc — but he’s a tall and imposing guy, and quite an extravert (works in PR). The exam location was in a big hotel; after today’s portion, when candidates left, hotel technician walks in to talk about audio equipment we need for tomorrow; in his hands he holds an invoice that lists me as a contact person — nevertheless, he addresses strictly and directly my Proctor. Several times I interjected a sentence in their dialog, trying to make him understand that C. is not the person to discuss it — but he ignored me completely!

Apparently he’s not prepared to deal with the notion that the woman might be the one in charge:

I’m standing right in front of the guy, look him in the eye, saying something about the timing of the equipment delivery — he listens — and then turns 90deg. towards a man and directs his answer to him!

And I thought I was an atavistic throwback to pre-Medieval times.

Now: would the technician have behaved differently had the proctor been not so “tall and imposing”?

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Quote of the week

The question comes from Human Events: “Do you think the member of Congress that serves your district is doing a better job than Congress as a whole?”

Jimmy Paul Lankford? Well, he has the advantage of not being Maxine Waters, but he’s hardly unique in that respect.

But Tam, as she often does, says it best:

[I]f there’s a lower bar than “better job than Congress as a whole”, it’s currently being used at a paramecium limbo contest. My previous representative was Andre Carson who, while a genial enough dude, I wouldn’t trust with a burnt-out match without adult supervision. His sole redeeming quality as a government official was that I got to vote against him with savage glee every two years.

A “paramecium limbo contest.” I am awed. (“How low can you go?” asked jesting Chubby.)

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Which stream can I take?

I continue to fool around with iTunes Radio, and at some point this week I got the idea of putting together a custom station, just to see what I’d get. So I scrolled through the song list, pushed the appropriate buttons, and voilà!

Thus was born Friday Radio, which began its operation, not actually with “Friday,” but with the second Rebecca Black single, “My Moment.” As expected, there’s a heck of a lot of teen pop, and since much of it is vended by Disney, there’s a heck of a lot of Disney-related material coming down the stream.

Here’s the first batch of tunes served up by Friday Radio:

  • Rebecca Black — My Moment
  • Meaghan Jette Martin — Too Cool
  • China Anne McClain — Calling All the Monsters
  • Aaron Carter — I Want Candy
  • Demi Lovato — Can’t Back Down
  • Bridgit Mendler — Turn the Music Up
  • Hannah Montana — Ice Cream Freeze (Let’s Chill)
  • The Chipettes — Hot N Cold (Katy Perry cover)
  • Keke Palmer — Bottoms Up
  • Tim James & Nevermind — Twist My Hips
  • Hannah Montana — I’m Still Good
  • Greyson Chance — Unfriend You
  • Meaghan Jette Martin — 2 Stars
  • Keke Palmer — It’s My Turn Now
  • Nick Jonas — Introducing Me
  • Jonas Bros. & China Anne McClain — Your Biggest Fan

Some observations:

Miley Cyrus was a lot easier to listen to when she was Hannah Montana.

Greyson Chance is that kid from Edmond who became a YouTube star by warbling a cover of Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi”; he’s working on his third album.

Yes, the Chipettes are the Rule 63 version of the Chipmunks.

And viewed, or listened to, on its own terms, some of this stuff isn’t half bad.

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Kind of lachrymose

Earlier this week, you might have seen the #3 finalist from this year’s Eurovision Song Contest, and it occurred to me that you might actually be interested in Number One.

With that in mind, here’s Emmelie de Forest, twenty, who represented Denmark in 2013:

Emmelie de Forest

And here’s the song, “Only Teardrops”:

About six years ago, she briefly teamed up with folk musician Fraser Neill, who had relocated from Scotland to Denmark in search of better gigs: they recorded an album together, which, says Neill, sold about 100 copies.

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