The squamous is not for the squeamish

Only “Internal Revenue Service” comes close to evoking the sheer terror that comes with the word “cancer.”

Taylor Evan Fulks fights the skin-based variety. Lots of detail and, yes, graphic-ish photos, as she tells you about the ongoing battle with unruly cells — which, she says, was pretty much her own fault:

I was stupid as a teen and an adult. I lived in the sun, coached softball in the sun (sans sunscreen), and when tanning beds came into vogue, I had a membership at two different salons … I went the max time, twice a day, everyday. I used cooking oil, baby oil, sheets of Reynolds Wrap to reflect the sun, and every known tanning bed intensifier there was on the market. No one else is to blame. I did this to myself.

In other news, there are tanning-bed intensifiers.

If you have skin, you probably should read this. Here’s the link again.

Comments (1)

Starkness all around

This was arguably the most frightening thing I saw online all last week:

A medical volunteer who’d gone to Kiev, she’d just been shot.

I am delighted to note that she’s alive and (almost) well.

Comments (3)

Your next Invisible Woman

Fox persists in its dream of making some money off the Fantastic Four, and in its next reboot of the series, due next year, Kate Mara will play Susan Storm. She will probably not wear anything like this:

Kate Mara from 3-14 GQ

Not that Reed Richards would notice, egghead that he is.

Kate is the older sister of Rooney Mara. Both Kate and Rooney have the same middle name, which is, um, Rooney. (Rooney’s first name is Patricia.)

Comments (1)

A bit of embellishment

The March Playboy Raw Data section contains this unsourced statistic:

54% of online daters feel someone else “seriously misrepresented themselves” in their profile.

I’m guessing the other 46% misrepresented themselves frivolously.

Comments (1)

Forever twelve

Well, maybe eleven:

Yahoo Answers screenshot: Do you know anyone who has seen a fully 100% naked women in real life?

Um, yeah, but I’m not quite sure how to respond to this:

Amd if so was it cool or totally hectic!?

The two reactions are not mutually exclusive.

Oh, there’s one more question:

And also how do you get more twitter followers?

Avoiding questions about naked women has worked pretty well for me.

Comments (2)

Strange search-engine queries (421)

Last week, a couple thousand people visited this site. Some of them were looking for something specific. And if it was (1) specific and (2) weird, it’s listed here.

generic limerick:  There once was an A who did B / In front of a horrified C; / The sight of his D / Made her cry loudly, “E!” / And we’re happy this ends before Z.

does jason scheff use autotune?  To sound like Peter Cetera? Please.

Brian Northcott gratis pornofilme:  Probably doesn’t use Auto-Tune either.

recently did engine overhaul on my mazda 626 y5 but nw my gears won’t shift:  Aw, that’s too bad. Have you tried Auto-Tune?

You Need Your Thumb to Vacuum Clean – Here Comes Honey Boo Boo:  If I may suggest an alternate use for that thumb … but never mind.

automatic transmission o/d solenoid explained:  If the solenoid is working, the shift occurs; if not, it doesn’t. Even Honey Boo Boo can figure that one out.

prayer is the best gift from god. No cost but lots of reward:  You still shouldn’t count on it to fix your transmission solenoids.

should i turn simulated stereo off:  It’s okay with me.

hank you, i appreciate your sympathy. since i don’t have anyone in my life at this moment i got involved in a greenpeace project at the arctic circle i’m:  Surprised that anyone connected with Greenpeace would know anyone named Hank.

Incidentally, someone from dropped by Saturday night, seeking information specifically from this site on four local broadcast stations: KOKH, KKNG, KAUT and KTUZ. I have no idea what for.

Comments (5)

I hurt myself today

No, I’m not going all Trent Reznor all of a sudden. But damn, I don’t remember being this fragile.

Comments (7)

Fark blurb of the week

Comments (3)

A slightly larger dab

Some products become icons for no reason you can imagine, but that doesn’t make them any less iconic. Historically, we can cite the case of Barrington Womble, drummer for the Rutles: the Prefab Four persuaded him to change his name to Barry Wom, to save time, and his hairstyle, to save Brylcreem. Many years later, Stephen Colbert referred to Ted Cruz as a “Texas senator and Brylcreem storage facility.”

If your next question is “Can you even buy Brylcreem these days?” the answer is Yes: they have their very own Facebook page with a purchase link, and they took out a full-page ad in the March Playboy, featuring a model that looked like a younger version of that month’s Interview subject, Gawker’s Nick Denton. Their new slogan is “Brilliantly Classic Hair Cream,” a suitable description for a product that has survived 86 years on the market, and the pitch is to those who want to look retro, but not too retro: not everyone wants or needs to be Don Draper.

And most of you probably remember something like this:

Read the rest of this entry »

Comments (3)

Clipped yet again

Life was simpler when the Los Angeles Clippers used to suck. But the Clippers don’t suck anymore — haven’t for a long time — and they rolled up 44 points in the second quarter of this afternoon skirmish to take a 72-68 lead into the locker room, radio guy Matt Pinto intoning solemnly that the Clips hadn’t lost a game all year in which they’d made nine treys.

They didn’t lose this one, either; thirteen 3-point attempts succeeded, out of 30 tries, and the Clips, after a 112-112 tie with three minutes left, finished with a 13-5 run to give them a 125-117 win over the Thunder and two out of three in the season series, with one to go.

Doc Rivers, recipient of one of three Clippers technicals, played only nine men, and the four reserves scored only nine. It didn’t matter: the two lowest-scoring starters, DeAndre Jordan and Chris Paul, had 18 points each and double-doubles for their effort. Jamal Crawford led the Clips with a startling 36.

OKC was just about as good from outside the circle — 12-29, including five in a row from Derek Fisher — but too many short-range shots failed to connect. Kevin Durant, who played all but two minutes, led all players with 42, though he missed his last two foul shots, either of which would have tied the game at the time. Serge Ibaka managed 20 points out of 10-16 shooting; Russell Westbrook, still restricted to 25 minutes, went 3-13 for 13 points but did manage six assists. Steven Adams, starting in place of Kendrick Perkins, turned in a Perkazoid line: one point, one block, six rebounds. The problem, as it seemed to me, is that they could block either the long ball or the paint, but not both, and the Clips are adept enough to shift from one possibility to the other without having to hand over the ball.

Next four games at home include two potential creampuffs (Cleveland, Philadelphia), one potential problem (Charlotte), and one genuine difficulty (Memphis).

Comments off

What’s up, docs?

When I moved out of IBM’s Big Iron and into the midrange — System/36, AS400, System i — there was one thing I could always count on: enormous binders full of A-level tech-speak, which maybe, just maybe, included the answer to my current question.

Big Blue now seeks Big Consolidation:

IBM will soon be providing a new “one-stop shop” for all your IBM product information needs, including IBM i. This new “Knowledge Center” contains all of the individual IBM Information Center documentation under one system. It’s designed this way to make it much easier to search and find content from any interest area, and to give you the ability to customize your own knowledge space.

All of the Information Center documentation for IBM i releases 6.1 and 7.1 have been migrated to this new framework, and when 7.2 comes out later this year, all of its information will be accessed using Knowledge Center. Eventually the saved and bookmarked links to your favorite pages and content will be redirected to its new home in Knowledge Center.

I still, however, reserve the right to keep a small binder of pages I look at on a regular basis.

Comments (2)

Original bogus content

Something billing itself as the “Best 100% plagiarism-free papers service” has been spamming me, usually from These are the phrases they’re seeking to plant high on Google:

need someone to type my Dissertation Methodology on Accounting

write my Thesis Proposal on elections asap

how to buy Creative Writing about me asap

do my Research Proposal on racism asap

how to get Thesis Proposal on Parents due tomorrow

edit Dissertation on Drunk drivers asap

purchase Research Paper on racism now

buy 10 page research paper

do my assignement for me

get a research paper written

online writing service

buy college application essays

need someone to type my Research Paper on life sentence for 10

how to order Dissertation Introduction on Alcohol due soon

need someone to write my Research Paper on Parents for 10

get Personal Statement on freedom as soon as possible

proofread my Dissertation Chapter on Education cheap

need someone to write Research Proposal on Gay marriage as soon as possible

looking for someone to type my Dissertation Abstract on Voting for 10

how to buy Movie Review on Business cheap

make Thesis on criminal record online

looking for Thesis Proposal on divorce plz

write Dissertation on Affirmative Action for money

edit Dissertation Hypothesis on Adoption for cheap

looking for someone to do Personal Statement on military online

custom Report on Driving Laws please

custom Dissertation on divorce as soon as possible

looking for someone to do Essay on Cloning cheap

custom Dissertation Chapter on Psychology plz

custom Dissertation Conclusion on Capitalism asap

need Dissertation on life sentence due soon

how to purchase Thesis on elections for me

make my Dissertation Abstract on Anthropology for cheap

proofread my Essay on social Security Numbers for cheap

how to order Research Proposal on Economics for cheap

edit Dissertation Conclusion on Drunk drivers for me

proofread my Dissertation Hypothesis on Criminology for cheap

custom Dissertation Abstract about me due soon

looking for someone to do my Thesis on Government

looking for someone to make Research Proposal on Psychology due tomorrow

Buy essay paper

get Term Paper on Architecture as soon as possible

need someone to type my Term Paper on Sociology now

buy Creative Writing on Euthanasia

looking for someone to do my Personal Statement on traditional asap

looking for someone to write Critical Thinking on English due soon

make my Report on criminal record due soon

edit my Personal Statement on Advertising for money

order Thesis Proposal on Advertising for cheap

looking for someone to do my Creative Writing on Voting for money

need someone to write Personal Statement on Medicine for me

do my Dissertation Hypothesis on Chivalry for money

edit my Personal Statement on elections plz

need someone to type my Critical Thinking on Privacy

edit my Personal Statement please

make my Term Paper on Internet technologies please

need someone to write my Dissertation Abstract on Statistics for $10

need someone to do my Dissertation Abstract on Guns online

looking for someone to write Critical Thinking on elections for money

need Dissertation Abstract on Linguistics due tomorrow

how to get Research Paper on Economics

looking for someone to write my Dissertation Methodology on presidential terms now

I figure, the very least I can do is divert those poor students (in several senses of the term) toward the Path of Righteousness.

Comments (3)

Hello? McFly?

So, Marty, how do you like this version of the Future?

Time machine settings from Back to the Future 2

What’s that? No, the Cubs haven’t won a World Series. Some things take more than miracles of technology.

Comments (3)

Meanwhile in Kiev

Actually, it was this guy.

Comments off

Insert resistance joke here

This is, you’ll remember, Washington’s birthday. Actually, the calendar read the 12th of February that day; the colonies, like the rest of the British empire, didn’t get around to adopting the Gregorian calendar until 1752, when George was twenty. Of course, this matter presented no issue to Jeri Ryan, born on this date in 1968:

Jeri Ryan at a Golden Globes party 2013

Since wrapping up her role as Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One, Ryan has kept busy; she was in a recent Helix story arc as the chief operating officer of Ilaria Corporation. I missed that, but I suspect some form of assimilation may have been involved.

Comments (1)

Add new post, preferably elsewhere

Now here’s something I hadn’t seen before: “4 Solid Reasons Not To Write and Edit Your Blog Posts Directly in WordPress.” Of course, I had to check that out.

The first sounds reasonable enough:

[W]riting your blog posts in a Word doc gives you an instant back up copy of your original content! Wouldn’t you want that, just in case (God forbid!) something happens to your website and your site back up wasn’t as good as you thought it was?

Downside: Having to use Word. Although there are reasons why you may want to:

If you write for other publications, you often are asked to submit the content in a Word doc so the editor can format, upload and add images.

And what’s more:

Having a copy in a Word doc gives you instant access to repurpose the content you have already created … having it saved as a Word doc saves you from logging in and copying and pasting each time you need it!

If I were writing full-time, those few seconds might mean something to me.

This, however, is the one that’s fun:

[Unfinished drafts] do clog up your database, which could make it run slower and is a performance hit. That all depends on how big your database is; it has to be pretty big, like approaching 1000 posts and pages, to really notice the difference. But, if speed is money, then you’ll notice!

I approached 1000 posts and pages, oh, let’s say 14,000 posts and pages ago. The limiting factor has been, not the size of the database (about 72 MB), but the speed with which the Web server on Machine A talks to the database server on Machine B.

And if that’s not heretical enough, try this: the pony stories (see sidebar) are written in the WordPress editor. There are two reasons for this: I like it better than Fimfiction’s editor, and it enables me to maintain a Work In Progress blog without any effort. There are, incidentally, eleven versions of the most recent chapter.

(With thanks to CASUDI.)

Comments (8)